“Hi. Mr Timm? Unshaved Mouse. Huge fan. Go fuck a stoat.”
“My friends call me Scottish Play.”
Anyway, flashforward a thousand years and David Xanatos (Jonathan Frakes), billionaire playboy philanthropist has Castle Wyvern disassembled, and rebuilt, brick by brick, at the top of his Manhattan skyscraper just to see what would happen. The spell is broken and Goliath and his surviving clan of gargoyles become the defenders of New York from all threats both human and supernatural.
I went back and forth over just how to approach this review. At first, I was going to do a general review of the whole series before remembering that there were 65 GODDAMN episodes.
And that’s not even counting the third season that never happened and which we shall never speak of again.
I then thought about reviewing one of the story arcs like “The World Tour” or “City of Stone”. But “City of Stone” focuses more on two side characters than the main Gargoyles and also there’s a lot of flashback stuff that would get really confusing and probably be boring to read. And as for “Word Tour”, I had (again) forgotten that Goliath and Eliza were putzing around on that damn boat for nineteen episodes so once again…
So finally, with the deadline approaching like an oncoming walrus on a bobsled I decide to just review one single episode which I think encapsulates the things that I most loved about this show.
Over the eyelid. Ouch.
“Sir? It appears the Gargoyles have succeeded in destroying your space laser.”
“The space laser was just a distraction, Owen. I just needed the Gargoyles out of town for the big shareholders meeting today.”
“Sir. I regret to inform you that the shareholders have stripped you of your position as a result of you funelling funds into your space laser programme.”
“All part of the plan, Owen. I want my rivals to think I’m powerless until I strike with my secret army of spider-mutant commandoes.”
“Sir. It appears the spider-mutant commadoes have rebelled and have already lain waste to most of Manhattan.”
“And it just so happens that I own most of Manhattan and took the precaution of insuring my properties against spider-mutant attack. The payout should be just what I need to rebuild my space laser.”
“Sir. It would seem your space laser has destroyed the sun, thus dooming all life on Earth.”
“That’s right. All life. Including the spider-mutants.”
“Ah. Well played sir.”
“All part of the plan, Owen.”
“Of course, sir.”
Anyway, Xanatos suddenly asks Fox to marry him and she’s stunned. She asks him if he’s serious and he answers “We’re genetically compatible, highly intelligent and have the same goals. It makes perfect sense for us to get married.”
That’s fuckin’ beautiful, man.
Fox agrees that that’s all true, but asks what about, y’know, love? Xanatos answers that they love each other about as much as too people like them “are capable of that emotion”. You know it’s weird, but Jonathan Frakes is such a charming bastard in this role that he manages to make that sound almost tender. I never really liked Frakes on Stark Trek, but I think that was more to do with the fact that Riker was always written as an insufferably smug asshole. Here, Xanatos is supposed to be an insufferably smug asshole. Also, Frakes has both a wonderfully distinctive voice that’s delightful to listen to and a fantastic deliver. It really makes you wish he’d done more voicework, he missed his calling. Anyway, to “seal the bargain” Xanatos presents Fox with an amulet called the Eye of Odin which is cursed because let’s face it, when did you ever hear of an amulet that wasn’t cursed? She takes the amulet and says “Proposal accepted”.
“Ah, l’amour.”
A few weeks later and it’s October 30st and we see Eliza Maza (Salli Richardson) shopping for Halloween treats. Eliza was kind of like the April O’Neill to the Gargoyles Turtles, if April O’Neill was a badass NYPD detective who saved the turtles at least as often as they saved her. She sees a shopkeeper running screaming out of his shop and runs to investigate where she finds…
How exactly does one tattoo fur?
The werewolf almost kills Eliza but runs off when more cops arrive. Xanatos and his trusty butler Owen (Jeff Bennett) watch the news report of the werewolf attack and note that this is the fourth attack since, oh, around the start of October when Xanatos gave Fox that amulet which I’m sure is just a coincidence. No need to go assuming causal relationships willy nilly. Fox comes in barefoot and dressed in nothing but a trenchcoat and Xanatos asks where she’s been and she mumbles something about “going out for a walk” and goes to bed. Since it’s fairly obvious that Fox is either the werewolf or has become a Central Park flasher, Xanatos tells Owen that it’s time for “Plan A”.
