Charity Movie Deathmatch: FIGHT!

For the month of February on Unshaved Mouse we are running the Charity Movie Deathmatch and I need YOU (yes you, no, not you, the person behind you. Yes. You.) to make it as big a success as possible. Here’s how it works.
Below are the twelve movies that readers of this blog expressed the most interest in me reviewing. Here’s how to play.
  1. Go to this year’s charity, Love Without Boundaries, and make a donation, small or large. Love Without Boundaries provides vital services to Chinese orphaneges and is ranked four out of a possible four stars on Charity Navigator.
  2. Email me your receipt to together with your choice of movie (movie. Singular. Although you can donate and vote as many times as you like for as many different movies as you like). Remember: Generosity is your weapon.
  3. The three lowest scoring movies will be eliminated on the 13th and again on the 20rd with the highest scoring three movies at the end of the month getting reviewed.
Simple right? And now, let’s meet the movies that will be brawling to the death for your entertainment.
All Dogs Go to Heaven
Studio: Sullivan Bluth
Age: 26
Runtime: 85 Minutes
AKA: “The Rabid Redeemer”, “Ol’ Killer.”
Studio: Amblin Entertainment
Age: 20
Runtime: 77 minutes
AKA: “The Disast-ah from Alaska”
Younger, hungrier, leaner, Balto is probably what keeps All Dogs go to Heaven up at night. If they could put their differences aside however, these two canine-themes movies might be unstoppable and both get a spot in the final three. Regardless, Balto will be a formidable opponent, with plenty of support from the crowd and a reputation for being able to go that final mile.
Fievel Goes West
Studio: Amblin Entertainment
Age: 24
Runtime: 74 minutes
AKA: “The Don’t-Suck Sequel”
An immigrant kid with a tough upbringing, Fievel Goes West has battled his whole life against anti-sequel prejudice. Now, he takes that fight to the ring with everything on the line. Fievel Goes West is battling to support a family of less successful sequels and so cannot afford to show mercy to his opponents. If they die, they die.
Fritz the Cat
Studio: Various
Age: 43
Runtime: 80 Minutes
AKA: “Fritz the Blitz”, “The X-Rated Executioner”
The oldest fighter in this year’s death-match is a heel through and through, bribing referees, using illegal moves and feeding on the hatred of the crowd. That hatred may be his greatest asset. The question is, who do the fans want to suffer more? The Cat, or the Mouse?
How to Train Your Dragon 2
Studio: Dreamworks
Age: 1
Runtime: 102 minutes
AKA: “Babyface”
Layout 1
Kung Fu Panda
Studio: Dreamworks
Age: 7
Runtime: 92 Minutes
AKA: “The Beast from the East”
The Land Before Time
Studio: Sullivan Bluth
Age: 27
Runtime: 79 Minutes
AKA: “Extinction Event”
Studio: Disney
Age: 1
Runtime: 97 Minutes
AKA:  “The Mistress of All Evil Morally Ambigous Anti-Heroism”, 
The Secret of Nimh
Studio: Don Bluth Productions
Age: 32
Runtime: 82 Minutes
AKA: “Mouse of Pain”
Rounding out the trio of Don Bluth movies competing for a spot, Secret of Nimh may be the most formidable contender of them all. It’s not unknown for movies to enter the ring, see who they’re up against and say “Nah. Forget it. I quit. Yes, I know it’s a deathmatch. Just make it quick.”
Studio: Dreamworks
Age: 14
Runtime: 90 Minutes
AKA: “The Glaswegian Dandy”
The Iron Giant
Age: 16
Runtime: 87 Minutes
AKA: “The Furious Fe”
Beloved by children, feared by his enemies, this gentle giant understands that as a role model he has to set an example. “STAY IN SCHOOL, EARTH-SPAWN!” he bellows as he crushes yet another challenger beneath his cold metallic heel.
Watership Down
Age: 37
Runtime: 101 minutes
AKA: “The Black Rabbit of Inlé”, “The Tharninantor”
It’s a movie about bunnies. How tough can it be? Has been the last thought of too many movies to count.
Charity Movie Deathmatch will be running all through February 2015. Please donate whatever you can, big or small and vot for your favourite movie. And don’t forget to share on Facebook and Twitter and the backs of the heads of passing bald people.
See ya at the final bout.


  1. I don’t even care which of these movies gets reviewed. I will literally give you all the money I have if you just keep writing these deathmatch meet-the-fighters posts.

    Also: not even one contestant from the East (no, Kung-Fu Panda doesn’t count)? Awww.

  2. I agree with Rubber Lotus. These fighter info bios are amazing.
    Really hope you review Watership down. Just to see how it fairs against the best of the best.

  3. Hi, first-time posting here. Been lurking and reading your blog for half a year now, and I really like your material.

    Anyways, I admit there’s a lot of good contenders to choose from (though I never watched Fritz the Cat or Watership Down) so it’s hard to pick one that’d be good for material and critical things for you to talk about. But my face definitely lit up upon seeing Maleficent being one of the choices. As a fan of the Mistress of Evil as well as you and being equally weary of the film since it’s announcement and release regarding it’s baffling premise, I would so like to see you rip it a new one for what it gets wrong and what little it gets right (if any at all).

    Well, it’s been nice to finally get to post here and introduce myself, so let the games begin!

  4. Amazing, Mouse! I can’t donate because I am underaged but I wish you all the luck in the world with this noble cause! 😀

  5. Here’s the deal, Mousey-boy. You gonna review the movie I want, and in exchange, I won’t break your leg-benders, see? How’s that for a “donaytion”?

  6. My thoughts on these.
    All Dogs Go to Heaven: This film changed my life.
    Balto: Love it. I am always disapointed when it is over.
    Fritz: Never saw
    Iron Giant: Never saw, but on my list.
    An American Tail 2: Hate
    Dragon 2: disliked 1. Never saw.
    Land Before Time: Best there was. Best there is. Best there ever will be.
    NIMH: Great
    Maleficent: Never sawPanda: realy liked.
    Shrek: Never saw all the way througth.
    Watership Down: Nothing on the book. Cutting almost all hte El-Athrairah parts hurt the mood and theme too much.

  7. Damn, I think I agree these intros are getting me pumped up enough on their own. You know how to make a good sports announcer bit. Bertie Mouse has taught you well during this recent Space Jam review, and student has surpassed master.

    I’ll have to see if my wallet has real bread and butter rather than just bread and butterflies, but I’ll hope I can manage to pass a vote or two, and pass a buck to the world’s do-gooders.

  8. Fieval Goes West has rather surreal animation, a villain plan that makes no sense, and ridiculous racial stereotyping. I know very little of Maleficent, but FGW is otherwise easily the worst film here. That’s why it would be a perfect movie to be reviewed.

  9. I don’t know if I’ll be able to participate in the deathmatch (We’ll see.), but I am happy to see two of my suggestions make it on here. Outside of Fritz the Cat and Shrek, I’ll also hope that Watership Down makes it. (Really, I’d be fine with any of these films being reviewed.)

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