Well hello there, children.
Yes it’s me, The Frog, I’ve returned with another choice morsel of film-style reviewage.
What did I lay mine eyes upon this fine week?
Yes. I saw….
With my eyes.
I hope you’re fucking happy.
Where to start with this one? Oh yeah, the joke. Singular.
It sure is. And the food talks for the whole film…. and that is literally it.
Well, not quite.
The food also curses. Like, SO MUCH. The food says “Fuck” and “Shit” and “Dick” and “Cunt” and all those other inherently funny words. I mean, it practically writes itself!
The food is also resoundingly, unnervingly racist.
Let’s crack on, shall we?
Sausage Party stars Seth Rogen, Kristen Wiig, Jonah Hill, Michael Cera, and that entire gang as various foodstuffs – sausages, buns, mustards, relishes of all kinds, sauces, spirits, biscuits, crackers that are both sentient as a box of crackers and also contain individually sentient crackers, a tube of mints that is alive aswell as the mints inside of him…
What I’m saying is, the “world rules” here don’t really exist per se, or at least are given no thought whatsoever. I thought to myself at one point “But if the packaging is alive for that product, why isn’t the packaging alive for the other…. nevermind”. Just don’t ask. Got it?
The film opens with a supermarket full of foodstuffs greeting a new day with glee as they hope they will be chosen by the “Gods” AKA hoomans like you and I. Their belief in the “Great Beyond” is given voice by an over-the-top musical number co-written by none other than Alan fucking Menken.
Frank (Rogen) and Brenda (Wiig) are a bun and sossy in love, and they are excited to be united (in the sexual sense because of course) if and when they are picked up by a benevolent God.
Of course, everything goes tits up as the food realises the true nature of “The Beyond” and Frank must go on an epic quest to warn the yada yada yada.
But first we get the following :
Nazi Mustard (that wants to eliminate JUICE , GET IT ? HAHA HOLOCAUST SO FUNNY)
Native American “Fire Water”
Drunken Thief Mexican Tequila
Offensive black stereotype Grits
Sultry Mexican Taco-Lesbian
Buck-toothed Japanese Soy Sauce
Turban-sporting Indian Curry Sauce
and of course…
an oul OIRISH Potato-tee-ta-toe-ta-tee-to.
If you thought the above was bad, it gets worse. SO MUCH WORSE.
Also included as two MAIN CHARACTERS …. ( I can’t even type this)…
A Palestinian Flatbread …. and a Jewish Bagel. Called Sammy Bagel Jr. Voiced…. by Edward fucking Norton. Doing an impression of everyone’s favourite alleged rapist.
No. Not Bill Cosby. The other one.
No, not that one, either.
Anyway, here they both are.
Of course, these two foodstuffs hate each other because they are fighting over aisle space.
Read that again. I’ll wait.
Yes, the film makes the Israel-Palestine conflict a source of pants-wetting “humour” throughout it’s runtime.
As the film progresses, Frank’s other frankfurter friend Barry (voiced by Michael Cera) must make a journey back from the home of a human to the superstore he came from, with many gross-out, nasty jokes along the way. He meets both a roll of toilet paper and a condom (used, because fuck subtlety right?) that both have the same joke, but they just couldn’t choose one, could they? He then meets a human strung out on bath salts who can now see/hear the food for what they actually are, before he is rescued by Stephen Hawking in Chewing Gum Form.
Sadly, the film gets serious notions as it winds down, with Frank confronting his fellow foods (and girlfriend Brenda) about their “beliefs” when he finds “evidence” that “contradicts” their “inherently held ALRIGHT I GET IT.
The film about TALKING WIENERS becomes a diatribe, an ironically preachy atheistic mess where having religious beliefs is synonymous with stupidity and avoidance of reality, and I found it trite, insulting and terribly written. And I’m an atheist.
It ends the only wait it can – with a hedonistic inter-food-species orgy where the Israeli-Palestine conflict is resolved when they teabag each other.
Seriously, that happens.
Also, did I mention that the villain of the film is roided-up douche?
As in, he’s a feminine hygiene product that forcibly rapes and murders other characters in order to make himself stronger?
Are you laughing yet?
If so, go to a fucking doctor and get your head examined.
FUCK ME , this film is an alarmingly racist piece of garbage.
It is also painfully, painfully, almost pathetically unfunny. Not one joke lands. Not one.
I saw this film with about 6 other people, and only one guy in the cinema laughed. Like, at all. He had a really annoying laugh. So annoying that I think the rest of us became concerned for him over the course of the film. I think he might need a long chat with another human. Guy’s got issues, clearly.
If you’re out there, Strange Cackling Man, let us know in the comments if you were as high as the writers of this film obviously were.
That’s the only logical conclusion I can draw.