“I’m here to fight for truth, and justice, and the American way.”

Superman (1978) is the greatest movie of the eighties.

I know what I said.

Yes, fine, there’s the number “1978” after the title but who are you going to believe, me or your lying eyes? Superman for me is the starting pistol of that era of huge populist genre blockbusters (Indiana Jones, ET, Back to the Future, Never Ending Story et al) that roared into American cinemas as the stings of Vietnam and Watergate began to fade and America discovered a new Reaganite swagger, for good and ill. It is the harbinger of the cultural era that would climax with the collapse of the Berlin wall and the apex of American power and prestige, a victory so total that serious people were able to proclaim the end of history itself and not be laughed out of the room.

And it’s the ultimate eighties movie with regards to the logic that went into creating it. I can almost picture Alexander and Ilya Salkind (the father-son producing team behind the film) chomping on cigars as they hash out their vision.

“We’re gonna make a movie about the BIGGEST SUPERHERO OF THEM ALL!”

“Yeah, and we’ll spend MORE MONEY THAN ANY PICTURE IN HISTORY!”

“Know who we’ll get to write the script? MARIO PUZO, WHO WROTE THE GODFATHER WHICH IS THE BEST MOVIE OF ALL TIME WHICH MEANS HE’LL WRITE THE BEST SUPERHERO MOVIE OF ALL TIME!”

*pause for vigorous puffing of cigars*

“Yeah, and we’ll get the BIGGEST MOVIE STAR IN THE WORLD AND PAY HIM MORE THAN ANY ACTOR IN HISTORY FOR TEN MINUTES OF SCREENTIME!”

“And we’ll film the sequel SIMULTANEOUSLY! BACK TO BACK!”

“But Pop, what if the first movie’s a flop?”

“HOW COULD IT BE A FLOP?! LOOK AT HOW MUCH MONEY WE’RE SPENDING!”

“I LOVE YOU POP!”

“I LOVE YOU SON!”

“AND WE BOTH LOVE CIGARS!”

And when you think about it like that, it feels like it had to fail right? It’s like with the Titanic. Once people start talking about how God couldn’t sink this ship, you damn well know that iceberg’s coming. That kind of hubris can’t go unpunished.

And yet.

(more…)

The Junior Book Awards Shortlist and New Podcast Episode!

More? More!

Don’t Trust Fish has been shortlisted for The Week Junior Book Awards Book of the Year Book Awards Award (I dunno man, it’s late).

And, as part of our epic struggle to actually get back to a somewhat regular update schedule, Now That’s What I Call Nostalgia has a new episode about Bosco, an Irish children’s show about a small puppet who lives in a box that I watched throughout my entire childhood.

For longtime readers of my work, this episode will pretty much explain everything.

Oh, and apologies for some slightly dodgy sound quality at the start, it gets better I promise.

Why I Love Playing: Dispatch

I’ve been binge watching The Tick for a future episode of the podcast (so much better than I remembered, and I remembered it pretty damn fondly) and I was struck by something that happens in episode four, The Tick versus Mr Mental where the Tick is forced to confront his greatest fear: WORKING IN AN OFFICE.

Dispatch is a 2025 superhero adventure game by AdHoc Studios released on Windows, Playstation 5, X-Box and Switch. And it, too, mines humour from the incongruity of a superhero working in a mundane office setting. But the way the game depicts this is very different from the way The Tick did thirty-two (JESUS CHRIST) years ago in ways that are both interesting and (to me, at least) kinda depressing.

(more…)

Why I love playing: Spiritfarer

If you’re someone who’s had to deal with depression at any point in your life (and if you’re not, hello, freak) then here’s a piece of advice that’s stood me in good stead: keep a list of the media that makes you happy.

I have a collection of movies (Emperor’s New Groove, Big Lebowski), TV Shows (Frasier, Simpsons) and books (literally anything by PG Wodehouse) that have served me well when the black dog is scratching at the door and whining to be let out so that it can shit on the lawn of my mental health. To these I add Spiritfarer, a cosy management sim by Canadian indie developer Thunder Lotus Games released in 2020 for Windows, Mac, Linux, PS4, XBox One, Switch, Android and Stadia.

It’s a lovely, sweet, relaxing game about DEATH.

(more…)

Justice League Unlimited: “For the man who has everything”

I make fun of Alan Moore sometimes, but rest assured it comes from a place of purest admiration. He’s who I want to be when I grow up.

