After stealing the Blue Rose of Forgetfulness, Abis Mal and Haroud sneak into the palace hoping to erase the Sultan’s memory and then replace him on the throne. It’s fine, he’s an idiot, his plans don’t have to make sense.
Meanwhile, Jasmine is pissed at Aladdin because it’s the one year anniversary of the time he took her wonder by wonder, over, sideways and under…
Holy shit, was that song about sex?!
No, no. I gotta get my mind out of the gutter. Anyway, Jasmine is upset and refuses to tell him why because that’s both mature and helpful.
Bruce has a flashback to his parents death in Crime Alley (just in case you were fuzzy on the details). Alfred asks Bruce when he’s getting rid of his bag of sewer guns and expresses surprise that Bruce even wants them in the house given his history with both guns and sewers. Bruce then casually gives the most ludicrously out of character speech in the character’s 84 year history by waxing poetic about the appeal of firearms: “their heft, their sleekness…”
“Also, I love clowns and I think Superman is just the coolest”.
From that, we cut to Floyd Lawton, aka Deadshot, shooting a target from half a city away from a moving Ferris Wheel. Later, Deadshot is called back to Gotham for a new assignment.
On the roof of the GCPD, Crispus Allen tells Batman that the cops have gotten word that Deadshot has been hired to kill Gordon, and Batman tells him that he has evidence that this isn’t Floyd’s first murdercation to Gotham, and that he killed the community activist who died in Field Test.
Batman tails Gordon through the streets of Gotham with Alfred providing surveillance via satellite. Alfred says that the ideal place for Deadshot to snipe Gordon would be from the railway bridge, but that fortunately he doesn’t appear to be on the bridge and, hah, I mean, it’s not like he’d try to shoot Gordon from the roof of a speeding train right?
“I know people who do things the sensible way and they’re all cowards.”
Lawton takes his shot and Batman…
Batman PUNCHES THE BULLET OUT OF THE AIR.
Shit’s metal as fuck.
Batman and Deadshot battle on the train roof and Deadshot realises that Gordon was just bait and that Batman was his real target all along. They fight, but Batman has already proved that fist beats bullet so he cleans Deadshot’s clock.
Later, in Wayne Manor, Bruce reveals that fighting Deadshot reminded him of the night his parents died (what is a train, if not an alley with wheels?). Bruce expresses doubt as to whether he can ever make a difference but then sees the Bat Signal in the sky and goes to work. It’s probably just some routine bank robbery or something.
How was it?
Okay, apart from that scene this is the strongest short in the anthology so far.
But holy shit, that scene.
Even with Bruce’s caveat that he’d never use one himself, the whole gun speech is just weird. I dunno if you’re aware of this but Batman has traditionally had a somewhat contentious relationship with firearms.
In the first episode of Batman Beyond, Bruce has to resort to using a gun to save his own life. Not even shooting it, just aiming it. And he’s so disgusted with himself that he refuses to every put on the cowl again. And that felt so right.
But, apart from that, this is awesome. The animation is top-tier (Madhouse also did Program, the best animated of the Animatrix shorts) and this is just a great little yarn.
Pursuing one of Scarecrow’s goons in the sewers, Batman is shot and slowly bleeding to death. As he desperately searches for a way out, he remembers his time travelling the world, learning the skills that he would use to become Batman. In flashback, we see Bruce travelling to India to be trained by fakirs in how to overcome pain. But the fakirs reject Bruce sensing he has ulterior motives for learning their ways, which are only to be used for the attainment of inner peace and enlightenment.
“And pussy. Looooots of pussy.”
Bruce’s guide instead hooks him up with Cassandra, a local woman who studied under the fakirs disguised as a boy until they threw her out. Now considered a witch by the local village she agrees to train him. This angers some local youths who arrive at her door in the middle of the night. Cassandra tells Bruce she”l handle it but he intervenes, beating the youths up and driving them off. Cassandra tells Bruce to leave, angry that he didn’t listen to her and that he’s simply made her stock in the village fall even lower when she was in no danger (after all, they literally couldn’t hurt her). Bruce thanks her for her training, and she tells him not to, saying that she wasn’t able to help him deal with his pain because he doesn’t truly want it gone.
