So. I’m bisexual.
And if you met me, you’d never know. You’d have no reason to suspect. For one, I’m happily married to my wife and have a daughter that we made with the usual method. And secondly, I work in theatre (well known to be the most macho of all professions). I rarely bring it up because, to be honest, it’s never really struck me as being that big of a deal. If you asked me to list all the words that define me as a person in order of importance, “bisexual” would be far, far down the list after husband, father, son, brother, writer, Irishman, Catholic*, blogger, Disney fan and tireless crusader for the abolition of the Oxford comma.
Your day will come, you tumour on the English language,you.
It’s like that for the vast majority of bisexuals, I think. We’re by far the most numerous of the LGB…T…Q…+ (Christ, you know you’re inclusive when your acronym is longer than most regular words) crowd and, weirdly, the least visible (especially guys). Most bisexuals tend to end up with a person of the opposite gender. Partially because of the tyranny of heteronormative oppression but mostly because of the tyranny of basic mathematics. In any given population around 47% will be women who like dudes and only 3% will be dudes who like dudes so…yeah, if gender is not a deal breaker for you either way the odds are you’re going to end up with someone from the other team.
Usually. Not Always.
And so we come to the topic that brings us together, today.
One of the always weird and occasionally terrifying things about being bi is that you get to see two worlds side by side. Because the person I fell in love with and decided to spend my life with happens to be a woman, we get to sit in first class. We got to have the big fancy wedding. We get a whole slew of rights affecting everything from taxes to employment to our daughter. We are told, implicitly, that our love is right (which it is), that it is wonderful (which it is) and that it is “normal” (not even close). And sometimes I imagine what would have happened if I had met someone else. If I had instead fallen in love with and decided to spend the rest of my life with someone who happened to be the same gender as I am. This is what I mean by two worlds, because if that had happened my life would have taken a very, very different course. And somewhere, in some alternate reality, that happened.
What I’m trying to say, what I rather desperately need you to understand, is that the me that is writing this and the me that fell in love with a man are the same person. Obviously, we would be different in many ways. And I won’t even pretend that he’s happier than I am (because honestly, I can’t imagine any person more perfect for me than the one I’m with). But we would be, fundamentally, the same Mouse. As deserving, or undeserving, of love or censure, respect or ridicule, hope or despair as each other. His love would not be any different from mine, or any less deserving of your respect. It would not even feel any different to him.
Before writing this post I came out to my family. This experience ranged from a long, heartfelt, emotional and utterly life-affirming two hour conversation with my beloved father and a brief three line chat on Facebook with my youngest brother (“You know I’m bi right?” “Yup.” “Kay.”). I had never mentioned it before, not because I was afraid of how they’d react, but more because, as I’ve already said,up until now I never thought it was a big deal. But then I realised that I was missing the point.
The fact that it’s not a big deal is what makes it a big deal.
Love between two people who happen to have matching chromosomes is not this weird, other, thing. It’s not even different in any real, appreciable way. It’s the exact same beast. It’s the same stunning, boring, wondrous, mundane, crazy-making, sanity-resorting, unquantifiable mess as it is for everybody else. And the debate over whether same sex couples should be able to marry is not some dry question of legal terminology that ultimately has no real world bearing. The stakes are very, very high. People’s lives, their happiness, and the happiness and stability of their families are all on the table. It’s about accepting our fellow citizens as “us” instead of “them”. It’s a matter of respect. It’s a matter of kindness. And it is, most of all, a matter of love.
So I’m asking you, please vote YES to marriage equality on 22 May.
Mouse out (now, quite literally).
***
*If I may digress from this heartfelt plea for acceptance to rant for a moment I swear to God if I see any comments beginning “Sorry, but my religion…” NO. NO IT DOES NOT. Unless you’re an orthodox Jew, whatever you’re about to say, I will bet walkin’ around money that you’re wrong. If you’re a Christian who believes that you have a religious obligation to be a dick to gay people let me explain some of the basic fucking tenets of your religion. Christ’s resurrection created a new covenant that supersedes the original covenant made between Yahweh and the Tribe of Israel that exempts the followers of Christ from the religious restrictions of the Torah. That’s why you can eat pork and shellfish, get a tattoo, keep your foreskin and not have to worry about stoning your smart-mouth kids. And that I have to explain that to you is the most galling thing of all. You’re like all those Star Wars fans who were complaining about the new trailer saying that Leia is strong in the force EVEN THOUGH THAT WAS CLEARLY ESTABLISHED IN RETURN OF THE JEDI. IT’S NOT EVEN SOME OBSCURE EXPANDED UNIVERSE FACTOID, IT WAS IN THE FRIGGIN’ ORIGINAL TRILOGY. HOW CAN YOU CARE ENOUGH ABOUT SOMETHING TO USE IT AS AN EXCUSE TO BE THAT MUCH OF AN ASSHOLE AND NOT CARE ENOUGH TO LEARN THE MOST BASIC GOD-DAMNED FACTS OF THE THING?! The point is, Jesus did not say boo about gay people. You know what he said?
