Hello again. A while back I had some gushing praise for the most recent entry in my favourite game series, Fire Emblem: Fortune’s Weave. However, I wrote that a mere piddling eighty hours into my play-through and I have now finally at last, completed it.

And while I do still absolutely recommend it and I will still probably consider it my favourite Fire Emblem this time next year, I do have criticisms. So if you were considering buying it and were on the fence, maybe read this first.

This Game is a Big Chunky Boy

So the first thing you should be aware of is the game’s absolutely gargantuan length. Fortune’s Weave has this charming habit of awarding you points for achievements that you rack up in the game, including how long you’ve been playing. And it is somewhat sobering when the game, like a fucking enabler, taps you on the shoulder and cheerfully says “Hey! Here’s some points for playing for 250 GODDAMNED HOURS.”

That was in one month by the way.

Now, on the one hand, you could argue that this is a good thing. 70 dollars for 250 hours of entertainment is a damn good return on investment. But if, like me, you’re the kind of person who hyperfixates on a single piece of media and puts your life on hold until it’s finished you may find yourself asking “is this a hobby or has it become a problem?”

Not Much Fire Emblem in this Fire Emblem

A second thing to consider is that if you’re an older Fire Emblem player who took issue with how much 3 Houses’ run time wasn’t turn based battles on maps (y’know, the core gameplay of a Fire Emblem game) then Fortune’s Weave is probably going to drive you insane.

A majority of your gameplay will be running around the central hub city of Dagsion, working in the temples to boost blessings, training and promoting your troops, exploring dungeons, travelling the map to gather resources, having meals with your soldiers, visiting the theatre, going to the spa and more and more and more…to the point that it can be a shock when you actually find yourself playing Fire Emblem.

To be clear, I found planning my day around these activities (with one glaring exception) very satisfying but it won’t be for everyone.

The Act 2 Blues

Okay, for this next criticism I need to explain the story structure of the game. I’m going to keep it spoiler light and only mention characters and plot points that were revealed in the pre-release publicity but if you want to go in utterly cold maybe skip this section.

Okay, so Fortune’s Weave’s story begins with a prologue where the continent of Dagda is facing the apocalypse as the Demon God Balor has arisen and hordes of the undead are sweeping the land.

Fortuna, the goddess of destiny creates your character, an artificial human whose appearance, name and gender you can customise but who defaults to being called “Eshmel”.

Fortuna lays out the plan; to travel back in time ensure that four heroes, named the Flame Lords who competed in the Heroic Games, a gladiatorial contest where the winner gets one wish granted, all survive to the present to join your army to take on Balor. This takes us to Act One.

In Act One you play four separate campaigns following each of the Flame Lords on their path through the Heroic Games. Each character has their own story, unique levels, supporting characters, reason for entering the games and abilities.

There’s Kai, a young farm-boy who wants to win the games to get a pardon for his father who’s on death row, Dietrich the blonde swordsman who lives for battle and wants to find the toughest opponents, Leda who is a travelling bard on a mission of vengeance against the people who killed her father and lastly Theodora, a young queen who is trying to secure her kingdom’s future before her cursed prosthetic arm drives her insane.

And this part of the game is great.

All four characters are wonderful, their supporting casts are fantastic, their stories are different and, while each playthrough has a lot of repetition they are more than different enough that it never feels like a chore. And then we get to Act 2 and the game almost derails.

Act 2, without going into plot details, basically involves a war story played over seven maps and, like Act 1, you have to play through four times as each Flame Lord. And, apart from a few utterly cosmetic changes in cut scenes it really is just playing the same seven levels over and over four times. And these are big maps, with tons of enemies and the difficult curve spikes and spikes hard. It was at this point that I actually considered chucking the game in.

Thankfully, once that’s done you get to Act 3 which is fantastic. You’ve assembled your army and you’re trying to rebuild a city while waging a war against the forces of hell over an entire continent and all the different mechanics you’ve unlocked mesh together and it’s the mutt’s nuts. But that Act 2 hump is rough, man

I heard of liking chicks, but this is ridiculous!

Lastly, my single biggest pet peeve is something called bird time.

Many of the more recent Fire Emblem games have a mechanic where you, the player character, can romance the various characters who make up your army through a special dedicated activity like a tea party or…petting their face like a cat. And it has never failed to be my least favourite aspect of any game that has it.

In Fortune’s Weave, it takes the form of Bird Time, where a character will ask you a question and you have a few seconds to choose the right answer. If you choose correct, you strengthen your bond with them.

First problem is that as a game this is objectively bad. The “right” answer is often so obtuse that you’re just guessing randomly.

But I haven’t even gotten to the worst part. Do you know why it’s called “Bird Time”?

Because when Eshmel travels back into the past, they take the form of a BIRD.

I’m serious. You are trying (and succeeding!) to seduce human beings while in the form of a tiny budgerigar.

The clear implication being that everyone in your army has the potential to be a bird-fucking pervert.

However, if you can get passed all that, yes. The game is definitely worth your (hours and hours and hours) of time.

Just as long as they don’t add any DLC to make it longer.