In the present, Bruce finds the gun that the young Russian threw into the gutter duringField Test and then finds another and another.
Alfred arrives in the Batmobile and reaches down, asking for Bruce to give him his hand. He sees Bruce, literally holding armfuls of abandoned firearms.
“I…I can’t..”
How was it?
Well well well. If it isn’t Brian Azzarello daring to show his face on my blog after what he did.
But I gotta say, this ain’t bad at all. Firstly the animation is beautiful. Highly detailed, graceful motion, no notes. Best animated short in this thing so far, hands down.
Cassandra is a genuinely intriguing character and Parminder Nagra gives a lovely performance. It’s a slow, meditative short that I remember not really liking the first time I saw it but I’ve warmed to it a lot.
My only real criticism is that some of the “Indian” accents of the other minor characters…woof. Y’all owe Hank Azaria an apology.
But, it looks great, it’s an interesting look at Batman’s early years and, in that final shot of Bruce helplessly holding the guns and realising just how endless the tide of violence in Gotham really is this series has its first, truly iconic moment.
Batman gets called in by Jim Gordon after an entire congregation in a cathedral goes nuts and a cardinal named O’Fallon is apparently abducted by a hulking reptilian man. Batman descends into the sewers to find O’Fallon while keeping in radio contact with Gordon. Gordon tells Batman that the lizard man is Waylon “Killer Croc” Jones who was a patient of Doctor Crane in Arkham. During that time, Crane apparently amplified Croc’s fears to psychotic levels, including his phobia of bats…
“Welp. This backfired.”
Batman is bitten by Croc which infects him with fear toxin but he’s able to beat Croc and proceeds into the sewers where Crane is putting O’Fallon on trial for the crime of giving the homeless of Gotham hope. Batman fights off Crane’s army of mind-controlled hobos, blows a hole in the room by igniting the methane in the atmosphere (don’t think about it too hard) and brings O’Fallon back to the surface.
How was it?
First things first, this feels like Batman in a way that none of the other shorts have so far (Crossfire came closest but Batman is practically a cameo in that). This opens with a dark rainy night in Gotham with the Bat Signal strobing the sky and police sirens wailing like wolves. A gargoyle stirs on a rooftop and is revealed to be Batman, who then dives into the streets below like a vengeful creature of the night.
It’s peak Batman.
And, after three episodes of tackling generic mobsters and one-off supervillains we finally get to see some honest to God FREAKS, with two pretty major rogues appearing.
So, probably the strongest of the shorts we’ve seen so far but I still have issues. For one the animation isn’t great. Characters have tendency to go off model and the mouth animations are really quite ugly and distracting.
Also, the short brings back the weird as hell idea of Batman moving like a smoke monster from Have I got A Storyfor You. I don’t know if this is supposed to be a visual representation as to how other people see him move, or if it’s just a stylistic choice or whether this Batman is actually supposed to have super powers but whatever it is it’s distracting as hell and I don’t like it.
There’s also (I feel like this is becoming this Shortstember’s unofficial motto) some real some dumb shit here. Batman explores an underground railway that was apparently built in Gotham to transport dead bodies to the city’s various cemeteries. Like…why would you need that? How many people are dying in this city every day that would justify the expense of industrial scale corpse transportation? Is this Gotham or the fucking 40k universe?
And there’s also this little gem of dialogue…
BATMAN: I’ll keep in contact with this. It’s a wireless relay system. Slaved to the communicator in my mask. In case you’re tempted to try and track me with it, don’t bother. Signal are locked with quantum crytology bounced through a dozen satellites. You’ll never be able to follow it.
“Oh, you’re too clever for me, Batman. Of course, now I know you can afford your own satellite system so that does slightly narrow down your possible identity.”
In the aftermath of the shoot-out between Maroni and the Russian, both mob bosses are now hiding from each other on two coincidentally identical yachts in the harbour.
Bruce Wayne visits Lucius Fox who’s been using the Wayne Industries satellite to spy on the yachts in the harbour without even knowing why his employer wants him to do that.
