Disney Reviews with the Unshaved Mouse #56: Moana

Question. Do you think that when Ron Clements and John Musker show up at the Disney studios they’re all…

‘Cos they’d kinda have to, wouldn’t they? I mean, they’ve earned that. If they wanted to stop at every cubicle and say “Oh by the way, we’re the reason you have a job. You’re welcome.” who among us would begrudge them that? With The Little Mermaid, Clements and Musker kick-started the Disney Renaissance, catapulting the animation studio back to cultural relevance and critical and commercial acclaim. And then, just for poops and giggles, they did it again in 2009, with the Princess and the Frog marking the end of the Lost Era and inaugurating the current golden age of the canon. Come to think of it, I have a feeling that Disney could have saved themselves a lot of worry and financial distress over the decades if they’d just hung a sign on the wall saying “WHEN THINGS ARE GOING BAD, JUST MAKE A PRINCESS MOVIE”. Seriously, never fails. Okay, apart from that one that almost drove the company to bankruptcy.

Totally worth it.

Where was I? Oh right, Clements and Musker. These two men wrote the book on the modern Disney Princesses movie. They are O fuckin’ G, or at least as gangsta as one can be while making movies about princesses and their talking animal friends. They are the Biggie and Tupac of this one very specific movie sub-genre.

In this analogy, Walt would be Ice-T.

Moana honestly feels less like a Disney Princess movie, and more like the Disney Princess movie, an attempt to make as definitive a version of this kind of movie as it’s possible to make. That may sound like a compliment…but…

This movie feels like it’s trying to take everything that worked about the previous nine modern Disney princesses (Merida doesn’t count FIGHT ME) and distill them into one character. Moana is all those princesses combined into one. But is she an awesome Megazord or a shambling Frankenstein’s monster?

Let’s take a look.

We open with Gramma Tala (Rachel House) retelling the story of the goddess Te Fiti who gifted the world with life. But then, the trickster demi-god Maui tried to steal the source of her power, the Heart of Te Fiti, by turning into a worm and getting eaten by her massive vagina with stone teeth…

Oh. Apparently we’re not interested in doing an accurate re-telling of Polynesian mythology. C’mon Disney, if you’re not gonna play, why come to the party? Okay, so anyway, Maui found the heart of Te Fiti in a manner that did not involve vaginas in anyway despite the fact that literally nothing in history has ever been made better through the absence of vaginas. He stole the heart of Te Fiti but was attacked by a lava demon named Te Kā who punched his lights out.

Gramma Tala who is recounting the story to a group of children including her granddaughter Moana tells them that Maui, the Heart of Te Fiti and Maui’s magical fish-hook are now lost and have not been seen in over a thousand years. She tells them that unless some brave soul can find Maui and restore the Heart of Te Fiti, darkness will engulf the ocean and all life will go extinct. But her son, Chief Tui, butts his head into the classroom to tell the kids not to listen to crazy old Gramma because no one goes outside the reef and there’s plenty of fish and there’s definitely no monsters and even if there were there’s no evidence that the monsters are anthropogenic and the science is not settled. All the kids are understandably freaked out, except little Moana, who runs down to the sea and discovers to her surprise that she has Moses powers.

“No words. Should have sent a poet.”

 So let’s get this out of the way. This is the most beautiful CGI film in the Disney canon to date. Good God damn. The water effects are so flawless they probably should have just filmed an actual ocean and saved themselves a couple of million. It’s jaw-droppingly gorgeous. Anyway, in this movie the ocean is an actual character that is amazingly charismatic and expressive despite not having any actual, em, expressions.

Anyway, Ocean gifts baby Moana with the Heart of Te Fiti (kids, this is just a movie, NEVER accept gifts from strange oceans) but she drops it on the beach and Tui comes and takes her away from the ocean because it’s time for her to learn her people’s ancient art of montage.

So we get our first musical number, Where You Are, that takes us through Moana’s childhood to her teenage years while accomplishing key world building about the island of Motunui; namely that the people are happy but that they can never leave the island and also that they think coconuts are the fucking SHIT.

“And we’ll see YOU! At CocoCon ’18!”

But Moana thinks there’s more to life than coconuts. She wants to be where the fishes are. She wants to see, wants to see them swimming. Floating around on those…what’s that word again? Oh. Fins.

As well as Moana’s father we also meet her mother Sina (Nicole Scherzinger) and her obligatory animal sidekicks. First is Pua, an adorable little piglet voiced by Frank Welker. Yes, I know the Disney wiki says Pua was voiced by actual pigs but trust me, those pigs were voiced by Frank Welker. When will you people get it through your heads, Frank Welker voices everything. We also meet Hei Hei, the island’s idiot chicken and a walking rebuttal to evolution. Hei Hei is voiced by Alan Tudyk which means…

Oh crap, let me figure this out…


So, under Tudyk’s law if Alan Tudyk is playing a character who doesn’t seem villainous, then he’s the villain.

But if he’s playing a character who seems to be the villain from the outset, then he’s not the villain.

BUT, if he seems at first to be playing a minor villain, then he’s actually playing a minor villain working for the true villain who we previously thought was a minor good character.

And if he’s playing a minor character supporting the hero then he is actually…SATAN HIMSELF!

Roosters. Can’t trust ’em.

Tui takes Moana to the top of a mountain where there is a pillar of stones. He tells her that each chief of the tribe has laid their stone one the pillar, and that when she’s ready to become chief she must do the same.


“Sigh. What is it Nit?”

“No no, it’s fine.”

“Oh just say it before you strain something.”

“Oh nothing it’s just that we’re told that it’s been a thousand years since the islanders stopped exploring but there’s only sixteen stones in the pillar assuming the bottom one is part of the chief’s stones and not simply a platform of some kind which would mean the the average length of a chief’s reign on this island is sixty two and a half years which, while not impossible, seems highly unlikely given that that would be far longer than overall human life expectancy at that period of history and oh God that feels so much better.”

