Conchubar Seán deBreádún ( Conor Bredin to his English speaking friends) is a friend of mine who I met under rather unusual circumstances. Long story short, I was dating his sister but ended up killing his father, drove his sister mad and then we ended up killing each other. Oh, and we also were both cast in Hamlet. Anyway, he’s a teacher who’s begun an absolutely fantastic project with his class where they create a fantasy world and each team of children is in charge of a single country. Conor has started a blog detailing the fascinating and often hilarious twists and turns a universe takes when it’s under the control of a group of eight year olds. If you’re a teacher yourself and want to know how he did it, or are just looking for a good read, check out the Unexplored Realm.
Curses! Tagged in my prime!
As if I didn’t have enough to deal with rebuilding after the devastation wrought by the Horned King, now I’ve been tagged by fellow aniphile (animation lover, not what you’re thinking) Animation Commendation. Well, as Mary Poppins always says:
Time to choke a bitch…
Wait, that’s not right…
If we must we must.
There we go. Okay, so Animation Commendation has set me 11 questions. I answer them, and then I come up with eleven questions of my own and ask 11 of you to answer and so the curse is lifted. Okay, let’s do this. Hit me.
1) What is your least favorite color and why? Anything pale grey, green or brown is very hard for me to differentiate so they tend to give me a lot of headaches.
2) What word do you always mess up when trying to spell it correctly? Necessarry Neccessarry Necesarry Necessery Required.
3) What is your favorite animated film? Oh that’s easy, it’s T…wait. That would pretty much render this entire blog pointless, wouldn’t it? Okay, as a consolation prize I’ll give you my favourite non-Disney animated movie which is…sweet Jesu I have no idea. Depending on my mood it’s either Akira, South Park: Bigger Louder & Uncut or Batman: Under the Red Hood (my favourite Batman movie. Period.)
4) What is your least favorite animated film? I’ve probably seen worse movies from a purely technical level but Don Bluth’s A Troll in Central Park (Stanley’s Magic Garden on this side of the Atlantic) is just sickening when you consider that this cloying, sugary, plotless, condescending, diabetes inducing crap came from the man who brought us Secret of NIMH. God, I hated this movie as a kid. And I liked some pretty atrocious crap as a child.
5) What school subject would you like to be eradicated from the curriculum? Geography. What are you? Are you science? Are you history? Are you politics? No, you are a misshapen ungodly fusion of all of them. Fuck you, Geography. Sincerely, Mouse.
6) Which celebrity have you met? And if you’ve never met one, which would you like to meet? I’ve met quite a few Irish celebrities but they probably don’t count. Ireland’s so small that you can’t spit without hitting someone locally famous. I’ve met the comic book writer Gail Simone, who was suitably awesome.
7) Do you believe that the Loch Ness Monster exists? Sorry cryptid lovers. It’s either cold-blooded, in which case it couldn’t really survive in a lake that cold or it’s warm blooded in which case it should really be showing up on thermal scanners. Count the Mouse as a sceptic.
8) If this is that, and that is this, then would a little bit of this and a little bit of that equal to one this or one that? No. It would be equal to exactly 0.54678 of a this or a that, given that this and that are equal and that a little bit and a little bit would not be enough to produce a whole. Also, I like giving weirdly specific answers.
9) Did you understand the previous question? Did you understand the previous answer? Checkmate.
10) How amazing am I on a scale of 10 to 10? On a scale of 10 you’re 7.67898789. Again, I like giving weirdly specific answers.
11) What song would you like to be your theme song to be played as you enter a room? This. Or maybe the Mighty Mouse theme if I’m actually rescuing someone.
Okay, so now MY questions.
1) What’s your guiltiest guilty pleasure? Movie, book, TV series, music whatever.
2) You can have ONE of Superman’s powers. What do you choose?
3) Name a country you’ve never been to but always wanted to go.
4) Ninjas or Pirates?
5) If you answered Pirates, what’s the matter with you?
6) Favourite Muppet movie?
