Random posts combine!

Every so often a collection of things I need to say, otherwise too bitty to put in individual posts, will combine together to form a Voltron-esque combined post. This is such a day.
Okay, first order of business…
The Hangman’s Daughter
As many of you know, I finished serialising my novel, The Hangman’s Daughter last month. Big thanks to all of you who read, commented and gave advice and encouragement. I especially want to give a shout out to Sr. Honkengoose and maxy44 who I’m pretty sure commented on every single chapter and gave me tons of good notes. Legends both. Many of you have been asking when you might be seeing more and after giving it a lot of thought I’ve decided that I’m going to start posting chapters of the second novel in the series, The Devil’s Heir.
However, there is a catch.
As I’ve already mentioned before, The Devil’s Heir is not actually finished yet. Worse, it’s still the sequel to an older draft of The Hangman’s Daughter (one where, amongst other things, Mariana was a dude). This means each chapter will have to be revised and edited so that it’s consistent with the most recent draft of HD, and I don’t have time to do that right now because my life has become an endless looping reel that goes worktoddlerblogplaycomicsleeeeeepworktoddlerblogplaycomicsleeeeeeep. So my brother Eamonn has very, very kindly agreed to edit the Devil’s Heir to get it more in line with the story so far and occasionally make changes that he feels improve the material.
“…and then they all died and the rugged, dashing, one-eyed Mouse was king of the universe. The End.”

“…and then they all died and the rugged, dashing, one-eyed Mouse was king of the universe. The End.”

So, starting soonish, there will be a new chapter of the Devil’s Heir going up every month. Yes. Month.
“Hey I gotta life too, y’know.”

“Hey I gotta life too, y’know.”

Moving on!
Age of Ultron
So Avengers 2 is being released in Europe around a week earlier than it is in the States due to…I dunno, the collapse of American hegemony or whatever. Being the massive nerds we are, my wife and I will be at the midnight screening on 23 April and I’ll be posting a review later in the day. This won’t be a full length Unshaved Mouse style review, obviously. Just a few paragraphs about my thoughts on the film and whether I thought it was any cop or not. You know…a review like actual critics do.
And lastly, revenge 
So regular readers will know that I recently learned my entire life has been a charade orchestrated by the diabolical warlock known to the world as Walter Elias Disney. You may recall I swore a blood oath of vengeance against Disney, promising to review the very, very worst movie that bears his name. And I need your help to do it. Sound off in the comments, what is the very, very, worst Disney movie that has ever been released and help me stick it to Walt but good.
See you all on the 14th of May for How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Train my Dragon. Mouse out.

71 comments

  1. Well, I haven’t seen this movie, but it’s a non-canon Disney movie called Mars Needs Moms, which a lot of people have bashed to no end.

  2. The question is, what do you consider a Disney movies? If you count the Cheapquels…urgh, where to start? From Belle’s magical Christmas over Fox and Hound 2 (which is an insult to every thinking person on the planet) there are so many really, really bad movies.

    Or live-action movies? Personally I hate Maleficent the most (really, really hate it!) but there are enough other duds in Disney’s life action output. How about “Princess Diaries 2”? The first one was at least cute, but that one was just painfully bad. I also have a very special hatred for Herbie goes Bananas. (in fact, outside of the Animation Studios, every single Disney sequel is bad, no matter if direct to video or life action).

    Or “sideprojects”? Mars needs mom is certainly a candidate, though I guess The Wild has the worst animation.

      1. Okay…then all of the above….like I said, Maleficent is the movie I hate the most, but more objectively speaking the sequels are most likely the worst….especially Fox and Hound 2

    1. I don’t know if the DTV sequels are even worth talking about anymore. Everyone’s already talked about how awful they are, so further reiterating on that would be a tad redundant. I think it would be nice to throw a live-action Disney film in the mix, as those are more divisive than universally hated, thus leaving more room for discussion.

