Batman Movies

“Cowabunga.”

In 1984, two broke young illustrators named Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird were trying to break into comics. Eastman randomly doodled a turtle in ninja attire and the pair decided that it was a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, essentially a madlib of everything that was popular in comics at the time (except for turtles).

They then wrote a silly little issue parodying Frank Miller’s Daredevil run and that, of course, was that.

This one weird joke concept riffing on an incredibly specific moment in comic book history in a black and white indie vanished without a trace, the very definition of a flash in the pan.

Wait, no. *checks notes*

It went on to conquer the goddamn world. To this day, TMNT is quite possibly the most lucrative Western comic book property not published by either DC or Marvel. Third most successful toyline of all time. Seven TV series, seven films, multiple videogames, hundreds and hundreds of comic issues and a metric shit-ton of merch. Which, on the one hand, is crazy.

How did a concept so ridiculous, and so seemingly instantly dated become one of the most successful and enduring pop culture phenomena of the past half century? Well, success has many fathers. Firstly, I think the franchise’s longevity was sealed with this:

A theme tune that catchy only comes around once in a blue moon. Play it over NINE SEASONS and it’s practically brainwashing.

Then there’s the fact that TMNT relies on a template that has proven to be amazingly durable over the last 180 years.

Hothead. Stoic Leader. Smart Guy. Big fun doofus.

The Musketeer Archetypes are like the Four Chords of character writing. They’re bloody everywhere, but they’re there for a reason. They work, dammit. And these character traits (Leads, Does Machines, Cool but Rude, Party Dude) hold true across virtually all interpretations of the characters which gives continuity across the franchise. But, and this is crucial, with that stability and continuity there also comes incredible plasticity. The Turtles fandom is fantastically diverse in terms of its age range and that’s because TMNT can be this:

Or it can be THIS:

Once you get past the initially (very, very, very) silly premise, the Brothers Turtle can grow with their audience. There’s stuff for kids and there’s also stuff for adults. So, class, where have we heard that before? A character that has a rock solid core that’s also surprisingly adaptable and can tell stories for any and all ages?

So before we go any further, I owe you all an apology. I know I said I’d be reviewing Turtles Forever but you need to know three things:

My DVD of Turtles Forever didn’t arrive in time (that’ll teach me to support physical media).
There’s a Turtles movie with Batman in it, how am I NOT going to review that?
It is SHOCKINGLY good.

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“Vengeance won’t change the past, mine or anyone else’s. I have to become more. People need hope.”

While I know it isn’t true, I like to imagine there’s one guy in Warner Bros who was put in charge of the Batman films in 1989 despite knowing nothing about comics in general or Batman in particular and who spends every day banging his head against a desk and screaming “what the FUCK do you people even WANT?!”

Because to a casual observer, there really is no rhyme or reason to which Batman movies succeed and which fail. Why was Batman Forever a massive hit and Batman and Robin a franchise-killer? Why did audiences love Batman and largely steer clear of Batman Returns? Why is a grim and gritty Batman great with Christopher Nolan but not with Zach Snyder?

And there’s no one answer, really. Audience expectations. The marketing. The directing. The acting. The writing. The music. There are hundreds of factors that decide whether a Batman movie will succeed, same as any other movie. And added to that there is a very specific problem with adapting this character to screen: nailing the tone.

Getting the tone of a Batman story right is a damnably tricky thing, and it’s something that writers have struggled with ever since the character was introduced 85 years ago. Let’s take a moment, firstly, to acknowledge that Batman has often been campy and fun and played for laughs. And often, as in the sixties Adam West series, or Batman: The Brave and the Bold, it’s been done to great effect. But, fundamentally, this is a character rooted in a mashup of crime fiction and the horror genre. Batman stories, from their very beginning, deal with murder, corruption and violence. A child witnesses his parents’ brutal slaying and devotes his life to waging violent nocturnal war against the criminal element. It ain’t baby-town frolics. And I think what trips up a lot of Batman writers is that they succumb to the temptation to wallow in miserabilism. They lean into the violence and the horror and the awfulness of the setting to a degree that it stops being in any way enjoyable.