“You are, as ever, a credit to your parasitic species.”

So Moana throws herself into being who her people need her to be, teaching dancing, holding people’s hands during the incredibly long drawn and painful tattooing process and talking a local elder (voiced by Alan Tudyk which means…ah fuck it) out of cooking and eating Hei Hei. The old man points out that Hei is literally too stupid to live but Moana says that “sometimes our strengths lie beneath the surface”. I’m sorry, Moana? What hidden potential do you think this chicken has, exactly?

What? You think he’s gonna go to law school?

Now’s probably as good a time as any to talk about Auli’i Cravalho, who despite this being her first movie role, gives possibly my favourite performance of any Disney princess. She’s just so good. She nails the comedic and dramatic beats perfectly and makes a character who might simply feel like a checklist of stuff that worked before actually work as a real, fleshed out personality.

But despite what all the musical numbers say, life on the island is less rosy than it seems. Consider the coconuts…

“The WHAT!?”

Ahem. Consider the coconuts. While Moana is on some on-the-job chief training some of the village women tell her that there’s something wrong with the coconuts she takes a look and…


Okay guys listen to me very carefully. I’m Irish, I know what to do in this situation.  Get on some boats. Get on some boats right now. Start sailing towards New York and don’t stop until you see the statue of Liberty. Settle in the slums, build your own political machine, found a few police and fire departments and within a century you’ll have the presidency (may he rest in peace).

But Moana instead tells them to plant some coconut trees somewhere else (oh gee, why didn’t we think of that?) but that’s not the only problem. The fishermen aren’t catching any fish, and Moana asks them if they’ve tried fishing in the other part of the sea and they say they’ve tried that, and she asks them if they’ve tried fishing in the other other part of the sea and they say they’ve tried that too. And then Moana suggests the other other….and they’re all “Let me stop you right there.” Moana then suggests they go beyond the reef but Tui angrily shuts that idea down and he and Moana argue and make the fishermen really uncomfortable.

Later, Sina explains that Tui was once like Moana and longed to explore the sea. But when he and his best friend crossed the reef, their boat was smashes and Tui’s best friend drowned. And now, Tui hates the sea, and would punch it in the dick if he could. Sina tells Moana that “Sometimes, who we wish we were, what we wish we could do, is not who we were meant to be.” This leads us into How Far I’ll Go, our “I want” song.

Okay, here’s my feelings on the soundtrack. It’s great!

Buuuuuuut it’s not as good as Frozen.

Oh Simpsons gifs. What did I do before ye? Yes, yes. It’s really good, and Lin Manuel Miranda is an absolute genius but for me this soundtrack falls just short of that instantly iconic X-Factor that made Frozen such a cultural event. And again, it feels that this movie’s main weakness is that it’s just a little too indebted to the Princess movies that have gone before. How Far I’ll Go feels like a very conscious attempt to make an “I want” song rather than just a song. It knows it’s an “I want” song, if that makes sense. And yeah, it’s a good one, but it’s still probably my least favourite song in the movie for that reason. Anyway, Moana sings about being torn between her duty to her tribe and her love of the ocean and then goes and rows out onto the water with her little animal friend.

But, as any old sea dog will tell you, the sea be a harsh mistress, yaar, and Moana almost drowns and gets washed up on the beach where she’s found by Gramma Tala, her kooky, sassy granny who understands her better than anyone else in her family.

Tala tells Moana that when she dies she wants to come back as a manta ray “or else” she says “I chose the wrong tattoo.”

“I was gonna get “My Chemical Romance For Life” across my back. Day before I went in, they split up. Hand to God.”

Tala shows Moana a secret cave where a fleet of sailing boats are hidden along with a massive tapestry depicting the voyages of the ancient islanders. This leads us into We Know the Way, a brilliant song that basically works as a two minute short film depicting generations of Polynesian explorers traversing the Pacific. Moana realises that her ancestors were voyagers who settled the island instead of hatching from coconuts like she’d always been told. Moana asks Tala why they stopped and she explains that after Maoi stole the Heart of Te Fiti, the ocean got more and more dangerous and the boats stopped coming back. So the islanders stopped sailing, hid their boats and basically stuck fingers in their ears and went “Lalaalala everything’s fine” while outside the world got steadily more Pirates of Dark Water.

“I got that reference!”

“Here is some animation nerd cred. Use it wisely.”

“Oh! It’s beautiful…”

She gives Moana the heart of Te Fiti and tells her she must go and find Maui and bring him back to her island so that he can put it back. Moana crashes a tribal council meeting and tells the villagers that there’s a shit ton of boats under the island and that they have to go questin’. Tui is furious and says he should have burned the boats years ago and that the heart of Te Fiti is just a stone. They’re interrupted by a tribesman who tells Tui that his mother has fallen ill. They rush to Tala’s bedside where she’s dying. Tala whispers to Moana to get on a boat and find Maui, saying “When you find him, grab him by the ear and say “I am Moana of Motunui! You will board my boat, sail across the sea, and restore the heart of Te Fiti!”

Moana tearfully says goodbye to her grandmother and sails away from the island singing a reprise of How Far I’ll Go, her grief at losing her grandmother overcome by her joy at finally escaping the place she’s been held prisoner her whole life.

While sailing, Moana hears a weird tapping and realises that it’s coming from inside the boat. She opens the hatch and finds that Hei Hei has stowed aboard. So, initially, it was supposed to be Pua who joined Moana on her quest (one of the reasons he features so prominently in the marketing) but the creators swapped him out at the last minute for Hei Hei. I…I’m borderline on Hei Hei, I’ll be honest. I don’t know whether I find him hilarious or really annoying. The physical comedy is very well executed, but on the other hand, you can only watch a chicken almost kill itself so many times.