    2. You know, I can actually think of two Disney sequels that are pretty good. The first is An Extremely Goofy Movie, which is not great by any means but it’s pretty entertaining. The second is a pretty obscure one, The Man From Snowy River 2. My mom LOVES The Man From Snowy River (and I’ll be surprised if any of you even know that one) and both it and the sequel are not bad. They’re just relatively nice films, not too much happens but they’re pretty well done, have a nice atmosphere and some really great scenery (both were filmed in Australia I believe)

      1. Oh, a third, National Treasure 2. Not necessarily a good movie, but I’m a sucker for those Indiana Jones type adventure flicks. Loved The Rocketeer for kind of the same reason

      2. Oh wait, few more. The Pirates sequels are enjoyable, and Tron Legacy was pretty cool. And Disney did technically make all the Muppet movies from Treasure Island onwards and even if only Muppets Most Wanted is a direct sequel, all the Muppet movies are awesome with the exception of Muppets from Space

  3. Mouse, please tell me you haven’t gone back and lifted the “No DTV Disney sequels” rule.

    Else, you know we’re all gonna want you to review Mulan 2: Mul Harder.

    1. Revenge of the Sith isn’t the worst. Phantom Menace is strictly for Jar Jar. Best thing ever was what happened to him when HISHE did Phantom Menace. Lovely little short that needs to be looked at more.

      1. Phantom Menace is the best of the new trilogy. Podracing is awesome, and it doesn’t have Hayden Christiansen. Plus, Liam Neeson

      2. I’m basing my opinion solely off of the fact that I could actually make it through Phantom Menace, while by the time the Mustafar scene rolls around in RotS, I’m riding pillows around the floor.

  4. Mulan II is definitely the worst I’ve seen under the Disney name, animation wise, and I also hold a special place of dishonor for The Jungle Book 2… but if you wanna go for the really bad stuff, I gotta point to the Hannah Montanna Movie.

  5. When you do talk about Age of Ultron, just be sure not to spoil it for those who won’t get a chance to see it for another few weeks (like me). I look forward to seeing it and I hope you enjoy it.

    As for the worst Disney movie, hmmm, there’s a lot. But I wouldn’t do the Star Wars prequels or the Holiday Special because, come on, those have been reviewed so many times it’s getting a little old. And even though Disney owns Star Wars now, I’d say go for something that Disney had a hand in either making or distributing. And the prequels and Holiday Special were done before Disney came along. Mars Needs Moms might be a good one. Or The Wild. I don’t know how you feel about Inspector Gadget, but there’s a possibility. Princess Diaries might be good as well.

    Whatever you choose, I’ll be sure to read! Good luck!

  6. As bad as Maleficent is, I have to give the movie SOME credit: Angelina Jolie REALLY brought the character to life. I lost count of how many times I said “You magnificent bitch” while watching it.

    John Carter of Mars? I never saw it but it was a massive bomb at the box office. Never saw Mars Needs Moms but I know that bombed too.

    Lone Ranger? I saw it with low expectations after hearing all the bad reviews, figuring “It can’t be THAT bad.” Yes, yes it was. I love the original TV show, finding it stupid-awesome, but the movie never found its happy place and suffered tremendously for it.

    But my personal vote for sheer “WHY?! WHY DOES THIS EXIST?! KILL IT WITH FIRE! STONE THE PERSON WHO GREENLIT THIS!” torment is easily Belle’s Magical World. I LOVE Beauty and the Beast though. I don’t think I want to know how a non-fan of the original handles that GARBAGE. Yes, Enchanted Christmas is bad. Belle’s Magical World IS SO MUCH FUCKING WORSE.

  7. I’m afraid you already reviewed 2 of my least-fave Disney movies. I just haven’t commented on them yet.

    Hmm…”The Black Hole” might be a candidate. It’s live-action, but a real stinker. I think Disney needed the money real bad to make that one. You could also look up any possible Disney flicks with the most Razzies. They’re awards given to really crappy movies. (All the Twilight films got them, as well as flicks like “Howard the Duck,” “Battlefield Earth,” and “Cutthroat Island;” some of the stinkier piles of filth Hollywood barfed out). Keep in mind, though, the morons who award the Razzies are often as dumb as everyone in the Academy and the Hollywood critics. Sometimes they award Razzies to films that weren’t really that bad, they just were being too snotty about it.

      1. My dad and sister would actually sort of agree with Hunchback getting that nomination, since they didn’t really like it. (Ironically enough, my dad liked the gargoyles but didn’t care much for the rest of the film.)