The best Batman stories have stakes and drama and darkness, but it’s a certain kind of darkness. A darkness that takes itself seriously, but not too seriously. There is a dusting of pulpy camp that stops the darkness becoming overwhelming. It’s a very, very tricky tone to capture and, if I’m perfectly honest, no single live action director has ever managed to capture it perfectly.

That is, until Matt Reeves knocked it out of the fucking park in 2022.

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“Nobody cares about Clark Kent taking on the Batman.”

I don’t actually think it’s possible to be a little boy between the ages of 4 and 8 who is aware of Superman and not a fan of Superman. It’s like Star Wars or Transformers. You see this:

And something in your little boy soul just chimes.

So I don’t think there was ever a time where I wasn’t a fan of Superman but as I’ve gotten older I’ve certainly become more of a fan. And I have to say, on behalf of my tribe, it’s a pretty good time to be an enjoyer of Clark Kent. James Gunn is going to be bringing us a new Superman movie next year, both Superman and Action Comics have been enjoying high-quality, well-received runs and My Adventures with Superman is, in my humble opinion, the single best animated depiction of the character since the Fleischer Shorts of the forties. Yes. Better than Superman the Animated Series and Justice League Unlimited. No, I will not take that back.

My point is things are good now. We’ve come along way from…y’know.

Fuck. There really was a time there when the guy most responsible for shaping Superman’s presentation to the wider world was Zack Snyder.

Future generations won’t believe it. But I was there. It happened.

Alright, let me pull back a little bit. I know you’ve probably clicked on this hoping for some classic, old-school mid-2010s internet rage with all manner of inventive profanity and performative outrage and I won’t lie, I’m not too proud to dance. BUT I want to draw a line in the sand here and make one thing clear.

I don’t hate Zack Snyder either personally or artistically. He is, by all accounts, a lovely guy and the loyalty that he inspires in the actors who have worked with him is genuinely touching. I can’t say I understand the devotion that fans of his movies have to his work but I don’t for a minute doubt its sincerity. People do genuinely, passionately adore his films and respond to them and that can’t be ignored. This is not some studio hack. This is a man who produces works that people respond to strongly, both positively and negatively. This is an artist.

He should not be allowed near Superman. Ever.

He does not understand the character and he does not understand why he matters.

I realise that this is going to come across as just…foam-flecked fanboy ranting but please hear me out. This character is important in a way that very, very few fictional characters are or ever will be. Remember what I said about how every little boy just, instinctively loves Superman?

Okay. Now you may have heard Superman described as a power fantasy for little boys. And to that I say “yes, absolutely he is” and also “why the fuck are you saying that like it’s a bad thing?”

If Superman is a fantasy, what exactly is the fantasy?: “I want to be an all-powerful demi-god so that I can…devote every free moment of my time to protecting and helping those who have less power than me”?

So…you have generations of young boys who will grow up in a world where they will have disproportionate power (of many kinds) over others being influenced by this character and his worldview, modelling behaviours of selflessness, compassion, kindness and justice. You see why that might be, I dunno, a very, very good thing?

Now here is a quote from Zack Snyder (he’s actually responding to criticism about Batman killing people in his movies but it’s also relevant when discussing his approach to Superman):

“Once you’ve like lost your virginity to this f**king movie and then you come and say to me something about ‘oh, my superhero wouldn’t do that’, I’m like ‘are you serious?’ because I’m down the f**king road on that.

“It’s a cool point of view to be like: ‘My heroes are still innocent. My heroes didn’t f**king lie to America. My heroes didn’t embezzle money. My heroes didn’t commit any atrocities.’

“That’s cool, but you’re living in a f**king dream world, okay?”

