So, here’s a little interesting factoid about me. If you ever meet someone from Ireland with the surname “Sharpson”, they are related to me. Like, immediately related. There are, at the time of writing, eight Sharpsons in the entire country. When I was growing up, there was my Dad, my three brothers, and me (my mother being a strong independent woman who refused to change her maiden name even for the sake of boosting the stats). That was it. My grandfather emigrated to Britain from Cyprus and then moved to Ireland in the fifties.

And, along the way, he anglicised his name to Sharpson, a name that had never existed in the country before then. So, we’re what you might call a rare breed.

Now, contrast that with my wife, whose family is as old as the hills, vast as the oceans and mad as lovely, lovely people. I say this not just as a way of banging out an intro to a review of a movie that I don’t really have much to say about other than “it’s good, I enjoyed it”, but to explain why the main character of Summer Wars, Kenji Koiso resonates with me.

So Kenji is a shy Japanese high school student with a gift for mathematics, having placed second in a contest to represent Japan in the International Math Olympiad. As a side gig, Kenji and his friend Takashi work as part-time moderators on OZ, which is…okay, imagine if in the early 2000s Second Life had become as successful as Facebook.

So you have a massive online world navigated by customisable avatars where users can play games, shop, watch sports, you name it. And OZ has become so integral to life in this world that banks and governments have established permanent presences in the virtual world. Basically, the kind of app that Elon Musk sees when he closes his eyes and touches himself. The movie takes place half in OZ and half in the real world, with the latter being rendered in traditional hand-drawn animation and the former using CGI. Nothing too ground-breaking there, but it works and it works well.

The boys’ work are interrupted by their fellow student Natsuki Shinohara who asks Kenji if he wants a job. Kenji, who clearly has a crush on Natsuki, agrees in a heartbeat. Next thing he knows, he’s taking the train with her down to Ueda prefecture for the 90th birthday of Natsuki’s great grandmother, Sakae Jinnouchi. Now, the Jinnouchis are based on a real-life Japanese clan, the Sanadas, who were an extremely powerful family throughout much of Japan’s history. So, as Kenji gets closer to the Jinnouchis’ palatial compound he starts to realise that these folks are a big effin’ deal.

Natsuki introduces Kenji to her great grand-mother as her fiancée, and Sakae appraises Kenji and asks him if he’s “man enough” to please her great grand-daughter.

Kenji, not surprisingly, doesn’t know what the hell is going on, but Sakae asks him if he’s willing to die for Natsuki and he answers, simply, “yes”. This is enough to impress Granny, and she welcomes him into the family.

Natsuki apologetically explains that Sakae was recently very ill and that she told her that she couldn’t die until she (Sakae) had met Natsuki’s awesome boyfriend. Sakae recovered, but Natsuki was now caught in a lie so she needs Kenji to pretend to be her boyfriend for the weekend. And of course, she couldn’t explain this to Kenji beforehand because of perfectly valid reasons. Kenji, that chump, agrees, and is introduced to the rest of the family.

I’m not going to give the low down on every member of the family because LOOK AT THIS SHIT:

You don’t need to know everybody anyway. When someone’s important I’ll let ya know.

The movie does a great job of capturing the combination of tedium, bewilderment and nervousness that comes from being thrown into a large family gathering where you’re a complete outsider and even if only a few of these characters get much screen time and fleshing out, they all contribute to the whole. And that’s kinda the point. All these characters are part of something greater.

See, the movie that Summer Wars ended up reminding me most of was Shin Godzilla. There, the protagonist was not so much an individual as the Japanese government itself. In the same way, the Jinnouchi clan stands in for Japan. Members of the family are doctors, paramedics, cops, engineers, firefighters, soldiers, civil servants, all under the guidance of Sakae, who represents the old feudal aristocracy. And, as we’ll see, when an apocalyptic threat rises, only one thing can defeat it.

Wait a minute, apocalyptic threat? That doesn’t seem very congruous with the laid back slice of life dramedy shenanigans I’ve been describing, does it?

Well, I’ll get that.

That evening, Kenji realises that another family member has arrived; namely the black sheep.

This is Wabisuke Jinnouchi. He’s…okay, follow me closely here.

So Sake’s husband, Tokue, had an affair with another woman and Wabisuke is his illegitimate son, much younger that Tokue and Sakae’s other children. On learning about him, Sakae adopted Wabisuke as her own son. Got that? So he’s Natsuki’s half great-uncle slash adopted great uncle.

Now, Natsuki absolutely adores Wabisuke, to a degree that’s frankly a little uncomfortable. But the other family members are not happy to see him, not even Sakae, who says “I assumed you were dead in a ditch somewhere”.

See, ten years ago, Wabisuke sold some of Sakae’s property and absconded with the money to America. The rest of the family therefore view Wabisuke as a bit of a bad egg.

Lying in bed, Kenji gets a mysterious email with a code. His massive math brain cannot decline a challenge to its honour so he cracks the code and goes back to sleep.

The next morning, he discovers to his horror that OZ has been hacked and that his Avatar has apparently gone on a rampage, creating havoc in the virtual world. He’s locked out of his account he goes to Natsuki’s cousin, Kazuma.

Kazuma is that one kid at the family reunion who finds a quiet corner in the house to surf the internet until all this madness has resolved itself. Kenji begs Kazuma to use his laptop.

Kazuma, incidentally, is such a cool character.

