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Disney Reviews with the Unshaved Mouse #25: The Black Cauldron

DISCLAIMER: This blog is not for profit. All images used below are property of their respective companies unless stated otherwise. I do not claim ownership of this material.

 

***

By the mid nineteen eighties, something had gone very wrong at the Disney animation studios.

To an outsider, this might not have been immediately apparent. Sure, the movies weren’t as good as they had been, but Rescuers had been a huge hit, and The Fox and the Hound had been a decent success financially. But inside the studio, things were starting to go sour. The last of the Nine Old Men were retiring, and the animation staff had dwindled to a mere two hundred or so, a situation made worse when Don Bluth essentially said “screw this noise” and left with a fifth of the studio’s animators.

Just threw them in his truck and drove like hell.

Just threw them on his truck and drove like hell.

The animation department, once the heart and soul of Disney, was increasingly being seen as more of an appendix, and an inflamed, extremely expensive appendix at that. Some members of the board were openly asking if the Disney company should even be making animated films, and instead suggested focusing on the theme parks and merchandise.

Roy Disney, Walt’s nephew and a senior executive of the company, fought tooth and nail to keep the animation wing open, saying that without new characters being created, the theme parks were essentially museums, commemorating something wonderful that was now dead.

At the heart of this dispute was the Black Cauldron. Twelve years in production, massively over budget, the Black Cauldron was supposed to be the movie that put Walt Disney animation back on the map, charting a new course away from the traditional children’s movies the studio was famous for and moving into darker, edgier territory. But it was quickly reaching the point where even if it was a massive hit, it would be hard pressed to earn back the money that had already been spent on it. The movie’s two directors Ted Berman…

Ted Berman

and Richard Rich…

Richie Rich

…were not hugely experienced, and Disney management was starting to have serious misgivings about what was going on over in the animation building.

Jeffrey Katzenberg (yes, that one) had been brought in by new Chief Operating Officer Michael Eisner to run the motion picture division, which included turning around the animation unit. On arriving at the animation unit’s new facilities (a crappy little industrial estate where they had been sent after being unceremoniously evicted from the main Disney lot) Katzenberg asked to see the partially completed film. Production Manager Don Hahn described what happened next:

Katzenberg entered the screening room and closed the door behind him. We waited, not a man among us dared to speak so much as a word. Occasionally, from behind the door would emerge strange sounds, a low growling like some strange beast from the tropics, or a whine of pain and horror. At last, Katzenberg emerged from the darkened room and I think I may have cried aloud in horror, such was the change that had come over him! His hair had turned purest white and his fingers now shook as he raised a cigarette to his trembling lips and desperately drew upon it. His eyes stood stark and white in his face, now gaunt and greenish. He seemed too weak to stand and slumped into a chair, muttering darkly to himself, his gaze oscillating about the room but not meeting the eyes of any man there. And then, with a terrible fury that seemed conjured from the aether he leapt to his feet and cried “You fools! You monomaniacs! Have you no care for this abominable thing you have unleashed?! This thing will be the death of us all, I say!”

For you see, in their desperation to replace the magic and inspiration of Walt Disney, the animators had turned to a false power. A most powerful and ancient evil. A being known…as the Horned King.

And he’s standing in my living room right now.

help me…

Begin the review Mouse.

Begin the review, Mouse.

Yeah…see. I really don’t want to watch this film.

Then you shall die. You must review the film and proclaim me the greatest Disney villain of all time.

Then you shall die. You must review the film and proclaim me the greatest Disney villain of all time.

YOU ARE THE GREATEST DISNEY VILLAIN OF ALL TIME can I please go now?

Pull yourself together Mouse! Just stay calm and finish the review! You can do this!

Pull yourself together Mouse! Just stay calm and finish the review! You can do this!

You mean, if I can watch this movie from start to finish and review it I might survive?

Whoah, whoah, whoah. Don't go putting words in my mouth.

Whoah, whoah, whoah. Don’t go putting words in my mouth.

Alright. It’s fine. I can do this. I mean…it’s a Disney movie for God’s sake! How scary can it really be?

A PG RATING!?Oh bollocks...

A PG RATING!?
Oh bollocks…

The movie begins with the following narration:

Legend has it, in the mystic land of Prydain. There was once a king so cruel, and so evil, that even the gods feared him. Since no prison could hold him, he was thrown alive into a crucible of molten iron.  There his demonic spirit was captured, in the form of a great black cauldron. For uncounted centuries The Black Cauldron lay hidden, waiting, while evil men searched for it. Knowing whoever possessed it, would have the power to resurrect an army of deathless warriors. And with them, rule the world.”