Meanwhile, it’s Halloween night and the Gargoyles have awoken and now’s probably a good time to to give you the skinny on these guys. So there’s six gargoyles in the Manhattan Clan, Brooklyn, Lexington, Broadway, Bronx, Hudson and Goliath. And if you’re thinking that those names don’t really scream “10th Century Scotland” you’re not wrong. See, Gargoyles don’t normally use names. Goliath was given his name by the humans of Castle Wyvern as he was the one who had the most interaction with humans but the rest of them apparently just went by “Hey, you”. This, incidentally, makes time travel and flashback episodes a real pain for the writers because everyone has to be “Mentor”, “Brother” or “My Love”. The other Gargoyles, when they awoke in New York, picked names based on places or landmarks in the the city. Brooklyn, Lexington and Broadway are the three youngest gargoyles and they tend to be called “The Trio” because they hang around together and often share storylines. Brooklyn (Jeff Bennett) is the tough one, Lexington (Thom Adcox-Hernandez) is the small nerdy one and Broadway (Bill Fagerbakke) is the huskier, not-so-smart one. Then there’s Hudson (Ed Asner), the curmudgeonly old grandpa of the group and Bronx who is….weird. See, Bronx is a gargoyle, but he acts like a dog and the other gargoyles treat him like a pet. Even though he’s a gargoyle.
Again with this shit, Disney?
And of course, Bronx is voiced by Frank Welker. For, as it is written in Genesis 1:25: “And the LORD created the wild animals according to their kinds, the livestock according to their kinds, and all the creatures that move along the ground according to their kinds. And Frank Welker did voice them.”
And then there’s Goliath.
Now one of the shows central themes is prejudice and not judging people by appearance. It’s certainly not the only cartoon from the era to tackle that but Gargoyles has it worked into it’s very DNA, starting with the character designs. The show really doesn’t shy away from making the Gargoyles look, well, grotestque (architecture joke!). In fact, when they’re in battle, with their glowing eyes and bestial roars they are flat out terrifying.
Admit it. If you came across these guys in World of Warcraft you’d fireball them first and ask questions later.
Now look at Xanatos. Charming, devilishly handsome white guy with a sarcastic butler and flying suit of power armour. He is very deliberately meant to be an amalgalm of Bruce Wayne and Tony Stark. You expect him to be the hero. The series goes out of its way to subvert your expectations by visually coding its villains to look like heroes and its heroes to look like monsters. And this is one of the reasons that Goliath works so well. Goliath is in many ways like Ashitaka from Princess Mononoke. He is unfailingly honourable, courageous, loyal and selfless. He never kills, and holds all life to be precious, even that of his enemies. If you watched the show as a kid you might remember him as some kind of dark anti-hero but he absolutely is not. As a hero Goliath is closer to Superman than Wolverine, noble and pure to a fault. Now if he looked like Xanatos he’d probably be incredibly dull, but it’s the contrast of that character with that design and Keith David’s magnificent, Saturnine growl that makes the character so arresting.
So the gargoyles are psyched because it’s Halloween and this means they can actually walk the streets and people will just assume they are the best cosplayers ever.
You don’t fool me, creature!
Eliza arrives and tells Goliath about her run in with the werewolf. He’s worried about her and says he should have been there to protect her, but she says he can’t protect her all the time, any more than she can guard him during the day when he’s turned to stone. It was around this point in the series that it was becoming clear that Goliath and Eliza weren’t simply friends but were starting to develop feelings for each. It’s pretty heavy subject matter for a kid’s show really. You have two people who are slowly falling in love but both know that there is literally zero chance that they could have anything even remotely like a normal life together. Goliath can’t even live in human society. What are they going to do if they want to have kids? Eliza’s not going to start laying eggs anytime soon. The final episode of the second series did have them admitting their feelings to each other and even sharing a kiss, which was a nice note to end the series on, because, as previously mentioned, there never was a third season.