“Do unto others as you would have others do unto you and trust that The Force Awakens is going to be AWESOME.”
Amen.
unshavedmouse 
It’s a sad thing that coming out as anything non-heterosexual has to be subject to scrutiny by other people. But I will say that, because of it, it takes a great deal of confidence and trust in your close ones to go through with it, especially in a world as polarizing as the Internet.
You are a wonderful writer and critic, pretty decent as far as rodents come, and I’m happy that you’ve found a loving and supporting family where you’re allowed to be yourself. Take care.
Thanks man. We still good for the FF review?
I beg your pardon?
My apologies. I read your name as Eric Popper and assumed you were my friend Eric Copper who reviews pop songs trying out a new handle.
Ooh, gotta check him out!
Wait… WHAT?
You’re a Catholic?! Now that’s a shocker.
Aside from that, nice post. Hope Ireland will make the right choice. What are the odds?
Support for a YES vote is holding pretty steady at around 70%.
He *did* say he’d be getting his final rites on his death bed as long as he didn’t get eaten whole by a cat, after all.
…my memory may use a bit too much space for trivial facts.
It is an insidious phenomenon creeping through our culture. I see more and more people doing it every day and it sickens me to my very core. It’s unnatural. It’s completely perverse. DEATH TO THE OXFORD COMMA.
Oh – and good on you for coming out.
Honestly I think my anti Oxford comma stance has gotten a bigger reaction.
Dang – how did this post twice?
Honestly, though, after the first three sentences I went, ‘Hm. How about that.’
Now. Back to the (much safer) topic at hand: Syntactical ambiguity can be removed by rearranging the sentence! The Oxford comma isn’t a comma – it’s a tear shed by English itself!
Stealing that.
I didn’t mean for that to come off flippant, by the way. It’s just that what goes on in everyone else’s hearts and loins is of no interest to me, as long as they’re happy and not hurting anyone who doesn’t enjoy that sort of thing. I myself have the romantic inclinations and libido of a dead Roomba, but I’d vote yes if I could, on principle.
Sorry to hear that hon. You just feeling run down or you don’t have a high sex drive generally?
What? No, I’m fine! I was joking. I might be asexual? I don’t really know. I get massive intellectual crushes on people sometimes and that’s about it.
Okay. Just making sure. Who else would I engage in impromptu crimp offs with?
You’re an excellent human… mouse… polymorph.
My life is an upbeat career montage, seriously.
I read that as “upbeat cancer montage” and got really confused, then panicked, then relieved.
@paperalchemist hi-five to another on the ace spectrum!
(I’m demisexual; the only person I’ve ever felt genuine sexual attraction to is my current girlfriend)
Mouse: that mental image has kept me chuckling right through an 8-hour shift, so thanks.
Honey: Awesome. While everyone else is whispering sweet nothings and exchanging fluids, pop down here with me and we can watch Finding Nemo. Or David Attenborough. Whatever’s on.
Or you could watch an Attenborough documentary about Clownfish and kill two birds with one stone.
I hope this ends up in the right bit of the conversation. Thanks HoneySempai I had never heard of demisexuality before and think that that may be me. I’ll look into it’s bit more but, thanks!
Ugh. I can’t believe you would even mention such an insidious blight on our culture. It’s unnatural. It’s perverse. THE OXFORD COMMA MUST BE STOPPED.
Oh – and good on you for coming out.
I thought support of the serial comma was something all right-thinking people did. I mean, it’s just common sense.
Or should you sy- COMMA sense? 😀
This is no time puns. This is no time for puns at all.
As a gay guy, I just wanna say thanks. I don’t need to be a gay guy to say thanks – anyone with a sense of compassion in their hearts should be all “Hell yeah!” – but it’s coming from someone in this case. While I no longer live there, I grew up in the American South in a pretty fundamentalist protestant environment. And truth be told folks like you saying this to family and friends (and, I suppose, blogs?) makes a difference.
So, thanks.
(Have one get-out-of-Bahia free card.)
If I may ask, where exactly in the South did you grow up?
Texas. It was not until I was in my teens that I realized that we were fundamentalist compared to the wider (non-church) culture around us. Funny the things that appear normal for so long.
Thanks man. That means a lot.
If I may ask, where did you secure a get-out-of-Bahia-free card?
I worked for a Brazilian lady once, in school. She asked me if I had been to Bahia. I said no, and she pressed into my hand a set of cards. “I’m not supposed to give these out, but it’s the only way you can leave.” I did not ask questions.
I don’t blame you.
