Hi guys.
So, you may remember last summer I posted about my play, Joanna, which went up as part of the 10 Days in Dublin theatre festival. Now, something rather awesome has happened and we’ve been asked back by the New Theatre for a full week’s run in February. This is a huge deal, not just for me but for my wife Aoife (who directed the play) and our wonderful cast.
Joanna is the story of an urban vigilante who abducts, tortures and murders rapists because she has come to the conclusion that the protection and justice offered to victims of rape is so pathetically lacking that it represents a breaking of the social contract. It’s a bleak, brutal play that’s good for a chuckle.
Seriously, it’s actually quite funny he said humbly.
Now, having been offered this huge opportunity, we really want to do this production right and that means fundraising.
Oh what, like you have any big expenses in December?
Yes, this is where I’m going with this but please hear me out. Now, we’ve already set up an Indiegogo page where people can pledge contributions to the production. And if you go there you’ll see that we’re offering various rewards as a thank you for supporting the show. Now as well as the rewards already mentioned on the page, if you donate €10* or more I will gladly review for you any animated movie you like. Seriously. Anything.
What about the rules, I hear you cry? Screw the rules. Everything’s on the table. I’ll review Pixar movies, straight to video sequels, non-canon Disney films…
Yeah…e-even this one.
And not just Disney either. Why not something by the Flesicher brothers? Or Ralph Bakshi? Or maybe you’d like me to take a look at some of the works of legendary animator Don Bluth…
Ah ha ha…really funny guys.
Um…
You know what? We’re getting a little bit American-centric here. Why not look further afield? In exchange for your generous donation I will review for you one of the great classics of the European animated canon; Persepolis, The Triplets of Bellville, The Secret of Kells…
Seriously, why would you joke about that?
FORGET EUROPE! JAPAN! THAT’S THE TICKET!
Of course! We’ve haven’t even touched on animé on this blog! Wouldn’t you like to see me review some Miyazaki? Or something by the godfather of animé himself, Osamu Tezuka? Oh, we could have such a good time DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!!
Guys! C’Mon! IT IS LITERALLY HARDCORE PORNOGRAPHY!
Okay, all joking aside, if you can spare something, please visit our Indiegogo page, donate, and leave a message letting me know what movie you’d like me to review for you. Once the funding period closes I’ll put up a post thanking you (unless you’d rather remain anonymous) and listing your choice of movie and the date you can expect it to go up. Now, please be aware that I intend to slot these reviews in between my usual Disney reviews so you may be waiting a few months (the reviews take around a week to write usually). I’ll email you if your choice of movie has already been picked by someone else so you have the chance to choose an alternative. And please don’t feel guilty if you can’t donate anything. I get it. Christmas. Recession. It’s absolutely fine. Plus, you can still help by spreading the word, linking and tweeting and whatnot.
So yeah. €10 or more. And I will review any cartoon. Anything at all.
You know. Within reason.
I’ve made a huge mistake.
*American donors should be aware that the Euro is kinda making the Dollar its bitch right now so check the exchange rates to make sure just how much you’re actually giving.
unshavedmouse 
I’d like you to review the first Ice Age please.
Hi Brendan. Sure thing, just make a donation on the Indiegogo page and I’d be delighted to review Ice Age for you.
I skimmed over that part. Is there another way I can repay you?
I’ll spread the word if you review Ice Age in the style of your Disney cannon reviews.
You certainly make a tempting offer, sir. Hopefully by January, my wallet will have recovered enough from the Christmas rush to throw some your way.
I PRAY no one asks you to do Food Fight. I suffered through the entire Swan Princess Christmas *twitch* movie because I love the original and its two sequels (not the greatest ever, but I think they’re hell of a lot better than most Disney DTV sequels IMHO) though it was physically painful. I thought I could endure Food Fight, I quit after five minutes.
Yeah, I realise it’s possibly the worst time to start a fundraising campaign
Mouse, this is class. I am happy to pony up for you any day. The smiles you’ve inspired are worth everything, and it’s awesome that we have the opportunity to throw some scratch your way. Looking forward to seeing you in action outside the Magic Kingdom again!
Thank you so much RC. I put a thank you up on our face book page anhttps://www.facebook.com/WirebirdTheatreCompany?fref=ts and you’ll be getting your poster in the post early in the new year. What movie would you like me to review for you good sir?