Huh. What’s this blank image doing here?
Meanwhile, at the castle, Fox is standing in front of an open window in the light of the full moon while wearing the Eye of Odin. It’s never really made clear if Fox knows what’s happening or why she simply doesn’t, y’know, take off the damn cursed amulet. Xanatos does ask her to give it to him and she says that she can’t bear to part with it so maybe she and it have a whole “Precious/Sméagol” thing goin’ on. Xanatos insists and Fox freaks out and turns into the Were-Fox. And I have to say, the animation in this scene is absolutely top-flight for a TV budget, even a Disney TV budget.
Xanatos and Owen try to tranquilise the Were Fox but she breaks free and escapes the castle. Owen did manage to shoot her with a tracking device and tells Xanatos that at the rate her metabolism is going, Fox will be dead by morning. Xanatos cavalierly says that if he had known the Eye of Odin had that kind of power he never would have given it away, and tells Owen to move to Plan B. But then he turns away from Owen and we see his expression change.
Daaaaaaaaw. He’s in wuv.
Elisa tells Goliath that she’s just gotten an anonymous tip as to where to find the Were Fox and the two set out after. Meanwhile, Xanatos is tracking Fox through New York in his flying suit of armour that he made to look exactly like Goliath and then gets in and flies around in and OH MY GOD SO MUCH FREUDIAN STUFF I NEVER GOT WATCHING THIS AS A KID. Xanatos tracks Fox to a slaughterhouse where he finds her demolishing half a cow. She attacks him and almost bites his frickin’ head off, but Fox manages to reassert control fro just a second and flees outside just in time to run into Goliath and Eliza. Goliath and the Were-Fox battle and Goliath knocks it out cold.
“Sorry, perhaps I wasn’t clear. I’m Keith Motherfucking David.”
Xanatos then shows up and tries to remove the Eye of Odin from Fox but gets blasted with magical energy. The Were Fox wakes up and runs off into the night and Eliza tries to arrest Xanatos but he just blasts off into the sky like a goddamn boss. Eliza tells Goliath that the Were Fox must have been a human that Xanatos experimented on (long story short, he’s got priors) and says they need to round up the rest of the clan and get the amulet off of the Were Fox.
Back at the castle, Xanatos tells Owen that Plan B has failed, but Plan C is now in operation. The Gargoyles will now try and get the Eye of Odin off Fox, doing Xanatos’ job for him. However, Goliath and Eliza emerge from the shadows and tell Xanatos that for once they’re on to his bullshit and they’re not going to be manipulated into helping him and that he’d better have a Plan D. Xanatos tells them that the creature is Fox and that he only gave her the amulet because legend said it bestows “power and insight”. Xanatos is all “How was I supposed to get “will turn you into a werewolf” from that? That’s not on me, right?” and Goliath says that perhaps the amulet is giving Xanatos an “insight” into Fox’s true nature.
“Basically, I’m saying your fiancee is a MASSIVE bit…”
“HEY!”
Xanatos begs Goliath to help him and he asks why should he? Xanatos replies “Because you know what it’s like to lose someone you love.” This almost works but Eliza tells Goliath that begging for his help is Xanatos’ plan D and that when it fails he;ll just move on to Plans E and F. That’s the thing about Xanatos, lying, telling the truth, doesn’t matter. He’s still using you. Goliath realises that Eliza’s right and tells Xanatos “A noble effort. But another failure. Not a good night for you.” Goliath and Eliza fly off, and get ready to go out for Halloween. And for the first time, Eliza and Goliath are actually able to walk down the street arm in arm like a normal couple.
Certain as the stone/That he’ll turn in to.
Never gonna stop/Song as old as Pop.
Gargoyle and the Cop.