Also, has anyone else noticed that Ocean is kind of a psycho? Like, one minute it’s helping her find the island and being all friendly and giving hi-fives and then next it’s straight up trying to drown her. It’s like Ocean is Moana’s abusive boyfriend.

After a storm, Moana is washed up on an island and wakes up on a beach with her hair all mussed.

The island turns out to be the prison of none other than Maui, demi-god and hero to all, voiced by Dwayne “The Rock” Jonson, demi-god and hero to all. Seriously, you realise the Rock is Western civilization’s equivalent of Hercules, right? Future archaeologists will study the tales of his great deeds, the battles he won against Stone Cold Steve Austin, his epic rivalry with Vin Diesel and the time he crashed the 2020 Republican convention, smacked Donald Trump with a chair until his hair piece flew off , claimed the nomination and became president (damn it let me dream!). The guy is just the stuff of legend. Great wrestler, great actor, great human. Seriously, is there anything the dude can’t do?

“I see what’s happening heyare…”

 Yes. Yes there is. Wow. Okay. Yeah. Dude can’t sing.

But…while he’s not a great singer, he is a fantastic performer and I gotta admit I find it really hard to dislike his rendition of You’re Welcome, where Maui humble brags to Moana about all the amazing stuff he’s done for the human race. Also, we’re introduced to Mini-Maui, a little tattoo of himself that Maui has that’s alive. Mini-Maui acts as Maui’s conscience and is brought to life by…OH MY GOD IT’S HAND-DRAWN ANIMATION! HAND DRAWN ANIMATION IN A DISNEY MOVIE! IT’S BACK! DARLING! I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!

“Death cannot stop true love. It can only delay it for a while.”

“I will never doubt again.”

“There will never be a need.”

Maui treats Moana like a starstruck fan and offers to autograph her oar with Hei Hei saying “When you use a bird to write, it’s called tweeting.”

Folks, let me tell ya. Disney movies are like bears. You can spend years living near them, watching them. And they’ll never bother you. And you’ll trick yourself into thinking they’re your friends. That you share this forest with them. And then, one day, for no reason. They’ll turn on you. And they’ll hurt you. They’ll hurt you worse than you ever thought possible.

My point is, that joke was not very good.

Moana tells Maui that he has to come with her to restore the heart of Te Fiti, but he wants nothing to do with it and keeps throwing her off the boat only for Ocean to keep throwing her back. Realising that her mission is to escort a vain, self-obsessed man-baby…


…Moana appeals to his ego, telling Maui that if he restores the heart he’ll be a hero to all mankind again. But they’re interrupted by an attacking fleet of Kakamora. The Kakamora are little critters in coconut armour who look like Miyazaki’s kodamas crossed with Immortan Joe’s War Boys.

“Oh what a day! WHAT A LOVELY DAY!”

I love the Kakamora because they’re wonderfully designed and hilarious characters and also because in Irish “Kakamora” means “Large Shits” and I’m a child. Anyway, after escaping the Large Shits, Maui agrees to help Maona as long as they recover his magical fish hook. This means a detour to Lalotai, the realm of monsters, where the hook is being held by Tamatoa, a giant crab voiced by Jermaine Clement and the hardest working David Bowie impersonation on Earth.

On the way, Moana has a dream where she finds her self back at Motunui, just in time to watch her home, family, and everything she’s ever loved be destroyed.

Okay, maybe that one’s a reach.

She wakes up to find that they’ve arrived at Lalotai and Moana and Maui dive into the underworld yadda yadda lazy bastard kookaburras it’s late and I couldn’t find a screenshot moving on.

After sneaking into Tamatoa’s cave, Moana distracts the crab by getting him to sing about himself so that Maui can get his hook back. The song, Shiny, is my favourite song in the whole movie (minority opinion, I know). But of course, Tamatoa only gets five minutes of screentime or so and is not even our main bad guy. Lindsay Ellis did a great video recently on how the traditional Disney villain is going extinct and it’s a damn shame because we deserve a better class of criminal. That’s not to say that Tamatoa is a bad villain, actually the opposite. I think he’s great, we just needed more of him. If it was up to me, I’d have Tamatoa remain a presence in the story all the way through, maybe have the Kakamora be his henchmen and have him follow Moana and Maui all the way to the final battle with Te Kā. Just as Te Kā is a dark opposite of Moana, (a fire demon who doesn’t know who she is), Tamatoa is Maui if he let his selfishness and vanity and superficiality completely overcome the better part of his nature. So you’d make the final battle two on two, Maui against Tamatoa and Moana against Te Kā.  Well anyway, we gots what we gots. Maui gets his hook back but finds that his shape shifting powers don’t work anymore and Tamatoa beats him and nearly eats him…

“Hey Mouse! Quit stalling!”

“What? Oh, very well.”


Anyway, Moana manages to save Maui from Tamatoa by tricking him into thinking a barnacle covered in biolumescent algae is the Heart of Te Fiti (as a deevershen).

Back on dry land, Maui thanks Moana for saving him but says that the quest is a bust because, if he can’t even beat a mini-boss like Tamatoa,  Te Kā will beat Te Krāp out of him.  Moana asks how Maui gets his tattoos, and he says that they appear magically when ever he does something epically heroic (well sure, if you want to do it the easy way). She asks about the one on his back showing a woman throwing a baby into the sea and he sadly tells her that the baby is him. Maui’s parent’s didn’t want him, and tried to drown him. He was rescued by the gods who made him a demi-god and he went back to the humans, lassoing the sun, bringing them fire and coconuts and all to win their love and affection. And it was never enough. Until finally he stole the secret of life itself from Te Fiti. It’s a very sad tale about a man so desperate for love and the gratification of his ego that he ended up dooming the world. I’m sure there is a real world parallel somewhere out there but dammit I just can’t think of it right now.

