Author: unshavedmouse

Novelist and screenwriter based in Dublin.

The summer of the soul in December

I swear to God, I wrote the end of year wrap up for 2022 last week, time is going too fast make it stop make it stop…

Ahem. Sorry about that. Anyway, how are you all? How’s every little thing? Merry Christmas.

2023 was…a year. Ups and downs. Highs and lows. Swings and roundabouts.

October saw the release of my second book, Knock Knock, Open Wide to polite, restrained acclaim. I must take the opportunity now to thank Alex Grecian and Brian Evenson for kindly providing blurbs, and oh my God, BIG thanks to Clay McLeod Chapman who was an absolute LEGEND promoting the book online. You should check out his novel What Kind of Mother, it’s a heartbreaking story of loss set in the backwoods of Virginia with terrifying yet symbolic crabs. Mouse recommends.

And, of course, if you were kind enough to support me by picking up a copy, you have my eternal thanks.

Anyway, this year’s reviews:

In 2023 I reviewed 1 Canon Disney movie, 3 MCU movies with another to follow before year end, 1 animé, 2 live action movies (I’m counting Dark Crystal as live action and not animation because it is), 4 non-Disney canon animated features, 1 TV series, 1 Bats versus Bolts (it lives again!), 6 Batman movies plus the Gotham Knight series of short films and one weird essay that was supposed to be a review of Inherit the Wind but turned into me having an existential breakdown over the impossibility of knowing objective truth.

This was definitely a year when I pulled back from my usual staples of the MCU and Disney Canon but…Jesus, can you blame me? Not a hot take, I know, but whenever I have a bad year I will remind myself that at least it wasn’t as bad as Disney’s 2023. Holy shit what a dumpster fire. And we’re not done yet.

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You were supposed to be the Chosen One!

So, as a Disney reviewer and fan am I disheartened or saddened by this sudden, catastrophic reversal of the company’s fortunes? No, not at all. It’s a massive, rapacious corporation that doesn’t care in the slightest about any of us and thinking it’s your friend will get you eaten alive like that dude in Grizzly Man. If you do find yourself feeling sympathy, watch the Oh My Disney! sequence from Wreck It Ralph 2  to remind yourself of the rather sickening hubris that brought them to this point. Or, indeed, just watch any of their recent output. But the other reason why I’m not worried is because we have been here before. The canon always goes through highs and lows. They’ll course correct and come back stronger than ever. Happened after the second world war. Happened after the death of Walt, happened after the end of the Renaissance. Sunrise, sunset.

Anyway, my never-ending quest to clear my review backlog has reached some of the weirder and grungier items on the menu and this, combined with the aforementioned pant-shitting of two of my regular series, meant I honestly did not review that many good films this year. Best film?

Well spoilers, but yeah, it’s going to be Guardians 3. 

Worst film?

Holy moly, spoiled for choice. This year had no less than FOUR new entries into the Hall of Shame which I think may be a record? And while a fair man might say that Freddie as FR07  was the worst film I’ve seen this year, I am neither fair, nor a man. I fucking hate Thor: Love and Thunder and I want to get one more kick in the goolies before New Year.

And on that happy note, thanks so much for reading and commenting. You guys are, as always, the best.

Nollaig shona daoibh go léir,

Mouse.

 

Raggedy Ann & Andy: A Musical Adventure (1977)

What was it about the seventies anyway?

I’ve reviewed a few animated films from this decade by this point and they are all (with the exception of the Disneys) weird as balls.

But I get ahead of myself. I’m going to let you in on a little behind the scenes secret. Ever since this mouse escaped the rat race and started writing full time, I’ve actually had less time to devote to this blog with work starting on most posts a mere few days before they’re scheduled to go live. This can be a problem when I starkly under-estimate just how much there is to research on a given movie and go plummeting down rabbit-holes

And my oh my, Raggedy Ann & Andy: A Musical Adventure is less a field full of rabbit holes than a giant hole with occasional bits of field clinging to the edges. But okay, a little background.