They dance together in the street while the Trio look on and Lexington wistfully says “They should have Halloween more often.” As they walk, Goliath tells Eliza that he;s having second thoughts about not helping Xanatos. He says that if someone like Xanatos can love, then maybe there’s hope for the world. He says that he’s going to help Xanatos after all and then Xanatos emerges from the shadows where he was waiting the whole time because he knew Goliath would change his mind. That, or he was about to implement Plan E, throwing himself at Goliath’s feet and screaming “Pleasepleasepleasepleaseprettyplease!” Anyway, they track the Were Fox to a rooftop and after a big stonking epic battle they finally succeed in getting the Eye of Odin off her. Fox turns back into her human form and Xanatos’ helicopter arrives to take them back to the castle. Goliath demands that Xanatos give him the Eye of Odin and Xanatos doesn’t even bother arguing. As Xanatos gathers up the woman he loves in his arms he turns to Goliath.
Xanatos: So. Now you know my weakness.
Goliath: Only you would regard love as a weakness.
***
Scoring
Animation: 08/20
It’s TV animation from the nineties so it’s a little janky in places, but surprisingly good overall.
Leads: 16/20
Goliath and Eliza are a great team, equal partners who compliment each other’s strengths.
Villain: 19/20
David Xanatos is quite possibly the greatest villain in the history of TV animation and this episode perfectly showcases the character at his best and worst.
Supporting Characters: 14/20
Unfortunately the Trio and other supporting characters get shunted a bit this time around, but whaddya want, they only got twenty four minutes.
Music: 14/20
Carl Johnson’s epic, melodramatic theme music still holds up.
FINAL SCORE: 71%
NEXT REVIEW: 08 September 2016
Neil Sharpson aka the Unshaved Mouse is a playwright, comic book writer and blogger based in Dublin. The blog updates with a new review every second Thursday. Unshaved Mouse has been shortlisted for the Blog Awards Ireland 2016! Below is the button for voting. It’s a one time dealy and voting ends on August 23rd. Thanks guys!
unshavedmouse 
I remember watching the first seven or eight episodes of Gargoyles when I was in, like, eighth or ninth grade (this was back when full-length episodes of virtually every cartoon could be found on YouTube). It didn’t much grab me back then, maybe exactly for the reasons you mention – the animation’s fairly boring and stuff compared to That Other… erm, BTAS’s.
By the way, you’ve got Trump ads on your blog now. Thought you might like to know.
Gargoyles is a show you need to give a little bit time. The beginning seems to be a little bit generic, but that is mostly because the show is setting up stuff in order to subvert it later.
WHAT?
Can you send me a screen shot Lotus?
Ah, dammit, I should’ve taken a screenshot when I had the chance. The ad changes with every refresh.
Next time you see it please grab one for me.
Managed to grab one for you, Mouse: http://i.imgur.com/jQFacZe.png
Took a couple of refreshes, but it looks like you do indeed have a case of the Trumps. I recommend a shot of penicillin.
Thanks. Lupin. Excuse me while I do something violent.
I smell more political comedy in the making..
Comedy? No. RAGE.
Thanks for the review. I miss this show… 😊
By the way. You like the third season, don’t you. Don’t worry, no one here is going to judge you… 😜
HOW DARE YOU
No, really, it’s OK. Everybody has one or two things they’re embarrassed to admit, but once you let it out, it won’t hold you back anymore! We’re all here for you, Mouse! 😆
(I call this the “Ratatoskr whispers to Níðhöggr” technique. 😏 )
I don’t like Season 3 as a whole . . . but there is one episode called “The Dying of the Light” that is good. If not for Stone Masons silliness, I’d say it’s very good.
Greg Weisman seems to love Xandros gambits, which Norman Osborne did wonderfully in Spectacular Spider-man and badly done in Young Justice. I got the impression they wrote the Light’s plan on the fly.
Oh man, fun story about Greg Weisman. So I’m a big Dodgers fan (they’re the Los Angeles baseball team for those of your who aren’t in the US) and for years I read this blog called Dodger Thoughts, which was one of the very first team specific baseball blogs. Dodger Thoughts was written by Jon Weisman, Greg’s brother. I kind of knew that Jon had done some TV writing but didn’t know what he had written. Then, last summer I watched Young Justice for the first time and saw Greg Weisman’s name on it, didn’t think anything of it. Until I saw Jon’s name in the credits for episode 6, which he wrote, and I finally made the connection and realized that it was the same Jon Weisman who wrote for Dodger Thoughts for all those years (he actually works for the Dodgers in a PR type role now). I was seriously geeking out that a guy I had read for so many years turned out to be partly responsible for the creation of one of my absolute favorite shows.
