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The Devil’s Heir-Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4: IN THE ETERNAL HURRICANE

He wondered where she was now.

Often he would hear the men talking, telling that they had seen her, a red-haired girl far in the distance struggling against the raging wind.

Last night as he had lain in his tent he had heard a lone voice singing in the darkness, low and clear through the never-ending wolf howl of the storm.

Marie most innocent

Hear my song.”

Watch over me.”

And lead me through the night.”

Already they were singing hymns to her. And often when watches were changed in the night the standard salute of “Ave Mabus” was answered with “Et Ave Marie.”

Cole wondered if Mabus knew that he was now sharing his divinity with her in the minds of his soldiers. He wondered what it was about her that appealed to them.

He supposed that it was the idea of a girl descending into Hell out of love for her father, someone who didn’t have to be here but chose to be. But he knew his men, and he would not have thought them prone to sentiment. Devotion to her had sprung up almost overnight and had taken him completely by surprise.

Where would it end? Two days before a Hussar had been knifed in the mess for telling a rather gruesome joke about her death.

Maybe it was because they needed more than Mabus could give them. Mabus could inspire them, rally them, threaten them, terrify them. But he could not love them. Mabus could send them out into the desert. But only Marie could care whether they lived or died. At least, so it was in their heads.

Cole opened his eyes and watched the darkness. For tradition’s sake he pulled at the chains but they held as firm as ever. He remembered the first thing he always told a squad before he took them out on a sortie. “Die before you let them take you prisoner. Always. Do not let these things take you alive.”

Great advice Cole, he thought to himself. If only you weren’t the only one in the squad who hadn’t followed it.

“Your move.”

“Do I even have a chance of beating you?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Way I was trained. I have to be able to predict any possible outcome. So if I’m in a fight and there’s more than one guy, I have to be able to out-think any plan they might come up with and I have to do it quickly. War is like chess, that’s why it was invented, to train princes and generals to think tactically. So just like I can see any outcome of a fight, I can see any outcome of a chess game.”

“So I can’t beat you?”

“No. Your move.”

Isabella blew a clump of black hair out of her eyes with a grumpy huff and moved a bishop three squares diagonally.

“Check.” she said, without much enthusiasm.

“Good move.” he said kindly and moved a pawn forward, trapping her bishop. Isabella swore under her breath.

“Where did you learn to play?” he asked, lining up the pieces he had conquered in neat little formations.

“Mariana.” she muttered, her hand covering her mouth as she tried desperately to rescue the board.

Cole didn’t say anything. Mariana was a taboo subject.

She had been foster mother to Marie and Isabella and had perished along with all the other Temporal Adepts when Mabus had bombed their council. Marie and Isabella had been spirited away by Mabus, and had ended up in the Scorpion’s unlikely care. Now Marie was gone, traded by Mabus to the demon Rashgiel, and Isabella was left alone, with only Cole for company. Their relationship was complex. On the one hand, Isabella was very grateful to have Cole. On the other, she could never forget that he worked for the man who had taken everything away from her.

“Cole, what did you do?” Isabella asked him.

“What?”

“Well, you were going to Hell, weren’t you? That’s why you joined with Mabus.”

Her dark eyes seemed to be probing him. He wondered how someone so young could look so sick of life.

“What did you do?” she asked him.

“I killed a lot of people.” he said simply “That’s the long and short of it.”

(more…)

The Devil’s Heir-Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3: A MAN RETURNS TO A BAR

In a cell so small that the walls pressed in on his shoulders, back and chest Thomas Hieronimo squatted in perfect stillness like a fly caught in amber.

He had been here so long he had begun to forget what he looked like, and now when he thought of himself, he saw himself as sensations, four points of pain in blackness. And yet, he knew that he was not hungry or thirsty. And that terrified him, because if he had not been here long enough to become hungry or thirsty, if he had really only been here hours, or maybe even minutes…

He screamed suddenly and he felt his scream shiver along the walls like rippling water.

If he had only been here for minutes, then what would the years feel like?

Then suddenly, there was a creaking and Thomas was bathed in yellow light and his darkness-gorged eyes became pinpoints of agony.