STONEHENGE!

STONEHENGE! WHERE THE DEMONS DWELL!

Surprised I didn’t go with a Lord of the Rings joke? Trust me, my supply is limited and must be used sparingly.

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Disney Reviews with the Unshaved Mouse #24: The Fox and the Hound

DISCLAIMER: This blog is not for profit. All images used below are property of their respective companies unless stated otherwise. I do not claim ownership of this material.

***

We’re getting close to the halfway point now in this mad fool’s quest to review every one of the Disney canon classics, so now is as good a time as any to make a confession.

I’m full of it. I’m a fake. A fraud. A charlatan.

I don’t know anything about animation.

I  make it up as I go along.

Also, I was in Dallas that day, I'm a crack shot former Marine and my best friend is  a Cuban communist crow. You figure it out.

Also, I was in Dallas that day, I’m a crack-shot former Marine and my best friend is a Cuban communist crow. You figure it out.

Okay, that’s a little bit of an exaggeration. What I mean is, I’m constantly learning as I do this. Every review I do, I’m basically sitting down to a movie I may not have seen for years (or in a few cases, never at all) and then researching on the fly. This means that a lot of my preconceptions of these movies are constantly getting blown apart, and it often feels like this one discrete group of films never runs out of ways to surprise me or to show me my own ignorance. That’s part of the fun. Take this week’s offering for example. I had this idea that the animation quality of the Disney movies declined terribly after Walt’s death, and wasn’t restored until the glorious Renaissance (praise to the great Renaissance!) of the late eighties/early nineties. I was convinced that pretty much every movie in the Mourning Era was an ungodly, poorly animated mess that wouldn’t pass muster in Soviet era Czechoslovakia.

I can't remember if this screenshot is from Rescuers or Aristocats.

I can’t remember if this screenshot is from Rescuers or Aristocats.

So then, imagine my surprise when I sat down to watch The Fox and the Hound only to realise I was looking at some of the most beautiful animation in the canon since…honestly? Sleeping frickin’ Beauty. I’m not saying it’s on par with that, obviously. I’m just saying you have to go back that far before you come to a movie with better animation. It’s a thing to behold. It becomes a little less surprising when you realise who was working on it though. Wolfgang Reitherman, who directed Sleeping Beauty and all of the Scratchy Era movies produced this film, his last for Disney before retiring. On animation duty were the last of the Nine Old Men; Ollie Johnston & Frank Thomas and a whole host of long time Disney veterans. But you also had the new generation of Disney animators which today reads like a “Holy Shit!” list of animation greats; Don Bluth, Tim Burton, John Lasseter, Glen Keane and Brad Bird.

This, but with animators.

This. But with animators.

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Disney Reviews with the Unshaved Mouse #23: The Rescuers

DISCLAIMER: This blog is not for profit. All images used below are property of their respective companies unless stated otherwise. I do not claim ownership of this material.

 

***

So. The Rescuers. Most successful animated film ever made at the time. Did you know that? I sure as hell didn’t. The Disney studio’s first big animated hit since The Jungle Book ten years previously, and the last until The Little Mermaid twelve years later. Oscar-nominated for Best Song and nominated for the American Film Institute’s list of the Top Ten Animated films of all time (NOTE: This post originally stated that it made that list. Apologies for the error.). People were saying it was the best Disney film since Mary freaking Poppins. And to that all I can say is…

Really?

No, I don’t hate it but…

Really?

Of all time?  Because I can think of ten animated movies from Disney alone that I would put ahead of this. And as for being better than Mary Poppins?! I mean, Jesus!

"Say that again. I dare you. I double dare you motherfucker."

“Say that again. I dare you. I double dare you, motherfucker.”

And yet a lot of people have been telling me how much they’re looking forward to me reviewing this movie. How to account for the love this movie seems to engender in people?

I have a theory. Y’all just love mice.

Not that I blame you. I mean, look at me.

Not that I blame you. I mean, look at me.

Do you know what finally broke the Rescuers’ box office record? Hint; it wasn’t Ariel and it wasn’t Disney.

Durrrr...

Durrrr…

Yeah. From the late seventies to the late eighties everyone was just, really, really into cartoon mice.

Well, anyway let’s take a look at the film.

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So…I may have endangered the entire space time continuum.

Hi everyone.

Um. Okay, I need to tell you something and you have to promise not to be mad.

Okay?

Okay.

A few weeks ago I built a totally sweet time machine and…

You promise not to be mad?