When I’m in my seventies I want to be a mouthy old beard engaging in magic duals with gender-ambiguous wizards, worshipping a snake god and complaining about everything all the time.

“That’s not true! I stop when I’m asleep, don’t I?”

And today, while hacking my way through this goddamn draft, I will take a break to briefly review what is (I believe) literally the only adaptation of Alan Moore’s work to receive his blessing, Justice League Unlimited’s second episode, For the Man Who Has Everything.

(more…)

Knock Knock UK/Ireland cover reveal!

Hello folks!

Great news! I can at last reveal that the UK/Ireland rights to Knock Knock Open Wide have been acquired by British publisher Solaris for release March next year with an absolutely gorgeous new cover by Sam Gretton.

BEHOLD!

And in a weird bit of synchonicity I had the absolute pleasure to be interviewed by Violet and Aurora for their podcast Totally Not Illiterate (they’re not, I checked). I’ll post that when it’s up but for now enjoy their review of Knock Knock. They’re a super young channel and they really deserve to get as big an audience as possible so please do.

Why I Love Playing: Suzerain

I’ve decided to start a new little mini-series here where I talk about games that I really love and try to explain why they work for me and (maybe) give some attention to titles that I think deserve more love.

One of these is definitely Suzerain which is by no means unknown but, I feel, is probably more niche. So what is this game and why do I love it?

Suzerain is a 2020 political simulator from German publisher Torpor Games, available on Nintendo Switch, Mac, Android, iOS and Windows. You play Anton Rayne, the fourth president of the fictional nation of Sordland in the equally fictional continent of Merkopa. After a choose-your-own-way recounting of your early life which functions as a character creation session you get to choose Anton’s socio-economic and political background. The game takes you from his election to president to the end of his first term, with you facing various political crises and scandals while you try to shape the country to your own political ideology.

Suzerain teaches you very, very quickly that politics is hard, messy and often deeply morally compromised. On my first play through I just tried to rule according to my conscience, funding health and education, avoiding military conflicts, pouring money into welfare, trying to reform the constitution and advancing the rights of women and ethnic minorities.

President Rayne’s first term ended with him strapped into an electric chair and the bastards didn’t even wet the sponge.

(more…)

Disney Reviews with the Unshaved Mouse #64: Zootopia 2

My friends, I ask you to consider a simple hypothetical:

Maybe we’re the assholes?

This meme did the rounds last year after Pixar’s Elio crashed and burned and someone at Disney had gotten into the hard liquor and had some feelings they needed to express. And while I do believe that 90% of the time creators blaming the audience for the failure of their project is the mark of a talentless hack so high off their own farts that they genuinely believe that the only way anyone could dislike their output is if there was something morally wrong with them…

Don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out.

…you know what? I gotta give them this one. And I can say that, because I am actually one of the two people who saw Elio (Micro-Mouse is the other one). Elio is not a perfect film and I probably won’t watch it again. But it was charming, well animated, sincere and, yes, not a retread or rehash or cynical nostalgia bait cash grab and we all just left it to die on the road like a leper.

It’s one thing for Disney to complain that we didn’t give them a participation trophy for Strange World or Wish. When we said “we want original animated films”, the rider “…that aren’t absolute bobbins” should have been taken as read.

But with Elio, they showed up. They gave us what we said we wanted. Aaaaaand it turns out we were a bunch of lying hoors because we instead gave a billions dollars to this:

I’m acknowledging this exists. Enjoy it while it lasts because this is the only time.

Then again, this year saw the hugely succesful release of Hoppers, which was not merely good like Elio but genuinely excellent with a truly original premise, animation that actually innovates and shakes up the old Pixar house style and some great comedy. Well, I say “original”. Clearly they stole wholesale from Don’t Trust Fish.

“You’ll be hearing from my lawyers.”
“Our lawyers ate your lawyers. And left their bones in a pile outside the entrance to “It’s a Small World””.

But it doesn’t matter! Because the next Hoppers might end up like Elio. We can’t be trusted, and once you’ve proven you can’t be trusted no one will ever deal with you because they know you’ll never negotiate in good faith and now somehow fucking Iran has the world’s economy by the goddamn short-hairs.

I mean, that’s how we get Zootopia 2.

(more…)