I think my favourite episode was the one in which Demona had this giant bomb (in general, I loved episodes with Demona, Xanathos was a great foil, but Demona was a fascinating character). Either way, there is this moment in the end when the three sisters call her out, telling her that she herself and not the humans were ultimately at fault for all the suffering she endured forcing her to reveal the password which turns out to be “alone”. Very profound.
But I guess reviewing this one would have meant to provide way too much backstory.
(Btw: “Just call my Scottish Play” – lol!!!)
Yeah, that’s City of Stone. Great arc but it would have been a nightmare to recap.
Yeah…but you picked well. I was seriously invested in this weird love story between Xanathos and Fox…he is one of my favourite villains ever (though it is kind of questionable if he really qualifies that much as a villain at a certain point).
Exactly. In fact most of the villains got their moments as heroes at one point or another.
So why exactly is Season 3 so bad?
Completely new team. Didn’t have a clue.
Imagine that you have watched a great arc in a series which can rival Batman TAS….and then you get a season with a quality barely above the episode with the two boys who hide Batman in their cellar. Different team, different style of story-telling and in some cases, a complete character assassination. They actually had an episode in which Fox acts like a damsel in distress. FOX!!! There were one of two good ideas and episodes in it, but not enough to make the painful ones worth it.
It actually isn’t so bad. The animation suffered because they switched all work to the non-Anime studio, and they replaced the best opening music ever with 90’s synth rock, but other than that it was fine. The whole season fails to rise above average, but it doesn’t sink to terrible, and it continues the Gargoyles story pretty well. The character growth is great, I actually liked the new villain, and I loved the wrap-up. I think people just didn’t like the new opening music
No, there’s way more to it than that. I dislike it because they booted the writing team off, and the new showrunners had very little time to familiarize themselves with the series. So there’s glaring moments of OOC all over the place, the stories didn’t go anywhere, and everyone was holding the idiot ball. That’s why it was disliked. That’s why I disliked it, anyway.
Yeah, I was a little young when this was on but as an avid fan of Greg Weisman (The Joss Whedon of animation in my opinion) I’ve been meaning to check it out. This has definitely made me all the more interested.
Still love this show. One of the few (along with Batman and Animaniacs) that I can genuinely say stood the test of time, and doesn’t just seem good with the Nostalgia Goggles on.
Favorite episode is “The Mirror”. I actually got to play Puck once in high school, so naturally I tried to imitate Brent Spiner.
Hey Mouse, when are you getting to your Gravity Falls review? I literally just watched that show for the first time this past weekend and it was absolutely amazing
Not too long now.
Although you make clear that there wasn’t a third season, if there had been, what would have been so wrong with it?
I already speculated on that in another comment.
Great review, but I have to disagree on one point–the FIRST episode of the third season happened. It was the other episodes that do not exist.
Ah, true.
Urgh, Xanatos. The villain everyone on this green Earth likes but me. I think you pretty much nailed why too, Mouse. He really was like that annoying kid at school who always had a “Yeah, but-” as soon as they were about to lose the game. I just wanted Goliath to pick him up, snap his neck and ask “if you had a plan for that, asshole.”
I never saw this show when I was young so I don’t have the nostalgic affection for it that a lot of people do, so maybe that has something to do with it? IDK.
I don’t know who would win in a Keith David/Tony Jay/Allan Rickman voice competition, but I could die happy just from listening to it.
Anyway. You surprised me with the choice of episode but I can see your reasoning. (And I’d forgotten that kick-ass transformation scene!) What I don’t get is why you refrained from making any Star Trek:TNG jokes/references. Or was that too much of a low-hanging fruit?
This is probably the episode with the FEWEST Star Trek actors. Didn’t really seem worth it.
So, little pet peeve here. When people like you say things like “it never happened” than you remove the chance for people like me who liked ‘The Goliath Chronicles’ to argue our case. On a website that has reviewed ‘Food Wars’ and been fair to ‘Song of the South’, I frankly am offended by the dismissal of a piece of media as ‘not worthy of discussion,’ even if it is a joke.
