“I see you are practiced in worshipping things that fly. Good.”

Well, it was nice while it lasted.

As mind bogglingly ambitious as Richard Donner’s Superman is, it’s incredible to think that the original vision was even more epic in scope. The idea was that Superman 1 and 2 would be released in quick succession and would constitute one single, massive saga, much like what Quentin Tarantino did with Kill Bill years later. Instead, mid-way through production Donner was fired by the Salkinds and replaced by another Dick, Richard Lester, who famously declared after seeing Donner’s vision for the film that he wasn’t interested in doing that “David Lean thing” (Lean being an English director famous for big, lavish epics).

It’s easy to cast Donner as an artistic savant whose vision was crushed by soulless Hollywood suits and it’s not even like that’s an entirely invalid read. Many people have made fun of the Salkinds, including me, Unshaved Mouse, in literally my last review.

But the truth, of course, is a bit more complicated than that. Donner was a notorious, almost Kubrickian perfectionist and his shoot ran way over time and, oh yeah, was the most expensive film in history at that point. It’s very easy to say that the Salkinds should just have backed off and let Donner cook when it’s not your money he’s cooking. And, to be fair to the Salkinds, they actually had a reputation for being very director friendly as producers go. Not takings sides, probably faults all around. Anyway, the result is we have two versions of Superman 2. The first is the entirely reshot version directed by Richard Lester. The second is the Richard Donner cut, a version assembled by Donner in 2006 using a combination of his own surviving footage, out-takes, screen-tests and some footage cribbed from Lester’s version. Both versions are worth your while, neither is the equal of the first film and both are fascinatingly flawed in different ways.

The plot, at least, is the same in both, at least in the broad-strokes.

The three Phantom Zone Criminals are freed by a nuclear device launched into space by Superman and begin to make their way to Earth. Lex Luthor escapes from prison with the help of Miss Teschmacher and they schlep all the way to the North Pole where they discover the Fortress of Solitude and learn about Zod. Meanwhile, Lois Lane deduces or is just basically shown that Clark is Superman and confesses her love to him. He consults with a holographic version of his father or (depending on the version) his much cheaper mother and is told that he can be Superman or have fine Earthling booty but not both. He gives up his powers and returns to civilization only to learn that Zod has basically conquered the Earth and is calling him out on national TV like Ultimate Warrior calling out the Hulkster. Superman returns to the Fortress of Solitude, bullshits his way into getting his powers back, flies to Metropolis, gets his ass beat and flies away. Lex Luthor, who has basically ingratiated his way into Zod’s inner circle, tells him where the Fortress of Solitude is and they take Lois hostage and fly over there. Superman fights them and then tricks them into losing their powers like he did whereupon he and Lois either possibly kill them (Lester cut) or DEFINITELY KILL THEM (Donner cut), thus saving the Earth.

But make no mistake, they are VERY different movies.

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Why I Love Playing: Grim Fandango

Thus far, the games I’ve recommended have all been of a very recent vintage so how about we look at one of the canon classics?

Grim Fandango is an adventure game written by Tim Schafer, originally released in 1998, presumably for the Ediphone. Since then it’s been remastered and released on virtually every console you can imagine.

The game takes place in the Aztec underworld, reimagined in 1950s Art Deco style, and follows Manny Calavera, a travel agent whose job is to sell travel packages for newly dead souls beginning their four year journey across the Land of the Dead. Frustrated by the poor quality of his clients, he poaches the case of the beautiful, virtuous Mercedes Colomar and ends up inadvertently exposing a corrupt conspiracy at the heart of the afterlife.

And while I definitely recommend playing it, I do have a couple caveats.

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“I’m here to fight for truth, and justice, and the American way.”

Superman (1978) is the greatest movie of the eighties.

I know what I said.

Yes, fine, there’s the number “1978” after the title but who are you going to believe, me or your lying eyes? Superman for me is the starting pistol of that era of huge populist genre blockbusters (Indiana Jones, ET, Back to the Future, Never Ending Story et al) that roared into American cinemas as the stings of Vietnam and Watergate began to fade and America discovered a new Reaganite swagger, for good and ill. It is the harbinger of the cultural era that would climax with the collapse of the Berlin wall and the apex of American power and prestige, a victory so total that serious people were able to proclaim the end of history itself and not be laughed out of the room.

And it’s the ultimate eighties movie with regards to the logic that went into creating it. I can almost picture Alexander and Ilya Salkind (the father-son producing team behind the film) chomping on cigars as they hash out their vision.

