“You sons of bitches, we were so close. We were so close!“
After a string of godawful mediocrities and outright turds the likes of which the canon hadn’t seen since the earliest years of the millennium, the opportunity was ripe for Disney to start filling the executive-grade wicker basket with heads and put some people in charge with fresh ideas and real talent.
But noooooooooooo.
Disney pulled the old “take the first three episodes of a scrapped TV show, wash it off and serve it up as a new movie” trick they used to pull in the direct-to-video sequel era and what did you do? Did you laugh? Did you scorn such obvious desperate chicanery? Did you hell!
ONE BILLION AT THE BOX OFFICE. FOR THIS.
We could have had another Renaissance with a bit of luck. Instead, I’m going to be reviewing Frozen 13 when I’m in my nineties. Because obviously the reason Strange World, Rayaand Wish flopped was not that they were poop on a bun, it’s because they were original ideas (kinda). I mean, it’s hard to make the argument that quality was the issue when all it took them to make a billion dollars was to put the number “2” after the title of one of their most popular films.
The future is bleak, and I’m not just saying that because the proliferation of AI slop online means that every time I search for images to use I run the risk of seeing something that will make me want to put my head in a mouse-trap.
If you want to imagine the future, picture pregnant cross-eyed Moana stamping on a human face, forever.
Here’s a lovely starred review from Shelf Awareness for Readers and HERE is a link to the March 2025 issue of Story Monsters including an interview with yours truly.
Do I wish I lived in a world where shameless self promotion wasn’t necessary to sell a book about fish? Yeah. What’s your point?
Hello boyos and cailíní, new episode of Now That’s What I Call Nostalgia has dropped and, appropriately, it’s a massive retrospective on Irish themed cartoon episodes from the the 90s like Gargoyles, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Johnny Bravo and *shudder* Captain Planet and the Planeteers.
Probably the most thankless job a director can set himself is trying to adapt a beloved stage musical to screen, as the people you most need to win over for your movie to be a success (fans of the stage version) are also the people most likely to tar and feather you in the streets over the slightest deviation from the source material. You may think comic fans get salty about adaptation changes, but they have nothing on musical theatre nerds.
That’s probably why, despite musicals still being a lucrative movie genre, stage musicals adapted to screen are a rare beast and only getting rarer. Of the 50 top grossing movie musicals, only six began life on stage. The rest are either originals like The Greatest Showman, animated musicals or jukebox musicals like Bohemian Rhapsody or (sigh) Alvin and the Chipmunks.
Of course, it wasn’t always thus. The middle decades of the 20th century were a golden age for adaptations for stage musicals as that was the point where theatre and cinema were most alike. Colour photography and improvements in sound tech meant that cinema could finally match the visual and audio splendour of theatre. But, cinema had yet to fully embrace the freedom inherent in the medium and movies of the first half of the century often closely resembled filmed plays with constructed sets and static cameras. As cinema became less and less indebted to its theatrical roots, adapting stage musical to screen became a lot more challenging. To put it simply: movies are not plays and plays are not movies. And trying to turn one into the other can result in some pretty radical changes. And all those challenges are right up on screen in Into the Woods, a movie based on one of the most inherently theatrical musicals of the modern era.
Hey folks! Delighted that I can reveal this terrifyingly gorgeous cover for my next novel, The Burial Tide!
It’s an Irish folklore influenced horror novel (if you liked Knock Knock you’ll dig it) set on a remote island on the west coast of Ireland where nothing is what it seems. Should be hitting shelves 9th of September!
Avast me hearties and heartettes! Outland Publications have launched their Kickstarter for Rising Tides, an anthology of nineteen pirate stories by some of the best genre writers currently working and also me.
My short story The Devil’s Hoof Upon the Tile appears alongside entries from Kate Heartfield, Jason Fischer, Sarah Thérèse Pelletier and many more. Whether you like your buccaneers fantasy themed, horror themed, historically accurate or genre defying (nothing more dangerous than a genre defying pirate) there’s something for everyone.
So if that sounds fun, do head over to Kickstarter and give them whatever doubloons you can spare.
Hey remember that time Disney spent a load of money on a science fiction epic that was visually spectacular but also kinda inert, weirdly off-brand for them, with a load of tonal and pacing issues that ended up costing them a load of money?
I guess by this point it kinda IS on brand?