And yes, I know juxtaposing that quote with that dialogue from What’s So Funny About Truth, Justice and the American Way has been done so many times it’s cliché at this point but…I wanted to do it and it made me feel good and it’s my blog so there.

Zack Snyder claims that his approach to comics is rooted in Alan Moore’s Watchmen and sure, Moore did deconstruct the tropes of comic books and created superheroes who were deeply, deeply flawed people. But you know what he didn’t do? He didn’t try that shit with Superman.

Moore didn’t write a lot of Superman stories but the ones he did featured some of the very noblest, most selfless versions of the character.

Moore gets what makes Superman important, and that it is not something to fuck with.

Hell, even Mark Millar and Garth Ennis, the two patron saints of the Shitty Edgelord school of superhero comics. You give them Superman, this is how they write him:

Superman is so fucking good the guy who wrote The Boys can’t hate him.

Anyway.

Hello, welcome to my regular series of movie reviews where I talk about Batman.

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“Peace has cost you your strength. Victory has defeated you.”

Martin Scorsese supposedly coined the expression: “one for them, one for you”, meaning you do the movies the studio wants you to do in order to do the movies you want to do. The Dark Knight Rises is, famously, one of the most open and avowed “one for them” movies in recent Hollywood history.

Nolan didn’t want to do it (especially after Heath Ledger’s tragic death) and never bothered to hide the fact that this was the hoop he had to jump through to get Warners to pony up for Inception.

But you know what? It’s a myth that great art only comes from passion projects. Plenty of good and even great films have come from people who just showed up to work that day. And look, if the price we had to pay for every Inception was a Dark Knight Rises, I’d take that deal.

But there are problems with this movie. And (bizarrely, given this is the exact same writing team that gave us the fucking GOAT of a script that was The Dark Knight) pretty much all those problems begin and end on the page.

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“We burned the forest down.”

Do you want to know how I got ~~these scars~~ into writing about movies?

My college had its own version of “The Onion” where I made my bones writing utterly run-of-the-mill edgy early 2000’s college humour (i.e. the kind of stuff that would get me cancelled today so fast it would break the laws of physics) and my editor asked me if I’d be interested in trying my hand at writing a movie review. And the very first movie I ever reviewed for them (if memory serves) was none other than The Dark Knight. And now you know my gritty origin story. And, if you are old enough to remember my earliest reviews (DON’T GO BACK AND READ THEM DON’T YOU DO IT I SWEAR TO GOD) you’ll remember that this movie was a BIG deal to me and those early reviews are chock full of references to it, even when they weren’t relevant or funny. Which was all the time. I see that now.

So, as you can imagine, I approached this one with a great deal of trepidation. Is it really as good as I remember?

No, actually.

In fact, in many ways, it’s better.

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Gotham Knight: Deadshot

Studio: Madhouse

Director: Jong-Sik Nam, Yoshiaki Kawajiri

Writer: Alan Burnett

Wha’ happen’?

Bruce has a flashback to his parents death in Crime Alley (just in case you were fuzzy on the details). Alfred asks Bruce when he’s getting rid of his bag of sewer guns and expresses surprise that Bruce even wants them in the house given his history with both guns and sewers. Bruce then casually gives the most ludicrously out of character speech in the character’s 84 year history by waxing poetic about the appeal of firearms: “their heft, their sleekness…”

“Also, I love clowns and I think Superman is just the coolest”.

From that, we cut to Floyd Lawton, aka Deadshot, shooting a target from half a city away from a moving Ferris Wheel. Later, Deadshot is called back to Gotham for a new assignment.

On the roof of the GCPD, Crispus Allen tells Batman that the cops have gotten word that Deadshot has been hired to kill Gordon, and Batman tells him that he has evidence that this isn’t Floyd’s first murdercation to Gotham, and that he killed the community activist who died in Field Test.

Batman tails Gordon through the streets of Gotham with Alfred providing surveillance via satellite. Alfred says that the ideal place for Deadshot to snipe Gordon would be from the railway bridge, but that fortunately he doesn’t appear to be on the bridge and, hah, I mean, it’s not like he’d try to shoot Gordon from the roof of a speeding train right?

