We were conquered by these people how exactly?

IDIOTS.

Sorry, I was going to do a proper, well-reasoned, nuanced reaction to the Brexit vote with references to the increasing alienation of the British working class in an age of globalisation and blah blah blah yadda yadda.

NO.

FUCK THAT. I have been drinking, my country’s economy has just been thrown into very real jeopardy and you Little England cunts have now threatened my daughter’s future. No no. You’re getting the lash. (This, by the way, is not directed at the forty odd per cent of Britons who voted to Remain. You get a big hug, I am so, so, sorry).

Apparently the number 2 google search in Britain right now is “What is the EU?”

Alice Facepalm

So let me explain. The EU was an utterly unique political union of 28 sovereign nations working together to promote free trade, democracy and human rights on the European continent that spent most of its fifty year history kissing your goddamn arse. You didn’t want to be part of Schengen? You didn’t have to be part of Schengen. Didn’t want  to adopt the Charter of Fundamental Rights? No problem, rude of us to even ask. You thought a single currency was a stupid idea? Well, you were right about that one in hindsight but the rest of us didn’t force you.

You had it all, you dumb fucks. You had the best possible deal. Now if Greece says they want out? That’s understandable. But you guys? What exactly about the absurdly preferential treatment you got was not to your liking? Were the handjobs not suitably vigorous, WHAT?!

Oh you’re having second thoughts? You didn’t really think your vote would matter? You’re starting to realise that the man leading the Leave campaign is a racist, lying ferret in a man-suit?

LET ME LICK YOUR FUCKING TEARS. OH! OH! THEY TASTE SO GOOD!

I’m calling it now. The UK does not live to see 2026. Scotland is finally going to realise its too good for you and always has been. And Jesus Christ we may actually have to take Northern Ireland in like an abused child and won’t THAT be fun?

This is your future, England, a despised, lonely old man that dies alone after driving away all his friends and family.

Who’s cheering this result? Putin. Trump. Iran. ISIS. And of course they’re cheering. It’s always easier when your enemies do you the courtesy of destroying themselves.

There is not going to be another referendum. There will be no do-overs. The rest of Europe is not going to let you back in ten, twenty years down the line. How do you think that’s going to go?

“So, do we let that guy back in the house who almost burned the whole place down?”

“Well, the answer’s in the question, non?”

Do you even see what’s happening in the world? These are scary, scary times and to put it bluntly the rest of us have bigger things to worry about than a clapped out former empire unable to get over the fact that one time it managed to grab a shit ton of real estate through the cunning method of only picking fights with people armed with sharp sticks and stern glares. THIS IS THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT THE WEST NEEDS RIGHT NOW. DID YOU THINK THIS WAS WHAT WE NEEDED RIGHT NOW? YOU WERE INCORRECT.

Ignorant. Stupid. Selfish. Racist. Reckless. Motherfuckers.

Your grandparents saved Europe. You may have doomed us all.

Idiots.

57 comments

  1. A. FUCKING. MEN.

    I have never been so exhausted by news after shitty news in my entire life. Granted, that’s only 21 years but for God’s sake! How can people be this short sighted?! This selfish?!

    “Hmmm, being a senior citizen, perhaps I should act outside of my own, possibly outdated beliefs, and vote in favour of a future that will benefit generations to come? …Nah. Fuck’em.”

    “Yeah lads, we’ll vote for Leaving as a joke! It’ll be hilarious!”

    I am very, very tired.

  2. I…um. Hmm. Normally I’d try to make some sort of joke to lower the tension, but you seem legitimately incensed. So, um… Here’s to hoping for better days ahead? :/

    I don’t know, how would you try to comfort me if, say, a politically significant number of people voted for Donald Trump? I think it would be more or less the same kind of feeling… 😦

    1. Mind if I take a crack at it?

      For you, the suffering (IF IT HAPPENS AT ALL, WE PRAY NOT) will only last 4 years. Unless Trump is hiding some brilliant, hitherto unknown brains under that ‘hair’, there is no chance of that dolt being elected twice. Granted, we said the same about Dubya, but I feel confident in saying that tiny-fingered cretin of a man won’t make it to his second term.

