Here’s the big problem with writing a character like Superman: he can’t change the world.

The superhero genre is about taking our world, the recognisable world we live in, and adding a few discreet fantastical elements. That’s the appeal. Ordinary people, trudging to their ordinary jobs look up and see a brightly coloured figure streaking through the air. Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No! It’s Superman!

That’s the magic that the entire genre runs on. Which can create problems when, say, certain real world events have to be incorporated into the fictional reality of the universe.

And that can throw up all kinds of logical head-scratchers. Like (and I’m really, really not trying to be offensive here) ask yourself; would 9/11 even be that big a deal in the Marvel universe? Given that this is the same world where Kang the Conqueror once wiped out the entire population of DC or New York is under constant attack from Galactus, Symbiotes and God knows what else?

This is not a new problem. In 1940, Siegel and Schuster wrote a non-canon Superman story for Look magazine called “How Superman would End the War”, where Supes abducts Hitler and Stalin and drags them before a tribunal to stand trial.

But in the main Action Comics and Superman titles the war went largely unmentioned apart from some now deeply uncomfortable covers schilling war bonds.

Out of universe, the reason for that is obvious. If Superman takes a more active role in world affairs and gets rid of Hitler (or Stalin. Or Saddam Hussein. Or Putin) then his world diverges too far from our own and the story loses that central appeal. It stops being our world and becomes an almost alien alternate reality.

But in-universe, you need to explain why Superman doesn’t just stop every dictator and despot around the world. It’s a problem that a lot of great Superman media has grappled with, and a lot of shitty media too.

So in 1999, Warren Ellis and Bryan Hitch launched The Authority, a series about a Justice League pastiche that actually does take out dictators and get its hands dirty in global geo-politics. While Ellis intended the Authority to be seen as villain protagonists, when Mark Millar (OF FUCKING COURSE) took over as writer the team’s extreme and violent tactics were portrayed much more positively. The incredible popularity of this run prompted some fans and critics to claim that the nice old status-quo reliant heroes like Superman were strictly squares-ville, daddio, and that political assassinations and low-key fascism were what the cool kids were into. This prompted Superman writer Joe Kelly to pen What’s so Funny about Truth, Justice and the American Way?, where Supes comes face to face with a very thinly veiled pastiche of the Authority and demonstrates that wanting Big Daddy Strongman to come in and fix all our problems and punish our enemies is the cause of, like, 90% of the bad shit in our history as a species.

And…here’s where I have to confess to being a fraud and a coward. I haven’t actually read it. Yeah, I know. Even though I self righteously quoted it in the Dawn of Justice review I haven’t actually read the entire story. But, I have seen the 2012 animated adaptation Superman versus The Elite. And I am going to review it. And that is the thing you are reading now. If you’re a long time reader, you probably knew that, but I try to keep things accessible for the newbies.

So we get a cold open on a shadowy figure watching multiple TV screens at once in the way that only villains do. The news is pretty bleak. The supervillain Doctor Light has escaped from jail, again. The nations of Bialya and Pokolistan are inching towards war and Superman has to deal with all this despite a crippling case of “weird chin”.

The shadowy figure then smiles and says “time to take yer medicine, love” in the most awful attempt at a Mancunian accent I have ever heard onscreen. Seriously, it’s so bad I assumed the voice actor must be American.

Turns out, he’s actually a Londoner. I dunno, it’s not even an accent I’m particularly familiar with but it just feels real forced. Anyway, we then get the opening credits which are frickin’ awesome.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=lMahz1OrFhs%3Fsi%3Ds4e2C5a4-Mf3-nYQ

I love it, it’s like the Spider-Punk sequence from Across the Spider-Verse spliced with clips from old Fleischer, Filmation and Hanna-Barbera Superman shorts.