Through streaming tears he could see two figures silhouetted against the light, black as death

Minutes later he was being marched through the hallways of the Combat Tower with two Red Scorpions behind him. Every joint in his body was screaming in pain but he refused to let it show. If these goons were marching him to a firing squad he’d be damned if he’d give them the entertainment value of a silly walk.

The walked what seemed like a mile of grey floor and wall before reaching a tiny green door.

One of the Reds opened it, roughly shoved Thomas inside.

In the elevator, crushed between the two Reds, Thomas came dangerously close to panicking.

Just when he felt his last nerve about to snap the door opened and they were out in hallway.

Another mile of grey floor and wall was walked.

Another door, larger this time, black.

The Red pressed a button.

Thomas watched the door swing open and felt hands grip either shoulder.

This is it, he thought.

He was quite surprised therefore to find himself flung roughly through the air and onto the street.

He leaped to his feet, ignoring his protesting muscles, and proceeded to brush the sand off his clothes.

Sand?

That wasn’t right.

He turned to face the two Reds.

“Go on.” said one “Beat it.”

(more…)

Any artists want to make some money?

Hi peeps. Okay, confession time. A few years back I did a stupid thing. I got a chest tattoo without checking the artist’s previous work. I figured that the design I wanted was simple enough that I didn’t really need Carvaggio. Turns out I did.

Drink it in.

And now you know why I go by “Unshaved” Mouse.

Sooo…I’ve been wanting to get this fixed pretty much since I got the damn thing but the question has always been how. So I’m turning to you guys. If there’s anyone out there who reads this blog with some artistic chops, draw me up a design and send it into unshavedmouse@gmail.com. If your design gets chosen you shall be reimbursed fifty yankee dollars. Couple of things to note.

  1. Feel free to make the design your own. As long as the basic idea of an eclipsed sun ringed by eight moons is still there, you are free to experiment in any style, colour, motif, whateva. At this stage I’m just looking for a really striking design.
  2. There may not be a winner. If I don’t see a design that doesn’t really speak to me…I’m not going to spend many hours getting it excruciatingly and permanently engraved on my skin. Sorry. I’m weird like that.
  3.  Lastly, please share this to any artist friends you know.

That about does her, thanks guys.

The Devil’s Heir- Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2: THE SANDSTORM

It had come from nowhere, a great brawling, howling, sucking monster of a sandstorm that tore at her face with granite claws and seared her ears with its wail. She felt like she was in a storm of razors as they struggled blindly over dune and down crevice. Finally she felt Angelas strong, bony hand clasp her by the elbow and her mouth at her ear screaming We have to stop! Its getting too bad.

Unable to answer without getting a mouthful of sand, Marie simply nodded. She dropped to the ground and pulled her dress over her head. She was now in a tiny little sunless world, the storm a dull roar around her head. Then she felt Angelas cloak being thrown over her, and the world expanded as she pulled the dress down and looked around. The cloak was barely big enough to cover her shoulders. She held the fabric close to her and hunkered down. She could make out the huddled outlines of Angela, Geoff, Hannah and…where was Tristan?

Angela and Marie peered out from under the cloak and looked desperately around.

There! Angela called out and pointed to a tiny figure in the distance, stumbling pathetically and screaming in pain as the sand tore at his face.

Get back under! Marie called Ill get him.

Without waiting for a reply, she closed her eyes and concentrated.

She was in a meadow, watching a rabbit amble softly over a grassy knoll, green and dashed with yellow cowslips.

She opened her eyes. All was still.

The roar of the storm was now a gentle, deep, loving croon. The grains of sand hung in the air, turning ever so slowly, softly, softly. The sky was in need of a good dusting.

The distant figure of Tristan, infinitely clearer in the frozen storm, stood out stark and rigid.

Marie ran towards it.

Behind her, the statue like figure of Angela began to slowly change, as a look of shock and amazement spread over its glacial face. The eyes widened, the jaw slowly grew slack with the wonder of seeing this young girl seemingly run like the wind.