Well, if Harrisond Ford is in the movie and then Jesus says it’s going to be awesome, I have to watch it. Bi the way, (Sorry, I had to do it, I deserve death punishment but it was impossible not to do it) I’m 100% in favour of your opinion, everyone should be able to love another person, either it is from the opposite gender or not. And I’m proud of you having this talk with your family, Mouse. 😀
Thanks maxy.
You’re the most hetero-sounding bi I’ve ever met. It’s not meant as an insult, just the kind of vibe you’ve given me in your writing.
If it makes you feel better, whoever said God hates homosexuals (or any other kind of person in the group) was lying. He does love them (they’re His children), He just doesn’t love what they do in the bedroom. It’s the act, not the person, that’s the real issue here. He also doesn’t like when one group of His children persecute another group. He did warn us followers that we would be hated for our beliefs. So none of that is new.
I once had a crush on a guy in theater class in high school. He was bi too (though I didn’t know for a long time). Problem was, not only did he not notice me, but he chose to spend time with the star gay guy on campus than me. I was also friends with a nice, fun girl who was in the community Passion Play with me. (It’s a play based on the Easter Story in the Bible). She was bi too, though she didn’t really seem to show any interest in anybody. I guess she hadn’t found anybody to date yet.
I learned very quickly (after growing up with brainwashed Midwesterners for class-mates) not to try and preach to people about this subject. All that happens is, I get attacked, harshly. Plus, if they choose to be one way or another, nobody can make them change their minds but them. All you can do is tell these people the facts and leave them to the fate they’ve chosen.
I’m afraid I cannot agree to SSM because of how mean the LGBT people have been to fellow Christians here in the US. It’s more than just my beliefs. We’ve been targeted more than once by that community, and I cannot support marriages carried out by people who are bullies.
I will not bore you with Bible verses, scientific facts, or psychological studies (since I know you don’t want to hear it), but if you are curious, let me know. I have all the info here.
I’m not sure I agree with your reasoning about not supporting, I get what you’re saying but I feel like you’re being a tad unfair. Communities are always going to have bullies, and this applies to Christians as well and sure you have all your facts and that’s great but is it really damaging society? I believe gay people can make friends, fight for their countries and the people, lead their countries to a better future, and do great things like any hetero or bi person has done in the past, cause they’re still human beings. Now, I’m not calling you an “anti-gay Christian” or anything, I’m just giving my opinion on the matter. You can disagree if you like, I won’t hold it against you.
ladyaquanine73551, considering that straight people do exactly the same thing as gay people in bed, your theory is invalid. I’ll leave it to your imagination what that might be
There are many Christians out there, who have felt bullied by a “Liberal” establishment, for example when they have been sued for not baking a cake for a same-sex marriage. And if they feel so, something is not right.
Hetero-sounding? Didn’t you see what he wrote about Nelson Eddy? (He’s not wrong, mind you.)
Oh that man.
Claiming that the LGBT community is oppressing Christians is like anti-racism, sure it may exist in isolated cases but holy fuck does it not even come CLOSE to comparing to the magnitude of the oppression LGBT people get from Christians or that racial minorities get from white people.
//”He just doesn’t love what they do in the bedroom”//
I’d like to know why God is so particular about the consensual pairbonding activities His children get up to. This whole “Thou shalt have only one penis during copulation; no more, no less” thing strikes me as something that insecure males desperate to create and cling to power would come up with, and not really a huge concern for an omnipotent, omnibenevolent being beyond mortal reckoning Who created all things visible and invisible.
//”He did warn us followers that we would be hated for our beliefs.”//
You do realize that this verse is not a get-out-of-jail-free card/blank check for every shitty unpopular thought you’ve held in your head, right? “People disagree with me; Jesus said people would disagree with me; ergo when people disagree with me I am aligned with the will of Jesus” is not logically sound, like at all. Hitler could use the same brand of non-reason.
//”I once had a crush on a guy in theater class in high school. He was bi too (though I didn’t know for a long time). Problem was, not only did he not notice me, but he chose to spend time with the star gay guy on campus than me.”//
Oh my Lord, you know what this is? This is literally the Aesop about sour grapes. “Wah, this guy I liked didn’t like me back! Truly the person he actually liked is a SKANK WHORE BITCHFACE FAG. HIM AND EVERYONE LIKE HIM IS EVIL AND DEFECTIVE AND THEY WILL SUFFER BY MY HAND.”