…okay, so I built a time machine and I was all set to do what anyone else would do with a time machine. Kill Hitler.  I mean, you have to, right? It’s like visiting the Eiffel Tower when you’re in Paris. It’s just what you do.

hitler

Do it now and you kill two birds with one stone.

But I wanted to practice first so I decided I’d try killing a lesser dictator for the experience points and I finally settled on Saddam Hussein.

Seen here about to bust this case wide open.

Seen here, about to bust this case wide open.

So I went back to Iraq around 1989 and I waited for him in his bedroom with my trusty shrimping fork. But then he came in and…

Okay, seriously, you have to promise not to get mad.

See, I was all set to do it and then he just starts bursting into tears and saying how he never wanted to be a dictator and that his father pushed him into it and that he had always dreamed of being an actor during the Golden Age of Hollywood but he’d never got the chance and…I just felt so sorry for him, you know? I did.

And that’s when he bludgeoned me with the night stand and stole my time machine.

So…yeah. I may have accidentally given Saddam Hussein the ability to travel throughout space and time.

See this is why I didn’t want to tell you, I knew you’d get mad.

Look, it’s fine! I was worried too! During those fourteen years in an Iraqi prison all I could think off was “Any minute now history is going to be re-written and I’ll find myself in a parallel universe where everyone’s speaking Iraqian…Iraqean…what language do they speak in Iraq?

Anyone? Anyone? Fox News?

French.

French.

 Really? Okay, thanks. But it didn’t happen, so eventually just decided he must have pressed the wrong button and gotten eaten by a T-Rex…

His last thoughts were: "Feathers?! LAME!"

His last thoughts were: “Feathers?! LAME!”

…and I went back to trying to learn the French for “Please, enough with the friggin’ electrical genital torture.”

Anyway, 2003 rolls around and after being set free by the brave men and women of the 3rd Armoured Cavalry regiment…

I offered to blow every single one of these men. The politely declined.

I offered to blow literally every single one of these men. They politely declined.

…I returned home, an empty shell of a husk. It was at that moment that I decided that what I needed to cheer me up was one of my favorite movies, the 1933 Marx Brokers classic Duck Soup made during the Golden Age of Hollywood.

And then, during the climactic musical number “We’re going to War!” I see amongst the crowd of bit characters…well, take a look…

Saddam Hussein

Yeah. Saddam Hussein used my time machine to travel back in time and get himself a tiny singing role in a Marx Brothers Comedy.  Sorry. My bad.

If it helps, it was 1930s Hollywood. He probably had to sleep with a metric ton of casting agents.

If it helps, it was 1930s Hollywood. He probably had to sleep with a metric ton of casting agents.

Disney Reviews with the Unshaved Mouse #20a: Bedknobs and Broomsticks

DISCLAIMER: This blog is not for profit. All images used below are property of their respective companies unless stated otherwise. I do not claim ownership of this material.

 

***

“It’s grand to be an Englishman, in 1910/ King Edward’s on the throne, it’s the age of men!”

George Banks, Mary Poppins 1964

“When you set aside your childhood heroes
And your dreams are lost up on a shelf
You’re at the age of not believing
And worst of all, you doubt yourself”

Eglantine Price, Bedknobs and Broomsticks, 1971

***

Well, you couldn’t really blame them.

Mary Poppins had been such a phenomenal hit for Disney that it was only a matter of time before they tried to recreate that success. The two films have a great deal in common, Robert Stevenson directed both, David Tomlinson plays the father role, there are scenes mixing animation and live action, the Shermans are back on song duty (the last time they’d work on a Disney film until The Tigger Movie thirty years later). Hell, Julie Andrews was even offered the part of Eglantine Price but turned it down. Considering how badly she was typecast after Mary Poppins and Sound of Music, that was probably the right choice. Instead, the part went to Angela Lansbury, who ironically was one of the actresses considered to play Mary Poppins which leads me to believe that Walt Disney only knew two actresses.

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Disney Reviews with the Unshaved Mouse #18a: Mary Poppins

DISCLAIMER: This blog is not for profit. All images used below are property of their respective companies unless stated otherwise. I do not claim ownership of this material.

***

As we move into December it’s only natural to take stock of everything that’s happened in the last year and I gotta say…2012 was very, very good to me. I married the love of my life, moved into a new house, had a beautiful daughter, and after years of smacking my head against a brick wall my writing career is finally starting to show signs of momentum. Oh yeah, and I started a blog that has done better than I could ever have envisaged. I thought this would just be me typing away every week being indulged by a few of my Facebook friends. Now I’m checking the stats every day and wondering why I’m getting fewer hits from the Philippines than usual.
They never forgave me for killing off Sarcastic Map of Wartime Europe.