Marie was not really running any faster than she normally could. She had simply slowed down time around her, so that she could cover the distance before Tristan could wander even further away.

Her feet lightly touched the sand, the footprints only forming several seconds after she had run on.

She loved this. Once, she had only been able to do it unconsciously, and had associated it with danger, fear and death.

Now, it was something she could do at will. Just stop the noise and the chaos, and everything would become still and beautiful.

She reached out and touched Tristan, releasing the slow time bubble around her.

And reeled as he punched her full in the face.

She lay on the sand , her head swimming. The pain ground her skull beneath it’s iron thumb.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

She had come up behind him too quickly. Most likely she had scared the life out of him and he had responded with instinct.

Shielding her eyes against the hissing sand, she got shakily to her feet. Her face was on fire but, oddly, there was no blood.

Tristan had run off, and had vanished into the maelstrom.

Marie suddenly realised that she had no idea how to get back to Angela.

She heard a roaring in the distance. And something told her it was not the storm.

She felt for her blade. It was there.

She felt for her comb. It was not.

Her hands plunged into the sand, desperately clawing through the grains hoping to feel a thin sliver of bone. It was gone.

No, no, no, no, no…

She was now blind, the storm had become so bad, and still she scraped and dug, hoping against all odds that she’d find the one and only thing that gave her a link to her father. When she felt it’s coolness in her hand, she felt his hand on her shoulder. It’s scent was the musky aroma of his beard. It was a wand that could conjure her father’s spirit from beyond the grave.

(more…)

Saving Mr Banks (2013)

(DISCLAIMER: This blog is not for profit. All images and footage used below are property of their respective companies unless stated otherwise. I do not claim ownership of this material. New to the blog? Start at the start with Snow White.)

Previously on Unshaved Mouse: After learning that he’d been secretly manipulated into destroying the career of Don Bluth, Mouse swore revenge against his former mentor Walt Disney, promising to review “The Worst Disney Movie”. However, it seemed that the two had finally buried the hatchet after Mouse reviewed Big Hero 6 in an attempt to boost his flagging page views just ‘cos. But then, Walt was kidnapped by Mouse’s entire rogue’s gallery who it turned out had been led by none other than…Mouse.
Now read on.
“You’re kidding. Saving Mr Banks? That’s your pick for worst Disney movie?”

“You’re kidding. Saving Mr Banks? That’s your pick for worst Disney movie?”

“Yup.”

“Yup.”

“Not one of the straight to video sequels? Not the High School Musical movies?”

“Not one of the straight to video sequels? Not the High School Musical movies?”

“Nope.”

“Nope.”

“Pff. Lemmings. Who cares? Buncha racists.”

“Pff. Lemmings. Who cares? Buncha racists.”

"FUCK YOU, MAZERUNNER!"

“FUCK YOU, MAZERUNNER!”

“Saving Mr Banks was a critical darling! It grossed over a hundred million dollars! How can it possibly be the worst Disney movie?”

Saving Mr Banks was a critical darling! It grossed over a hundred million dollars! How can it possibly be the worst Disney movie?”

"Well, "worst" can have very different meanings."

“Well, “worst” can have very different meanings.”

Pamela Lyndon Travers, born Helen Lyndon Goff was a remarkable woman who led a remarkable life. At various times a Shakespearean actor, a scholar of Native American cultures, a propagandist during the second world war, a member of the literati who rubbed shoulders with the likes of AE and WB Yeats and the creator of Mary Poppins, one of the most popular children’s characters in English language literature. She was also, by most accounts, a bit of a pill. In fact, it’s been said that she died “loving no one, and loved by no one.” Who said that? Her own grandchildren. Yikes.
A question I got asked a lot after my review of Mary Poppins was whether I had read any of the original books and the answer was “No.” I have since had a chance to rectify that, or at least, I’ve managed to read the first book, the one that the 1964 film was based on. In my opinion it’s a charmingly written, often very witty book that’s let down by a somewhat ramshackle episodic structure and the fact that the main character is WORSE THAN HITLER.
Sorry, I know a lot of people love these books and prefer the literary version of Mary Poppins but oh my God, no. No, no, no, no, no, She is awful. Vain, mean, borderline emotionally abusive, contemptuous of everything and everyone, snobbish, nakedly hostile to anyone who is not on their knees kissing her very shoes and she sniffs. Constantly. “Mary Poppins sniffed…” it was like a goddamn tic. By the end of the book I was like…
Sniff again
And today’s movie, Saving Mr Banks, is about how that book  and its fairly unlikable author and its deeply unpleasant main character were somehow corralled into making one of my favourite movies by one of my favourite film-makers. You could not engineer a safer audience for this movie than me. So how badly do you think they had to fuck it up for me to hate this movie, to hate the Disney corporation that made it and even for a little of that hate to wipe off on my memories of the original film? How hard do you have to try to fail that badly?
Let’s take a look.

