Today in the Dáil, a debate took place between Mr Noel Coonan, TD (Fine Gael, Tipperary North) and the Unshaved Mouse (Independent, Internet) on the subject of the recently introduced water charges and the public unrest and mass protest that have followed. Footage of the debate can be seen at the end of this article. Unfortunately, as Mr Mouse is a small rodent approximately 3 inches in length and has tiny, tiny little lungs, the Dáil’s recording apparatus were not sensitive enough to record his contributions to the debate. A transcript of the debate now follows.
“Because the people of Ireland have now seen what they are up against. Particularly the socialist led protest that was up there…”
“CRUSH OBAMACARE! Sorry, sorry, when you use the word “socialist” it sets off my programming, I follow a lot of American politics, please continue…”
“The disgraceful scenes that went on, what they did to people in power…”
“Look, I’m not denying that guy throwing a brick at a police car wasn’t the single worst thing to ever happen in the history of the Republic but that was an isolated incident…”
“I come from the town of of Templemore where we train every Garda in the country.”
“You do? Awesome. Could you train them not to bang women’s heads against lamposts? And if you’re already doing that, maybe some kind of refresher course to brush up on the fundamentals…?”
“And the people round there and right across the country that I’ve met…”
“Possible, you do stretch across the country.”
“And they are now concerned by what they see as elements and socialists led by the so-called wealthy socialist party led by the Murph and company…”
“Ah the Murph. My favourite Dr Seuss character. Oh wait, you mean Paul Murphy, the Anti-Austerity Alliance TD. Well, he does come from a wealthy background. But are you saying we shouldn’t trust him because he’s rich? ‘Cos that sounds kinda socialist. DEATH PANELS! Godammit…”
“And aided and abetted by extremists in our colleagues in Sinn Féin.”
“Political parties with their origins in violent revolutionary movements?! HOW COULD THIS COME TO PASS!? HOW, GOD?!”
“And the people have given us the signal that that needs to be nipped in the bud.”
unshavedmouse 