Anyway, Moana gives Maui a pep talk and boosts his self esteem and through the power of montage he recovers his shape shifting abilities and they sail to the island of Te Fiti. Along the way, Maui teaches Moana how to sail and the two become closer. Maui tells Moana that he thinks he knows why the ocean chose her. He says that a thousand years ago, her people stopped exploring, and the ocean misses their journeys from island to island and wants to bring that back. This, incidentally, is based on real history. The Polynesians did actually stop exploring for millenia only to suddenly resume and no one really knows why. Some archaeologists choose to blame changes in climate that made sailing more difficult because archaeologists are all boring.

I, on the other hand, choose to blame Godzilla.

They finally arrive at Te Fiti and Moana wishes Maui good luck as he goes to battle Te Kā. It goes…not…great…

Maui crawl back to the boat and begs Moana to retreat but she insists on trying to get past Te Kā. Maui gets him by Te Kā again and this time his hook is damaged. They escape, and Maui is furious with Moana, blaming her for what happened to his hook. Maui coldy says that he’s not going back and risking his life just so that she can prove herself. Moana orders him not to go, saying “The ocean chose me!”

“It chose wrong.” Maui replies, and flies away.

Devastated, Moana breaks down in tears and tells the ocean that it must choose someone else, and gives it the Heart of Te Fiti. But then, a ghostly manta ray swims towards her boat and the ghost of her grandmother appears to Moana.

“Moana. You must go to the Dagobah system.”

Tala tells Moana “Hey, you’re the chief’s daughter, you crossed the ocean, you’re descended from voyagers, you’re fuckin’ Moana and you got this!”


Moana swims to the bottom of the ocean, takes back the Heart of Te Fiti and sets sail for the island again. With some nifty sailing she manages to get past Te Kā and almost gets to the island but Te Kā capsizes her boat and is about to give her a hot molten bitch slap when Maui arrives. Maui tells Moana to head for the island while he holds off Te Kā. Moana finally reaches the place where Te Fiti should be, but instead finds only an empty void in the ocean. And Moana finally realises what Te Kā actually is…not an enemy to be defeated, but someone who has been done a great wrong and who needs help.

This moment, where Moana walks fearlessly across the ocean floor towards Te Kā, is maybe the single most beautiful sequence in the entire canon. It’s beautifully animated, and the score is exquisite and the lyrics are pure poety. But more than that, the reason this scene moves me to tears every single time I see it is because, for once, it’s not strength or power that wins the day and saves the world. It’s compassion. And forgiveness. And love.

And it’s why, for all that I may rip on her for being an amalgalm of every other Disney princess, I think Moana may just be the greatest of all of them.

Moana restores the heart and Te Kā transforms into Te Fiti. Maui approaches the goddess and apologises for what he did.

Yeah, I know that look.

Still, Te Fiti’s a good sport about the whole thing and even fixes Maui’s hook. And Moana returns to her island a hero, and she and Maui bid a fond but entirely platonic farewell, because Moana is the first Disney princess who doesn’t have a love interest oh wait…



More of a greatest hits album than a groundbreaking new sound, Moana nonetheless makes up in execution what it lacks in originality. It’s a beautiful film, a great musical and very, very worthy addition to the canon.


Animation: 20/20

Maybe some of the best water effects ever generated, and Disney’s most beautiful CGI film to date.

Leads: 20/20

Mo’ana, no’problems.

Villains: 14/20

Tamatoa is a great comedic villain and really deserved a bigger role. Te Fiti needs more personality.

Supporting Characters: 15/20

Solid but mostly types we’ve already seen in other Disney movies, the cute animal sidekick, the wise, sassy grandma, the over-protective Dad with a temper. The only one who really stands out as original is Hei Hei.

Music: 19/20


Don’t kill me guys. Hamilton is still the best thing ever.

NEXT UPDATE: 31 May 2017

NEXT TIME: Join Mouse as he takes a look at the red-headed step-child of superheroes…


  1. I have to correct you…the last villain song beforehand was “Mother knows best”.

    I have a hard time to lay a finger on what bothers me about Moana and I have come to the conclusion that my main issue is that the movie has no stakes. I think it would have been way better if we keep going back to the island, seen the parent worrying about her while the situation becomes more and more dire, perhaps even a conversation between her parents in which her father berates himself that he didn’t prepare her at all for the journey she has now taken anyway. As it is, all the adventures Moana has to survive seem to be quite random.

      1. And I’m not saying you have to agree, but if you take two or three steps back and look at “Love is an Open Door” in the context of the whole movie, doesn’t it become a rather disturbing villain song itself?

        I mean, the villain actually gets the heroine to sing it along with him. How much more villainous can you get? 😓

    1. That’s exactly my issue with Moana. After the first act, the pacing is so horrible, and I got bored so many times because there was no stakes, and we never went back to see how the islanders were doing to break some of the tension.

      1. Yeah, I mean I get why people like it, it is the kind of movie which allows you to just lean back and enjoy the atmosphere and the amazing animation and in itself there are some very strong scenes in it. But I need more drive in a narrative to be satisfied. In this case they introduce a ticking clock and then kind of forget about it.

      2. Yeah, kind of. I mean they kind of do set up the coconut pirates during the narration in the beginning, but they are still kind of random.

    2. You’re so right about “Love is an Open Door”! I love how the title means something different for each singer: for Princess Anna, love is an open door that will finally let her escape the palace; for Prince Hans, love is an open door that will let him infiltrate the palace.

    3. Yeah, I’ve noticed a lot of people skip over Gothel when discussing the drought of Disney Villains; I myself forget every now and again. Heck, Lindsay noted this in that video Mouse brought up. Looking into it, I’ve come to notice that she’s as popular in no small part because her particular brand of villainy hits a little too close to home for some people.

      1. Yeah, Gothel is an excellent villain, but she also feels more realistic than, say, Ursula. In a way she presents the transition from the over the top villains to the secret villains.