7) Piece of pop culture that makes you despair for humanity?
8) Piece of pop culture that gives you hope for the species?
9) Bra sizes. So AAA is smaller than AA but DD is LARGER than D am I the only one who think’s that’s freaking INSANE?!
10) Name two fictional characters who never got together (or did but didn’t go the distance) but that you always felt should end up together.
11) Explain this Harlem Shake thing to me. What even the fuck?
So step up
Qindarka93, Serpentdrake, Ink and Paint Corner, Uncertain Keystone Species, Midnightreview, Come Dine With Mark, (Brackets and Ampersands) The Degrassi Digest and dawnemperor,
Show me what you got.
Okay, so let’s never do THAT again…
So. What have we learned?
Um…never try and update the blog from a smartphone?
Because?
The phone can’t handle my long ass posts and only half of the text loads and then that half is what gets updated?
And?
That it’s okay because you keep the last 25 versions of each post saved because you are awesome?
That’s okay. As long as you learned something.
WordPress…I love you.
I know.
Hey everyone, thank you for your patience. The Basil the Great Mouse Detective Review is back in full health and ready to be read. As my way of apology, here is a picture of the Queen from Snow White wondering why someone put a dick in her box.
With thanks to Colin Monaghan.
See you in two weeks, imma go pass out.
In summary: GAAAAAAAAHWHADIDIDO!
Sorry everyone. Seems the Horned King got his final revenge and caused most of today blogpost to vanish to Bahia. I’ll try and fix it and if worst comes to worst rewrite the darned thing. Sorry guys.
Disney Reviews with the Horned King #26: Basil The Great Mouse Detective
DISCLAIMER: This blog is not for profit, but for the unholy glory of the Horned King. The Horned King declares sovereignty over all that exists in this pathetic realm save the images used below which are property of their respective companies unless stated otherwise.
Hello mortals.
So, you may have noticed some changes to the blog. Why is that, you ask? Well, to put it simply I have banished the previous owner to a far flung dimension and usurped his place. I am the Horned King and your world is now mine. I have come to conquer your lands and warp your souls. I have come to topple your kings and to kill your gods. Your children shall know only my name and recognise only my face for I am your reality now. From this day forth you will not draw breath but to serve me. The sun is gone and you shall not see it rise again. I shall redden the sea with the blood of all who would defy me. And not a day shall go by that you do not long for death.
But don’t worry, we’re still going to review Disney movies. No point fixing something that’s not broken. Today’s film is Basil the Great Mouse Detective. Or you may simply know it as The Great Mouse Detective or perhaps The Adventures of the Great Mouse Detective. It is known by different names depending on the region.
Your petty borders are as nothing to the Horned King.
During my last attempt to conquer your puny globe I was sealed in the Disney vault by the accursed Jeffrey Katzenberg…
KAAAAAAAAATZENBERG!
…to prevent my evil from spreading. Disney forswore all knowledge of my movie, The Black Cauldron, in the hopes that I would fade away from the memory of man. Curse them! By sealing me away, they denied me my rightful place as monarch of this pathetic maggot hatchery of mankind, as well as a fortune in merchandising opportunities! There were to be Horned King action figures! Lunchboxes! SNUGGIES!
This “Mickey the Mouse” is worthy of a snuggy,
but the Horned King is not? PAH!
Fools! They shall pay for their insolence!
But while they may have won the battle, it cost them dearly. Following the failure of The Black Cauldron, the Disney animation studio was a shattered husk (let all who would trifle with the Horned King take warning). The next film would have to be a success, or else the Disney bosses would shut down the animation wing, and place the severed heads of the animators on pikes in the parking lot as a warning to the other employees.
Sigh…I miss Hollywood.
For their next film, the studio decided on an adaptation of known wretched human Eve Titus’ Basil of Baker Street, a novel about a brilliant evil genius named Ratigan and his struggles against an infuriating, insufferable mouse.
The Horned King can relate.