  8. In no particular order:

    Flubber
    Son of Flubber
    Underdog
    The Country Bears
    Bedtime Stories
    Valiant
    Jungle 2 Jungle
    Meet the Deedles
    Teen Beach Movie
    Belle’s Enchanted World
    (At least some of the sequels had decent animation, but this one just looked ugly. Exhibit A: http://images4.fanpop.com/image/polls/821000/821854_1314992436746_full.jpg http://i.imgur.com/L6a1p.png )
    Prom
    High School Musical & sequels
    The Lone Ranger
    Winnie the Pooh: Too Smart For Strangers *shudder*

    (…I gotta admit the Star Wars prequels are one of my guilty pleasures, hence their exclusion from my list.;)

    1. Valiant was only released by Disney in US (which I did not know until I looked it up just know) but, in the UK it was released by Entertainment Film Distributors, so I don’t think that should count. I also think it was pretty good. My family laughed pretty much all the way through it and I think that it was intentionally funny from the number of comedians cast in it. It’s a parody of war films and kind of fell between two stools: too light-hearted for most adults, too obscure for most children. But, being really niche doesn’t make it a bad film.

      1. To be honest, I haven’t seen it since I was little. Maybe I should give it another chance.

    2. YES YES YES YES GIVE UNDERDOG A BOB BARKER SIZED SPADE AND NEUTERING IN THE WORST OF POSSIBLE WAYS FUCK THAT MOVIE! FUCKITFUCKITFUCKITFUCKITFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      Sorry. While I may agree with some of those choices, I have a special hatred for Underdog, mainly because this was a cartoon that my grandpa introduced to me, and was one of my childhood superheros and holds a special place in my heart. With the exception of the two villains (the actors were fine, but they were written so poorly that they’d seem to have forgotten how they energized together in the show). That’s my vote at least.

  9. My God, you just said my name in a post. Mouse, you made my day, I’m actually really upset because I lost my father’s gold ring (Yeah, #FilthyBagginses ) and I can’t go to a party because all my friends left me alone, but this makes me feel better. I’m really looking forward to The Devil’s Heir, to your Age of Ultron review (although I haven’t even seen the first Avengers movie yet, yes, I know, I failed as a nerd) and to your revenge on Walt. If I had to say which is the worst Disney movie I have ever seen, I’d have to say one of those stupid chick flicks about princesses or teenagers, they all suck in my opinion. xD Good luck with your life too! 😀

  10. Yay, I got an honourable mention! 🙂

    Wait a sec, Mariana was originally male? Changing Mabus’s relationship to a straight one, huh? C’mon Mouse, I thought you were cool 😛

    Oy. I’ll await each turn of the month with bated breath now, but hopefully Maxy and I have your writing style figured out to spot any dastardly shenanigans Eamonn might be up to.

    As for bad movies, I nominate White Wilderness. Presenting bold-faced lies as truth and faking proof by massacring your fellow rodents? Don’t think it gets much worse than that.

    1. No actually. Mariana was originally a rather thin Gandalf expy called Magnus who had no prior history with Mabus. Once I changed his gender I had the idea of making them Marie’s ancestors.

    1. A warrior after my own heart, let us reap the nerd fields together my friend, as Star Wars fans fall in heaps and droves upon us…

  11. Worst Disney movie ever… worst Disney movie ever… Oh man this is a tough one, not because there are too many or too few bad Disney movies for me to choose from, but because there are several Disney movies I absolutely hate that if I’m being honest with myself aren’t completely awful (*cough* *cough* Maleficent *cough*). That being said, I think I can safely say several titles that are undeniably awful. The Wild, Underdog, The Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones (I actually like Revenge of the Sith), Belle’s Magical World, The Hunchback of Notre Dame II, and finally, even though it’s not a movie and it has no chance of being reviewed, the Stitch! anime *shudder*. I hate that thing more than anything in the entire fucking world. I won’t go into too much detail here, since I already did a full review on my blog here https://kanahamonako.wordpress.com/2014/09/24/kanahamonako-reviews-stitch-the-anime/
    Anyway, that’s my list of shitty Disney shit. 😛

  12. Oh, Mouse.

    You realize what you’re asking for?