    1. Man, such a…specific reference. Even if that misspelling was just a crazy coincidence, that’s still pretty funny.

      1. Bionacle got a lot of there “alien” names for things from Polynesian, just going through and changing some letters around.

  2. Great review, Mouse! I agree with you that this movie is pretty good, but unlike you, out of the two Disney offerings for 2016, I liked Zootopia a bit more, since I felt it was a bit more creative, and had a more serious message. But no matter, since I was really entertained with this one, and have high hopes for Disney’s next offerings.
    Also, nice to know that the Bahia joke still lives.

    1. I’ve seen Zootopia five times in the year and change since its release and I legitimately think it might be a top 5 Disney film.

  3. Ah, the Irish Coconut Famine. Many fruity drinks were tragically lost.

    I’m pretty sure the “tweeting” joke was awful on purpose. NO ONE could think that’s funny, except an arrogant asshole utterly convinced of his own bottomless wit and charisma. So Maui, in other words.

    Yeah, the ending to this always hits me right in the chest. In addition to the wonderful emotions, I appreciate that the climax of the movie is a song, like any respectable musical.

    I like Hei Hei, but I am biased. He reminds me of a truly idiotic dog I once owned. This benighted creature COULD NOT understand that one should slow down to turn a corner or go down stairs. The sound of him crash landing at the bottom of the stairs in a heap every morning because it was breakfast time was a perfect alarm clock. He also ate rocks.

    1. I never watched Firefly, so I am admittedly late to the game with this revelation, but Tudyk is quickly becoming my all-time favorite character actor, rivaling my top contender John C. Reilly. The fact that Hei-Hei in this movie and Green Arrow in Injustice 2 are the same guy blows my mind.

  4. Yes, the review we’ve been waiting for!

    I feel “Never Accept Gifts from Strange Oceans: A Bahia Story” is gonna be the title of your memoirs!

    I’m a big fan of this film and like it more than Frozen. It’s actually the only film in the Disney Revival era that I “love”. All the others, I merely like, at best. I also prefer this film’s soundtrack to Frozen’s, but I’m also with you in that I’m not in love with How Far I’ll Go as everyone else is. My fave song is We Know the Way followed closely by Shiny! (High five!)

    The CG for the water was definitely gorgeous!

    How do you feel about Gigantic being pushed from next year to November 2020?

  5. 100 percent agree about Moana – I love her as a Disney Princess, she’s my new favorite for every reason you stated but at the same time she’s really just an amalgam of every Princess before her. I feel like this is more of a hero/heroine movie than a Princess movie, but Disney knew they could market it better as a Princess movie so went with that.

    I love the idea of Tomatoa just following them around, I wish that happened! Shiny grew on me after hearing it a few times, but it just seems so out of place in the movie – my favorite is I am Moana, so beautiful, and the ending gets me every time too.

    1. The Canon began with the Disney Princess Model® depicted as a cookie-cutter cipher, with little or no distinct personality, outside ambitions, or inner life (the male leads were slightly worse). Heck, Perdita and Duchess, two animal characters, have Hedda Gabler- and Blanche DuBois-level individuality and depth compared to Snow and Aurora. Of course, since you don’t remain a cultural Juggernaut for over 90 years without being able to adapt fast, Disney Animation learned how to reliably create fully dimensional, relatable main characters who could still work within their films’ escapist worlds by the late 80s. Now it seems their characterizations have peaked and run all the way around back to the starting point: Cookie-Cutter 2.0. What compounds this for me as a viewer is that, whatever villainous dangers must be faced, the stories’ final outcome is never in doubt. Is the world ready for a Disney movie with the permanent death of a lead or a not-entirely-Happy Ending?

      1. I see that you didn’t mention Cinderella in the same breath as Snow White and Aurora, and I applaud you for that. Cinderella gets a lot of hate too from people, who don’t get that she did what she could in her awful situation. But she is so much better than Snow White, who is pretty much insufferable. And even though it wasn’t Aurora’s fault that she was cursed to sleep through the climax of her movie, she was given too little screen time to become as interesting and relatable as Cinderella was.

        And as for a unhappy endings in a Disney movie, that is not what most people want or expect from The House of Mouse. So I don’t believe that we will get one any time soon.

  6. Stupid pointless story time:

    For an entirely petty and unfair reason I refuse to watch Moana. Twas the summer of 2016 and in far off Rio de Janeiro the olympics were taking place. Someone decided to keep playing ads during the actual fencing and show me plenty of people setting up and taking breaks (seriously, screw NBC’s olympic coverage). Those ads were Moana ads.

    Let’s be honest I’d get around to watching it if it was streaming on Netflix.

  7. Between Moana and The Good Dinosaur I am not sure it is actually possible to improve the look of water animation. When I saw The Good Dinosaur in theaters I legitimately spent half the movie with jaw on the floor muttering “ohmygodthefuckingwaterissofuckingbeautiful” over and over again. I’ve heard a story that when Pixar made Finding Nemo, they made some test footage of the ocean and were told that it looked TOO GOOD and they had to tone it down a bit because it was distracting. I’m not 100% sure if that’s true or not but goddam I hope it is.

    1. Don’t quote me on this, but apparently the project that was to become Moana was allegedly on the back-burner as a potential hand-drawn feature, should the studio be up for taking a second shot at that.
      If that’s true, I’m glad they didn’t, because like you and Mouse said, the water effects are gorgeous, and it works greatly with the overall look of the film.

      1. I remember hearing that too. I also could have sworn that at some point I read that Moana was planned to have been done using the animation engine that made Paperman and Feast.

      2. Moana originally had a 2018 release. They moved it sooner after Frozen blew up.

      3. It wasn’t going to be a hand drawn movie, it was simply going to be the first movie to use Paperman’s engine. But apparently that engine isn’t “quite ready yet”.

  8. I remember being so very scared for this movie, just thinking “come on Disney. Don’t trip up, don’t trip up.” Especially a movie based on mythology because that was shaky last time (I love Hercules, but I can see why the country of Greece was less than thrilled). But they made it work.

