“Cowabunga.”

In 1984, two broke young illustrators named Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird were trying to break into comics. Eastman randomly doodled a turtle in ninja attire and the pair decided that it was a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, essentially a madlib of everything that was popular in comics at the time (except for turtles).

They then wrote a silly little issue parodying Frank Miller’s Daredevil run and that, of course, was that.

This one weird joke concept riffing on an incredibly specific moment in comic book history in a black and white indie vanished without a trace, the very definition of a flash in the pan.

Wait, no. *checks notes*

It went on to conquer the goddamn world. To this day, TMNT is quite possibly the most lucrative Western comic book property not published by either DC or Marvel. Third most successful toyline of all time. Seven TV series, seven films, multiple videogames, hundreds and hundreds of comic issues and a metric shit-ton of merch. Which, on the one hand, is crazy.

How did a concept so ridiculous, and so seemingly instantly dated become one of the most successful and enduring pop culture phenomena of the past half century? Well, success has many fathers. Firstly, I think the franchise’s longevity was sealed with this:

A theme tune that catchy only comes around once in a blue moon. Play it over NINE SEASONS and it’s practically brainwashing.

Then there’s the fact that TMNT relies on a template that has proven to be amazingly durable over the last 180 years.

Hothead. Stoic Leader. Smart Guy. Big fun doofus.

The Musketeer Archetypes are like the Four Chords of character writing. They’re bloody everywhere, but they’re there for a reason. They work, dammit. And these character traits (Leads, Does Machines, Cool but Rude, Party Dude) hold true across virtually all interpretations of the characters which gives continuity across the franchise. But, and this is crucial, with that stability and continuity there also comes incredible plasticity. The Turtles fandom is fantastically diverse in terms of its age range and that’s because TMNT can be this:

Or it can be THIS:

Once you get past the initially (very, very, very) silly premise, the Brothers Turtle can grow with their audience. There’s stuff for kids and there’s also stuff for adults. So, class, where have we heard that before? A character that has a rock solid core that’s also surprisingly adaptable and can tell stories for any and all ages?

So before we go any further, I owe you all an apology. I know I said I’d be reviewing Turtles Forever but you need to know three things:

  1. My DVD of Turtles Forever didn’t arrive in time (that’ll teach me to support physical media).
  2. There’s a Turtles movie with Batman in it, how am I NOT going to review that?
  3. It is SHOCKINGLY good.
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Hey buddy, spare a quarter?

It’s amazing (and a little scary), to think that the brand shiny new 21st century is already at the quarter mark. How did we already go through so many years in such a short period of time? They’re so bloody moreish, aren’t they?

Personally and professionally, 2024 was a quiet-before-the-storm kinda year. I’ve been working on several projects that will (some definitely and some hopefully) all burst on the scene in 2025 which, if we’re honest, sounds more like a proper important kind of year for that kind of thing anyway.

After a quiet year I will have not one, but two books hitting shelves and rest assured, I will be spamming about both of them merrily when the time comes.

Oh, and talking about new projects, Spouse of Mouse, myself and our friend Esther (mostly Esther) have started a new podcast called Now That’s What I call Nostalgia where we talk about the cartoon shows of our youth and discuss what drugs were most likely involved in their creation. First two episodes should be live now and you can listen to them HERE (if nothing happens the first two episodes were not, in fact, live now).

Here on the blog in 2024 I reviewed 1 Canon Disney movie, 2 MCU movies, 1 animé, 1 live action movie, 9 non-Disney canon animated features, 1 Bats versus Bolts, 4 Batman movies and one short film.

The standard of movies I reviewed this year was a huge improvement on 2023’s, not least because the MCU and Disney canon’s output have slowed to a greasy trickle as they to figure out just what’s gone wrong. But, like any bout of explosive diarrhoea, just because the first deluge has passed doesn’t mean it’s safe to get off the pot yet. I look at the horizon, with the MCU stunt-casting left and right and Disney bringing their early nineties cheap cash in sequel strategy into the sacred halls of the canon itself….let’s just say I don’t think the worst is behind us just yet. That said, it’s not like we deserve better.

$140 million opening. This is why we can’t have nice things.

So, with MCU and Disney reviews slowing to a crawl, that meant I got to focus on Batman reviews and the odder and more obscure articles in my backlog. And, I’m happy to say, I discovered (and re-discovered) some real gems. Best movie this year was…I mean, that’s hardly fair, is it?