#2 Jack Lynch

Name: Jack Lynch
Party: Fianna Fáil
Terms: November ’66-March ’73, July ’77-May ’79
So remember when Michael Jordan quit basketball and became a baseball player as depicted in the documentary Space Jam? Imagine if, instead of being awful, he had gone on to become one of the best players in that sport too. Then imagine he ran for election and became one of the most popular presidents in US history. That’s pretty much Jack Lynch.
He was terrib;e

Also, instead of Bugs Bunny, Jack Lynch was aided by Daithí Lacha, Ireland’s first cartoon character. He was terrible.

(more…)

Huh! Wait! What!?

So, Irish blogdom has been thrown into a bit of a tizzy by the sudden decision by the Blog Awards Ireland 2015 to extend voting to midnight September 23rd. Why? We don’t know. They just did. Hence the tizzy.

Tizzy is a funny word. I will say it again. Tizzy.

Also, it seems that people who already voted can vote again. I officially don’t even. This thing is run by insane people. Who I hope aren’t reading this right now.

Anyway. Care to give me a desperate last minute vote? Links is below.

#4 Enda Kenny

1
"Welcome, to the desert of the real."

“Welcome, to the desert of the real.”

"What happened?!"

“What happened?!”

“The great flame war of 2015. We don’t know who struck first but we do know that it started when the Unshaved Mouse gave a fairly positive appraisal of Enda Kenny.”

“The great flame war of 2015. We don’t know who struck first but we do know that it started when the Unshaved Mouse gave a mixed to positive appraisal of Enda Kenny.”

"Woah..."

“Whoah…”

Name: Enda Kenny
Party: Fine Gael
Terms in office: March 2011-Present

Stop. Stop right there. Yes you. The one about to leave the wonderfully well-reasoned and dispassionate comment about why I deserve to be molested by porcupines and then set on fire. Yes. I put Enda Kenny in the number four spot. Yes. I did that. But ask yourself this: Who should I have put ahead of him? Cowen? Ahern? Haughey? Big DeValera fan are we? Hmmmmm?

"Whats that? Garret Fitzgerald had good intentions!? My country cant live on good intentions Marge!"

“What’s that? Garret Fitzgerald had GOOD INTENTIONS!? My country can’t live on GOOD INTENTIONS, Marge!”

Bruton? Really? Are you going to get all fired up because I ranked Enda Kenny higher than John Bruton? You wanna be that guy? You want to die on that hill?
"That would be an unjust war?"

“That would be an unjust war.”

So who’s left? Costello? You want me to say that John A. Costello was the fourth best Taoiseach?
"That sounds like a wonderful idea!"

“That sounds like a wonderful idea!”

“Ha! Classic Costello!”

“Ha! Classic Costello!”

Sorry if I seem a little punchy, but attempting a dispassionate evaluation of our current Taoiseach is dangerous work. Alright, so.
Enda Kenny, who is he?
Yes “he”, American readers. Enda is a male name.

(more…)

Last chance to be on the right side of history…

Hi guys. Voting for the Blog Awards Ireland 2015 closes on September 21st so if you have voted for me already, thanks. If you were going to vote for me but haven’t yet now would be a real good time to swoop in and save the day (please click the big black voting button on the right.) And lastly, if you’ve decided that you’re not going to vote for me, well..

this ain't over