  9. You managed to articulate precisely the things that were bugging me about Moana, Mouse. The villains not getting enough screentime for us to really get invested, and the distant nagging sense that Disney’s being just a little too clever yet not quite innovative enough. But for all that, the flaws are minor in a wonderful work.

    Also, it’s hard to believe that for all of Disney’s focus on friendship and love–sometimes heartfelt and sincere, sometimes twee–this was the first time it played a major role in the final confrontation, instead of after. Reading the review and thinking back to 2016, it seems poignant and altogether fitting that three of the most memorable animated films of the year–‘Moana’, ‘Zootopia’, and ‘Kubo and the Two Strings’–have the power of compassion and forgiveness as a major theme in the victory.*

    * By a loophole, I’m excluding ‘Your Name’ from the count solely because it wasn’t released here until 2017.

  10. In the original draft Tamatoa actually was going to follow them! But this was when he was a headless, sailing demon-giant-thing. They changed him into a giant crab because Disney felt the original concept was too creepy for kids (plus a headless demon-giants can’t sing David Bowie inspired villain songs).

  11. Honestly, I have very little opinion on Moana looking back, and it’s because there are literally no stakes, and the film was so painfully predictable.

    Despite that, I did like Moana, since it’s rare for a female protagonist in Disney to actually deal with not knowing themselves and going through a right of passage. A lot of it involves the voice work. Don’t care for Maui, as he is a carbon copy of the cocky-but-not-awful men before him (that Disney is doing way too much of now).

    There was just a bit too little going on that I got bored quite a bit by it. I do LOVE the songs, and the animation is some of the best I’ve ever seen. Great review.

    1. For as hard as The Rock has campaigned for it, his take on Black Adam in a Captain Marvel movie just can’t seem to happen. In the meantime, I think his role as Maui suits him well, playing a different kind of arrogant demi-god.

  12. I don’t cry easily at movies. Frankly, I’m a tough old biddy, but when Moana’s singing the reprise of “How Far I’ll Go” and the glowing manta ray swims under her boat, the hair stood up on the back of my neck and I cried.

  13. I will…respectfully—yet vehemently—disagree with you that Frozen’s soundtrack is stronger. I mean, in terms of writing and composition I might understand the argument, but in terms of syncing the music in accordance to the flow of the story, Moana blows it out of the water (Forgive the pun). The arrangement of the music is actually why I’m fine with “How Far I’ll Go,” as not only do they bring that back three different times, but somehow manage to do so in a fresh manner that adheres to where Moana as a character is at that point in the story, which in of itself is a remarkable feat.

      1. Going off-topic real quick, I was curious about something, as you mentioning Tamatoa and the lack of Disney villains as of late.
        I recall waaay back you mentioning in the comments you might be interested in seeing how a Disney animated film might handle an adaptation of Dracula. Would you ever consider a full blog post one day speculating on how something like that might play out?
        In terms of iconic villains, you can’t go wrong with Dracula, but at the same time, there have been a litany of interpretations of the character and his mythos over the years, a lot of which actually cast him in a more sympathetic light. Add that with the risks and challenges the studio would have to endure in order to create an adaptation of the story that is still accessible to mainstream audiences, and the idea alone is thoroughly fascinating.

      2. Yeah, I really don’t see it happening anytime soon, not when they’re on such a winning streak. While it would be fascinating to see, logically I know it’s probably a terrible idea.

      3. ^ I think if Disney did such a thing, it might wind up rather like Roman Polanski’s “The Fearless Vampire Killers,” which — believe it or not — has a rather Disney-reminiscent plotline in its European musicalization, “Tanz der Vampire.” (I mean, aside from the bad guys winning and the very adult subplots, it’s like a combo of “Fiddler on the Roof,” “The Phantom of the Opera,” and “The Rocky Horror Show.” If not necessarily Disney, I could easily see that musical becoming an animated feature if it’s ever committed to film.)

    1. Tell me someone made a parody of this movie starring Obama. Please. I seriously walked right out of the theatres thinking, “if someone doesn’t parody this song by making it about the Hawaii-born president who is always told, ‘thanks’, I will lose all of my faith in song parody as a genre”.

      At least tell me that wasn’t begging to be a thing.

  14. I thought this movie was pretty good, but among Disney’s 2016 offerings, Zootopia easily beats it. Still, this was one of the better years where Disney released two canon films in the same year.

    On a side note, I rewatched this movie with my 4-year old nephew, and he was really scared of Te Kā. Like, there were some parts where he covered his eyes, or even his from the TV. Then when she got healed, he wouldn’t stop talking about it.

  15. I wanna start off by saying that the first thing that came to mind at the end of “Shiny” when Tamatoa’s gone all crazy-eyed in the black light was, “OMG! Bahia!” Hand to God.

    I enjoyed the movie a lot. I don’t love it as a whole but I love parts. For example, the music, although it took me awhile to warm up to a couple of the songs and I still don’t really like “Where You Are.” It’s just a little too blunt with it’s message. I liked the theme of identity that ran through the narrative and characters. I loved Moana’s design, especially the movement of her hair.

    Buuuuut . . . I wish they had done something more with the “whole ocean of bad” though. Sure the kakamora and Realm of Monsters were bad but . . . I mean . . . that’s 2 things. Hardly a whole ocean. (And — I wish we got just a little bit more of Tui’s backstory. Why did he and his best friend try to leave the reef? Wasn’t his reaction to Moana showing him the heart just a little weird? How long has he known about the boats? I think the ocean has been choosing people to restore the heart for a long time but nobody’s succeeded yet. And I think Tui was one of those chosen ones who failed. It could’ve upped the tension, like maybe Moana really was going to be yet another failed chosen one.)

    On a final note, I didn’t like “Shiny” the first time I heard it. It took this video to make me change my mind: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oYbgTXaCFxs

  16. I haven’t seen this film yet but I enjoyed the review. I haven’t watched a lot of the newer Disney films, not even Frozen. I have some catching up to do. I did laugh a bit too much at your line,”Tui hates the sea, and would punch it in the dick if he could.”…..because I too am a child and the imagery of this is hilarious!

  17. Princess and the Frog did not start a new era, it was pretty much a flop and it did not get rave reviews and does not have pop culture impact really. Tangled was the one that started the new era but since Princess and the Frog in the end fit good reviews, looks beautiful is a princess film and overall fits with this era better it’s included.

    I liked Moana but did not love it. It was originally supposed to come out in 2018 and I wonder if more time has led to a more innovative story. I liked some elements form previous versions too like the demo songs with a different kind of musical style and how Moana was supposed to have like about 8 brothers that went on the quest first and she neened to save them or something like that and how she leaned sailing form her grandmother and her mother always wanted to sail but the society did not let her. I think it’s good that there isn’t struggle by Moana just because she is a girl but they included the over protective father thing anyway so it’s not much of a change not to have it. They could have had some of the family members in those roles even if there was no girl power thing. If she already knew how to sail for example the montage with Maui just training her could have been skipped and they could have done something where she learns something from him along the way.

    And I would have made up something like how Moana’s brothers want to use the heart for their own ends but she returns it anayway in a more
    meaningfull environment message. And made a point how many people had been chosen by the Ocean before but failed. And other stuff like that.

    So I like this film a lot, is just kind of felt safe and pretty standard chosen one story meets Disney princess film so it does not reach true greatness you get by taking risks.

  18. “Lindsay Ellis did a great video recently on how the traditional Disney villain is going extinct and it’s a damn shame because we deserve a better class of criminal.”

    I can’t help but feeling this is somewhat related to the relative absence of strong villainous figures in the Marvel movies handled by the Disney branch. I blame Pixar. They started it with their sucky, err, lackluster villains (that is, pretty much all of them not named Syndrome or Hopper) and the whole house saw fit to follow the lead.

    In unrelated Disney news, Gizmoduck will be Latino now. Meet Fenton Crackshell-Cabrera. Yes. Cabrera.


    1. I must say that I really loved Moana – I thoroughly enjoyed Zootopia, but it was the former film that so touched my heart to the very quick that it very nearly caused me to start blubbering in the Cinema (“Away Away”) – not least because The Dwayne is only ARGUABLY the Best Thing about it and ’tis a rare occasion on which one can say that of this habitual MVP).

      By the way, Special Credit to Tamtoa for his sterling efforts to revive a time-honoured archetype; maybe we’ll get a rematch worth seeing in some sequel to Moana (TV or Movie), wherein he assembles a Pirate Squadron of Nasties in a bid for REVENGE? (after all, that new wave of Oceanic settlers are as vulnerable to predators as they are full of Promise for the future).

      Yet having said that we must be honest Ladies, Gentlemen and any other sapients who happen to be browsing the Unshaved Mouse – we live in an era richly blessed with charismatic Heroes and richly-textured anti-Heroes but cursed with an absence of Shamelessly Dastardly Villains in Fiction (with a few honourable exceptions like Loki – and possibly Ultron, for whom I have yet to reach a final verdict – the Marvel and DC cinematic universes have yet to really bring their A-Game to a villain; in all fairness I have some hopes for Mr Jared Leto’s Joker, because that dude brings the CREEPY, but worry that his performance may lack bass to go with its “Psycho” strings).

      One would like note that I am not adverse to the Ghibli “No Villains here, Antagonists only” approach but a steady diet of that sort of thing begins to pall – sometimes you want a pitiable wretch, but sometimes you just want some stylish graduate of the Snidely Whiplash Correspondence Course for the Dastardly Stylish to strut their stuff on the Silver Screen like a properly Magnificent Bastard.

      Failing that I am willing to settle for a DRACULA movie wherein The Count is played by that superbly imposing master of menace Mr Charles Dance: the only serious disappointment I experienced when watching DRACULA UNTOLD was when I realised that this was NOT going to be an “Evil Buddy” movie with The Count and Vlad the Impaler each seeking to manipulate the other for their own ends.

      Well, that and being obliged to stomach yet ANOTHER “Mina loves Dracula” moment; I profoundly LOATHE that take on things, since if any character should be the incarnation of the “Evil Aristocrat attempts to exercise droit de seigneur, gets hit with a face-full of JUSTICE” then it is The Count.

    2. Oh my God, I think I just died a little (and not in a good way) when I saw the new Latino version of Fenton. He was my favorite character of the original “Duck Tales”, and I don’t see any good reason for him getting a race lift. Okay, I guess that they wanted more ethnical diversity than what the orginal show brought to the table. But still, I wonder if I will ever forgive Disney for changing the race of one of my cartoon darlings. Not that I haven’t loved many non-white characters in different TV shows and movies. But when it comes to Fenton, the guy was white in the original show and should stay white. And by the way, Fenton wasn’t even a generic white; he happened to be a “white trash”, who lived with his mother in a trailer. And that is an interesting part of his background, that will be lost if he suddenly becomes a Latino.

    3. Did you forget about Toy Story 3, or do you genuinely think its villain is lacklustre? I guess there have been better written ones, but damn, that one had one hell of a Moment. (possibly literally)

  19. By the way, all praise to your reviewing, my good rodent; this is a fine entry in your own canon and I would be most remiss if I did not add my Personal Thanks for putting together such a profoundly amusing collection of commentaries (both to your little pinky doe for prompting you to begin these reviews and to yourself for the sustained effort they require … one would also like to commend The Lady of the Mouse for her indefatigable patience with what must seem an enduring distraction from and excuse to avoid the Housework!).

  20. Your reviews remind me of Doug Walker’s reviews. Great humor mixed into really thoughtful critiques of the movies we love.

  21. Ok but you also forgot the Alan Tudyk who dies suddenly 118 minutes into the film AND FOREVER LEAVES A GAPING HOLE IN MY HEART /weeps
    I miss you Wash. And weird android.

  22. Finally, it took me way longer than it should’ve to watch this movie.
    It was…kind of disappointing. I don’t know what it was but the entire thing felt way too generic for its own good, from Moana the character to the story to the lore to the *gasp* songs.
    I dunno, it just didn’t do it for me. It feels like the Pocahontas (except much better obviously) to Zootopia’s Lion King.

    Maybe I just set my expectations too high.

      1. I don’t think I want it to grow on me. Maybe if it comes on Netflix, I’ll watch it again, mainly so I can check out something I’ve noticed in the last few princess films. It just seems to me that like what Mrs. Mouse noticed in the Frozen review, that the clothes moved more freely, doesn’t apply here, but that may just be because I didn’t notice it or the material they’re made from. Not renting it again just to find out.

      2. (weird I thought I had replied already)

        I did watch the latino dub as always, so maybe that soured my experience…somehow? I mean, that’s never happened before, imho Disney’s latino dubs are usually better than the original.
        I swear it’s not just because I swear spanish.

        Anyway, I’ll make sure to watch it a second time in english. I wanna hear how bad The Rock is as a singer.

  23. I completely forgot to mention this, but MOANA has actually confirmed my firm conviction that the only reason Marvel Studios has yet to cast Mr Dwayne Johnson as their INCREDIBLE HERCULES is that they entertain a healthy fear of letting Mr Johnson share the screen with Mr Chris Hemsworth; I’m given to understand that such a concentration of charismatic beefcake can have a detrimental effect on the Impressionable Mind.

    There’s only so many sets of fresh underwear in the world, after all …

  24. Hey Mouse, did you see the Nostalgia Critic video “What Happened To Great Disney Villains?” There’s some overlap between that one and the Lindsey Ellis video you linked to, but each one also makes some points​ the other doesn’t. If you like her video on the subject, you’ll probably like his as well.

  25. So I finally got round to watching it. It was ok. I liked the 2 main characters but it wasn’t well developed. I did enjoy her song though and it was refashioned into a few different ways, all of which I liked

  26. So, this is probably the first Disney animated canon movie I’ve seen in theatres for a while. I wasn’t even planning on going to it, but my sister brought me to it as a Christmas present, and am glad she did, because I really enjoyed this one, especially some of the songs. The highlight for me was probably when Maui was singing all his achievements and he had a line about capturing the sun, which was actually the myth which introduced me to Maui years ago when I saw a woman do a cat’s cradle presentation while telling the story as a kid (it must’ve been pretty long ago, seeing as when I pointed that out to my sister, she didn’t remember it). As per usual in Disney, the movie left out the mutilation in the original story, though I guess it’s not as if they’ve always shied away from having heroic demigods hack off body parts (poor ol’ hydra). Also, I loved how the animators rendered Moana’s hair. Mine’s pretty dense, and some of the water scenes gave me memories of going swimming, so the animators definitely pulled off handling curls in a believable way.

  27. Your first point seems pretty poignant, actually. Coming out of the theatres, I was definitely thinking that Moana came off as really fine-tuned and quintessential, as if the writers were ever so careful to get everything right. I figured this might have been partially due to their being accused of bastardizing culture in the past and wanting to make sure they don’t upset anyone that way again (the credits had a whole list dedicated to all the Polynesian staff they had to ensure the movie was done right), but I could definitely tell they wanted to be all things to all people and really appeal to kids and classic Disney fans. Also, I’ll be your squire in the ensuing fight with the Merida-supporters. And probably also the Anastasia supporters, who appear to believe they have leverage due to the buying out of Fox (seriously, I once saw someone who was told to draw a Disney character draw Peter Griffin).

    Yep, you’re not the first to make the Ocean/Carpet connection. I somehow doubt Disney expected people not to notice, honestly. Also, wait, CocoCon? Were these people all really excited about the upcoming Pixar release? Ha ha ha, I forgot how fun tormenting this comment section with puns was. Maybe I’ll need to bring my tomato-umbrella.

    …Ohh man. I should have seen that Crimson Cockerel gag coming, but it totally got me by surprise. Got me in stitches there, Mouse. Wait, this movie takes place in the South Pacific, right? I can make a pun on this too! *is yanked away*

  28. *waddles back* Wait, Nit’s alive? How did you get him out of Amelia? Was she tired of nitpicking and did she go get her stomach pumped? Wait, lemme guess, it was that doctor who turned Larry into Ratigan who did it, wasn’t it? And yeah, count me in the camp who was surprised Hei Hei accompanied Moana, and Pua didn’t. That, and he didn’t do much useful, considering Moana’s first line regarding him seemed to suggest he would. He basically seemed like a parody of Disney animal sidekicks which I’m not sure whether or not was too on the nose. Also, it seems as if everyone is betting on The Rock becoming president. I’m pretty sure the Screen Junkies said that at least twice (and, yeah, they said he can’t sing as well). Hopefully he doesn’t turn out like the character he played in the Get Smart reboot if he ever does.

    Ahh man. Those classic bits never get old, do they? Also, the puns. Hopefully we can at least say we’re even on those, right? And yeah, I really did like what the filmmakers did with Te Kā, the monster/villain fake-out and redemption moment was rarely seen in Disney, and a very nice way to end this movie. I have to wonder if you’d have preferred a similar fate for Tamatoa rather than having him lie stuck on his back making Little Mermaid jokes as a stinger. Also, you forgot about Kida, Moana inherits the crown (or so to speak) like her. Poor Kida. No one remembers Kida. Also, Moana’s sharing a 20/20 spot with Lilo, guess the Pacifica heroines are Disney’s lucky charm.

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