Under the Red Hood?! Hell yeah!
Do they accept prepaid cards? I recently fell into a near depressed state once I discovered that The Wild got removed frm the Disney Canon. I really wanted you to talk about that one.
I…actually don’t know what a prepaid card is. You could always try?
I dont know about donating, but I guess I can try to sometime. But I would like to see a review of Warner Bros Snow White sequel (cant think of the exact name, but I think its something like Happily Ever After, or something). 🙂
I won’t be able to donate, but I would like it if you’d review “The Secret of NIMH,” if you haven’t already. I really love that movie.
Someone might ask for it.
I would also like to hear your opinions on Anastasia, NIMH, Land Before Time, and maybe Kiki’s Delivery Service.
So even though I cannot pay the fee since I’m tight on cash, can you review the first Ice Age?
Sorry, it’s not a movie I’m planning on reviewing at the moment.
I thought you said you could review any animated movie. I don’t have the money to pay the fee.
My schedule for next year is finishing the Disney movies and doing the reviews that I’ve been paid for. That’ll take me into October of next year.
Alright, I understand.
Sometime this next week I’ll have enough to donate and even though I know I’m going to catch hell over this, I’d like for you to review Cars.
Thank you! Curse you! Thank you!
Your welcome. Cursed anyway. Your welcome.
Could I donate but remain anonymous (here as well as on the programme and Facebook page?)
Certainly!
Donated! Good luck with the play, and a late Merry Christmas!
Do you think you could review “Bobo und die Hasenbande 2: Abenteuer im Wald?” (It’s Hungarian; the English dub is called “The Tiny Heroes.”)
A well-meaning someone bought us this film on VHS, mistaking it for the original film. It was so stupid that my siblings and I would mock it MST3K-style. It eventually spawned a family in-joke, the “Aylseworth Lecture” (aka self-esteem pep talk.) When movies brought up following your heart, it’d be, “Alyseworth? Here too?!” Not that Alyseworth memorably embodied the concept (“memorable” is not a word I’d apply to anything about this film) but it was the first time they noticed the trope.
Another thing was that the main villain hired poachers to capture all the animals on his list, but didn’t want them harmed in any way. The movie was very, very sketchy about what he wanted them for, so we were left to assume the details, and of course our minds went straight to the gutter!
If you can’t find the movie (it sounds rather obscure), would you review Ralph Bakshi’s Lord of the Rings?
Thank you very much for the donation. I’ve had a scout around and it seems to only be on Region 1. I’ll keep trying to find a version either online or on DVD that I can watch but in case I can’t is there a backup you’d like me to review instead?
If you can’t find it, how about Ralph Bakshi’s Lord of the Rings? (Assuming it’s something you’d review negatively. What can I say? I LIKE hate-filled reviews!)
I think most people do. Thanks again, I will try my damndest to get you first choice and if not Bakshi’s LOTR it shall be.
Thanks! I would enjoy either review equally, so if you can’t find it that’s still good. Thank you again!
Donated as well! The play looks good, it would be interesting to see your writing come to life in a different format. I’m in Germany right now so I’ll look at the dates for Joanna and see if I can make it.
As for the movie hmmm. After I read your Aladdin review I watched “The Thief and the Cobbler.” Miramax version. The inner monologues in that movie were…..well……its Matthew Broderick the whole fucking movie.Slap that with THE worst songs I’ve ever heard. Honestly THE WORST. I understood why that movie flopped so badly. The “Recobbled” version? Whole nother ballfield. Still not much storyline wise. But the animation, damn. It is seriously like nothing else. Don’t worry I’m not going to ask you for the Mirimax version. No one should have to go through that. I would love your take on the Recobbled version though.
I know I haven’t posted before. But no longer! I’m out of the shadows. Can’t wait for all the reviews.
Hi Callie. Thank you so much. I actually have the Miramax version in DVD so I can do either one. Or I could review the Miramax one while comparing it to the Recobbled version? It’s up to you.
Callie, this is going to sound weird but is your first name Alison? I’m trying to find your donation. When did you make it?
No my first name is actually just Callie. I went back and I think I missed a step on the donation. But I just went in again and I’m pretty sure it went through this time. I got e-mailed some kind of reciept.