They never forgave me for killing off Sarcastic Map of Wartime Europe.

So yeah. 2012 was a very good year. It was like that song by Frank Sinatra. You know the one.“My Way”.
Having said that, I think it’s pretty safe to say that if I live to be a hundred I will NEVER have as good a year as Julie Andrews did in 1965. Her first ever movie, Mary Poppins,was the highest grossing film of the year and received a record breaking 13 Oscar Nominations, winning five. Oh yeah, and the second highest grossing film that year was a little picture called The Sound of Music which would actually go on to gross even more than Gone with the WindIn case you’re curious, the third and fourth most successful movies that year were Goldfinger and My Fair Lady. Yeah. 1965 was a GOOD year for movies, and an absolutely phenomenal one for Julie Andrews.

Disney Reviews with the Unshaved Mouse #18: The Sword in the Stone

DISCLAIMER: This blog is not for profit. All images used below are property of their respective companies unless stated otherwise. I do not claim ownership of this material.

***

The Sword in the Stone represents a couple of milestones in the Disney canon. Firstly, this is the last movie to be released during Walt’s lifetime. It’s also the first Disney movie to feature songs by the Sherman Brothers…

“The Brothers Sheeeeeerman!”

Sorry. Whenever I mention them a choir of angels is apt to descend from heaven singing glorious Hosannas and Hallelujahs. Nothing I can do about it, unfortunately. The Sherman Brothers…

“The Brothers Sheeeeeerman!”

Guys please!

One of the greatest songwriting duos of all time. Possibly the greatest. Certainly the most successful in terms of musicals. I mean just take a look at some of the movies they wrote songs for; Mary Poppins, The Jungle Book, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, Snoopy Come Home…fantastic, fantastic songs. Their contributions to Sword in the Stone are not their strongest work but the Shermans on a bad day…  

“The Brothers Sheeeeeerman!”

SHUT UP!

GOD!

Really good songs. Is what I’m saying. Ahem.

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Disney Reviews with the Unshaved Mouse #17: 101 Dalmatians

DISCLAIMER: This blog is not for profit. All images used below are property of their respective companies unless stated otherwise. I do not claim ownership of this material.

***

What kind of Disney movie reads Playboy?

Only two years separated the releases of Sleeping Beauty and 101 Dalmatians but they are, in every sense, eras apart. 101 Dalmatians feels so different, looks so different and sounds so different from its immediate predecessor that it almost feels like the work of a different studio. This is the first of what I call the Scratchy Movies, because of the harder, scratchier outlines of the characters compared to previous Disney eras. Take a look:

Tar and Sugar Era.

Never-Heard-of-Em Era.

Restoration Era.

Scratchy Era.

You see how the lines are so much starker and rougher in the last one? Why is that?

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Happy Thanksgiving from The Unshaved Mouse!

I’d like to take a moment to wish all my American readers a very happy Thanksgiving, or as we call it in Europe “Um…all the Puritans just like, FUCKING VANISHED and I am seriously freaking out here, you guys.” Day.

392 Years ago the Puritans, unhappy with the teachings of Surak and the embrace of logic by the peoples of Europe, embarked upon a perilous voyage to found a new nation in an event knows as “The Great Sundering”. I think that was the gist of it anyway, history was never my strong suit.

From your cousins in the old world, we hope that your day is peaceful and joyous, and your turkeys slow and unable to pull together an effective military counter strategy.

Live long and prosper, America.

Disney Reviews by the Unshaved Mouse #16: Sleeping Beauty

DISCLAIMER: This blog is not for profit. All images used below are property of their respective companies unless stated otherwise. I do not claim ownership of this material.

***

Let’s talk a little about “house styles” shall we? A house style is basically where you have a large number of creators working on a single work, and so they modify their individual artistic voices to conform to a uniform style. The goal is essentially to make something that is the product of all these individual people seem like it’s the work of one person, a single artistic voice.

Say you’re a journalist. Depending on which publication you get work for, you will have to write in a completely different style than you might normally use. It’s almost like becoming a different person. 

This is you as the New York Times…

…The Sun…

…The Guardian…

…aaand the Daily Mail. Thanks folks, I’ll be here all week!

It’s something that most writers have to deal with, and learning to adapt to a house style is a vital skill for anyone hoping to make their living as a scribe. And I absolutely SUCK at it. I learned this when I tried to get a job writing for Ireland’s most popular soap opera.

My idea was for a two year long crossover with Eastenders set during a zombie apocalypse, but here’s the thing…the zombies are actually GHOSTS.

Pff. No RTÉ. I think you’ll find that it is you who are “wildly impractical“.

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