We see Clark and Lois watching a new Superman cartoon show through a shop window and Lois cattily remarks that she didn’t think the “S” stood for “silly”. So right off the bat I take issue with this. Lois Lane should be abrasive, tough and no-nonsense but she should never be mean. And, I’m sorry to say, Lois in this movie is kind of horrible to Clark. It’s one thing when they’re razzing each other and there’s a friendly give and take, that’s the key to a great Lois and Clark relationship. But that’s not what we see here. When Lois makes fun of his cartoon, the poor dude honestly looks devastated.

Suddenly, Metropolis is attacked by the Atomic Skull, who is just walking down the street and turning people to ash because, when your head is a flaming skull, what fucks do you really have left to give?

Clark turns into Superman and knocks the Skull around before dumping him in a lake. Standing over his unconscious body, we see Superman’s fist tighten, implying that he’s actually considering finishing the Skull off. But instead, he flies off with him while the crowd cheets.

Meanwhile, a quartet of new superheroes arrive in Metropolis. These are The Elite.

We have Manchester Black (telekineses, telepathy, dodgy Mank accent), Coldcast (a black guy with electricity powers if you can believe such a thing), Menagerie (she’s got worms, no seriously, that’s her power) and The Hat, who has a hat that he can pull literally anything out of and also just really suits him because he’s got one of those faces.

We get a weird scene where Superman is standing in front of the UN and a man named professor Baxter gives the following speech:

Millions in property damage…helpless bystanders killed by a repeat metahuman felon who’s now enjoying three square meals a day as a guest of the state. You had the power to end Atomic Skull’s criminal career right there, permanently. Why didn’t you? Are you the Superman that the 21st century needs? Why not use your power to fix the world? Let me reiterate that I’m playing devil’s advocate. I’m a huge fan.

So…I have a few questions. What is Baxter doing here? What is Superman doing here? What is the purpose of this whole…what even is this? A debate? A presentation? Why is this even a matter for the UN?! Superman, an American citizen, stopped an American criminal on American soil, why is the UN even looking at this?

Also, I really hate this trope. It crops up a lot more in relation to Batman than Superman and it really grinds my gears. It’s one thing for your ordinary schlub on the street to be asking “why doesn’t Batman just kill the Joker?” because, honestly, after the millionth time he’s escaped Arkham and racked up a bigger kill count than frickin’ Gadafi it’s a fair question. But it really bugs me when you have congresspeople and politicians doing the same thing. There’s one comic (I think it’s Injustice but I can’t find a screenshot) where a government spokeswoman is taking Batman to task for bringing criminals in alive instead of killing him and I feel like screaming “THAT’S NOT HIS FRICKIN’ JOB IT’S YOURS!”. Like, if you really think these guys should die, why don’t you just execute them when he brings them in?!

Anyway, Superman gives a speech where he says that he shouldn’t be judge, jury and executioner and that the world doesn’t need him to “fix” it because people are essentially good. It’s a fine speech, and it’s a wonderful summation of Superman’s outlook but unfortunately George Newbern, who voices Superman, is just kinda flat.

His speech is interrupted by the news that Bialya has invaded Pokolistan (or possibly the other way around). Superman tells Professor Baxter “to be continued” (whatever this is that’s currently happening) and flies off to Bialya (or maybe Pokolistan? They’re like the Ant and Dec of fictional countries).

Arriving in…the country, Superman comes face to face with giant insect Kaijiu that have been released by the other country’s weapons programme. The Elite arrive and Superman works with them to quickly and effectively stop the monsters. Superman is actually impressed by these young feller-me-lads and the Elite are starstruck at getting to meet him which is a nice choice, I feel. It gives the relationship between the two sides more layers and gives the final conflict a bit more emotional weight.

Back in Metropolis, Perry White demands to know who Elite are, saying that they’re the biggest news since “Brainiac Ate Boston”.

Lois gets a tip that an old lady in Britain is talking to the press claiming that she knew Manchester Black as a child so Superman flies her over there. The old lady says that Black was always getting into trouble but that he was a good kid who “always helped with the harvest”.

I’m sorry.

With the fucking what?

Lois is suspicious (I mean, yeah) and says “if she’s telling the truth, I’m the Martian Manhunter” to which Clark replies “there go all my fantasies”.