“I know people who do things the sensible way and they’re all cowards.”

Lawton takes his shot and Batman…

Batman PUNCHES THE BULLET OUT OF THE AIR.

Shit’s metal as fuck.

Batman and Deadshot battle on the train roof and Deadshot realises that Gordon was just bait and that Batman was his real target all along. They fight, but Batman has already proved that fist beats bullet so he cleans Deadshot’s clock.

Later, in Wayne Manor, Bruce reveals that fighting Deadshot reminded him of the night his parents died (what is a train, if not an alley with wheels?). Bruce expresses doubt as to whether he can ever make a difference but then sees the Bat Signal in the sky and goes to work. It’s probably just some routine bank robbery or something.

How was it?

Okay, apart from that scene this is the strongest short in the anthology so far.

But holy shit, that scene.

Even with Bruce’s caveat that he’d never use one himself, the whole gun speech is just weird. I dunno if you’re aware of this but Batman has traditionally had a somewhat contentious relationship with firearms.

In the first episode of Batman Beyond, Bruce has to resort to using a gun to save his own life. Not even shooting it, just aiming it. And he’s so disgusted with himself that he refuses to every put on the cowl again. And that felt so right.

But, apart from that, this is awesome. The animation is top-tier (Madhouse also did Program, the best animated of the Animatrix shorts) and this is just a great little yarn.

Plus.

He punches a bullet.

What else do I need to say?

Gotham Knight: Working Through Pain

Studio: Studio 4°C

Director: Toshiyuki Kubooka

Writer: Brian Azzarello

Wha’ happen’?

Pursuing one of Scarecrow’s goons in the sewers, Batman is shot and slowly bleeding to death. As he desperately searches for a way out, he remembers his time travelling the world, learning the skills that he would use to become Batman. In flashback, we see Bruce travelling to India to be trained by fakirs in how to overcome pain. But the fakirs reject Bruce sensing he has ulterior motives for learning their ways, which are only to be used for the attainment of inner peace and enlightenment.

Bruce’s guide instead hooks him up with Cassandra, a local woman who studied under the fakirs disguised as a boy until they threw her out. Now considered a witch by the local village she agrees to train him. This angers some local youths who arrive at her door in the middle of the night. Cassandra tells Bruce she”l handle it but he intervenes, beating the youths up and driving them off. Cassandra tells Bruce to leave, angry that he didn’t listen to her and that he’s simply made her stock in the village fall even lower when she was in no danger (after all, they literally couldn’t hurt her). Bruce thanks her for her training, and she tells him not to, saying that she wasn’t able to help him deal with his pain because he doesn’t truly want it gone.

In the present, Bruce finds the gun that the young Russian threw into the gutter during Field Test and then finds another and another.

Alfred arrives in the Batmobile and reaches down, asking for Bruce to give him his hand. He sees Bruce, literally holding armfuls of abandoned firearms.

How was it?

Well well well. If it isn’t Brian Azzarello daring to show his face on my blog after what he did.

But I gotta say, this ain’t bad at all. Firstly the animation is beautiful. Highly detailed, graceful motion, no notes. Best animated short in this thing so far, hands down.

Cassandra is a genuinely intriguing character and Parminder Nagra gives a lovely performance. It’s a slow, meditative short that I remember not really liking the first time I saw it but I’ve warmed to it a lot.

My only real criticism is that some of the “Indian” accents of the other minor characters…woof. Y’all owe Hank Azaria an apology.

But, it looks great, it’s an interesting look at Batman’s early years and, in that final shot of Bruce helplessly holding the guns and realising just how endless the tide of violence in Gotham really is this series has its first, truly iconic moment.

Gotham Knight: In Darkness Dwells

Studio: Madhouse

Director: Yasuhiro Aoki

Writer: David S. Goyer

Wha’ happen’?