//”We’ve been targeted more than once by that community”//
Oh yes, you poor dears. Lord knows that there’s an entire lexicon of slurs that we have reserved just for you! And a history of queer missionaries going into countries that historically accepted Christianity and enforced anti-Christian laws so now Christians in those countries go in fear of their lives. And it must be so hard to know that in the United States of America, Christians cannot marry anybody they want in certain states! And to think, it took a Supreme Court case to decriminalize Christianity! I’m sure you personally have had to hide your possessions because you fear that anti-Christian bullies will destroy them because of your religion. And when you walk down the street with your significant other, you have to hear people whisper “oh, ew, Christians!”; that must be so damaging. And you face such awful discrimination when you try to have children; adoption agencies and fertility clinics are so biased against you, and some judges are just itching to remove your children from your care for fear that you will turn them Christian! And jeez, coming out as Christian to your family must be nerve-wracking, considering so many Christian teenagers are thrown out of their homes, to the point where they make up 40% of homeless youth! And when you think about how many Christians are specifically targeted for violent crimes because of their religion! And then when the case goes to court people can use a “Christian panic” defense to get their charge lessened…”but your Honor, I was afraid he would convert me!” How awful. And to know that so many people are praying that you change your religion? That must hurt really bad. Don’t even get me started on that congregation of gays that go to Christian funerals to shout obscenities at mourners.
Meanwhile all us queers ever have to deal with is some random asshole saying some mean things every once in awhile. Truly, we can never begin to approach an understanding of your suffering.
//”I cannot support marriages carried out by people who are bullies.”//
You know what, even if it were *remotely* within the tenuous grasp of reality that you’ve been actually persecuted by the queer community in the manner described above, I’d like to quote some of that Bible you’re allegedly so fond of.
“If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them. And if someone forces you to walk one mile, go with him two miles.” – Luke 6:29
“If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much. If you are kind only to your friends, how are you different from anyone else?” – Matthew 5:46-47
“Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, “VENGEANCE IS MINE, I WILL REPAY,” says the Lord.” – Romans 12:19
You will notice how Jesus never attempted to invalidate the earthly marriages of the Romans and Jews who persecuted Him and His followers, nor made any commentary on their personal lives beyond how they were hurting and exploiting people over whom they held power. It’s almost like He wasn’t all that concerned with petty bullshit.
//I will not bore you with Bible verses, scientific facts, or psychological studies (since I know you don’t want to hear it), but if you are curious, let me know. I have all the info here.//
I think I got the Bible verses covered, but here’s a shot at scientific facts and psychological studies: http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/sexual-orientation.aspx
I’m sure all this is a moot point because I’m 100,000% convinced that you are a troll, but this was a fun exercise regardless.
Wow, this was great. Thanks for this, HoneySempai!
Bravo
Sounds like somebody got added to my list of trolls to starve.
That was truly magnificent.
Could you add me to the list, too, Lady Aquanine, please? Pretty please? *lesbian puppy dog eyes*
Absolutely brilliant. A very hearty well done to you.
Ladyaquinine: As a Christian myself, I understand what you are saying about facing bullying for your convictions. I’ve been harassed by plenty of prigs for my moral and theological convictions. Like you say, we were not told that this would make our lives more comfortable and appreciated by out contemporaries, but please re-evaluate how you are responding to things. Retaliation through counter-suppression is not an appropriate response. I think that Christians today are receiving the same kind of rebuke that Peter received from Jesus at Gethsemane: “He who lives by the sword shall die by the sword.” After a history of Christian individuals–many, many, many of them–using politics and society to try and build the church through behaviorism, we are getting lashback whether it’s of our own personal doing or not. We should feel convicted for our own failure to represent God’s grace in such a way that inspires admiration (rather than resistance).
So while I agree with you that homosexual acts are not according to what God has defined as good, I don’t agree that forcing people to conform makes them any more Christian or communicates to them what being Christian really is about. If society decides that it’s okay with homosexual marriage, then democracy should do what it was designed to do: act upon the will of society. As Christians we live according to a different citizenship and should continue our lives accordingly. Sure we will have to defend our religious freedom, but if anyone is supposed to suffer, isn’t it us? Isn’t that the example we are called to follow?
Also–personal soap-box on vernacular vocabulary here–never use the word “brainwashed” unless you are ready to define the process of brainwashing and apply it to your observation of the lives you are describing. Surely you’ve been called “brainwashed” for being Christian before and found it incredibly insulting to your family’s integrity and your own life’s struggle for finding truth and making sense of the world. At least, I’ve been called as much and found it that way.
Mouse: thank you for your honesty, whether you feel like it matters in this reality or not (by the way, is there a mustachioed dark-reality Mouse out there?). Be careful about identifying yourself as Catholic, though, if you aren’t ready to represent the full doctrine and beliefs of that community. I’m glad that your family has responded lovingly to you and that you understand and are content with yourself. Best of luck. I’m looking forward to your next blog.
This is awesome. Thank you for sharing this and if I was in Ireland I would totally vote yes.
Damn it! All my readers are Yanks! YANKS! WHY DIDN’T I THINK THIS THROUGH!