      Unfortunately, Britain will never be allowed back in. Not unless Parliament overrules the vote.

      1. Not to be contrarian, but the damage done by a President will last much longer than just four years. The next President will introduce policy and veto bills that have far-reaching impact, and could likely be up for appointing as many as SIX future Supreme Court justices. In addition, any damage (or, if competent, progress) achieved with foreign nations can last for very, very long. Former presidents who have tanked the economy have required multiple administrations to pass before it fully recovered.

        It’s not a situation where if you just sit out four years, you get a magic reset to how things were before.

      2. Yes, you’re absolutely right. I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking clearly or in the long term. News had me kind of high strung (obviously =P ) and I’m sorry for trying to compare two very situations and sorry for dismissing any long term issues.

      3. Isn’t that kinda like saying, “The life-threatening illness will likely *only* last 4 years”? …There are other things I’d like to say, but I feel that an open forum like this one is not the place to air certain views, especially if the self-indulgent b*stard actually does make it into office.

        Well. Not that it would matter, I’m sure. Some people just need a reason, other people don’t even need that… :/

      1. “I honestly couldn’t say. British politics is not my area of expertise.”

        I’m confused, then. If you don’t live in Britain, how does this vote affect your country’s economy or your daughter’s future? And what makes you so sure that none of the people who voted for Brexit had legitimate reasons for doing so? Yes, there are clearly SOME in the movement who are just racist or don’t know what the EU is, but that doesn’t mean either of those things is true for EVERYONE who voted to leave.

      2. Because Britain is our largest trading partner and because this could very well destabilise the North which has only recently emerged from a decades long conflict and because there is a very real chance that this will knock us back into recession.

      3. They can and do but all those trade agreements have been negotiated over decades and now will have to be renegotiated from scratch. The North gets a huge amount of funding and investment from the EU. Also. Because the UK and Ireland are both in the EU we don’t have a border. You can just walk between the Republic and the North without even noticing. That’s not going to be workable now. There’s going to be border checkpoints. Villages will literally be divided. Trade and travel will become hugely more difficult. The North may actually decide that losing EU membership is too much and might even decide to reunify. Or they’ll stay in a UK that will be much poorer and far less able to deal with them. Either path is hugely risky and could reignite the conflict.

      4. From what I’ve heard, some British feel leaving the EU will give them more sovereignty, more control of their own borders and more freedom to pass protectionist policies that will protect British jobs. I don’t know if any of those things are true, but a person who votes to leave because they THINK those things are true isn’t necessarily a racist or one of the people Googling “what is the EU?”

    1. I think he will tbh. There’s no one else big enough, and on the leave side, in the Tory party it could possibly go too.

      Sorry to be the voice of more doom =/

  3. I admit…I feel a little bit cheerful. I feel sorry for the young people in the UK who have to deal with this mess, but I actually believe that the EU will be stronger for it. Germany certainly will. All that glorious business which will now might decide to move! The finance markets of London about to end up in Frankfurt! I smell money, a lot of money, which can be used for a lot of good….

    But even if that weren’t the case, I was getting so damned tired of the UK getting an extra-ruling for everything. It is a relief that they can’t play the Brexit card ever again and that they can no longer pretend that the EU is causing all the problems in their own country and not the mismanagement of its own government.

    Also, my trip to London just became much cheaper. I just saved one third of the money for the hotel and for the flights by booking as soon as the exchange rate dropped.

    But I am kind of curious…Ireland becoming one country again in the same vain as the German reunification, is that even possible?

    1. It seems incredible but maybe? Reimposing the land border would be a nightmare and the North voted to stay (albeit by a smaller margin). Sinn Fein are already pushing for a referendum. If we did actually reunite…Jesus this could get messy.

      1. Nope, and West Germany was financially somewhat stable. That’s the thing, in our case the people wanted to be reunited after years of a wall keeping us apart and it still came with a ton of problems and resentments towards each other. I can’t imagine how this should even remotely work in Ireland (even though it actually might be better if that somehow works out on the long run….)

