Look, we all like to make fun of Disney and their utterly shameless milking of their beloved animated classics with cheap and tawdry cash ins. But give them this; even during the height of the direct-to-video boom after Return of Jafar had proved that cheap sequels to big-name animated features were basically a licence to print money, they never went to the same well more than twice. Okay, twice and a tv series. That was it. Three movies and a TV series, MAX. No more. They had standards. Allegedly.
Of course, Disney had a very large stable of properties to exploit. But what if you had a studio that
a) Really wanted to get in on that cheap direct-to-video cartoon action.
b) Had a very, very small pool of household name animation to sequelise and
c) Had absolutely zero shame?
Well…you’d get the cinematic donkey-show that was Universal’s Land Before Time franchise. Now, Land Before Time was a pretty damn good film and it did, y’know…decent at the box office. It opened at No 1. But it also lost to Oliver and Company in terms of overall ticket sales. So…fine, but nothing to crow about either.
Certainly, it did not do the kind of numbers that would justify 13 GODDAMN SEQUELS. THIRTEEN.
ONE. THREE.
AND A MOTHERFUCKING TV SHOW.
Now, I am not going to review every single one of them, that’s why God made Jenny Nicholson. I’m just here to review The Land Before Time XIII: The Wisdom of Friends, the second last entry in the series and, by all accounts, the worst of the bunch (because my readers think I’m a bad person and wish me harm).
However!
We can’t just dive in after an eleven movie gap without being hopelessly lost so I have set my team of extremely well-paid maps to work on a breakdown of everything that happens in this series between the first and thirteenth installements.
The Land Before Time II: The Great Valley Adventure
The gang must fight to protect their new home when Sharpteeth find a way into the Great Valley.
The Land Before Time III: The Time of Great Giving
When a sudden shortage of water threatens all life in the Great Valley, the gang of young dinosaurs must cooperate with a group of bullies to make a risky journey outside the valley and find the cause.
The Land Before Time IV: The Quest for Peace
The gang decide to rid the valley of nuclear weapons.
The Land Before Time V: The Final Frontier
Littlefoot’s previously unknown half-brother appears in the Great Valley, and he’s on a mission from God.
The Land Before Time VI:
In an attempt to save their failing marriage, Littlefoot and Cera open a bistro in Milan.
The Land Before Time VII: Long Hard Neck
The series’ one brave, but ultimately misjudged, entry into the genre of hardcore pornography.
The Land Before Time VIII: Littlefoot versus Godzilla
The no-brainer crossover that couldn’t fail. Actually failed quite a bit.
The Land Before Time IX: Please No More
Clip show.
The Land Before Time X: Tokyo Drift
In order to avoid a prison sentence, Littlefoot becomes a drag racer.
The Land Before Time XI: Ultimate Betrayal
The gang are shocked to learn that Spike was working for Internal Affairs the whole time.
The Land Before Time XII: Time Arrives
The gang have to adjust to living in a land that has time now where they can actually age and die. Directed by Werner Herzog. Harrowingly bleak.
Okay, we’re all caught up. Let’s do this.
I will admit that I was actually pleasantly surprised by the animation. Don Bluth’s character designs tend to be quite heavily detailed (catch me on a bad day and I might tell you that they’re overdesigned) and there is a long, awful history of what happens when highly detailed characters are handed over to animators without the skill or budget to animate them properly.
But, credit where credit is due, the movie does a fairly decent job of bringing these characters to life. Not great, but perfectly competent. Where the movie really betrays its source material is in the colour pallette.
Not to sound like a Care Bears villain but yuck, it’s so colourful and bright and NICE. Where’s the moody, Byronic shadow? Where’s the oppressive purgatorial gloom? Where’s the all-pervading sense of dread?
Well anyway, Littlefoot and his grandmother are out foraging for leaves. Littlefoot crosses a felled tree to get at some and then almost falls into a ravine when there’s an earthquake. Grandma Longneck saves him but almost falls in herself. Later that night, Littlefoot has a nightmare where he sees her falling to her death.
Now, uh, is it just me or does this seem a bit redundant? We spend the first five minutes of the movie establishing that Littlefoot is now afraid of earthquakes but…shouldn’t he already be afraid of earthquakes? You know? From that time he was trapped in an earthquake while a t-rex was trying to eat him and then he had to watch his mother die? I mean, Jesus Christ, that’s enough trauma for three superhero origins. I dunno, maybe they didn’t want to just flashback to the first movie because the sudden jump in animation quality might force everyone involved to realise how far we’ve fallen and stare at the walls for a few hours.
Grandma tells Littlefoot that they can’t always predict what’ll happen and that’s why they have “The Wisdoms” which are the tenets by which all Longnecks live. Stuff like “stay close to the herd” and “scarves in winter are non-negotiable”. That kinda stuff. Littlefoot goes and plays with his friends and learns that their herds all have “Wisdoms” too. This leads to a song (GOD DAMN IT) called Say So.
Why is it a calypso song?
