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Disney Reviews by the Unshaved Mouse #15: Lady and the Tramp

DISCLAIMER: This blog is not for profit. All images used below are property of their respective companies unless stated otherwise. I do not claim ownership of this material.

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Hello everyone. A little bit of housekeeping before we get into this week’s movie. Back in my Alice in Wonderland review I used three racist anti-Irish cartoons to demonstrate why nineteenth century artist John Tenniel was invited to suck my…ahem…unshaved mouse. Now, I’ve since discovered that one of these cartoons:

THIS little treasure.

…was actually not by Tenniel but by his contemporary Thomas Nast. Which honestly I should have twigged as their styles are quite noticeably different. I’ve since changed the Alice review but I felt I should come clean anyway. So yeah, I was sloppy. Sorry. John Tenniel?

Ahoyhoy?

I apologise for confusing you with that OTHER racist dick weasel.

Oh, quite alright my dear fell…I SAY!

So, now that I’ve hopefully eaten enough crow..

Figure of speech, figure of speech! God! Don’t look at me like that.

…we can get on with the review.

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Disney Reviews by the Unshaved Mouse #14: Peter Pan

DISCLAIMER: This blog is not for profit. All images used below are property of their respective companies unless stated otherwise. I do not claim ownership of this material. Would you like me to review a particular animated film? I’m currently fundraising for my play Joanna and I need your help! In exchange for every donation of €10 or more I will review ANY cartoon you like. Details HERE.

“The rock was very small now; soon it would be submerged. Pale rays of light tiptoed across the waters; and by and by there was to be heard a sound at once the most musical and the most melancholy in the world: the mermaids calling to the moon.Peter was not quite like other boys; but he was afraid at last. A tremor ran through him, like a shudder passing over the sea; but on the sea one shudder follows another till there are hundreds of them, and Peter felt just the one. Next moment he was standing erect on the rock again, with that smile on his face and a drum beating within him. It was saying, “To die will be an awfully big adventure.”

JM Barrie, Peter Pan

I don’t know what it says about me that, on the cusp of my thirties, most of my favorite books are still children’s books. Watership Down, The Mouse and His Child and the inspiration for this week’s movie Peter Pan, by JM Barrie. Peter Pan is at once a rip-roaring children’s adventure, a great work of literature and a haunting meditation on the nature of childhood and innocence. It is a work of breathtaking, melancholy beauty. And yet, unlike many great works of literature, it seems perfectly suited for adaptation to screen (probably something to do with the fact that the story began life as a play). This is a story replete with sumptuous visuals and thrilling action, in the right hands you could make an absolutely fantastic Peter Pan movie. And they did.

In 2003.

Seriously. See this movie.

But that’s not the movie we’re looking at today. This is Disney’s 1953 adaptation. Well, I love Disney. And I love Peter Pan. This can’t go wrong, surely?

Why!? I love Jeff Goldblum AND Flies! HOW COULD THIS GO WRONG??!!

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Disney Reviews by the Unshaved Mouse #13: Alice in Wonderland

DISCLAIMER: This blog is not for profit. All images used below are property of their respective companies unless stated otherwise. I do not claim ownership of this material. There is an audio version of this review here.

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Here’s a controversial statement: Revenge of the Sith is my favorite Star Wars movie.

Here’s another controversial statement: I do not care for Lewis Carroll’s classic novel Alice in Wonderland. Never have. I can certainly see how it has some good individual elements, but for me the whole is just a series of bizarre, barely connected episodes featuring an unlikeable protagonist sprinkled with contemporary (at the time) political and cultural references in place of any real plot or characterisation. So basically it’s a nineteenth century Family Guy.

Yeah. I just compared Alice in Wonderland to Family Guy. Come at me, bro.

“But-but-but-but Mouse!” I hear you stammer “What about the iconic characters, the ingenious wordplay, the wonderful illustrations by John Tenniel?”

WHO SAID JOHN TENNIEL!!??

Okay, this is a comedy blog and I realise it can sometimes be a little hard to tell when I’m serious or not so let me make my feelings absolutely crystal clear…

John Tenniel…

…can suck…

…a DICK.

So that must mean I hate the Disney version, right? Well…funny story.

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Disney Reviews with the Unshaved Horse #12: Cinderella

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Around two years ago I read an interview with the head of Dreamworks, Jeffrey Katzenburg, where he outlined the studio’s plans for the next ten years or so. It was essentially this:

Two more Madagascar films. (the first of these has since come out)

Two more (at least) How to Train Your Dragons.