So waaaaay back in the 1910s an American named Johnny Gruelle patented a doll that he named Raggedy Ann and then wrote a series of stories starring her, which were such a success that Raggedy Ann became possibly the first bona-fide modern American toy fad. And, of course, as Jane Austen herself once said “it is a truth universally acknowledged that a toy franchise in possession of a fortune must be in want of an animated tie-in.” And boy howdy, did Raggedy Ann manage to get some impressive talent over the decades. For starters, there was a short series of Fleischer cartoons that were (naturally) as charming and well made as they were horrifying.

No context for you. None.

There were also two television specials produced in the seventies by Chuck Mofawkin Jones. But, without a doubt, Raggedy Ann’s most famous foray into the world of animation was 1977’s Raggedy Ann & Andy: A Musical Adventure which is…well, it’s something.

Here’s what it’s like. Imagine Hasbro want a new Transformers movie. And the director they initially tap dies and so they bring in a replacement; David Lynch. And now Optimus Prime is dancing with a backwards talking midget in the red lodge. That’s kind of what happened here.

Lynch in this instance was Richard Williams, who we’ve had our dealings with in the past. One of the best animators to ever work in the medium, period, Williams was shanghaid into making a glorified toy commerical and decided to use that opportunity to have the time of his life. This film is basically Williams and some of his most talented animator friends (Betty Boop co-creator Grim Natwick, future Genie animator Eric Goldberg and Art “I created Goofy and sued Walt Disney for unfair labour practices, took him all the way to the Supreme Court and lived to tell of it” Babbitt to name a few) having a ball on the dime of the good folks at the Bobbs-Merril publishing company.

But is it a good movie? Well…

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Disney(ish) reviews with the Unshaved Mouse: Planes

Well. That was anti-climactic.

I feel like a knight who’s been on a quest to slay a terrible dragon for a decade only to arrive at the top of the mountain and find the dragon’s around the size of a chicken and died several years ago from old age.

In the early days of this blog I built up Planes as a personal bete noir, a movie I would never, ever review because it represented the worst of crass, merchandise driven movie-making for both Disney in particular and animation in general.

Oh my. How innocent I was. How innocent we all were.

But after years of the absolute garbage I have had to sit through for you people (love you all) it is with a heavy heart that I must report that Planes is…fine?

I mean, it is aggressively mediocre, don’t get me wrong. But, given the state of Disney’s output at present, there’s something refreshing about a movie that manages to hit a solid C.

In fact, I would say it was one of the most safely boring movies I’ve seen all year were it not for the fact that it’s set in the Cars universe and therefore is, as all movies in that benighted franchise are, weird as fuck.

flysenhaur

WHAT KIND OF LIFE DOES THIS POOR CREATURE HAVE?!

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(Not a review of) Inherit the Wind (1960)

This map is wrong:

That’s not to say it’s bad.

It’s very useful.

It’s informative.

It is even, when you take a step back and consider it, quite beautiful. But it’s wrong.

The continents aren’t that size relative to each other. Not even close. Of course, you could use a different projection that shows them the correct relative size, something like this:

But now all the continents’ shapes are distorted nearly to the point of being unrecognisable.

Every 2 dimensional map of the world is wrong because, obviously, the world is not flat (I swear to God if anyone starts shit in the comments…). Ultimately, any attempt to render a three dimensional sphere as a 2 dimensional rectangle is, well, a lie. It’s an attempt to simplify that will always lead to distortion one way or another.

I love historical films. I hate historical films.

This was going to be a review of Inherit the Wind.

It became something else.

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Bats Versus Bolts: Movies that had virtually nothing to do with Andy Warhol

These movies are terrible. I’m so glad I watched them.

Flesh for Frankenstein and Blood for Dracula are in many ways the best candidate for a Bats versus Bolts  that I’ve done yet. Not only are they by the same director and share many of the same cast, but they were made practically concurrently by the same crew.