Manchester Black approaches Superman and offers to give him a proper introduction to the team, including a telepathic re-telling of his own origin story growing up in Britain, which the movie renders as a kind of sepia toned mashup between the bleakest parts of Charles Dickens crossed with A Clockwork Orange. Like, guys, Thatcher was bad. She wasn’t that bad. Black lived with his abusive alcoholic father…

and he and his sister Vera (of course she was called Vera) used to run around in literal rags filching handkerchiefs and avoiding the rozzers. But, when Vera fell in front of a moving train, Black’s telekinetic powers manifested (although he doesn’t tell Superman or not he was able to save his sister). Black says that after his powers were revealed, the British government took him in and trained him as an operative until he met the rest of the team in Africa and they decided to go freelance. They’re interrupted by a terrorist attack on the Channel Tunnel and Superman and the Elite work to save all the trapped passengers.

Superman congratulates Manchester on a job well done, saying “not bad for a guy who just kicks the snot out of wankers”.

You know when your grandmother sings along to rap songs while not knowing what the words actually mean? Yeah, this kinda feels like that.

Everything’s really chill until the Elite find the terrorists and Black practically tortures them to death before Superman intervenes. Oh and then Menagerie kisses Superman without his consent and later Lois gives him the third degree because she’s the worst. And when Superman tries to explain she throws the remote control at his head.

Oh, complete tangent here but I love how Menagerie is a demonic looking green skinned woman who’s in a symbiotic relationship with mutated monster worms but she never uses her codename and just goes by her real name. Which is “Pam”.

Clark admits that he’s not at all sure about these crazy kids and Lois replies that he’s in the minority because the internet loves the elite. She also says that she hasn’t been able to verify as much as a word of Black’s account of his origins. Suddenly, Manchester Black appears on every screen in the world and announces that the Elite will take out any dictator or supervillain that they see fit to. And the crowd goes wild.

Superman races to the Fortress of Solitude to try and track the Elite’s broadcast but can only ascertain that it’s coming from another dimension. Superman has to reckon with the fact that the public largely support the Elite and wonders if the world really has moved on from him. A fresh wave of fighting breaks out in Bialya and he flies off.

But, he gets hit a blast of energy from Coldcast that weakens him to the point that he actually has to be rescued from Pokolistani soldiers by the Elite, who take him back to their headquarters to recover. Said headquarters turns out to be a giant alien fish that can travel between dimensions and which the Elite have enslaved to serve as their base (yes yes, I know you all saw that coming). Superman angrily confronts Black, saying that the Elite can’t kill people and call themselves heroes to which Black responds “why not? Your government does it all the time.”

Meanwhile, in the UK, Lois is approached by mysterious woman who gives her a flash drive with details of Manchester Black’s true past.

Clark goes home to visit his parents and his father tells him that people will jump on any bandwagon when they’re scared but that, sooner or later, they come to their senses. He tells Clark not to worry and to be true to himself. It’s a lovely scene, and a great example of just how important it is to get the Kents right in any Superman story.

And then everything goes to hell.

The Atomic Skull escapes from prison and goes on another rampage, killing many more people including Professor Baxter. After a brutal battle, Superman and the Elite manage to defeat the Skull. Superman tries to take him in but Manchester Black has had enough, executing Atomic Skull in the middle of the street as a crowd of onlookers cheer. In a lovely touch, Superman covers the Skull’s body with his cape.

The next day, Superman thwarts a Bialyan airstrike on Pokolistan and demands that the governments meet at a neutral location for peace talks. But Manchester Black appears to inform him that the governments can’t have peace talks because they’re in pieces. Literally. The Elite just massacred the governments of both countries.

Superman is so outraged that he actually punches Black and, even with Black’s forcefield, manages to make him bleed.

Black tells Superman to write his will because the Elite are coming for him.

Even as the international community condemns the Elite’s actions, polls show that they still have broad public support. So Superman decides that he’s gotta do what he’s gotta do.