    Maybe not the worst thing Disney’s RELEASED, coughTheWild, but the worst thing Disney’s MADE?

    Planes.

    And you know it.

    1. I disagree. It’s bad, but it’s not like the Disney sequels where the production values are just diddly squat.

  13. You have to do either a BatB sequel or Hunchback II. I vote for the latter- at least if I put on BatB on silent I’d just think, hey, it’s my fav characters just hanging out, but with Hunchback II it’s so utterly relolting in any sense as to not be believed). And… yes this will get me much flack… I didn’t have that big a problem with Mulan II. It’s still terrible, don’t get me wrong, but I kind of like the twist where a sidekick from one movie is the villain in a sequel (with Return of Jafar, they had to have the opposite story arc because they just liked Iago that much)

  14. Does this mean you’re doing better? I hope so, and praying for your recovery. 🙂

    Worst Disney movie ever released, to be honest, I don’t know. The Walt Disney company has released some horrid movies to be sure, but the worst movie released when Walt was alive is a hard one to pick. I’ve looked up a list and many listed I haven’t seen but there is one that I did see that stands out in my mind. However, you already reviewed it so it probably doesn’t count. I will still list it though – The Song of the South. I watched that movie back when I had to do a research paper on Walt Disney for school (got a C because I stumbled on my speech) and it was so horrible that I couldn’t watch it to the very end. I just glossed over that movie for my paper and wrote extra stuff. Still, my most treasured memory of going to Walt Disney World for the first time was riding Splash Mountain. I loved singing the Zippity song, and loved the story they acted out on the ride. Because I didn’t watch the movie enough I had no idea where the theme of Splash Mountain came from – until years later when I learned it came from that dreck. So that’s my opinion on what I think is the worst Disney movie released when Walt was alive.

  15. I’m noticing a recurring title popping up in the comments. Guess you’re reviewing The Wild. Good luck to you Mouse, you’re going to need it to get through that mess of a movie… Also vodka, you’ll need plenty of that too.

      1. The NC liked it, interestingly. Half of it anyway. But I think that the cheapquils deserve a ripping more (you know eventually we’re gonna make you do them all XDXD)

  16. It’s either G-Force or Inspector Gadget as far as I’m concerned. I actually knew one of the kids in G-Force, he was a year behind me in high school. He was also in the Bad News Bears remake which is TERRIBLE and which had ANOTHER kid I knew in it (played rec league basketball with him).

    But yeah, G-Force or Inspector Gadget

  17. I’ll be honest, I feel like you need to scrape the barrel to find the absolute WORST movie from Disney, I got nothing.

    On the subject of Marvel studios, I saw an interview with Joss Whedon on Avengers 2 and he looks and sounds so exhausted, I can’t imagine how hard it must be for any filmmaker to tackle that many characters in one film.

    And you haven’t, by any chance, watched the recent Netflix Daredevil, have you? Cause, I watched the first two episodes and I’m really getting into it and it’s gotten a positive reception from fans with them calling it one of the best and most faithful comic book adaptations.

    1. It is really, really good. I love it. It’s not perfect, there are a few head bangy moments but the acting (Donofrio in particular) is brilliant, it looks great and the action is some of the best you’ll see on the small screen. It’s the Daredevil series I was beginning for.

      1. Oh it is. I’ve been watching it since it premiered and it’s AMAZING!!! And nobody. Fucking. Watches it. Except for me. No matter how much I recommend it. -_-

  18. Three weeks since the last review went up. I have no Mouse and I must scream.

    Mul Harder gets my vote, by the way. ‘I’ve saved the food!’ ‘And I’ve saved you.’ Uuuuugh.

  19. Funny enough, when I was looking through the spill.com archives on youtube, and I came across one little disney film that might be something of an interest to take a look at: Bedtime Stories. The main reason behind all this is something that I think even the spirit of Walt himself would turn over in his grave in embarrassment: it stars Adam Sandler, and is in conjunction with his Happy Madison studios. Nuff said.

    1. It is actually not the worst. Still sucks, but not the worst. Kinda like Flick, neat concept, bad execution.

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