“We’re gonna make a movie about the BIGGEST SUPERHERO OF THEM ALL!”

“Yeah, and we’ll spend MORE MONEY THAN ANY PICTURE IN HISTORY!”

“Know who we’ll get to write the script? MARIO PUZO, WHO WROTE THE GODFATHER WHICH IS THE BEST MOVIE OF ALL TIME WHICH MEANS HE’LL WRITE THE BEST SUPERHERO MOVIE OF ALL TIME!”

*pause for vigorous puffing of cigars*

“Yeah, and we’ll get the BIGGEST MOVIE STAR IN THE WORLD AND PAY HIM MORE THAN ANY ACTOR IN HISTORY FOR TEN MINUTES OF SCREENTIME!”

“And we’ll film the sequel SIMULTANEOUSLY! BACK TO BACK!”

“But Pop, what if the first movie’s a flop?”

“HOW COULD IT BE A FLOP?! LOOK AT HOW MUCH MONEY WE’RE SPENDING!”

“I LOVE YOU POP!”

“I LOVE YOU SON!”

“AND WE BOTH LOVE CIGARS!”

And when you think about it like that, it feels like it had to fail right? It’s like with the Titanic. Once people start talking about how God couldn’t sink this ship, you damn well know that iceberg’s coming. That kind of hubris can’t go unpunished.

And yet.

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The Junior Book Awards Shortlist and New Podcast Episode!

More? More!

Don’t Trust Fish has been shortlisted for The Week Junior Book Awards Book of the Year Book Awards Award (I dunno man, it’s late).

And, as part of our epic struggle to actually get back to a somewhat regular update schedule, Now That’s What I Call Nostalgia has a new episode about Bosco, an Irish children’s show about a small puppet who lives in a box that I watched throughout my entire childhood.

For longtime readers of my work, this episode will pretty much explain everything.

Oh, and apologies for some slightly dodgy sound quality at the start, it gets better I promise.

Why I Love Playing: Dispatch

I’ve been binge watching The Tick for a future episode of the podcast (so much better than I remembered, and I remembered it pretty damn fondly) and I was struck by something that happens in episode four, The Tick versus Mr Mental where the Tick is forced to confront his greatest fear: WORKING IN AN OFFICE.

Dispatch is a 2025 superhero adventure game by AdHoc Studios released on Windows, Playstation 5, X-Box and Switch. And it, too, mines humour from the incongruity of a superhero working in a mundane office setting. But the way the game depicts this is very different from the way The Tick did thirty-two (JESUS CHRIST) years ago in ways that are both interesting and (to me, at least) kinda depressing.

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Why I love playing: Spiritfarer

If you’re someone who’s had to deal with depression at any point in your life (and if you’re not, hello, freak) then here’s a piece of advice that’s stood me in good stead: keep a list of the media that makes you happy.

I have a collection of movies (Emperor’s New Groove, Big Lebowski), TV Shows (Frasier, Simpsons) and books (literally anything by PG Wodehouse) that have served me well when the black dog is scratching at the door and whining to be let out so that it can shit on the lawn of my mental health. To these I add Spiritfarer, a cosy management sim by Canadian indie developer Thunder Lotus Games released in 2020 for Windows, Mac, Linux, PS4, XBox One, Switch, Android and Stadia.

It’s a lovely, sweet, relaxing game about DEATH.

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Justice League Unlimited: “For the man who has everything”

I make fun of Alan Moore sometimes, but rest assured it comes from a place of purest admiration. He’s who I want to be when I grow up.

When I’m in my seventies I want to be a mouthy old beard engaging in magic duals with gender-ambiguous wizards, worshipping a snake god and complaining about everything all the time.

“That’s not true! I stop when I’m asleep, don’t I?”

And today, while hacking my way through this goddamn draft, I will take a break to briefly review what is (I believe) literally the only adaptation of Alan Moore’s work to receive his blessing, Justice League Unlimited’s second episode, For the Man Who Has Everything.

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Knock Knock UK/Ireland cover reveal!

Hello folks!

Great news! I can at last reveal that the UK/Ireland rights to Knock Knock Open Wide have been acquired by British publisher Solaris for release March next year with an absolutely gorgeous new cover by Sam Gretton.

BEHOLD!

And in a weird bit of synchonicity I had the absolute pleasure to be interviewed by Violet and Aurora for their podcast Totally Not Illiterate (they’re not, I checked). I’ll post that when it’s up but for now enjoy their review of Knock Knock. They’re a super young channel and they really deserve to get as big an audience as possible so please do.