The Unshaved Mouse’s Presidential Endorsement
The Unshaved Mouse has always striven to remain above the petty bickering of partisan politics (particularly that of countries in which he does not actually live). However, on the eve of a presidential election of such historic importance, and with the nation presented with such a stark choice I feel I must speak out. As a popular blogger with a readership of literally several people, I feel it is my duty to bestow my endorsement on the man that America needs to lead it through these difficult times.
And so it is, having carefully and diligently considered his options, that the Unshaved Mouse bestows his endorsement on President Barack Obama.
Some have been dissatisfied with Mr Obama’s first term. To those people I say “I understand.” Has he done everything in his first term that he promised he would? No. Do I agree with every decision he has made during his first term? No. Is he perfect?
Yes. Yes he is.
I mean, look at this guy. Look at that smile. Look at those eyes, radiating pure benevolence. He’s perfect. And he knows you’re not. But he still loves you. When you consider this, the fact that he is perfect in every conceivable way, then suddenly the choice becomes clear.
I mean…what else is there to say? The smile, the singing voice, the beautiful family…My God, I hope Michelle realises how lucky she is to have his arms around her every night because I’m ready and waiting to step in if she’s not giving him what he needs, no, what he deserves. Yeah, you’d turn for him too, don’t pretend that you wouldn’t.
Look, I’ve got nothing against the other guy…whatshisname…Governor Metro Man.
I’m sure he’s a great guy. I don’t know, I haven’t really paid attention to him (why would I?). But I’m sure he’s a decent human being who supports civil rights for all Americans, an intelligent man with a keen grasp of foreign affairs, a man of integrity and conviction who stands by his most deeply held beliefs whatever they may be (and I’m sure he knows). A man whose party supports easy access to contraception (because ha ha, it is twenty fucking twelve after all!). I’d even go so far as to say his tax plan is sound, reasonable, fair and, most importantly, available and out in the open for everyone to see. I’m sure that is all true.
But if you asked one of his supporters “Is he perfect?” I bet you anything they would say “No.”
And I’m sorry, that’s just not good enough.
God bless you all, and God bless the United States of America.