Also, when I lie to myself and pretend that there’s some kind of high-minded artistic goal behind this series beyond me getting to talk about vampires and monsters, I like to think that each BvB pair says something about the time they were created in. That is absolutely the case with these two films which are not only seventies movies, but some of the most seventies movies I have ever seen.

These films were directed and written by Paul Morrissey, one of the more fascinating film-makers I’ve come across doing this blog. A member of Andy Warhol’s inner circle (we’ll get to that) he had a front row seat to the drug-soaked bacchanal that was the sixties New York arts scene. Morrissey is fascinating to try to pin down in terms of his politics. A self described right-wing conservative and staunch Catholic…who was also something of a trailblazer in terms of trans representation in film and a body of work that lends itself quite easily to Marxist readings with a consistent portrayal of the aristocracy as a shower of evil degenerate parasites. Like I say: interesting guy. 

Note, I did not say maker of good films.

Anyway, Morrissey claims that the whole idea to make monster movies came about, appropriately enough, from meeting Roman Polanski. Polanski apparently suggested that Morrissey would be the perfect person to make a 3D Frankenstein movie, which honestly I would take as an insult. Morrissey didn’t, however, and arranged a shoot in Italy, filming both Flesh for Frankenstein and Blood for Dracula back to back. Or, as they were known in the U.S.; Andy Warhol’s Dracula and Andy Warhol’s Frankenstein. Why were they called that? Oh, that’s very simple.

Lies.

the-lies-rage

It was just a marketing tactic. Warhol let his friend put his name of the movies to boost the alogorithim. They actually used the same trick for the Italian releases, putting a famous Italian director’s name on them to claim Italian residency which actually got the production in serious legal trouble in Italy.

The resulting movies are Morrissey’s critique of the sticky, shame-filled, bitter and angry come down from the Free Love era that was the early seventies.

That makes them sound a lot more classy and high brow than they actually are.

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Frankenweenie (2012)

In 1984 Disney took a punt and gave one of their young animators, a skinny pale young-feller-milad named Tim Burton some money to make a live action short and recoiled, in horror, at what he wrought by tampering in God’s domain. It’s a truly terrifying film, and even looking at the poster has driven me quite mad. Oh yes!

It’s called”Frankenweenie” but he’s not a weenie dog he’s a bull terrier and no one ever mentions that am I MAD I MUST BE MAD HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Seriously, it’s a rather charming if ludicrously cheap and cheerful little short about a boy named Victor Frankenstein who uses lightning to bring his beloved dog back to life. And Disney took one look at it and said “Dark? Weird? GOTHIC?! We never expected this of YOU, Tim Burton!” and fired his ass.

Fortunately, the short brought him to the attention of Paul “Pee-Wee” Reubens and Burton’s career was off to the races. Flashforward a few decades and Disney have finally realised that they quite like this Tim Burton character and he’s settled into a groove as one of the most reliable nipples from which they milk their never-ending stream of content. And what better way to mend fences than for Disney to pony up the money for a lavish, stop-motion, feature length do-over of Frankenweenie?

Do you need me to send you a picture of a weenie dog or are you assholes trolling me?

Now, I’m a pretty big Burton fan all things considered but his late period collaborations with Disney have been the absolute nadir of his career. But, can this return to his roots shoot a few volts into his long dead artistic drive?

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Knock Knock is Out Out!

Just in time for Halloween, Knock Knock, Open Wide is finally on sale in the States at all good and mildly dodgy retailers! What’s that? You want reviews so you can make an informed purchase?