This leads to a kind of Cretaceous Council of Nicaea where the dinosaur children debate to what degree the Wisdoms should be adhered to with Cera taking a more situational interpretation opposed to Littlefoot’s absolutist literalism. And then they meet these chuckle-fucks.
So these are the Yellowbellies, and I have it on good authority that they are, bare none, the characters most despised by fans of this franchise. Which is…goddamn, that is a terrifying statement because fans of The Land Before Time sequels are…
Look, if you unironically enjoy these movies I’m sure you’re a lovely person but…did you know there are other cartoons? Because there are! Look through my blog, you’ll find plenty of recommendations, there is help.
Anyway, these guys are Loofah, Doofah and Foobie who have a Banzai, Shenzi and Ed thing going on in that only the first two talk. Loofah is voiced by Cuba “How the hell did I end up here I have an actual Oscar” Gooding Junior and Sandra “TIME magazine named me one of the 100 most influential people on Earth and yet here I am” Oh.
And look, you’ve probably looked at that picture and said “ah, these must be the wacky comic relief characters” and they are. But listen and listen good. They’re not awful because they’re wacky. They’re awful because they’re not wacky enough.
Oh and Gooding are just so…lifeless in these roles. I would honestly prefer if they were obnoxious but they’re just there.
So the Yellowbellies whole deal is that they’re looking for a valley that has all the food that they could eat. But it’s not this valley. There’s apparently another valley called Berry Valley. I dunno, in the first movie I really got the impression that the Great Valley was the last hope for animal life on this world but apparently no, it’s a fucking franchise now.
The Yellowbellies tell the kids that they’re following the teachings of “The Wise One” who is leading them to Berry Valley and Littlefoot quickly realises that these rejects from a Doctor Seuss opium dream are literally too dumb to live. So, Littlefoot resolves to spread the good word of the Wisdoms to the Yellowbellies so that they can stay alive long enough for the asteroid to finish the job. And so, the gang and the Yellowbellies leave the safety of the Great Valley for the desolate hellscape that surrounds them.
As they journey along it quickly becomes apparent that Foobie is the only one of the Yellowbellies with any kind of functioning brain (man, wouldn’t it be ironic if in the climax it turned out that he’s actually the Wise One yup, that sure would blow my socks off).
They eventually reach the place where the Yellowbellies are supposed to meet the rest of their herd and Cera is all “okay, let’s go home now” but Littlefoot insists that they stay the course until they’re reunited with their herd. Actually, that’s too succinct a summary. Cera suggests they go, Littlefoot grudgingly agrees, they say their goodbyes, they go, they look back, they see that the Yellowbellies have already separated and Littlefoot convinces the others that they have to go back. This movie is 75 minutes long this kind of padding should not be nescesarry.
The Yellowbellies get thirsty because they didn’t drink at the watering hole when they had a chance. So, Littlefoot suggests they go looking for another watering hole but the Yellowbellies are too thirsty to move. So Littlefoot says that he and his friends will go find water for them. And bring it back? Somehow? Like, I have been racking my brains and all I can think is that Littlefoot is planning on carrying the water in his mouth and spitting it into their open jaws. I don’t want to picture that, but this movie is leaving me no choice and I feel violated, frankly.
The Yellowbellies are just sitting around waiting for their spit-play when they’re chanced upon by a pack of Baryonyxes and they don’t run away because they think they’re just mirages.
That’s it. There comes a point where I can’t actually care anymore. I want these characters to die. Evolution has spoken.
Foobie, spitting in the very face of Darwin, manages to save the other two Yellobellies by convincing them to run. The Sharpeeth corner them in a ravine but Foobie guides the other two in bounding up and down on their massive fat bellies which triggers a rockslide, saving their lives (booooo! Death! I demand horrible bloody death!).
Littlefoot and his crew find one of the Baryonyxes still alive and trapped under rubble and, of course, Littlefoot pushes more rocks on him. So, if nothing else, this movie at least is true to the original in that Littlefoot is a stone-cold killer.
Catching up with the Yellowbellies, the first thing they get asked is “did you find water” and Cera wants to just stampede these idiots and I never thought I’d say this but I am 100% on Cera’s side. Yes, the most awful character in the original movie is now the most likeable in this one, now THAT’s an arc. Littlefoot intervenes and they continue on their journey.
They finally reach the meeting point but there are no Yellowbellies, just a load of weird plants that look suspiciously like asses.
Yes, it turns out that the Yellowbellies hide from predators by sticking their heads in the ground and disguising themselves as plants. Cera begs to be released from this living death and go home but Littlefoot insists that it’s too late and they’ll have to spend the night with hundreds of Yellowbellies and for some reason the others don’t hold his flat head under the water until the last bubble goes “bloop”.
Meanwhile, in the Great Valley, the adults have finally realised that their kids are missing and set out to find them. Including Petrie’s mother who, in 13 movies, has grown to the size of a fucking Cessna.
Littlefoot decides to lead the Yellowbellies through the desert like Moses if the Israelites seemed hell-bent on doing every stupid fucking thing that popped into their heads and were constantly on the cusp of getting themselves killed.
So, yeah, pretty much exactly like Moses.