I’m hardly removing your chance to argue your case. You just did (and quite eloquently I might add) which you probably wouldn’t have done if I hadn’t ripped on S3 in the first place. It wasn’t to my taste but if you liked it, great. It’s just my personal opinion.
Entertaining and quality review as always! Do you think you might ever consider reviewing each individual episode of a cartoon series? I’d be really curious to see a variety of different stories about the same characters and/or slowly developing arcs reviewed in your format and style. Maybe something relatively short-lived like this show, “Wander Over Yonder”, “Gravity Falls”, “Avatar: The Last Airbender” or “Over The Garden Wall”? Although if you were up for a longer-term commitment, I’d absolutely LOVE to hear your extensive thoughts on “Steven Universe”.
Sorry, I know these things are easy for me to suggest when I’m not the one doing the work, but your stuff is SO entertaining and there’s such a wide variety of already interesting stuff that I’d love to see get the Unshaved Mouse treatment. Maybe someday when I have more cash to spare, I could make a really big one-time donation or something in exchange for an ambitious review project? Or not. I won’t take it personally if the answer is no; I’m just throwing it out there.
I’ll stop rambling now.
Okay, lot to answer here. Reviewing an entire cartoon series episode by episode would probably mean devoting the entire blog to it for a year or even longer which I simply wouldn’t be able to do. That said, myself and Frog are both huge fans of Over the Garden Wall and we have talked about doing a series of mini reviews of each episode, kinda like what I’m doing with Shortstember right now. The Steven Universe and Gravity Falls reviews are both coming soon and they’ll include a fairly broad overview of each series as well as a review of a specific episode (episodes in SU’s case). I have only seen one episode of Wander Over Yonder and was all….”Nope”. Big one time donations are always welcome of course 😉
“Reviewing an entire cartoon series episode by episode would probably mean devoting the entire blog to it for a year or even longer which I simply wouldn’t be able to do.”
Okay, that’s understandable.
“That said, myself and Frog are both huge fans of Over the Garden Wall and we have talked about doing a series of mini reviews of each episode, kinda like what I’m doing with Shortstember right now.”
That would be cool!
“The Steven Universe and Gravity Falls reviews are both coming soon and they’ll include a fairly broad overview of each series as well as a review of a specific episode (episodes in SU’s case).”
Awesome! I look forward to those!
“I have only seen one episode of Wander Over Yonder and was all….’Nope'”.
Awww, that’s too bad. I think it’s a really charming show. Oh well, I can’t expect everyone to like everything I do.
“Big one time donations are always welcome of course”
Like I said, it’ll have to wait till I have more money, but maybe I will when I can, especially if you’d do a request or couple of requests for me in exchange (I’d only ask for maybe one to a few films or episodes now that I know you can’t do an entire show).
By the way, have you ever heard of Marc Hendry’s channel on youtube? I just recently discovered it and it’s really fascinating! He’s done some very in-depth videos about the animation in “Dumbo” and “Cats Don’t Dance”. I thought you might find it interesting.
Thanks for always answering my comments so promptly. You’re a really good blogger!
I’ll definitely check him out. And thank you!
Gargoyles is one of those things that I hear a whole lot about being great, but have never personally seen. Kind of like Darkwing Duck (which I actually remember hearing of as a kid, but not seeing, I guess I was too young to get into it). I guess my age has a lot to do with that. Though maybe not, seeing as this was apparently a mid-nineties show. Weird.
Ahh man, gotta love that “just got personal” bit with the whole Celtic thing. Yeowch. Also, that’s who Xanatos was. Yeah, that’s just how little I know about Gargoyles. Also, it seems someone working at Disney in the 90s felt that gargoyles and morals denouncing appearance-based prejudice really go together, if Notre Dame can be taken to mean anything. I guess this show’s popularity could make up for that movie’s being on the overshadowed side by 90s Disney movie standards?
In any case, great review. And great explanations as to why Xanatos and Goliath are so cool. I like what you’ve got to say for this one.