He also shows Bruce a new machine he’s been working on that generates a forcefield when it detects the sound of a gunshot.
Bruce attends a charity golf tournament held by a shady real estate developer who’s been linked to the death of a community activist. Later that night, he pays a visit to the docks as Batman and pilots Maroni’s boat into the Russian’s. In the middle of the ensuing gunfight, he captures both bosses and gets them to agree to a truce until he can get solid evidence on them. But one of the Russian’s younger hoods tries to shoot Batman which activates the forcefield and he gets hit by the ricochet.
Batman races the kid to a hospital in the Batmobile but when he tries to hand him off to some cops, the kid pulls a gun on them because the WORLD’S GREATEST DETECTIVE forgot he had a gun EVEN AFTER HE ALREADY TRIED TO SHOOT HIM.
Anyway, the kid surrenders and throws the gun down a drain and is taken into custody.
And Bruce returns the forcefield generator to Lucius and says that he’s willing to risk his life, but not the lives of others.
How was it?
Okay, let’s get the extremely bishy elephant in the room out of the way.
That design is honestly a little too pretty for Dick Grayson. Kevin Conroy really leans into it too, I don’t think he’s ever pitched Bruce’s voice as high as he does here.
That aside, the animation in this is probably the strongest of the three we’ve seen so far and if you can get past the fact that Bruce Wayne looks like he belongs on the cover of Tiger Beat and Batman looks like…
…he belongs on the cover of Tiger Beat if they catered to the BDSM crowd it looks pretty good.
The final note where Bruce gives up the device because he won’t risk the lives of others in his war is a very good, very “Batman” character moment.
However, I am irrationally angry that this short depicts Bruce Wayne, the ultimate WASP blue blood, cheating at golf.
Honestly, better that Thomas and Martha died rather than live to see such a thing.
There is also a lot of dumb, dumb shit in this. The fact that Bruce doesn’t disarm the kid before putting him in the Batmobile is such a head-slapper. Like, fine, I probably would have been too panicked and flustered to think of it but I’m not Batman.
But what really cheeses me off is the sheer idiocy of the whole object this short is based on.
A forcefield that activates on the sound of a gunshot would be real nifty if it wasn’t for the fact that a gunshot is actually a little sonic boom because bullets travel faster than the speed of sound.
Well, to be fair. It’s not the kind of thing you’d expect a weapons designer to know.
We’re introduced to two cops from Gotham’s Major Crimes Unit (MCU), Crispus Allen and Anna Ramirez who’re tasked by Lieutenant Gordon to escort Jacob Feely (the jetpack man from the first short) back to Arkham Asylum.
Since the events of Batman Begins the Narrows have basically been cordoned off from the rest of the city and turned into a big open prison/lunatic asylum Arkham City style. On the journey over Allen and Ramirez argue over whether Batman is a good thing for the city. Crispus, who’s new to Gotham, argues that the police shouldn’t be collaborating with a vigilante but Ramirez, who’s lived in the city her whole life, says that Batman has saved Gotham and made it a safe place for honest cops.
Ah yes. Good old straight-as-a-die-Ramirez. Honest Anna. You sure can trust her with your wife and kids.
They leave Feely back in Arkham without incident and Allen says that he’s leaving the MCU as he’s heard it’s going to peak after Phase 3, I mean, he doesn’t agree with the unit being Batman’s errand boy. Ramirez pulls over to give him a lecture and accidentally ends up in the crossfire…
…between Sal Maroni and another gangster called The Russian. Batman arrives and saves them and Allen learns a valuable lesson about questioning the wisdom of unaccountable vigilantes.
How was it?
Much better. Not great but better.
Firstly, the positives. This short absolutely oozes atmosphere and the music and visuals work well to create a real sense of menace as the cops get closer to Arkham. The script also comes from comics veteran Greg Rucka and feels more authentically Batman than the previous short. Lastly, this:
YES. THAT is how I want animé Batman to look.
As for the flaws, well…the animation is a little ropey at times (I swear one side of Ramirez’s face is larger that the other) and it’s a little insubstantial. I’d have liked Allen’s concerns to have been given a bit more weight and respect. I mean, obviously time is sparse but I’d still have liked to see at least a nod in that direction.