Dear Mouse,
Your articles have been a source of great pleasure to me for quite some time, but this is the first one that I’m truly compelled to comment upon. (My therapist advises me to refrain from commenting on too many things I come across online. I feel a great multitude of people could benefit from his sage counsel, but this has nothing to do with this particular post.) The gist of my response is as follows: Thank you. Thank you a huge bunch. Got that? Good. Then, some specifics.
I am a gay man living in a country (Finland) whose parliament (we didn’t get a referendum, but it’s okay) approved same-sex marriage just last year after a long, acrimonious, divisive and cathartic national debate with lots of ups and downs. It’ll be a few years still till the first same-sex marriages can be registered (we apparently like to take things nice and slow and cool here), but it’s just paperwork from now on. My experience, and that of most queer folks I know, is that for the first time in our history we feel like equal citizens, endowed with the same dignity and the same opportunities that our straight friends and family members have enjoyed. And not just us, but the thousands and thousands of us yet to be born. (Mind you, we still have quite a way to go when it comes to trans people…) Visibility has been key to this struggle. It is important that straight people know that the individuals behind these acronyms are their neighbours, their customers, their co-workers, their relatives, their loved ones – actual people whose sexual and gender identities are just one facet of their personality. For sure it is, in a purely practical sense, easier to remain in the closet, but things aren’t changed for the better from the closet. At best, you might befriend some liberal-minded moths. Coming out is scary and difficult and exhausting – it’s certainly the hardest thing I’ve done in my entire life (several times at that) – but it can be a rewarding personal achievement even when it doesn’t go down the way you wish it would. It is, at least potentially, a gigantic breath of the gaseous equivalent of personal integrity. The sad thing is, it still takes guts, at this day and age. For these reasons, you deserve to be thanked.
Also, it does take a different kind of courage, in my experience, to come out as bisexual. Bisexual erasure is totally a thing; a regrettable a deplorable thing, but a thing nevertheless. I know the gay community as a whole has not been ideally supportive of bisexuals, especially of bisexual males. I have heard comments like “Just make up your damn mind already” and “Just admit you’re gay” aimed at (male) bisexuals by some gay people who really ought to know better. In a world where this exists, it takes some testicular fortitude (please excuse my gender-specific terminology, but in my experience this applies especially to men) to come out as bi and to maintain that identity. These things can’t be legislated upon, but fair and equal legislation can make it easier for us to outgrow these harmful notions and stereotypes that have never made a single person’s life better. Also, fair and equal legislation is pretty nifty and noble all by itself.
I’m very happy to learn that the Mouse family is so supportive. I’m thankful for and moved by your decision to share this experience with your readers. And of course I trust and hope Irish voters will cast their lot with inclusion, equality and fairness.
Hi JT. Thanks for your comment. I actually have pretty much the same rule and rarely comment anywhere because it has the potential to be crazy making so I appreciate you breaking a habit here. Just so you know, I’ll probably be using your quote about liberal moths from now until the day I die.
Best. Post. Ever. As a closeted bisexual man with a Christian background, this resonated with me on a deep and personal level. Thanks Mouse. You make me feel like less of a freak. 😊
Aw dude…*squish*
Exceptionally well said Mouse. I admit that I used to be against same sex marriages because of my faith, but then I actually met and became friends with several gay guys in high school (I was involved in our schools theater program, there were quite a few guys that were out, and this was at a Catholic high school) and I realized how stupid and prejudiced I was being. And now in college, one of my best friends has a lesbian mother (long story short, her mom came out and divorced her dad and is now living with another woman, her mom and dad are still on good terms though) and that’s cool. Same sex, different sex, love is love. And it’s not mine nor anyone else’s place to say otherwise.
(Also, LONG LIVE THE OXFORD COMMA)
(Also also, I now have to re-evaluate how serious you were about your crush on Andy Samberg)
Heh. Not really my type but I just thought that was a very good photo of home.
(Also also also, I am coincidentally watching The Princess Bride right now)
Someone somewhere is always watching the Princess Bride. And that’s beautiful.
ABOMINATION!
You’re a gent.
I think I’ve made my stance clear in the comment I made in the previous instalment. Well, except that I propose the term “LGBT-etc.” be shortened to just “sexual minorities” because that seems like a thorough enough umbrella term to me. Hopefully that isn’t off-colour in any way.
Also, the Princess Bride quote was just too perfect (though those seldom aren’t). And all this talk of Jesus makes me wonder if he’ll ever get an appearance in your book series. And whether you’ll portray him as liking The Force Awakens. Note to Eamonn, if Neil missed this, you know your job.
Jesus might appear but you might be waiting a while. (as usual)
“Well, except that I propose the term “LGBT-etc.” be shortened to just “sexual minorities””
“Sexual minorities” doesn’t really cover transgender/gender-variant people, whose issues have nothing to do with sexual attraction, which is why I don’t use it. “Queer community” works for me. 🙂
I prefer “crotch mutants”.