The next morning the Elite’s Space Fish (who is named “Bunny” by the by) appears over Metropolis. Superman agrees to fight the Elite, but only somewhere where there’s no risk of civilian casualties. Black agrees and teleports them to the moon, while he broadcasts the whole Donnybrook to the planet below.

The fight starts badly with Superman getting the super-snot beaten out of him while everyone watches in horror. Manchester Black gives a pretentious villain speech about Superman standing for “Truth, Justice and the Capitalist Military Complex” which is pretty big talk from a man with a full chest Union Jack tattoo who’s basically the walking embodiment of the Bush Doctrine. And then the Elite seemingly murder Superman, vaporising him and leaving only a scrap of his cape behind.

And then…then they hear a voice.

“Thank you. I finally get it.”

So, it often feels like pop culture has more evil versions of Superman than good these days. You have the tyrant Superman from the Injustice series. Evil Superman from Suicide Squad Kills the Justice League. Homelander from The Boys. Omni-Man from Invincible (spoilers). And I’m sure there are plenty of people who will tell you that that’s a symptom of the times we live in. It’s because America no longer believes in itself or sees itself as a force for good in the world. Or it’s a reflection of the crisis of masculinity in the 21st century. To which I say, no, you’re all dumb.

It’s because a good Superman takes a really good writer to make interesting, and an evil Superman is fucking terrifying with almost no skill required whatsoever.

It’s not rocket science. Superman Who Wants to Kill You = Brown Trousers Time.

You see, Superman is like Taylor Swift. And now, he’s in his Reputation era.

Superman proceeds to straight up murder the Elite one after the other, poisoning Pam, suffocating the Hat and throwing Coldcast into space until only Black remains. Black teleports down to Metropolis, reasoning that Superman won’t bring the fight down there. This turns out to be incorrect.

Superman uses his heat-vision to PERFORM A LOBOTOMY ON BLACK TO ROB HIM OF HIS POWERS and then raises his fist to finish him off. Black tells Superman that the whole world has now seen that he’s no different or better than the Elite.

And Superman says that they’ve seen just how terrifying it would be if he acted the way the Elite does. Fortunately, he doesn’t. He reveals that this was all a big prank, and that the Elite are actually fine and are recovering in the Fortress of Solitude.

And the movie ends with the world realising that maybe it’s better if the most powerful man on Earth isn’t a deranged psychopath who answers to no one.

Even though…you know. Going to those kinds of lengths to terrify the whole world into thinking you’d gone psychotic is, in and of itself, terrifyingly psychotic.

***

This is a movie I think I love more in concept than in execution. It’s not bad but there’s enough flaws and niggling little weaknesses that keep it from the top tier of DC animation. Still though, it’s not a bad little flick, and I found I enjoyed it better on a second watch through which is always a good sign.

Scoring

Animation: 08/20

This is obviously not a particularly high-budget joint and the animation is quite flat. I’m also not particularly fond of the character designs. On the plus side, the animation is quite fluid and the fight scenes have a nice sense of momentum.

Leads: 16/20

Not surprisingly, what with this being a very faithful adaptation of a great comic book story that even has the original writer on board, this movie doesn’t put a foot wrong with Superman on the writing level. George Newbern’s vocal performance is…mixed. But when he gets to unhinged, “no-fucks left to give” Superman he’s utterly chilling.

Villains: 13/20

Again, great concept somewhat let down by mid execution. Once you get past the accent, Robin Atkin Downes gives a decent performance but I kinda feel that this movie might have benefitted from a longer run time to expand on this character. The other members of the Elite are fun, with hints of hidden depths. And I especially love The Hat who’s always just off in the corner living his best life.

Supporting Characters: 11/20

One movie where Lois Lane isn’t utterly awful, is that too much to ask?

Music: 13/20

Superman and punk shouldn’t go together. And yet, here we are?

FINAL SCORE: 61%

NEXT UPDATE: Sorry folks, going to need to take a little time off, next update is 25th July 2024.

NEXT TIME: Jesus, you people won’t rest until I’ve reviewed every last Ralph Bakshi film, will you?