It’s cool that we get these little connective moments between the shorts, but Feely is a completely different character that he was in Have I Got A Story For You?
I suppose my biggest gripe is that, if the purpose of this anthology is to lay the groundwork for Dark Knight, I’d honestly be more confused than anything. I’m not sure if The Russian is supposed to be the same character as The Chechen from DK and I may not not much but I know this:
That don’t look like no Eric Roberts I ever saw. Ah well, maybe he dan’t been cast yet.
Four kids meet up in a skate park and three of them tell stories about encountering Batman that day fighting a masked man with a jetpack. The three stories all describe very different depictions of Batman; as a shadowy monster, a human/bat hybrid and lastly a high-tech robot. Then, the real Batman bursts into the skate park chasing the jet pack man and the fourth kid is able to save Batman by clocking the dude on the head with his skateboard.
How was it?
It sucks.
Torchesandaardvarks noted in the comments that Gotham Knight is just worse versions of Batman the Animated Series episodes. I don’t know about that, yet, but it’s definitely fair for the opener. Have I Got a Story For You is a direct lift from Legends of the Dark Knight, an episode from The New Batman Adventures that was itself an adaptation of The Batman Nobody Knows from the seventies. Gonna steal, steal from the best, I guess, but the problem is that Legends of the Dark Knight was a glorious celebration of multiple eras of Batman’s history with the production team going to insane lengths to mimic the style of Dick Sprang and Frank Miller. The message of that episode (outside of a mean and low-key homophobic jab at Joel Schumacher) is that Batman is vast, contains multitudes and that every interpretation and version is wonderful. But Have I Got a Story For You isn’t an examination of who Batman is or what he means to people. It’s really ust about…how he looks. One kid thinks he looks like a shadow monster, one kid thinks he looks like a bat monster. Okay. And?
It also kind of breaks credibility that these kids were that close to Batman in broad daylight and couldn’t see that he is, in fact, a man in a bat costume. One kid claims to see Batman just emerging from the ground like liquid shadow. What’s the rational real world explanation for that other than the kid being high on mescalin?
Plus, when we finally see this terrifying figure of the night?
He looks like a Dad at a baseball game who got heatstroke.
So yeah.
Off to a bad start.
How do you fuck up animé Batman, and shall they do it again?
“Man, Mouse sure has been pumping out those Batman reviews this year.”
“Da. No doubt because he is supporting the Hollywood Strikers by refusing to review any Marvel or Disney films until the strike ends.”
“Uh yeah. That’s what I did.”
Firstly, holy shit, Comrade Crow’s still alive.
Secondly, yeah, while that was totally my reason for focusing so heavily on Batman movies this year I swear, it was also because I wanted to finish Batman Begins so that this year’s Shortstember wouldn’t occur out of series chronology because OCD be a harsh mistress.
So, what’s on the menu this year, Mouse, you ask?
GOTHAM KNIGHT.
NO.
The other one.
NOOOOOOO. THE OTHER ONE.
Gotham Knight is a 2008 anthology film that takes places in the continuity of the Nolanverse between Batman Begins and Dark Knight. It’s a collection of animé shorts produced by different animé studios to whet fan appetite before the sequel to a popular movie comes out. You know, a bit like the Animatrix. Wait, no. That’s unfair. It’s exactly like The Animatrix.
Look, it’s animé Batman directed with Kevin Conroy. If your pants aren’t already on the floor, why are you even reading this blog?
A woman named Alexa and her small cadre of human resistance fighters succeed in capturing a machine and plugging it into their own mini Matrix. There, they try to teach the machine the value of human beings by having sex in front of it while it watches.
I mean. That’s certainly ONE way.
After a whole heap of psychedelic faffery the Machine seems to be coming around to team human but, in the real world, the base is attacked by more machines, forcing Alexa’s crew to cut the programme short. They battle the machines and one by one are killed. Alexa begs their prisoner to help them and it does, but it’s too late to save Alexa. Holding her dying body in its arms, the Machine plugs Alexa back into the programme, uploading her consciousness. It then enters the the programme, hoping that it and Alexa can now be together forever. However, realising what’s happened, Alexa promptly dies from shock. The short ends with the Machine sitting alone on a bleak shoreline; “liberated” but completely alone.