I was very gratified at how many of you said you enjoyed my review of The Third Man and I think, yeah, a little culture around here wouldn’t kill us. I’m going to try and review some more classics.

Despite the overall uptick in quality, Worst Movie was actually the more fiercely competitive category as I did review some pretty egregious stinkers: Land Before Time XIII, Wish, The Marvels and Cool World.

But there was only one movie that I actively loathed and think you all know what it is. Dawn of Justice.

Lastly, I want to introduce a new category; Most Pleasant Surprise. These were the movies that I went in to knowing little and expecting less and came out with a new personal favourite. Honourable runner up is Joseph: King of Dreams, the scrappy little direct-to-video sequel that nonetheless set up shop in my head. Some bangers in the soundtrack too. But there was one movie that I was initially cool on but where my opinion of it grew and grew even after I watched it and reviewed it. So if you read my review of Your Name and felt that it was a little unenthusiastic, you’re right. So, let me set the record straight I adore this film.

Fantastic movie. Heart breaking. Yes, Makoto Shinkai fans. I get what you meant now.

Oh, and while I didn’t review it on the blog I may as well leave you with a recommendation.

Conclave review – Ralph Fiennes takes charge of tense papal election thriller | Toronto film festival 2024 | The Guardian

I loved it as a thriller. I loved it as a character study. I loved it as a work of cinematic art. I loved it as a Catholic. Best new film I’ve seen all year. Whatever you think it is about it’ll probably surprise you. And I will definitely have to review it just so I can talk to someone about the ending. 

Anyway, hope you and yours have a safe, wonderful and happy Christmas and new year.

Nollaig shona daoibh go léir,

Mouse.

The Third Man (1949)

I don’t honestly know if I should feel sorry for Joseph Cotten or envy him. He had a long and storied career in theatre and film, appearing in several movies that are the mainstay of any respectable list of greatest films of all time. How could you pity any actor whose CV includes The Third Man, The Magnificent Ambersons and of course the big gorilla in the room, Kane?

At the same time, when you think of those movies Cotten’s name isn’t exactly the first one that comes to mind, is it? Of course not.

It certainly doesn’t appear that Cotten resented the fact that Orson Welles was essentially the star around which Cotten’s career orbited, as the two men maintained a close and warm friendship right up until Welles’ death in 1985. And it’s not like he was completely overlooked, either. In fact, it’s so common to say that Joseph Cotten was one of the most underrated stars of Hollywood’s Golden Age that he probably no longer even qualifies as underrated. But screw it, it’s my blog, and if I want to turn it into a Joseph Cotten appreciation corner who of you will stop me? That’s what I thought. We’ve Gotten Cotten Fever up in here!

Oh, fun fact. His hair was the model for Norman Osborn in Spider-Man. Orson Welles can’t say that, can he?
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Joseph: The King of Dreams (2000)

1998’s Prince of Egypt is what you might call a hard act to follow and the first thing any discussion of Joseph: The King of Dreams should stress is that it is neither fair nor productive to compare the two. But I’d argue there is actually a lot to learn from putting the two movies side by side.

I’ve always believed that, when it comes to animation at least, “cheap” is not the same as “bad”. Obviously, a generous budget is rarely a detriment but plenty of animators have put out stunning work on a shoe-string. And plenty of movies had absolutely scads of money thrown at them and still managed to look like something that the cat puked up on the rug. What makes the Dreamworks Torah Cinematic Universe so instructive is that it’s two movies created at the same time by largely the same team of artists, just with very different budgets. King of Dreams was, like Return of Jafar, intended to be a straight to video sequel (or prequel in this case) of a much bigger, much more-high budget theatrical release. But, Aladdin was done by Disney Feature Animation and Return of Jafar was palmed off to Disney’s TV animation studios in Australia and Japan. By contrast, King of Dreams was animated concurrently with Prince with Egypt, and by the same team of animators. This makes the two movies a fascinating case study, showing how much a budget matters in determining quality and also how much it doesn’t.

Because yeah, I’m not going to sit here and tell you that the two movies are equally beautiful. Clearly they’re not.

And yes, the wonderfully detailed, semi-realistic style of human animation that Prince uses is absolute murder for the King of Dreams team trying to render it with less time and resources and it does sometimes end up looking a little janky. But honestly, more times it doesn’t. My point is, I honestly love this film for how hard it tries and frequently succeeds in escaping the creative ghetto. This is a straight to video cartoon sequel. Hell, this is a faith-based straight to video cartoon sequel. The fact that it’s not absolutely terrible is an achievement. The fact that it’s good, often touching great, is a genuine miracle.

