Deathmatch 2017: Epilogue




And so we end another season of what I am pretty sure is the world’s most successful charity event/bloodsport! Deathmatch 2017 is over! A moment’s silence for the fallen.

So, our three contestants left standing are:

The Last Unicorn (First Place)

Avatar: The Last Airbender (Second Place)

The Hunchback of Notre Dame 2 (Third Place)

First two weren’t much of a surprise, I’ve been getting requests for Last Unicorn for years and Avatar is just a phenomenal cartoon. And of course, sadism is always a powerful motivator so I’m not too surprised to see Hunchback 2 make it over the finish line. There were some surprises though. I thought it was very odd that The Nine Lives of Fritz the Cat didn’t get a single vote.

"Yes. Odd."

“Yes. Odd.”

Anyway, if one of your favourite fighters didn’t make it, don’t be too disappointed. No fewer than four of the eliminated movies/series were purchased outright so they’ll get a review as well. Your generosity has been truly humbling. Together you raised over a thousand dollars for the ACLU and have ensured that I am now booked up for the NEXT TWO GODDAMN YEARS. And it is going to be a WILD two years. We’ve got everything from Golden Age Hollywood classics to bargain basements schlock and everything in between (and animé. SO MUCH ANIMÉ).

Thanks for making Deathmatch 2017 an unqualified success. You guys rock.

Mouse out.


  1. Hmmm… Not that I have seen “The Hunchback of Notre-Dame II” yet (even though I own it on DVD, so I should watch it one of these days), but I don’t believe that everybody who voted for that movie is a sadist. Well, I guess that some of the voters just wanted to see you tear it to pieces. But I have to say that it sounds like an interesting movie to me, Sure, I don’t believe that anybody expects it to be as good as the canon movie. But I expect it to be good enough, and I really like the idea of Quasimodo and Madeleine. So yeah, I have to pop this one into the DVD player as soon as possible.

  2. Wait, nobody voted for Felix II: Flee You Fools? Really?

    How did it make it to round 2, then? Because I /know/ that some of the eliminatees in round 1 had votes.

      1. You mean…you lied?

        Say it ain’t so! My trust in you is forever broken. Next I shall be hearing that Walt Disney *isn’t* actually an undead broom-obsessed warlock that rules the world with an animated fist.

  3. Well hopefully Daria got bought up. Plus I really want to see that El Dorado review. Plus, maybe Mouse will do something insane like reviewing the newest Disney movie that came out, Moana!
    But nah, that’d be too strange.

  4. Wooo, my pick is #1! Suck it, Belle’s Enchanted Christmas!

    It’s almost worth that dream I had where I woke up in the middle of the night and a mouse wearing a bow was holding a knife to my throat and calmly explaining that while Fritz the Cat may have nine lives, I only have one and it would be a shame to waste it.

    Man, I gotta start avoiding eating Welsh Rarebit before bed, huh?

  5. YASSS AVATAR!!!! Unfortunately I couldn’t donate in this charity event because of certain financial, uh, *stressors.* But I’m glad Avatar made it to the end. I’ve been dying to see you review it for AGES.

  6. Ha ha, you’ll have to watch Hunchback 2.

    Avatar is like, my favorite TV show tho, so at least something good came out of this.

  7. Over a thousand!? Holy crap! That’s great news. Congrats brother.
    Two years booked? Nah you’re going to have to go back to one a week. The only way you could finish them. In fact why not one a day! You’ll fly through them that way.

  8. FUCK, now I feel obligated to watch Hunchback 2 since I own a copy (Hunchback Blu Ray 2 movie combo pack, I swear I didn’t buy it on purpose)

      1. Rats! I’ll hace to rectify that next time! (or whenever the heck the opportunity knocks.)

  9. Tiny bit of advice when watching The Last Unicorn; there are two audio tracks. Do the original theatrical one if you’ve got it available, the other one censored some curse words and did kind of a hack job of it.

  10. I’m so excited to hear that more anime reviews are on the way! Care to share what any of them are, or are they surprises?

  11. …Wait, did The Last Unicorn actually use a spear to impale something? Wouldn’t a unicorn have, like a horn for that?

    In any case, cool. Glad to know a ton of charity money has been raised (even if I did miss out on this one as well, again, apologies, this marsh-bird has been swamped).

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