So…let us see what pathetic humanity has wrought while I contemplate how best to deal with the puny inhabitants of this blog.
“SOMEBODY! ANYBODY! HEEEEELP!!!”
SILENCE!
Don Bluth Reviews with the Bald Mouse #503: An American Tail
DISCLAIMER: This blog is not for profit. All images used below are property of their respective companies unless stated otherwise. I do not claim ownership of this material.
***
My my. Has it really only been ten years since I began my epic quest to review every movie ever made by the greatest, most influential figure in all of American cinema?
The Master.
And what a decade it has been. When I started this blog in 2003 Al Gore had just begun the third year of a momentous first term, the euro became officially adopted as the world’s only currency and Iraq was not invaded.
Yeah I…I don’t know why I felt the need to remind you of that.
Little did I know then that I was starting what would go on to become the most popular blog in history. And yet here I am a decade later, millions of fans, a vast personal fortune and a statue on the moon. We’ve had good times, haven’t we? Remember when I paid for every reader of this blog to go on an all-expenses paid trip to Bluthworld, Florida?
Man those were some creepy mascots.
And I owe it all to one man. One legend. The one and only Don Bluth. Thanks Don.
Hey, don’t mention it Mouse. It was my pleasure.
Wow, what a nice guy. So I thought that for this special anniversary I’d review one of Don’s earlier, lesser known works: An American Tail. Why this one? Well, granted, it’s not as influential as his other movies. It didn’t reignite interest in Elvis Presley like Rock a Doodle, or restore the Russian monarchy like Anastasia or unite all of humanity under a single canine worshipping religion like All Dogs go to Heaven.
Sidenote: Isn’t the new pope just freakin’ adorable?
But An American Tail occupies an important part of bluthistory because this was the first bluthimation to be a major financial success and so paved the way for all the world changing masterpieces that were to follow. It also represented a major personal victory for Don, as this is the movie that once and for all finished off the…let me see if I’m pronouncing this right…”Dies Nee” studio? Sorry, that’s Disney. Who were Disney? Well, I’m not surprised you don’t know. You’d probably have to be a hardcore Bluthimation fan to have heard of them but back in the day they were actually considered a pretty big deal. And yeah, some of their earlier works were really quite impressive, some almost rising to the standard of modern Bluthimations. Nowadays however they’ve faded completely into obscurity and are only really known as the studio that gave Don Bluth his start. Bluth left the studio in 1979, utterly disheartened with how the Disney studio was being run and the decline in the quality of their Bluthimated films. He left and formed Don Bluth studios and in quick succession released two films, the sublime and critically acclaimed The Secret of NIMH, and the box-office smash that was An American Tail. Upon which, the Disney studio rolled over like a dead dog and was quietly consigned to history. Some Bluthimation historians have speculated that if Disney hadn’t simply folded at the first challenge to their monopoly, that they might actually have had the talent and resources to push back, up the quality of their movies and maybe even experience some kind of “renaissance” and really give Bluth a run for his money. But personally I think that’s horseshit. Pure horseshit!
Hey buddy, gotta quarter?
Sure thing. Here. Get yourself something to eat and find someplace warm.
Bless you, sir.
So let’s take a look at An American Tail.
Disney Reviews with the Unshaved Mouse #25: The Black Cauldron
DISCLAIMER: This blog is not for profit. All images used below are property of their respective companies unless stated otherwise. I do not claim ownership of this material.
***
By the mid nineteen eighties, something had gone very wrong at the Disney animation studios.
To an outsider, this might not have been immediately apparent. Sure, the movies weren’t as good as they had been, but Rescuers had been a huge hit, and The Fox and the Hound had been a decent success financially. But inside the studio, things were starting to go sour. The last of the Nine Old Men were retiring, and the animation staff had dwindled to a mere two hundred or so, a situation made worse when Don Bluth essentially said “screw this noise” and left with a fifth of the studio’s animators.
Just threw them on his truck and drove like hell.