Five more Kung Fu Panda Movies.

The movie industry is, to put it mildly, in a state of panic. Its market share is shrinking in the face of competition from digital entertainment and television and it’s increasingly looking like it doesn’t really know what people want anymore. Adding to their problems, the only genres of movie that consistently generate buffo box office, (animated movies, superhero films, sci-fi/fantasy) are also damn expensive to make. Which is why, when one of those movies does well at the box office, it gets a sequel almost without exception.

Movie people are not bad people. They just want what we want: certainty. They just want to be sure that if they invest millions of dollars into a movie that they’re not going to be living out of a cardboard box by the time the box office receipts are tallied up. In the movie business, a willingness to take risks and be original, to gamble several fortunes of investors’ money on something that you have no way of knowing will be a success, to risk your reputation and your finances for a dream requires nothing less than balls of steel.

You rang?

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Disney Reviews by the Unshaved Mouse #11: The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad.

DISCLAIMER: This blog is not for profit. All images used below are property of their respective companies unless stated otherwise. I do not claim ownership of this material.

There is an audio version of this review HERE

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And so it is that the Unshaved Mouse comes to the last of the package films.

Really internet? You couldn’t find me a picture of a happier mouse? This is not doing my joy justice.

Okay, that’s not exactly fair. Believe it or not, I don’t hate the Never Heard of ‘Ems. In fact, I really enjoyed most of them. It was just a nightmare to review these things.

Yes. Nightmare is the correct word.

Anyway, The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr Toad. This is pretty much identical in nature to Fun and Fancy Free, two ideas for full length animated movies that ended up being condensed and released as a single feature. This would close out the forties for Disney, a decade marked by incredible achievements (Bambi, Pinocchio, Fantasia) and a desperate and sometimes ugly struggle to keep the studio from going under (pretty much everything else). The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr Toad begins with the opening credits…and…is he there?…could it be?…YES!

THOR PUTNAM!

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Disney Reviews with the Unshaved Mouse #10: Melody Time

DISCLAIMER: This blog is not for profit. All images used below are property of the Walt Disney Corporation unless stated otherwise. I do not claim ownership of this material.

You can listen to an audio version of this review HERE

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Goddamit, No! No, I have had enough. I cannot do another one of these package films. You can’t make me. You want to know about Melody Time? Wikipedia this mother. See that description? “Mildly successful”. I ask you, has anyone ever wanted to read a review of a movie that was “mildly” anything? No! You either want to see me praise a classic to the heavens or grind some misbegotten abomination into the dirt. No one reads three star reviews. No one wants to hear about movies that are “fine”. You want my review of Melody Time? It’s Make Mine Music but not as good. There. Read the Make Mine Music review and induce a mild sense of disappointment. See you next week.

Ugh.

Alright fine. I’m doing this. But you owe me, people. For starters, get me a sandwich.

Lettuce? What am I, on a diet?

Okay, okay Melody Time. Melody Time. What can I saw about Melody Time? Specifically, what can I say about Melody Time that I have not already said about the other Never Heard of ‘Ems? I could literally describe the circumstances of its creation and its basic structure and you would not be able to tell whether I was talking about Make Mine Music or this film. Except, this was made in 1948 and most of the good ideas had already gone into Make Mine Music. You see, that’s the problem. You’ll recall I actually quite liked Make Mine Music, but this is just more of the same and it’s pretty forgettable all in all. But, screw it. Let’s get on with it.

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Disney Reviews by the Unshaved Mouse #9: Fun and Fancy Free

DISCLAIMER: This blog is not for profit. All images used below are property of the Walt Disney Corporation unless stated otherwise. I do not claim ownership of this material.

There is an audio version of this review HERE.

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By 1947 the war was over and the Disney studio was beginning the slow and often painful process of reconstruction. The animators were back from the front, and the US military had ended their four-year long virtual occupation of the studio. But it would be another three years before the they were ready to get back to “real” Disney movies, big full-length animated features. In the meantime, they soldiered on with “package” films, what I like to call the “Never Heard Of ‘Ems” as they tend to be the most obscure movies in the whole canon. Fun and Fancy Free is in many ways even scrappier and more thrown together than Make Mine Music or the two Caballeros movies. Whereas they were at least unified by subject (music and Latin America, respectively) Fun and Fancy Free is essentially the studio saying “Yeah. Here’s two short movies we didn’t have the time or money to make into full features. You don’t like it? Sorry. We were a little busy fighting for your freedom.”