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“Welcome to the MCU. You’re joining at a bit of a low point.”

Around the midpoint of Deadpool & Wolverine I had a rather chilling realisation during this exchange of dialogue between Elektra and Deadpool.

ELEKTRA: Every time one of us has gone up against her, they die. The Punisher,  Quicksilver, Daredevil.”


DEADPOOL: “Daredevil? I’m so sorry.”

ELEKTRA: (with an indifferent shrug) “It’s fine.”

So let’s unpack this joke. Here is everything you, the viewer, need to know for this gag to land.

  1. This is Elektra, played by Jennifer Garner.
  2. Garner first played this role over twenty years ago, in the critically reviled Daredevil, and then again in the practically unseen spin-off Elektra.
  3. In Daredevil, she was the love interest of the title character.
  4. Daredevil was played by Ben Affleck.
  5. Garner and Affleck married shortly after making that film.
  6. They subsequently underwent an extremely public and acrimonious divorce.
  7. Hence, Elektra is not particularly cut up about Daredevil dying.

And virtually every joke in this thing is that kind of inside baseball uber-specific nerd bullshit that seems positively tailormade to appeal to me, a 40 something male who had comics instead of friends growing up. And yet…this thing made €1.8 billion dollars. This is as mainstream as movies get now.

Super niche nerd culture is no longer niche. The war is over. Everyone is a massive nerd now.

Total domination.

And I now find myself in a very difficult position as a movie critic.

I thoroughly enjoyed this movie. I laughed my ass off from start to finish.

And yet, when I read, say, Donald Clarke howling in sackcloth outside the sinful Gomorrah that is the modern movie industry, I can’t help but nod along.

This movie isn’t a movie. It’s heroin. It’s very good heroin. And I very much enjoyed it.

But…I should probably be ingesting food instead.

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One November night eight years ago my wife was dreaming that she was wandering through a dark castle during an earthquake.

She ran through the castle, the walls collapsing in on her, the ground shaking, the very Earth dancing beneath her feet.

She woke up, and realised that the world was still shaking. She looked over at me, hunched over my phone, literally trembling in fear hard enough to shake the bed as the election results rolled in.

It didn’t feel like that this time. Maybe I’m just jaded now.

I don’t write about politics anymore on this blog. I’d come to the conclusion that everybody spouting off about their political opinions 24/7 is a big reason we’re even in this hyper-polarised nightmare (not the only reason, but a big one).

I wish I could tell you that this isn’t what it appears to be, a catastrophe of terrible magnitude for America, for the West, for Ukraine, for democracy and for the world.

Is there cause for hope? Always.

In 1972 Richard Nixon won re-election with one of the most stunning electoral victories in history. Two years later he was on the ash heap of history. Things can change very, very quickly. A smart politician would not let a victory like this make him reckless. Trump is not smart, and was born reckless. He will fuck up, repeatedly, and badly.

Secondly, there is only one Trump and he is limited to four years. After that, MAGA has run out of road. There has never been anyone able to replicate the weird Svengali-like hold he has on his followers.

Of course now we have to consider the D word. Is he actually going to do it?

Maybe.

But the personal risk might give him pause. If he pulls that lever all bets are off.

Hitler would have been willing to die for a world purged of non-Aryans. Trump cares only about Trump.

But we are off the forest trail, now. There is no map.

Keep your eyes open. Keep your feet on the ground. Watch. Listen. Look after each other. Do not give in to despair.

Evil always contains within itself the seed of its own destruction.

We’ll be praying for you.

Mouse.

Bats versus Bolts: Piss on You! I’m working for Mel Brooks!

Comedy is a lot like politics, all careers eventually end in failure. There have been plenty of Bats versus Bolts matchups on this blog that have been, as one commenter put it “Glass Joe versus Mike Tyson” but this really is a foregone conclusion. On the one hand, Mel Brooks’ 1974 masterpiece Young Frankenstein, which would place in the low single digits on any creditable ranking of the greatest American comedies of all time. And on the other hand we have 1995’s Dracula: Dead and Loving It, a movie so critically lambasted on its release that it killed Mel Brooks’ directorial career stone dead, which is a bit like if Frank Sinatra sang a song that was so bad he was never allowed to perform again. I mean it’s Mel Brooks. If he hasn’t earned a mulligan or two, who the hell has?

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