Depends on whether the word “sexual” is limited in a way that the word “sex” is not, seeing as the trans-anything people would all be minorities sex-wise (the word sex meaning the variety of person one is, rather than the act). “Queer” kind of implies they’re weird in some way, which is why I think “minorities” makes more sense, but if it doesn’t bother anyone who falls under the umbrella term, I guess I’ve got no reason to complain there.
Wow so many comments talking about theatre… I guess I should come out and say I was involved in my high school’s theatre program as well. THESPIANS UNITE!!!! Also DEATH TO THE OXFORD COMMA!!!! 😆
YES!!!!!!
I’m pretty sure the ‘My family is strong in the Force’ line used in the new trailer is FROM Return of the Jedi.
I can’t believe you’re against the Oxford comma. You think you know a guy…
I know right? Long live the Oxford comma!
You’re dead to me!
Mouse, you are my male Irish doppelganger. (Except w/r/t the Oxford comma. Have fun with your strippers, Stalin and JFK.)
I ALWAYS DO.
On an unrelated note:
//If you asked me to list all the words that define me as a person in order of importance, “bisexual” would be far, far down the list//
Hmm.
Okay, first off: how a person defines themselves and what they think are their most important characteristics is absolutely a personal thing with no objective rhyme or reason or moral standing. So there is no shade or judgement coming from me.
But.
Speaking as a person who’s had to whip out the “I’m bi(demi) but it’s not, like, a big deal” card just as a sort of defensive maneuver (I’m actually pretty terrible with arguments in real life), I’m really…uncomfortable with the phrase. Because my sexuality IS a big deal…it’s going to affect who I marry, where I can live and travel, who I can consider friends, how I acquire children, where and with whom I can work, and lots of other things. And while orientation isn’t a personality trait by itself, all those things that it affects is going to affect my overall personality just by virtue of how I’m going to handle all those situations and people it puts me into contact with.
And to me there’s something…self-erasing about the phrase “Yeah, I’m [gay/bi/trans/etc] but it’s not a big deal.” It feels like a covert way of saying “I’m not like THOSE ones. You know, those OBVIOUSLY queer people, with their abnormal habits and strange personalities and being adamant about their rights and calling people out on their ‘phobic shit. No, no, I’m just like you straight people, hand to God. Totally normal. I’ll just sit here quietly. I’m not making waves honest. Please don’t persecute me.”
Again, I DON’T think this is what you’re saying or intending to communicate, and obviously you have every right and reason to consider your other aspects–father, husband, etc–to take priority over this particular aspect. It’s just the phrase itself just kind of makes me want to shout out “Yes it’s a big deal! And no, I will not sit quietly and let you ignore it while people like me suffer!”
Look Sempai I’m not trying to speak for an entire group of people here I’m just giving my own honest experience and I’m not going to apologise for that or try to justify that to you or anyone else. I said that I never felt it to be this big defining thing because I never felt it to be this big defining thing. End of.
Hey I’m sorry if I upset you 😦
Graaaah. Sorry. I bit your head off and that wasn’t fair. I’m in the middle of rewrites (which are the worst) and your comment which I know you wrote with the best will in the world but which pushed some pretty big buttons for me arrived at around one in the morning so you were never going to get me at my best. If I may be frank, it seems to me that most of the “you have to act this way/talk this way/feel this way” bullshit we used to get from straight people is coming from our own side these days. Yay progress!
Sorry, but my religion mandates the use of the Oxford comma. I’m a Roman Commathic, you see. (Not to be confused with the Greek Orthodox Commathics, who do not choose to recognize the proper use of the semicolon.)
But on a serious note, thank you for feeling comfortable enough to share this part of you. Granted, as you say, it’s by no means what defines you, but still.
Thanks Gram.
Love you, Mouse
Mwah.
I… actually am an Orthodox Jew, but unlike most, I am not against the LGBT commanity (no I did not spell that wrong Long Live the Oxford Comma!). Your honesty is greatly appreciated and I am very glad your family and blog have accepted this news with good will and compassion. Keep up the good writin!
Thanks Jen.
Jesus is a Star Wars fan? I always thought he was a trekkie.
Also, there should be no guideline on what a normal relationship is like. There is no normal in life. You have complex people with complex lives and emotions trying to get through this world. I would also support the vote, but I live in the US. Sorry.
Star Trek, Star Wars, BSG. S’all good.
It said in one of the Papers that there were (some) Christians protesting against Star Wars at a convention. Usually I vaguely know what it is they’re protesting against but, what did they find wrong with Star Wars? Does anyone know.
Phantom Menace.