And now everything I draw looks like dead Germans.

Cost saving was the driving force of this movie, and the next two that followed. Simply put, the market had not yet recovered to the point that Disney could spend the kind of money a new Bambi or Pinocchio would require. Europe, the movie industry’s second most important market, was no longer at war. But it was still in a very bad way.

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Disney Reviews by the Unshaved Mouse #8: Make Mine Music

DISCLAIMER: This blog is not for profit. All images used in this blog are property of the Walt Disney Corporation unless stated otherwise. I do not claim ownership of this material.

There is an audio version of this review HERE.

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Ah Make Mine Music. Well, what can be said about this, the most famous, the most beloved, and arguably the greatest Disney movie of all time that has not already been said a million times, by a million different critics?

…

Yeah, fine, I’d never heard of it either. This may in fact be the most obscure Disney move in the entire classic canon, at least for a European. I actually had to get a Region 1 DVD that came in this weird little white case with clasps. Goddamn clasps!

What is this colonial savagery?

Oh yeah, and then when I tried to play it on my PC I get this…

See that? That’s my PC saying that, “Why yes, I can play you this American DVD. But you will only be able to play Region 1 until you decide to set me back to Region 2. And, oh yes, you can only do this three times. Then, I will be stuck forever on the last region you set me on. So you must choose whether you wish to continue being able to watch Make Mine Music, (which in my infinite evil I must remind you, you will not be able to play on any other device you own) OR whether you want to watch any of your other DVDs on me. Your move, meatsack.”

Okay, first things first.

Ahem.

WHY?????!!!!

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Disney Reviews by the Unshaved Mouse #7: The Three Caballeros

DISCLAIMER: This blog is not for profit. All images used below are property of the Walt Disney Corporation unless stated otherwise. I do not claim ownership of this material.

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(You can listen to an audio version of this review HERE)

I write these reviews a good deal ahead of time. For example, although this review won’t go up until September 13^th, I’m writing these words on the 2^nd of September, the Saludos Amigos review is already written but hasn’t been published yet, and Bambi was just posted three days ago. Now, I bring this up for two reasons. Firstly, the Bambi review saw the blog having it’s best day ever and breaking one thousand page views, and since that was due to you all reading, and sharing and linking people to it I would be remiss if I did not give you all a big, stonking, heartfelt thank you.

Your comments and suggestions make what is already a very enjoyable hobby even better. So thanks.

The second reason is that one of the features that makes WordPress so ~~dangerously compulsive~~ fun is that it allows you to see the search terms that bring people to the blog. And it seems that one of those search terms was…“Close Up Mouth Whore Fuck.”

I got a thing for tonsils.

This prompted a brief moment of introspection. Maybe I’m swearing and calling people whores a little too much in my reviews of Disney movies?

Bluth, thou strumpet!

I mean, I don’t think I swear excessively for a comedy blog rated for an adult audience, but I know that’s just a question of personal standards. And while I certainly appreciate that the word “whore” is loaded, I think context matters a whole lot and using the word to jokingly criticise (male) animators who “borrow” inspiration from other animators is not the same as using it in a misogynistic or threatening way (or specifying exactly what kind of Close Up Mouth Fuck materiél you are in the market for). But still, I was resolved to clean up my act, and start reviewing these movies the way Uncle Walt would have wanted.

You’re going to stop?

Aaaaaaand then I remembered what I have to review this week:

Oh what the close up mouth whore fuck is this?

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Disney Reviews by the Unshaved Mouse #6: Saludos Amigos

DISCLAIMER: This blog is not for profit. All images used below are property of the Walt Disney Corporation unless stated otherwise. I do not claim ownership of this material.

(You can listen to an audio version of this review HERE.)

The story behind how Saludos Amigos came into existence is far, far more interesting than the actual film itself. In 1941, before America’s entry into World War 2, the US State Department approached Disney and said “Sure, you’re good at making funny animal cartoons. But are you ready to make funny animal cartoons for your country?”

“Mr. Disney, I’d like to talk to you about the Mouseketeers Initiative.”

To understand why, you have to appreciate the complex network of intercontinental diplomatic relationships of the early nineteen forties. It sort of went like this.

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