Batman gets called in by Jim Gordon after an entire congregation in a cathedral goes nuts and a cardinal named O’Fallon is apparently abducted by a hulking reptilian man. Batman descends into the sewers to find O’Fallon while keeping in radio contact with Gordon. Gordon tells Batman that the lizard man is Waylon “Killer Croc” Jones who was a patient of Doctor Crane in Arkham. During that time, Crane apparently amplified Croc’s fears to psychotic levels, including his phobia of bats…

Batman is bitten by Croc which infects him with fear toxin but he’s able to beat Croc and proceeds into the sewers where Crane is putting O’Fallon on trial for the crime of giving the homeless of Gotham hope. Batman fights off Crane’s army of mind-controlled hobos, blows a hole in the room by igniting the methane in the atmosphere (don’t think about it too hard) and brings O’Fallon back to the surface.

How was it?

First things first, this feels like Batman in a way that none of the other shorts have so far (Crossfire came closest but Batman is practically a cameo in that). This opens with a dark rainy night in Gotham with the Bat Signal strobing the sky and police sirens wailing like wolves. A gargoyle stirs on a rooftop and is revealed to be Batman, who then dives into the streets below like a vengeful creature of the night.

It’s peak Batman.

And, after three episodes of tackling generic mobsters and one-off supervillains we finally get to see some honest to God FREAKS, with two pretty major rogues appearing.

So, probably the strongest of the shorts we’ve seen so far but I still have issues. For one the animation isn’t great. Characters have tendency to go off model and the mouth animations are really quite ugly and distracting.

Also, the short brings back the weird as hell idea of Batman moving like a smoke monster from Have I got A Story for You. I don’t know if this is supposed to be a visual representation as to how other people see him move, or if it’s just a stylistic choice or whether this Batman is actually supposed to have super powers but whatever it is it’s distracting as hell and I don’t like it.

There’s also (I feel like this is becoming this Shortstember’s unofficial motto) some real some dumb shit here. Batman explores an underground railway that was apparently built in Gotham to transport dead bodies to the city’s various cemeteries. Like…why would you need that? How many people are dying in this city every day that would justify the expense of industrial scale corpse transportation? Is this Gotham or the fucking 40k universe?

And there’s also this little gem of dialogue…

BATMAN: I’ll keep in contact with this. It’s a wireless relay system. Slaved to the communicator in my mask. In case you’re tempted to try and track me with it, don’t bother. Signal are locked with quantum crytology bounced through a dozen satellites. You’ll never be able to follow it.

“Oh, you’re too clever for me, Batman. Of course, now I know you can afford your own satellite system so that does slightly narrow down your possible identity.”

Gotham Knight: Field Test

Studio: Bee Train

Director: Hiroshi Morioka

Writer: Jordan Goldberg

Wha’ happen’?

In the aftermath of the shoot-out between Maroni and the Russian, both mob bosses are now hiding from each other on two coincidentally identical yachts in the harbour.

Bruce Wayne visits Lucius Fox who’s been using the Wayne Industries satellite to spy on the yachts in the harbour without even knowing why his employer wants him to do that.

He also shows Bruce a new machine he’s been working on that generates a forcefield when it detects the sound of a gunshot.

Bruce attends a charity golf tournament held by a shady real estate developer who’s been linked to the death of a community activist. Later that night, he pays a visit to the docks as Batman and pilots Maroni’s boat into the Russian’s. In the middle of the ensuing gunfight, he captures both bosses and gets them to agree to a truce until he can get solid evidence on them. But one of the Russian’s younger hoods tries to shoot Batman which activates the forcefield and he gets hit by the ricochet.

Batman races the kid to a hospital in the Batmobile but when he tries to hand him off to some cops, the kid pulls a gun on them because the WORLD’S GREATEST DETECTIVE forgot he had a gun EVEN AFTER HE ALREADY TRIED TO SHOOT HIM.