As for the review. Yeah a comparison review or whatever you would like is fine with me. I think that the only superior point of the mirimax version is the slight redemtion of the thief at the end. Anyway, let me know if you see my name pop up, if not I’ll do some more troubleshooting.
Ah, the notification just arrived. Thanks so much! I’m really looking forward to this review.
I’ll have to wait until I get more money in order to donate, but I know just the movie I want you to review: Cats Don’t Dance.
Never actually seen it. I’ve heard good things though.
I would say it is one of the funniest movies I have ever seen, with a lot of heart too. I will even go as far as to say it is in my top 10 favorite movies of all time. 🙂
Really? Wow. Excited now.
Where would I go to leave you a message after I donate to your website?
Well I’ll get a notification when you donate and you’ve already told me what movie you want.
Just donated. 😉
Thanks a million dude. Cats Don’t Dance, yes?
Yep, that’s the one! 😀
(This is Veronica Trump, just donated and ready to request!)
You don’t know what a delight it was, trying to decide on the most appropriate film for your blog. Oh, so many delicious ideas I didn’t know which to choose! So…I decided… to pick Felidae. It’s such a fun-filled film with decent animation, an interesting plot, and I’m sure you’ll have no problem handling it. (even if it IS about cats.)
I haven’t actually heard of that one. Thank you very much for your contribution Veronica.
Well then, I’ll be quite interested to hear your opinion later on.
… I think I donated… Not sure. Lol
For the review, how to train your dragon. 😀
Easy choice
You did! Thank you!
Yo, Unshaved Mouse a.k.a. Neil Sharpton! I found this blog some time last summer, and I’ve loved every word of it; been a fan ever since. Your reviews and the ridiculousness accompanying them haven’t ever failed to make me smile, and your scoring system seems pretty fair. In short, yeah, I like your stuff and keep up the great work. ^__^
So, I’ve donated the equivalent of 10 Euros. The movie I request you to review sometime is Tokyo Godfathers, directed by the late Satoshi Kon. It’s one of my favorite anime movies not by Miyazaki (I love all of his stuff; hopefully someone requests something of his or from Studio Ghibli in general, even if not all of them are exactly gems), and I’d like to see what you make of it. I’ve only seen the subtitled version since the DVD I rented years ago didn’t have a dubbed version. However, I have read that a dub exists, but I can’t guarantee the quality if that’s the version you run into or would prefer to find if you haven’t seen it yet. I know that it streams subtitled on Netflix Instant Watch (just watched it now), though you may prefer a DVD… Eh. Whatever works. *shrug*
Long story short: I donated; review Satoshi Kon’s Tokyo Godfathers, please; keep up the good work. ^__^
Thank you so much, really appreciate the support. I’d be delighted to review Tokyo Godfathers for you. I should warn you though that what with the number of reviews I’ve been asked to do I won’t get to it until April 2015. Really sorry about the long wait.
It’s no problem. Take your time with the other stuff. ^__^
What films have already been requested? Just to make sure we don’t ask for one that has already been requested
I don’t really want to put a full list up. What’s your first choice?
No problem, I understand that 🙂 Hmm … either All Dogs Go To Heaven or Willy the Sparrow?
ADGTH would be easier for me to get a hold of.
Hi Unshaved Mouse, I apologise for the delay, I thought I had replied then mortified realised that I didn’t! Is it too late to request All Dogs?
Funding window’s closed now unfortunately but I hope to be doing this again next year. You can donate then and it won’t actually affect how long you have to wait (yes, the backlog is that long.)
…Wait, so Aoife is your wife’s actual given name? Definitely not a thinly-veiled alias to protect her identity on the web? Man, the Irish call their kids some weird things.
I jest of course. Though that someone who I only know as someone’s wife just happens to have a name which at first glance to an outsider could look like a slapdash phonetic spelling of “a wife” struck me as endlessly amusingly incidental.
…This is pretty much my only comment to give now that most of this post is obsolete now. That and I love the delivery, especially all the this-was-a-terrible-idea subtext. If I may give a spoiler, I’m glad things turned out as well as they did with the play.
Thanks. It’s actually a really popular name here (Irish for “Eve”).
Guess it makes sense now that I think of it.