Aha! I understand. Curiosity satisfied. 🙂
Just be glad you’re Irish, Mouse.
Here in ‘Murica, the gay marriage legalization vote has to be done STATE BY STATE. (And remember, we’ve got over four dozen of those.) And even if you get married in one state, you can go to anther state and be told that they won’t legally recognize your marriage. (Luckily, there’s a court case trying to remedy that.)
I can only hope that marriage equality passes over there as quick as possible. Maybe that’ll get the ball rolling over here, too. Though I am of the heterosexual persuasion, I’m sick of living in one of the few states left that would sooner recognize a Jedi wedding than a gay one.
Speaking of Jedi, a million times yes to what you said. I think the reason a lot of people don’t remember that Leia is Force-sensitive is because a lot of people are still trying to mentally block anything involving Endor and the Ewoks (Remember when ROTJ was “the bad one”? I miss those innocent days….)
Oh don’t get me started on that! The whole “The Ewoks ruined the franchise because they were able to beat the Empire spiel.” First of all, the Ewoks are no more kid-friendly than the Jawas or the droids or Chewie. Second, they don’t beat the Imperials. With the element of surprise they manage to get some licks in and then they get massacred. Oh, and thanks for the support for our upcoming attempt to expand civil rights for all citizens. I guess.
Mouse,I have been lurking on your blog for about a year, and I would have never guessed you were bisexual. That being said, congragulations for coming out, and I hope that the vote wins. My country is staunchly Catholic, though it’s quite liberal for an Asian country, so I can only hope.
Funny story, I was quite homophobic myself until about a year ago-interestingly, only a few months before I discovered I was a lesbian (my gender identity isn’t exactly regular, either, I always switch between butch and femme behaviour randomly at times, though I’m usually in the middle. That being said, I definetly do not think I’m a special snowflake). I was raised in a conservative Christian background, particularly the kind that believe that Obama is the antichrist and that they’re all going to be up in the sky by 2025. Basically, I was borderline in a cult. It made me quite the annoying kid, always raving about this and that, and looking back I even wonder what I was thinking at times.
I somehow managed to stumvle across an article explaining that there were only four verses in the Bible that spoke about homosexuality. One was in a book basically everybody ignored nowadays, except for perhaps that one verse for strange, unknowable reasons, and the other three were mistranslated and, according to modern scholars, probably written by some guy pretending to be Saint Paul for a laugh or something. Shocked, I checked the earliest Greek translations of the New Testament. I might not have been a scholar, but I could easily tell that the article was right. A few days later, after some meditation, I decided to switch to Liberal Christianity, and eventually after a few events that are rather difficult to explain here I became a theist Unitarian Universalist.
I’m so thankful that the Deity allowed me to find that article. I’m thirteen now, and though I’m pretty young (…and, all things considering, I shouldn’t be reading this blog in the first place, considering all the swearing :p), I can safetly say that Conservative Evangelicism is a shady buisness. What would happen if I somehow managed to stumble upon a Cristina Aguliera video before I learned the truth? What if I accidentally did something that would make my parents send me to therapy? You’d have to marvel about how accordingly God plans things.
Teenage angst aside, again, congragulations for coming out, and even if this blog is too foulmouthed for my age…it’s improved my writing significantly, honestly. You’re hillarious. I’m actually hoping that as a queer woman of colour, I could perhaps become a children’s author-that would be a great source of representation in this day and age. That’s a long way to go, though, so currently I’m focusing on passing high school, eventually getting a Arts and Humanities course, maybe a girlfriend in the future…I’m just thankful that I’ve been more secure and confident in myself in the past few months than I’ve ever been in my entire life. I just hope equality’ll continue to spread.
Hi Clair. Thanks for your post. I’m delighted that you’ve found peace with yourself and with God. If everything was able to do it as early as you’ve managed the world would be a better place. I wish you the very best of luck with your writing and getting a girlfriend (in my experience one is significantly easier than the other). Sorry bout the cussin’.
You’re welcome, and thank you, too. Also, compared to what we usually hear in Manila this blog is actually pretty tame…:p And, speaking of you being Catholic, I still have no idea why the Wisdom of Solomon wasn’t included in the Protestant Bible. I’m reading right now, and I swear this thing is a million times better than a lot of books the conservatives basically cling to…
I was going to say because it’s racy but then I remembered that that’s the Song of Solomon not the Wisdom.
*facepalm* Oh my fuc-AHHH WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME
What HAVE I done to you?
You’ve made me turn in to Malcolm fucking Tucker, goddamnit!
Oh, you’ll live longer. Releases stress and cleans the teeth.
“and the other three were mistranslated and, according to modern scholars, probably written by some guy pretending to be Saint Paul for a laugh or something. Shocked, I checked the earliest Greek translations of the New Testament. I might not have been a scholar, but I could easily tell that the article was right.”