Anyway, the kid surrenders and throws the gun down a drain and is taken into custody.

And Bruce returns the forcefield generator to Lucius and says that he’s willing to risk his life, but not the lives of others.

How was it?

Okay, let’s get the extremely bishy elephant in the room out of the way.

That design is honestly a little too pretty for Dick Grayson. Kevin Conroy really leans into it too, I don’t think he’s ever pitched Bruce’s voice as high as he does here.

That aside, the animation in this is probably the strongest of the three we’ve seen so far and if you can get past the fact that Bruce Wayne looks like he belongs on the cover of Tiger Beat and Batman looks like…

…he belongs on the cover of Tiger Beat if they catered to the BDSM crowd it looks pretty good.

The final note where Bruce gives up the device because he won’t risk the lives of others in his war is a very good, very “Batman” character moment.

However, I am irrationally angry that this short depicts Bruce Wayne, the ultimate WASP blue blood, cheating at golf.

Honestly, better that Thomas and Martha died rather than live to see such a thing.

There is also a lot of dumb, dumb shit in this. The fact that Bruce doesn’t disarm the kid before putting him in the Batmobile is such a head-slapper. Like, fine, I probably would have been too panicked and flustered to think of it but I’m not Batman.

But what really cheeses me off is the sheer idiocy of the whole object this short is based on.

A forcefield that activates on the sound of a gunshot would be real nifty if it wasn’t for the fact that a gunshot is actually a little sonic boom because bullets travel faster than the speed of sound.

Well, to be fair. It’s not the kind of thing you’d expect a weapons designer to know.

Gotham Knight: Crossfire

Studio: Production IG

Director: Futoshi Higashide

Writer: Greg Rucka

Wha’ happen’?

We’re introduced to two cops from Gotham’s Major Crimes Unit (MCU), Crispus Allen and Anna Ramirez who’re tasked by Lieutenant Gordon to escort Jacob Feely (the jetpack man from the first short) back to Arkham Asylum.

Since the events of Batman Begins the Narrows have basically been cordoned off from the rest of the city and turned into a big open prison/lunatic asylum Arkham City style. On the journey over Allen and Ramirez argue over whether Batman is a good thing for the city. Crispus, who’s new to Gotham, argues that the police shouldn’t be collaborating with a vigilante but Ramirez, who’s lived in the city her whole life, says that Batman has saved Gotham and made it a safe place for honest cops.

Ah yes. Good old straight-as-a-die-Ramirez. Honest Anna. You sure can trust *her* with your wife and kids.

They leave Feely back in Arkham without incident and Allen says that he’s leaving the MCU as he’s heard it’s going to peak after Phase 3, I mean, he doesn’t agree with the unit being Batman’s errand boy. Ramirez pulls over to give him a lecture and accidentally ends up in the crossfire…

…between Sal Maroni and another gangster called The Russian. Batman arrives and saves them and Allen learns a valuable lesson about questioning the wisdom of unaccountable vigilantes.

How was it?

Much better. Not great but better.

Firstly, the positives. This short absolutely oozes atmosphere and the music and visuals work well to create a real sense of menace as the cops get closer to Arkham. The script also comes from comics veteran Greg Rucka and feels more authentically Batman than the previous short. Lastly, this:

YES. THAT is how I want animé Batman to look.

As for the flaws, well…the animation is a little ropey at times (I swear one side of Ramirez’s face is larger that the other) and it’s a little insubstantial. I’d have liked Allen’s concerns to have been given a bit more weight and respect. I mean, obviously time is sparse but I’d still have liked to see at least a nod in that direction.

It’s cool that we get these little connective moments between the shorts, but Feely is a completely different character that he was in Have I Got A Story For You?

I suppose my biggest gripe is that, if the purpose of this anthology is to lay the groundwork for Dark Knight, I’d honestly be more confused than anything. I’m not sure if The Russian is supposed to be the same character as The Chechen from DK and I may not not much but I know this: