I had a good cringe not so long ago when I stumbled on my old list of Top Ten Non Disney Animated Movies.

Some of the choices I stand by but jeez, I’ll probably have to re-do that list entirely. Or will I? Are listicles even a thing anymore? Are blogs? Is anyone out there reading this who’s not a bot? Hello? Hellooo?

Anyway, existential dread aside, one of the big surprises for me was that 2014 Mouse apparently put 2008’s Kung Fu Panda on the list, a movie I think I have seen maybe once and have never had the urge to watch again. I have no idea why I did that. I feel like the years must have Ship of Theseus’d me into a completely different person because I cannot imagine that movie provoking that strong a reaction in me, either positive or negative. And I know that this is definitely a “me” problem. These movies are, structurally, very very good. Like, just put together magnificently well. I get the praise for them. Mostly. Some of the more rhapsodic critical responses to this movie I find a little baffling. Particularly the praise for the visuals. Again, they’re very good. But I came across one review (from a critic who’s opinion I rate very highly) who actually claimed that Kung Fu Panda 2 was the most visually beautiful film Dreamworks had made up to this point in their history.

If you haven’t seen Kung Fu Panda, it tells the tale of Po, a chunky boi panda voiced by Jack Black who is obsessed with Kung Fu and who, through the power of slapstick and comic shenanigans, becomes the Dragon Warrior, a legendary hero to an ancient China populated by various species of talking animal. Kung Fu Panda 2 begins with a flashback told in a gorgeous shadow-puppet style. In Gongmen City, the royal peacocks who ruled the land invented fireworks but the prince, Shen, began using gunpowder to make weapons. His parents, naturally concerned, consulted a soothsayer who prophesied that if Shen continued dabbling in the dark(powder) arts he’d be defeated by a “warrior of black and white”. Shen overheard this and well, you know how pandas are almost extinct? Yeah, apparently it was this asshole’s fault. When Shen comes home his parents are all “what the fuck?” and exile him (good plan) along with his army of wolf warriors (noooooo, don’t let him keep those).

In the present day Shen has constructed a doom fortress to conquer all of China and sends out his wolves to raid the nearby villages for metal.

One of those local villages is Po’s where he is now the leader of the Furious Five, the hero team consisting of Tigress, Snake, Mantis, Crane and Monkey (which are all of course actual styles of kung fu, which is cool). They roll out to fight the wolves and the battle goes well for them until Po catches sight of a red eye symbol on the leader’s armour which causes him to have a PTSD flashback to being abandoned by his mother. The wolves escape with the metal and Po decides to go and see his adopted father.

So, I really do have to give credit to Dreamworks here, for this series (and, thinking about it, in general): they understand what a sequel should be. There’s no re-setting here. Everyone hasn’t forgotten that Po’s now the Dragon Warrior and they aren’t treating him like a screwup like he was in the first movie. And, as the fight scene demonstrates, he is now a genuinely amazing fighter. His abilities haven’t been nerfed just so we can get back to status quo. I approve.

Po visits his dad, Ping, a goose voiced by James Hong who I now remember is my favourite character in these movies. He’s at once hilarious and really, truly sweet in how much he loves his son. Ping reveals to Po the shocking truth that he is, in fact, adopted which is such an obvious cheap retcon for the sake of drama. No way you can tell me that was planned from the start.

Meanwhile, Shen makes his move and takes back the city of Gongmen from the Council of Kung Fu Masters who are its current rulers. Shen is a formidable fighter but is no match for the council’s leader, Thundering Rhino. He does, however, have a big fuck off cannon, which levels the playing field (as well as Thundering Rhino). Damn, this bird just does not give a fuck about endangered species.

Master Shifu (Dustin Hoffman) gets word of this and dispatches Po and the Furious Five to Gongmen to use Kung Fu to defeat this new weapon which defeats Kung Fu. When Po points out a slight logical flaw in that plan, Shifu tells him that all things are possible with inner peace.

Meanwhile at Gongmen, Shen learns that there is still a panda out there and that he’s headed right for him. Shen is one of the elements of this movie that gets the most praise and yeah, absolutely, this is a great villain. Gary Oldman gives a fantastic performance and the character hits a great sweet spot of being fun, creepy and at times even sympathetic. When Po and the Five arrive in the city, they manage to free the Kung Fu masters but Po chokes in the battle against Shen when he sees the red eye on his plummage which triggers another flashback. All the flashbacks are animated in traditional style, and they are some gorgeously animated PTSD. Top tier. Shen uses this opportunity to destroy the palace and escapes with a load of cannons.

Tigress, who recognises this is kinda becoming a thing, takes Po aside and demands to know what the hell is going on. He refuses to tell her and they fight for a bit which gives Tigress a chance to demonstrate that…yes, she absolutely should have been chosen as the Dragon Warrior, this should not even be up for debate. Mid-fight Po finally breaks down and admits that Shen killed his parents and Tigress moves in for the kill.

She hugs him, but tells him that she can’t risk her friend’s life and that he’s gotta be benched for this op. Po, obviously, is the protagonist, so that’s not going to happen. He crashes Shen’s factory alone which inadvertently leads to the Five being captured. Shen taunts Po saying that his parents never loved him.

He also shoots him in the stomach with a cannon. See that’s a villain, right there. Emotional and literal devastation.

Po ends up floating down a river where he is found and cared for by the soothsayer sheep who told told Shen’s parents the prophecy that set all this carnage in motion. So, in a way you could say she’s the real villain of this story.

Would you believe I only learned that was Michelle Yeoh doing this review? She’s honestly amazing in this (and I say that as someone who thinks her English language work is honestly…a little overrated. Please don’t tell Spouse of Mouse, she will kill me and it will not be a good death).

The soothsayer sadly tells Po that they are in sitting in all that remains of the panda village. She says that she prophesied that Shen would be stopped by a warrior of black and white but that she could not have foreseen what he would do next.

Po finally remembers what happened to his people, but he also remembers all the good times with Ping and the Five and realises that the tragedy of his childhood does not define him or his future.

He journeys back to the city and we get a really funny scene where he stands dramatically on a rooftop and calls Shen out…who can’t hear him because obviously he’s miles away on a distant rooftop.

Anyway, there’s a big battle and Po and the Five are joined by the surviving kung fu masters and Shifu himself. Everyone’s kung fu fighting and those cats (and ursids, insects, reptiles, primates, birds etc.) are fast as lightning. Shen brings out the big guns (literally) and Po demonstrates that he has found inner peace. I mean, this dude is full of inner peace. He’s got so much inner peace it’s seeping out and becoming outer peace. And so he is able to re-direct cannonballs in mid-air.

Shen’s ship is destroyed and at last the peacock comes face to face with the Dragon Warrior. Shen is aghast that Po was able to find inner peace despite everything that Shen took from him. But Po tells him that he learned to let go of the past and Shen should too. Shen instead chooses violence and ends up getting crushed by a giant cannon.

Po realises that some people are just assholes and returns home to his father and his friends.

***

I feel so goddamned embarrassed here. It’s a good film! It’s a really good film! It just doesn’t quite do it for me. I dunno why. I’ll give it a good score, don’t worry.

Scoring

Animation: 16/20

Obviously (to me at least!) it’s not in the top tier of Dreamworks but very strong.

Leads: 17/20

It’s such a hard feat to pull off a successful heroes journey, doubly hard in a sequel.

Villain: 19/20

Pure text book excellence. Writing, performance, design. Fantastic.

Supporting Characters: 13/20

I’ve always found the five kinda bland and one note. This movie pushes them even further to the background with the exception of Tigress (Angelina Jolie will never be a good choice for voice-work, sorry) and Mantis who gets some good lines.

Music: 14/20

Decent, nothing amazing.

FINAL SCORE: 79%

NEXT UPDATE: 10 July 2025

NEXT TIME: Not gonna lie. This looks like Ponyo was left out too long in the sun.