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“Tell me vat happened, Mouse. In your own vords.”
“Paper Alchemist…it was her fault! She told me to watch it…I thought she was my friend. Those eyes. Button eyes…”
“I don’t understand. You had made such fine progress. Ven last ve spoke you had overcome your fear of Pinocchio and were reviewing ze entire Disney canon. You seemed in good mental health. Vat brough on zis relapse?”
“Pinocchio? That’s right. I used to be afraid of that movie. God, I was a fool.”
HELLO!
“Hey.”
“Then tell me, Mouse. What triggered zis episode?”
“I remember it like it was yesterday. When in fact, it was the day before yesterday. I’d finally decided to start reviewing non-Disney movies regularly. Walt tried to warn me against it…”
“You’re a fool Mouse! Everytime you review a non-Disney movie you invite terrible doom!”
“But I thought it’d be fine! After all, I reviewed Nightmare Before Christmas at Halloween and nothing bad happened!”
“Ja…of course.”
“You don’t know that!”
“I am sorry, zis is a private session. I vill have to ask you to leave.”
“And who the stuttering fuck might you be?”
“I am Herr Doktor Ernst Fiedelman. I am ze Mouse’s psychoanalyst.”
“Psychoanalyses? Mouse why are you wasting your time with this flim flam? Some good old fashioned voodoo is all you need, where’s my cauldron?”
“Out.”
“I think I am beginning to understand. You reviewed a movie horrific enough to undo years of intensive psychoanalysis. Something by Adam Sandler I am guessing, ja?”
“Nein. Coraline.”
“Mein Gott! Mouse, ve have no choice. You must face your fear, and talk me through the review. Only then can we undo the psychological damage.”
“Really? Because that sounds like it would make things so much worse.”
“Ve’re talking fifty fifty either vay. Now begin!”
Well. Okay. Here we. go. Coraline.
unshavedmouse 