KAZUMA: Why are you freaking out?

KENJI: Because somebody used my account to hack into OZ!

KAZUMA: Got it. You’re the fall guy.

The kid does not faze.

Kenji gets a call from Takashi in Tokyo who tells him that somebody cracked OZ’s encryption the previous night and Kenji realises that he should probably change his name to “Kim Kardashian’s Ass” because he just broke the internet.

Takashi creates a burner account for Kenji to enter OZ and confront the person who hijacked his account.

Kenji tells the avatar that being online doesn’t mean he can just do whatever he wants, which I’ve found always works against trolls. The Avatar then proceeds to beat the ever loving virtual snot out of Kenji but he’s rescued at the last moment by King Kazma.

So King Kazma is this legendary fighter in Oz who’s controller is actually Kazuma because, obviously. He just changed one letter.

King Kazma bats the Avatar around but then the Avatar starts devouring other Avatars and morphs into a new form.

It defeats King Kazma easily and is about to devour him too when Kenji is able to distract it long enough for them to escape.

Back in the real world, Takashi tells Kenji that their enemy is an AI named Love Machine that escaped from a lab in the states. Meanwhile, Natsuki’s family learn from a news report that Kenji is behind the attack and now know that everything she told them about him is a lie.

We get a deeply uncomfortable scene where Natsuki’s aunts realise that the backstory Natsuki came up with for Kenji (Tokyo University grad, old family, studying in the states) is pretty much Wabisuke. And then they recall a school essay she wrote called “My Uncle and I” and oh Jesus why is this here? Why is this necessary?

Kenji is arrested by Natsuki’s cousin Shota, who is a cop and hates Kenji because he’s jealous because he wants to bang Natsuki who is, if you remember the beginning of this sentence, HER COUSIN.

This fucking family, man. Literally.

Shota tries to take Kenji to the police station but has to turn back and return to the estate because Love Machine has turned all of Japan into into one big continuous traffic jam.

With the country teetering on the brink of chaos, Sakae springs into action, calling everyone she knows in the government, friends, family and old enemies to pitch in and help resolve the crisis. It’s presented as Japan’s greatest generation coming out of retirement to wage war against a new menace.

Here’s my problem with this.

I want you to imagine this story was set in Germany.

Yeah.

Inspired by Sakae’s efforts, Kenji works to restore control of the mainframe to the moderators. He then gets some good news from Takashi; not only was he not the only one to crack the code that Love Machine sent out (55 people around the world also did it), he actually made a mistake in his answer and didn’t crack the code at all. Which honestly, I kinda love. Of course, it also means that Kenji didn’t actually commit a crime, so that Cuz-nuzzler Shota can’t arrest him.

With the OZ back under the control of the moderators, things improve but Love Machine is still active and has absorbed some two million accounts. Kazuma suggests get everyone on OZ to band together and stop it but Wabisuke interjects to say that it won’t work.

Wabisuke finally tells Sakae what he did with the money he stole from her all those years ago. He went to the states. Designed Love Machine. And then sold it to the US Military. Sakae’s reaction is…

She turfs Wabisuke out of the house.

Later, Sakae plays a game of Koi-Koi with Kenji and she makes him promise to look after her grand-daughter.

That night, because of Love Machine, Sakae’s heart monitor fails and she dies in her sleep.

Distraught and furious, the family begin to plan her funeral. But Kenji, Natsuki, Kazuma and some of the other Jinnouchis form a plan to beat Love Machine. Using their contacts they get their hands on a super computer and a massive generator. Kazuma challenges Love Machine to another battle and almost wins but Shota (of course) accidentally removes some of the ice bags that are keeping the superconductor cold and Love Machine absorbs King Kazma. Now ridiculously powerful, Love Machine hijacks a satellite and re-directs it so that’s it’s going to crash into a nuclear power plant.

The family read Sakae’s will and learn that her last wish was that Wabisuke could be welcomed back into the family. Natsuki’s calls him and tells him that she’s dead and he speeds home to be with them. Realising that everything is a game to Love Machine, Natsuki challenges it to a game of Koi-Koi with the fate of the world on the line.

Natsuki almost loses but the entire user base of OZ joins together to lend their support. Fatally damaged, Love Machine spitefully re-directs the satellite to destroy the family’s home. King Kazma returns to fight Love Machine and is able to finally defeat it when Wabisuke disables its defences. Kenji manages to hack the satellite and re-direct it at the last moment and the house, the family, OZ and the world are all saved.

And the movie ends with Kenji and Natsuki kissing and him being formally welcomed into the family.

***

Scoring

Animation: 16/20

Nicely executed mix of trad and CGI.

Leads: 15/20

Kinda hard to even say who is the lead, as Kenji, Natsuki and Kazma all take turns as the protagonist. Whatever, they’re all good.

Villain: 13/20

Love Machine is a mixed bag. His early avatar is delightfully creepy, his warrior form is gorgeously menacing but his final form is just a lazy blob kaijiu. And ultimately, it’s not a character at all.

Supporting Characters: 16/20

Captures the chaos of large family gatherings beautifully.

Music: 08/20

Akihiko Matsumoto’s score is handsome, graceful…and utterly generic.

FINAL SCORE: 68%

NEXT UPDATE: 24 August 2023

NEXT TIME: Part 1 in our trilogy exploring how Christian Bale gave himself vocal nodules.