Superman 3 is probably the most reputationally fluid of all the Reeves-era Superman flicks. One and (to a lesser extent admittedly) Two are uncontested classics of the genre, Supergirl and Quest for Peace were seen as dogs when they were released and are seen as dogs now. But the third outing is where I think consensus breaks down. Some people hate it even more than Superman 4. Mad people, I suspect, gibbering loons who should not be allowed out of the house unsupervised but they are an important and influential constituency in modern affairs and we overlook their views at our peril.

Superman 3’s standing at any given moment really depends on the general public’s taste in superhero media and how tolerant they are feeling towards silliness. For this is, let us be very clear, a deeply silly film. Richard Lester, now fully in control and having banished the last vestigaes of Richard Donner’s weighty, epic solemnity is ready to give us his thesis statement on what Superman is. And his answer boils down to; “Superman is very silly”.

So, Lester decides that Superman should be funny. And, if you’re the Salkinds that doesn’t just mean getting a comic actor to join the cast. That means getting THE BIGGEST STAND UP COMIC IN AMERICA *PUFF CIGARS*.

Now, the Salkinds’ “bigger equals better” approach served them quite well in the past but here I think it came a serious cropper. Richard Pryor is, and always will be, on the Rushmore of American comedy legends but (heresy incoming) I don’t think he was a great comedic actor. He certainly isn’t in this movie, most of his schtick (and oh my Christ is there a lot of it) comes across really laboured and kinda leaden. There’s a couple of problems here. Firstly, Pryor isn’t performing his own material. He’s an actor performing someone else’s script. Second, I think the Salkinds expected Pryor to do what Bill Murray did in Ghostbusters and just do his own thing while treating the script with a kindly disregard. But here’s the thing: Richard Pryor loved Superman and treated the material with a respect that is admirable but not particularly funny. To be sure, there are parts here that I find humorous but that’s more a result of waging a war of attrition. Pryor gets a whopping half an hour of screentime, compared to around forty minutes for Superman. He is very much the deuteragonist. In fact, the very first shot of the movie is his face.

In my review of Superman I mentioned how I consider it to be the ultimate “eighties” movie but I think this might have it beat. Superman 3 opens with a black man applying for unemployment benefit and being denied because he kept getting fired for stealing and being incompetent, only for him to see an ad looking for computer programmers and immediately getting a stable and well paid job because gosh darn it the economy is just that good. That may be the most eighties thing I have ever seen.

Well, it was nice while it lasted.

As mind bogglingly ambitious as Richard Donner’s Superman is, it’s incredible to think that the original vision was even more epic in scope. The idea was that Superman 1 and 2 would be released in quick succession and would constitute one single, massive saga, much like what Quentin Tarantino did with Kill Bill years later. Instead, mid-way through production Donner was fired by the Salkinds and replaced by another Dick, Richard Lester, who famously declared after seeing Donner’s vision for the film that he wasn’t interested in doing that “David Lean thing” (Lean being an English director famous for big, lavish epics).

It’s easy to cast Donner as an artistic savant whose vision was crushed by soulless Hollywood suits and it’s not even like that’s an entirely invalid read. Many people have made fun of the Salkinds, including me, Unshaved Mouse, in literally my last review.

But the truth, of course, is a bit more complicated than that. Donner was a notorious, almost Kubrickian perfectionist and his shoot ran way over time and, oh yeah, was the most expensive film in history at that point. It’s very easy to say that the Salkinds should just have backed off and let Donner cook when it’s not your money he’s cooking. And, to be fair to the Salkinds, they actually had a reputation for being very director friendly as producers go. Not takings sides, probably faults all around. Anyway, the result is we have two versions of Superman 2. The first is the entirely reshot version directed by Richard Lester. The second is the Richard Donner cut, a version assembled by Donner in 2006 using a combination of his own surviving footage, out-takes, screen-tests and some footage cribbed from Lester’s version. Both versions are worth your while, neither is the equal of the first film and both are fascinatingly flawed in different ways.

The plot, at least, is the same in both, at least in the broad-strokes.

The three Phantom Zone Criminals are freed by a nuclear device launched into space by Superman and begin to make their way to Earth. Lex Luthor escapes from prison with the help of Miss Teschmacher and they schlep all the way to the North Pole where they discover the Fortress of Solitude and learn about Zod. Meanwhile, Lois Lane deduces or is just basically shown that Clark is Superman and confesses her love to him. He consults with a holographic version of his father or (depending on the version) his much cheaper mother and is told that he can be Superman or have fine Earthling booty but not both. He gives up his powers and returns to civilization only to learn that Zod has basically conquered the Earth and is calling him out on national TV like Ultimate Warrior calling out the Hulkster. Superman returns to the Fortress of Solitude, bullshits his way into getting his powers back, flies to Metropolis, gets his ass beat and flies away. Lex Luthor, who has basically ingratiated his way into Zod’s inner circle, tells him where the Fortress of Solitude is and they take Lois hostage and fly over there. Superman fights them and then tricks them into losing their powers like he did whereupon he and Lois either possibly kill them (Lester cut) or DEFINITELY KILL THEM (Donner cut), thus saving the Earth.

But make no mistake, they are VERY different movies.