Anyway, Tomorrowland is the second (and to date last) live action feature directed by animation legend Brad Bird and it keeps alive the proud Disney tradition of sci-fi movies that I respect and want to like but are just fundamentally too dang flawed on the writing level to get anything other than a qualified endorsement.
Look, I know everybody idolises the first decade they can properly remember but this is different. The nineties really were awesome. The Cold War was over, the War on Terror hadn’t started, we’d fixed acid rain and the hole in the ozone layer (and that whole global warming thing would probably sort itself out) and the only threats to world peace were goobs like Saddam Hussein and Slobodan Milosevic who would occasionally show up to cause trouble before being punted into the air like Team Rocket.
Meowth is Gaddafi fyi.
Plus, the movies, the TV shows, the music. I love this whole era. So I was overjoyed when I finally got my hands on a boxset of the complete Daria, an animated sitcom that ran from 1997 to 2002. Not merely a nineties show, but probably the most nineties show.
And imagine my disappointment on discovering that, like so much nostalgia, it doesn’t actually hold up all that well.
It’s amazing (and a little scary), to think that the brand shiny new 21st century is already at the quarter mark. How did we already go through so many years in such a short period of time? They’re so bloody moreish, aren’t they?
Personally and professionally, 2024 was a quiet-before-the-storm kinda year. I’ve been working on several projects that will (some definitely and some hopefully) all burst on the scene in 2025 which, if we’re honest, sounds more like a proper important kind of year for that kind of thing anyway.
After a quiet year I will have not one, but two books hitting shelves and rest assured, I will be spamming about both of them merrily when the time comes.
Oh, and talking about new projects, Spouse of Mouse, myself and our friend Esther (mostly Esther) have started a new podcast called Now That’s What I call Nostalgia where we talk about the cartoon shows of our youth and discuss what drugs were most likely involved in their creation. First two episodes should be live now and you can listen to them HERE (if nothing happens the first two episodes were not, in fact, live now).
Here on the blog in 2024 I reviewed 1 Canon Disney movie, 2 MCU movies, 1 animé, 1 live action movie, 9 non-Disney canon animated features, 1 Bats versus Bolts, 4 Batman movies and one short film.
The standard of movies I reviewed this year was a huge improvement on 2023’s, not least because the MCU and Disney canon’s output have slowed to a greasy trickle as they to figure out just what’s gone wrong. But, like any bout of explosive diarrhoea, just because the first deluge has passed doesn’t mean it’s safe to get off the pot yet. I look at the horizon, with the MCU stunt-casting left and right and Disney bringing their early nineties cheap cash in sequel strategy into the sacred halls of the canon itself….let’s just say I don’t think the worst is behind us just yet. That said, it’s not like we deserve better.
$140 million opening. This is why we can’t have nice things.
So, with MCU and Disney reviews slowing to a crawl, that meant I got to focus on Batman reviews and the odder and more obscure articles in my backlog. And, I’m happy to say, I discovered (and re-discovered) some real gems. Best movie this year was…I mean, that’s hardly fair, is it?
I was very gratified at how many of you said you enjoyed my review of The Third Man and I think, yeah, a little culture around here wouldn’t kill us. I’m going to try and review some more classics.
Despite the overall uptick in quality, Worst Movie was actually the more fiercely competitive category as I did review some pretty egregious stinkers: Land Before Time XIII, Wish, The Marvels and Cool World.
But there was only one movie that I actively loathed and think you all know what it is. Dawn of Justice.
Lastly, I want to introduce a new category; Most Pleasant Surprise. These were the movies that I went in to knowing little and expecting less and came out with a new personal favourite. Honourable runner up is Joseph: King of Dreams, the scrappy little direct-to-video sequel that nonetheless set up shop in my head. Some bangers in the soundtrack too. But there was one movie that I was initially cool on but where my opinion of it grew and grew even after I watched it and reviewed it. So if you read my review of Your Name and felt that it was a little unenthusiastic, you’re right. So, let me set the record straight I adore this film.
Fantastic movie. Heart breaking. Yes, Makoto Shinkai fans. I get what you meant now.
Oh, and while I didn’t review it on the blog I may as well leave you with a recommendation.
I loved it as a thriller. I loved it as a character study. I loved it as a work of cinematic art. I loved it as a Catholic. Best new film I’ve seen all year. Whatever you think it is about it’ll probably surprise you. And I will definitely have to review it just so I can talk to someone about the ending.
Anyway, hope you and yours have a safe, wonderful and happy Christmas and new year.
unshavedmouse 