The animation department, once the heart and soul of Disney, was increasingly being seen as more of an appendix, and an inflamed, extremely expensive appendix at that. Some members of the board were openly asking if the Disney company should even be making animated films, and instead suggested focusing on the theme parks and merchandise.
Roy Disney, Walt’s nephew and a senior executive of the company, fought tooth and nail to keep the animation wing open, saying that without new characters being created, the theme parks were essentially museums, commemorating something wonderful that was now dead.
At the heart of this dispute was the Black Cauldron. Twelve years in production, massively over budget, the Black Cauldron was supposed to be the movie that put Walt Disney animation back on the map, charting a new course away from the traditional children’s movies the studio was famous for and moving into darker, edgier territory. But it was quickly reaching the point where even if it was a massive hit, it would be hard pressed to earn back the money that had already been spent on it. The movie’s two directors Ted Berman…
and Richard Rich…
…were not hugely experienced, and Disney management was starting to have serious misgivings about what was going on over in the animation building.
Jeffrey Katzenberg (yes, that one) had been brought in by new Chief Operating Officer Michael Eisner to run the motion picture division, which included turning around the animation unit. On arriving at the animation unit’s new facilities (a crappy little industrial estate where they had been sent after being unceremoniously evicted from the main Disney lot) Katzenberg asked to see the partially completed film. Production Manager Don Hahn described what happened next:
“Katzenberg entered the screening room and closed the door behind him. We waited, not a man among us dared to speak so much as a word. Occasionally, from behind the door would emerge strange sounds, a low growling like some strange beast from the tropics, or a whine of pain and horror. At last, Katzenberg emerged from the darkened room and I think I may have cried aloud in horror, such was the change that had come over him! His hair had turned purest white and his fingers now shook as he raised a cigarette to his trembling lips and desperately drew upon it. His eyes stood stark and white in his face, now gaunt and greenish. He seemed too weak to stand and slumped into a chair, muttering darkly to himself, his gaze oscillating about the room but not meeting the eyes of any man there. And then, with a terrible fury that seemed conjured from the aether he leapt to his feet and cried “You fools! You monomaniacs! Have you no care for this abominable thing you have unleashed?! This thing will be the death of us all, I say!”
For you see, in their desperation to replace the magic and inspiration of Walt Disney, the animators had turned to a false power. A most powerful and ancient evil. A being known…as the Horned King.
And he’s standing in my living room right now.
help me…
Begin the review, Mouse.
Yeah…see. I really don’t want to watch this film.
Then you shall die. You must review the film and proclaim me the greatest Disney villain of all time.
YOU ARE THE GREATEST DISNEY VILLAIN OF ALL TIME can I please go now?
Pull yourself together Mouse! Just stay calm and finish the review! You can do this!
You mean, if I can watch this movie from start to finish and review it I might survive?
Whoah, whoah, whoah. Don’t go putting words in my mouth.
Alright. It’s fine. I can do this. I mean…it’s a Disney movie for God’s sake! How scary can it really be?
A PG RATING!?
Oh bollocks…
The movie begins with the following narration:
“Legend has it, in the mystic land of Prydain. There was once a king so cruel, and so evil, that even the gods feared him. Since no prison could hold him, he was thrown alive into a crucible of molten iron. There his demonic spirit was captured, in the form of a great black cauldron. For uncounted centuries The Black Cauldron lay hidden, waiting, while evil men searched for it. Knowing whoever possessed it, would have the power to resurrect an army of deathless warriors. And with them, rule the world.”
STONEHENGE! WHERE THE DEMONS DWELL!
Surprised I didn’t go with a Lord of the Rings joke? Trust me, my supply is limited and must be used sparingly.
Disney Reviews with the Unshaved Mouse #24: The Fox and the Hound
DISCLAIMER: This blog is not for profit. All images used below are property of their respective companies unless stated otherwise. I do not claim ownership of this material.
***
We’re getting close to the halfway point now in this mad fool’s quest to review every one of the Disney canon classics, so now is as good a time as any to make a confession.
