2020 Oscars

So, obviously, when I said “I’ll post the results of the 20/20 Oscars on Oscar Night” I meant “I’ll contract food poisoning and spend all day violently vomiting and wishing for the sweet release of death”. But hey, better to do that because of spoiled chicken than seeing Green Book win Best Movie, right?

“Mouse, did you even see Green Book?”

“No, I was making a cheap joke. I’m sure it’s just grand.”

Actually, if you’re interested, here’s my opinion on all the nominees:

Blackkklansman: Saw it, loved it.

The Favourite: Haven’t seen it but the trailer gave off a definite “Death of Stalin” vibe so I am in.

Bohemian Rhapsody: Occasionally rises to “guilty pleasure”.

Vice: Haven’t seen it, impressions are bad.

A Star Is Born: Haven’t seen it, heard great things.

Roma: Ditto.

Black Panther: Yeah it’s great but with the benefit of hindsight I don’t think it should have won. It wasn’t the best superhero movie ever. Heck it wasn’t the best superhero movie released this year. Double heck, it wasn’t even the best superhero movie this year featuring a black Marvel superhero and an all-time great hip hop soundtrack.

Best comic book movie ever. Fight me.

So, without further ado, let’s take a look at a historic record righted. Please give a warm welcome to our host, Kevin Hart!

“1999 was a great year for the art of movie-making…”

“Mouse? How did you get Kevin Hart?!”

“I dunno. He was going real cheap and I didn’t ask questions.”

“…in conclusion, this is what my life has come to. And now the winners.”

(more…)

People in the past are idiots. Look at them there, waging pointless wars, dying of diseases that we can now easily cure and not appreciating the genius of Van Gogh. Bunch of putzes.

Here in the future of course, we know better. Wouldn’t it be great if we could go back in time and show those darn pasties how do to do things right? Well, here’s the next best thing.

Every year the Oscars roll around and every year I mark the occasion by doing absolutely nothing. You see, despite being a movie buff I just can’t frickin’ stand the Oscars. I hate the whole dull circle jerk. I hate that the “right” movie almost never wins, and that even when it does it inevitably suffers a hipster backlash from insufferable up their ass movie nerds like…well…me. But I also object to the whole idea. What was the best movie last year? I don’t know. You don’t know. Nobody knows. Because that shit takes time to sort out. It takes years of watching and re-watching and cultural commentary and perspective to mark a film as being a true classic. That’s why, this year, I am announcing the 20/20 Oscars, a (hopefully) annual event here on Unshaved Mouse. Every year we will look back on what was being considered 20 years ago and vote in the major categories and this time we will get it right.

So, 19 years ago the 71^st Academy Awards were voting on 1999’s crop of movies. It was a pretty good year overall, with plenty of films that could benefit some hindsight. Vote below and we will announce the results on Oscar night.

Best Picture