How was it?
I’ve never liked Matriculated and it’s hard for me to marticulate, I mean articulate why. But I’ll give it a shot. Firstly, while Peter Cheung (Aeon Flux) certainly has a distinctive style I can’t say it’s one I’ve ever particularly liked. It’s a bit overly detailed and and I can’t get past the fact that everyone looks like a race of overly sexualised giraffe/human hybrids.
Secondly, the animation is done in this faux-trad/CGI style that I just can’t get behind. It just looks plasticky and cheap to me. It’s certainly not terrible but it’s a conspicuosly weak entry for an anthology with such an incredibly high standard in its visuals and animation. Then there’s the story. Matriculated is by far the longest of any of the shorts at a quarter of an hour and it doesn’t really spent its time well. Instead of fleshing out these characters whose deaths we will soon be mourning, the bulk of the short is given over to surreal imagery in the mini-Matrix as the Machine learns what it is to be hoo-man. I’m not exactly sure what the message is either. The humans state that they don’t want to simply re-program the machine and that they want it to discover the joys of free will and join them voluntarily. They reason that since the Machine is enslaved to its programming, it will want to choose to be free. But of course, the humans aren’t going to let the Machine choose to continue trying to kill them. The Machine is free to choose, as long as it makes what the humans consider the correct choice.
To the short’s credit, this very ethical quandary is discussed by the characters and honestly, that’s the part of this story that I’m more interested in. The trippy visuals honestly just feel like chin-stroking padding, especially since, with this animation style I’m not particularly in awe of them even on a purely aesthetic level.
On the plus side, the fact that the main human character has the name of what is now the most famous AI in the world is kinda funny.
Ash is a down on his luck Private Eye (and seriously, is there even any other kind? Have you ever read a detective story that began: “Business was great. We’re opening three new branches of the agency and just hired thirty new staff. Consumer Magazine just voted us “Best Detective Agency” for the second year running. I love my job”?)
Just as his money is about to run out and he has to consider whether or not pet cats are edible, Ash gets a job from a mysterious caller who hires him to find Trinity.
Ash discovers that three previous detectives have taken this case; one killed himself, one vanished and one went crazy, so he goes to talk to the crazy one (obviously).
The detective gives Ash a clue, telling him to “find the Red Queen”.
Ash starts looking in chatrooms for someone with that handle and makes contact with Trinity. She gives him a reference to Alice Through the Looking Glass which he’s able to deduce means she’s about to get on a train. He races to the train station and finds her in a carriage.
She tells him that this was a test and that he passed but suddenly agents manifest in the carriage. Ash and Trinity try to run, but the agents try to take control of Ash, forcing Trinty to shoot him. As he dies, she regretfully tells him that she thinks he could have handled the truth.
Trinity runs and Ash covers her escape, training his gun on the agents and noting that it was “the case to end all cases”.
How was it?
Detective Story is goddamned beautiful.
I love this aesthetic so much, these mid-century black and white photographs brought to life it is just so gorgeous. The mood of this piece, the music, the visuals, if you love film noir you will be in heaven.
Unfortunately, while my soul loves it, my stupid brain can’t overlook that there isn’t much of a story to Detective Story, or indeed much detecting.
First things first, gorgeous though it is, this short is impossible to reconcile with the Matrix films. The clothing, the weird diesel-punk computers, this simply is not the same world we see in the movies. I’d say it was set in an earlier Matrix but the presence of Trinity (voiced by Carrie-Anne Moss) would indicate that it’s in the “present”.
Then there’s the plot, which makes not a lick of sense. Why the hell are the machines hiring bluepill detectives to find Trinity? Why would they do a better job than the beings who literally run the world? Then there’s leaps in logic where Trinity gives Ash a clue that she’s about to get on a train which is enough to let him find her because apparently there’s only one train station in the entire world.
Ultimately, Detective Story is a beautiful, atmospheric mood piece let down by threadbare storytelling.
unshavedmouse 