I’m full of it. I’m a fake. A fraud. A charlatan.
I don’t know anything about animation.
I make it up as I go along.
Also, I was in Dallas that day, I’m a crack-shot former Marine and my best friend is a Cuban communist crow. You figure it out.
Okay, that’s a little bit of an exaggeration. What I mean is, I’m constantly learning as I do this. Every review I do, I’m basically sitting down to a movie I may not have seen for years (or in a few cases, never at all) and then researching on the fly. This means that a lot of my preconceptions of these movies are constantly getting blown apart, and it often feels like this one discrete group of films never runs out of ways to surprise me or to show me my own ignorance. That’s part of the fun. Take this week’s offering for example. I had this idea that the animation quality of the Disney movies declined terribly after Walt’s death, and wasn’t restored until the glorious Renaissance (praise to the great Renaissance!) of the late eighties/early nineties. I was convinced that pretty much every movie in the Mourning Era was an ungodly, poorly animated mess that wouldn’t pass muster in Soviet era Czechoslovakia.
I can’t remember if this screenshot is from Rescuers or Aristocats.
So then, imagine my surprise when I sat down to watch The Fox and the Hound only to realise I was looking at some of the most beautiful animation in the canon since…honestly? Sleeping frickin’ Beauty. I’m not saying it’s on par with that, obviously. I’m just saying you have to go back that far before you come to a movie with better animation. It’s a thing to behold. It becomes a little less surprising when you realise who was working on it though. Wolfgang Reitherman, who directed Sleeping Beauty and all of the Scratchy Era movies produced this film, his last for Disney before retiring. On animation duty were the last of the Nine Old Men; Ollie Johnston & Frank Thomas and a whole host of long time Disney veterans. But you also had the new generation of Disney animators which today reads like a “Holy Shit!” list of animation greats; Don Bluth, Tim Burton, John Lasseter, Glen Keane and Brad Bird.
This. But with animators.
Disney Reviews with the Unshaved Mouse #23: The Rescuers
DISCLAIMER: This blog is not for profit. All images used below are property of their respective companies unless stated otherwise. I do not claim ownership of this material.
***
So. The Rescuers. Most successful animated film ever made at the time. Did you know that? I sure as hell didn’t. The Disney studio’s first big animated hit since The Jungle Book ten years previously, and the last until The Little Mermaid twelve years later. Oscar-nominated for Best Song and nominated for the American Film Institute’s list of the Top Ten Animated films of all time (NOTE: This post originally stated that it made that list. Apologies for the error.). People were saying it was the best Disney film since Mary freaking Poppins. And to that all I can say is…
Really?
No, I don’t hate it but…
Really?
Of all time? Because I can think of ten animated movies from Disney alone that I would put ahead of this. And as for being better than Mary Poppins?! I mean, Jesus!
“Say that again. I dare you. I double dare you, motherfucker.”
And yet a lot of people have been telling me how much they’re looking forward to me reviewing this movie. How to account for the love this movie seems to engender in people?
I have a theory. Y’all just love mice.
Not that I blame you. I mean, look at me.
Do you know what finally broke the Rescuers’ box office record? Hint; it wasn’t Ariel and it wasn’t Disney.
Durrrr…
Yeah. From the late seventies to the late eighties everyone was just, really, really into cartoon mice.
Well, anyway let’s take a look at the film.
Disney Reviews with the Unshaved Mouse #22: The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh
DISCLAIMER: This blog is not for profit. All images used below are property of their respective companies unless stated otherwise. I do not claim ownership of this material.
Under normal circumstances, I don’t get self-conscious about the fact that the movies I review are intended for children. These are not normal circumstances. There’s nothing quite like the feeling of shame you get opening your DVD case of The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh and seeing your complimentary stickers of Pooh and Eeyore hugging. Shit, if I was feeling any less macho right now I’d spontaneously sprout pigtails.
Notwithstanding, my lunchbox is now fucking pimped.
unshavedmouse 