You gotta be kidding me! So you think that you as a thirteen-year-old know better than all the adult scholars, who have been translating the New Testament over the centuries? I’m sorry, but St Paul did not approve of homosexuality. Not one bit. You may agree with him or not, but his opinions on the matter are very clear.
I literally just said I read my information from multiple articles. I checked the Greek texts on sacredtexts.com and I was forced to admit they were correct. Also, didn’t I just say that most scholars agreed that all New Testament references to homosexuality might not have been written by Paul, ESPECIALLY 1 Timothy?
And before you stoop down to your ageism, I’ll have you know that after years of being scared to hell (no pun intended) about some of the things my parents told me, I don’t take kindly to people who discount my experiences and meditation just because I’m thirteen.
Also, about these ancient scholars, I find it funny that these peeps disagree so much that there have to be multiple translations of the damn thing. I also find it amusing that they somehow managed to translate Sheol and Hades, both ideas of the afterlife from different cultures, directly into the word ‘hell’. Probably not smarter than these scholars as a whole, but…just saying.
Cool 🙂 You are also very right about “do as to others …” I think it’s a little odd the emphasis that gets placed on relatively minor things, like modesty etc. Most of the things Jesus said boil down to be nice to each other.
Also “beat money changers with a stick”.
Damn money changers. I want my money to stay exactly the same, thank you very much!
I have to say that you didn’t expect that from Jesus, the same guy who told people to “turn the other cheek”. Weird story…
That was advice for day to day mundane situations. If people were kinda making dishonest money by exploiting a religious and cultural celebration that technically belonged to my father, I’d be a bit angry too…
Also they were using the Oxford comma.
But I just opened to John 8:7 and Jesus spoke with an Oxford comma o.o
He was clearly misquoted.
Yeah things he said about camels, eyes and needles also come to mind. Maybe that connects with the money changers.
Nope, I will never defend “marriage equality”. Call me whatever names you like, I believe that humanity is divided into men and women for a reason.
Well, humanity is not divided into men and women, but even if it were, your comment would still be a massive non sequitur.
99,999% of all people will still essentially be one of the two genders. And to many people, that is not a “non sequitur” at all.
My goodness, your comment section was entertaining.
Um, I actually thought you were female until a few days ago, so your coming out male and bi didn’t make me blink a bit! I’m also a Yank, but I live in Mayo and I checked the register: I am on it! Just got our vote yes stickers in the post, too. Thank you for being another voice of reason here.
Yeah it’s been…interesting. Thanks, it’s good to know.
Aw, you wonderful Mouse making all of us so proud. 🙂
Oh shush.
This post really resonated with me – my girlfriend is bi who has yet to come out to her family (in fact I think I’m the only one besides her best friend who knows) and she hasn’t told them yet for the same reason you did, she just doesn’t think it’s that big of a deal.
It takes a lot of courage to come out, Mouse. You did us proud! 🙂
Powerful stuff Mouse. Gotta say I respect you a little more everyday, I don’t know how long I can carry all these mad props I’d like to give you. It takes guts to be honest about who you are, in particular who you see yourself to be, and as a loyal reader for over a year your charm, wit and humor has never disappointed. Keep up the good fight, don’t let the blucatts bite.
…….I’m meh on Episode VII though 😛
Ah we live in hope. Thanks man.
Two more days, how’s the vote going?
It all comes down to turnout. Anything under 40% and it gets dicey. 50% or over and we should take it in a landslide. The bookies are no longer taking bets on a YES result which is a very, very good sign.
Morning where you are already, no? Hoping for the best. Is it going to be announced sometime in the afternoon? Because my bedtime is in your mid afternoon and if that’s the case I’m not going to sleep until I hear a verdict.
*eyes twitch*
Right now it’s ten to eleven in the afternoon. We’ll probably know sometime this evening.
Just heard on the radio that turnout is quite high. Good sign.
That’s great! 😀
(Technically wouldn’t this make Australia the last country that primarily speaks English to allow same sex marriage? Welp looks like you guys are somehow going to manage to kick Tony Abbot’s ass yet again props to you)
We would indeed. I was reading all these media reports of Australians saying “Oh it would just be soooooo embarrassing if Ireland got there before us. I mean, c’mon IRELAND!” Yeah. Thanks guys. I hope the wombats overthrow you.
Mmm, I have a few Australian friends and I think they’re really pissed about Abbot. They haven’t mentioned anything about Ireland, though, so I assume they’re happy for you.
As for Asian countries, one of our most famous local singers is a lesbian and there are actually a few transgender models in some clotheslines, I highly suspect that we’ll be the first Asian country to illegalize it, though that may take a few years.
Well I wish you the best of luck. We’re probably going to find out tomorrow afternoon
.