“Transporting readers to a blood-soaked Ireland, Sharpson (When the Sparrow Falls) delivers modern horror at its best. . . . By turns tender and terrifying, sexy and stomach-turning, heartwarming and heartrending, this folklore-steeped exploration of generational trauma is a high-water mark for the Irish horror novel.”―Publishers Weekly, starred review

“Genuinely terrifying, the sort of book you shut away in the freezer at night so it won’t come looking for you. That is, if you can put it down. Knock Knock, Open Wide deservedly places Neil Sharpson at the front rank of modern horror writers. Open wide, if you dare, and read.”―Alex Grecian, New York Times bestselling author of Red Rabbit

“Irish mythology melds with family damage and a decidedly contemporary love story in this deftly told novel. Circling around one of the most terrifying versions of a child’s TV program in fiction, Knock, Knock, Open Wide has a remarkable ability to reveal the cracks in reality which, if we’re not careful, we can be pushed through, landing in a darker-hued reality that huddles snarling beneath.”―Brian Evenson, author of Song for the Unraveling of the World

“Celtic creepypasta Knock Knock, Open Wide is a dark miracle and Neil Sharpson is an infernal bard belched straight out from Hell itself. Your next nightmare has just arrived.”―Clay McLeod Chapman, author of Ghost Eaters

“Reading Sharpson’s latest. . . is like being grabbed unexpectedly. Readers know something feels terribly wrong but cannot get away from the horror and mystery of the story; it simply demands that they understand the truth and reach its conclusion. Irish folklore provides the foundation for this intriguing, otherworldly book about the doors we keep closed, the doors we cannot help but open, the things we cannot kill, and whether the truth is worth knowing in the end.”―Booklist

“Never read me the bit in the farmhouse again or I will divorce you.”- My wife.

Gotham Knight: Deadshot

Studio: Madhouse

Director: Jong-Sik Nam, Yoshiaki Kawajiri

Writer: Alan Burnett

Wha’ happen’?

Bruce has a flashback to his parents death in Crime Alley (just in case you were fuzzy on the details). Alfred asks Bruce when he’s getting rid of his bag of sewer guns and expresses surprise that Bruce even wants them in the house given his history with both guns and sewers. Bruce then casually gives the most ludicrously out of character speech in the character’s 84 year history by waxing poetic about the appeal of firearms: “their heft, their sleekness…”

“Also, I love clowns and I think Superman is just the coolest”.

From that, we cut to Floyd Lawton, aka Deadshot, shooting a target from half a city away from a moving Ferris Wheel. Later, Deadshot is called back to Gotham for a new assignment.

On the roof of the GCPD, Crispus Allen tells Batman that the cops have gotten word that Deadshot has been hired to kill Gordon, and Batman tells him that he has evidence that this isn’t Floyd’s first murdercation to Gotham, and that he killed the community activist who died in Field Test.

Batman tails Gordon through the streets of Gotham with Alfred providing surveillance via satellite. Alfred says that the ideal place for Deadshot to snipe Gordon would be from the railway bridge, but that fortunately he doesn’t appear to be on the bridge and, hah, I mean, it’s not like he’d try to shoot Gordon from the roof of a speeding train right?

“I know people who do things the sensible way and they’re all cowards.”

Lawton takes his shot and Batman…

Batman PUNCHES THE BULLET OUT OF THE AIR.

Shit’s metal as fuck.

Batman and Deadshot battle on the train roof and Deadshot realises that Gordon was just bait and that Batman was his real target all along. They fight, but Batman has already proved that fist beats bullet so he cleans Deadshot’s clock.

Later, in Wayne Manor, Bruce reveals that fighting Deadshot reminded him of the night his parents died (what is a train, if not an alley with wheels?). Bruce expresses doubt as to whether he can ever make a difference but then sees the Bat Signal in the sky and goes to work. It’s probably just some routine bank robbery or something.

How was it?

Okay, apart from that scene this is the strongest short in the anthology so far.

But holy shit, that scene.

Even with Bruce’s caveat that he’d never use one himself, the whole gun speech is just weird. I dunno if you’re aware of this but Batman has traditionally had a somewhat contentious relationship with firearms.

In the first episode of Batman Beyond, Bruce has to resort to using a gun to save his own life. Not even shooting it, just aiming it. And he’s so disgusted with himself that he refuses to every put on the cowl again. And that felt so right.

But, apart from that, this is awesome. The animation is top-tier (Madhouse also did Program, the best animated of the Animatrix shorts) and this is just a great little yarn.

Plus.

He punches a bullet.

What else do I need to say?