  4. I’m really worried, as a citizen of a neighbouring country. And a bit angry, too. All those smug, elderly faces of Leave voters in the news… As I’ve seen it described elsewhere, ‘one last “fuck you” from the baby-boomers.’

  5. *bakes cheddar scones and brews up a big pot of tea but leaves the pouring to Mouse because I accept my American limitations*

    It’s all I can offer right now. 😦

    Except . . . here’s a thought that I’m genuinely curious about: could Parliament veto the Leave? Or could the Queen veto it? (I know she has limited government power but does she have the authority to say, “Sorry, my subjects, but nope”?) Or is the situation “voters voted, there is no recourse outside of another referendum”?

    1. In theory the referendum is advisory, nonbinding, et cetera, et cetera, and again in theory the Queen has the one-use ability to veto any single decision. One. Once it’s used it’ll never be used again. (That second doesn’t make me comfortable, but if there’s any one decision…)

      Both would imply a competent and sustained campaign from the British pro-integration camp over years to lay the groundwork so that the opposition can’t (fairly) accuse them of ignoring the will of the people, and based on their performance in the Scottish independence referendum and now in Brexit, I wouldn’t trust them to sell a jug of ice water to a wanderer in the Sahara.

      From an institutional perspective, and speaking as a Californian, this is but one example of why you DO. NOT. RELY.ON. REFERENDA. Seriously, direct democracy has managed to paralyze our state’s legislative process for the last few decades; there are vast tracts of our budget that Sacramento cannot touch because of some referendum established years and years ago. But at least the damage we can do to our state is limited since we’re covered by the US federal government and restricted by the 14th Amendment. Britain? No limits, no sanity checks. And now no future.

    2. *pours tea. Munches scone* Thanks Pol. Technically yes but overturning the result of a free and fair election just ain’t something you can do in a democracy. The people have spoken, the damn fools.

  6. You know this seems pretty unlikely but what is your opinion can Ireland unite if North Ireland wants to remain in EU? Seemed impossible before this but now I do not know anymore…

    But I think people who voted what is EU are outside UK (like from US) and people who just do not have good Google skills and just want to find opinion pieces and this is what Google recomended for them. I think it is not that bad.

    Anyway I am from Finland and I am sad. Hopefully EU won’t suffer, this is kind of scary. And I was considering on studying in UK as well at some point actually too.

      1. Perhaps it would be a case of “the enemy of my enemy is my friend” . . . OK, maybe not “friend” but at least is an ally.

        In other news, Scotland has impressed me by coming up with some of the most colorful insults I’ve heard/seen since my college days:

    1. According to Google, the “What is the eu?” Was the second most searched for thing in the UK that day, so not just other countries wondering what they were missing.

      1. I think that was the 22% who couldn’t be bothered to vote. No-one who cared enough to walk to a polling station can not have known.

  7. Long-time reader, first-time commenter here.

    This is just…really awful. I lived in both London and Dublin at various times back during my student years, and the tsunami that’s about to crash down on both nations makes me flinch, even watching from a distance. I’d offer sympathy (and another drink) but the wave is going to hit us here too, even if the short-fingered vulgarian doesn’t get elected, so we’re all getting soaked by this.

  8. Wow. My country has seen many a referendum fail over the years, so I never actually expected this one to pass. I know it isn’t much, but I am so, so sorry for those that will suffer at the hands of the more short-sighted of their countrymen. Would it even help if the country was accepted back into the EU ten years down the line, or would it be too late by then?

  9. Inclusion in the EU was a mistake to begin with. England (and Wales) has been separate from the Continent since being unified as a political entity. There’s nothing really comparable to it on the mainland. Especially when the EU expanded, the defining conflict became Germany and France on one hand and the economic underperformers on the other. Neither cared about British interests (Not did they need to, of course.)

    Now, though, Scotland is in a bind. It wants EU membership, but even with full political separation from England and the rest of the UK, it can’t happen because Spain will never sign off on it out of fear of Catalan Independence. And that really sucks.

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