The Yellowbellies have a godawful song and dance number and Loofah gives Littlefoot some homespun wisdom about not worrying about tomorrow and joining the dance maaaaan but it falls completely and utterly flat. I think they’re trying to play this as a kind of “Hakuna Matata” thing but I’m sorry. I knew Timon. Timon was a friend of mine. And you, sir, are no Timon.
They continue on their journey and get ambushed by the Sharpteeth who (somehow) survived getting half of Pangaea dropped on them. They get cornered and the Yellowbellies ask Littlefoot for advice but he doesn’t know what to do. Instead he turns to Foobie who starts squawking and dancing because that’s apparently the Wisdom of the Yellowbellies. Or something. Guys, I’ve had the flu for the last week, I’m not even honestly sure this is a real movie and not a Lemsip hallucination.
The bouncing of their bellies causes the Sharpteeth to plummet off a ledge into a ravine which will hopefully do the trick this time. Foobie then leads them to the Berry Valley because he was the Wise One all along (I know, I know, the shock could kill you I should be more careful dropping bombshells like that). And Littlefoot reflects that, while he thought NOT being an idiot was the way to go, maybe there’s something to be said for the Yellowbellies and their complete fucking inanity. Takes all kinds I guess.
WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST WATCH?
***
I think we may have a strong contender for the movie series where the gap between the best entry and the worst is at its most gaping. What. The. Hell.
What is even the point of this? What is its message? From what I can tell: it’s fine to be so stupid and reckless that you’re a threat to yourself and those around you. This may be the first pro-idiocy movie ever made. Who makes a pro-idiocy movie?
Maybe the people who managed to wring thirteen goddamn sequels out of the same film and somehow turn a profit?
Pandering to your audience, I guess.
Scoring
Animation: 06/20
Honestly not the worst animated movie in the series but very cheap and chintzy looking.
Main Character:03/20
Who the fuck even is this? This ain’t my Littlefoot guys. I don’t know this fool.
Villain: 04/20
Points for going with a more obscure species, I guess.
Supporting Characters: 00/20
Yeah, I know I almost never give a zero score. These things HURT me.
Music: 02/20
Calypso? CALYPSO?!
FINAL SCORE: 15%
NEXT UPDATE: 29 February 2024
NEXT TIME: Over twenty years old? No, that can’t be right. This is a new film. It just came out. Otherwise I’d be incredibly old.
unshavedmouse 
I hope you feel better soon and recover from both the flu and this movie.
It turns out that the movie is actually an allegory for the resurgence in the idea amongst the paleontology community that dinosaurs were actually feathered , and how initially it was disputed but eventually became accepted .It was originally going to be an Oscar bait true story , which is why Gooding Junior and Sandra Oh are there , and originally also Haley Berry was the smart but ignored researcher who found old documentation from the 1880s proving it , and fights against the crusty old guard of historians to bring it to light.
Along the way the budget dropped to the point it became animated ,then the budget was slashed again and was folded into TLBT franchise . Haley Berry dropped out , leaving only the Easter egg name of Berry Valley. Oh and Sandra and Cuba stayed as , well, they needed the cash . Eventually very little of the original treatment remained but is still there. That’s why the yellowbellies , the only feathered ones , eventually lead the ‘ traditional’ dinos to the promised land of true knowledge . And at some point the stuffy old white men paleontologists became Baryonyxes, who are eventually destroyed.
Or possibly its just an animated fever dream of a dino cartoon? You decide.
Yes, I know there are other cartoons to watch.
“Hey Grandma, why haven’t these Wisdom things come up in the last twelve movies?”
“Shhhhhhh, Littlefoot… no one likes someone who points out continuity fallacies.”
Man, am I glad I never got into these.
Watched the first one constantly growing up, rented the second once, hated it, gave up on the whole endeavor. And I was such a dinosaur fan that I owned a copy of Adventures in Dinosaur City.
(Remind to request that one if you ever become, like, an evil dictator or something and need to be destroyed, but still review movies on the side.)
I got a lotta morbid curiosity when it comes to bad children’s media, I even watched that Freddie the Frog movie just to witness the carnage. But thanks to you and Jenny Nicholson, the thought of watching the Land Before Time sequels just makes my skin crawl.
Becoming an evil dictator who still reviews movies is of course the dream.
tbh the first couple of sequels probably weren’t that bad. I watched up to the fifth one as a kid with no complaints (although I just had to look up that it was the fifth one).
but apparently this was the one that made them take a break from the franchise, try another sequel a few years later, then finally put it to rest.
No lie, I’d watch the hell out of a Werner Herzog Land Before Time film.
“And though their play seems joyous and carefree, we mustn’t forget that these young dinosaurs dead bodies will eventually liquidate into petrol and be consumed by gas-guzzling machinery. Their legacy a vaporous oblivion that chokes out the sun, dooming the human race that supplanted them as masters of the Earth. A cruel and meaningless cycle of destruction.”
And on that cheerful note, hope you feel better soon!
So the last time I watched these sequels was when I was about 6 so I hardly recall much (one was in an island!) and didn’t watch that many compared to the actual number of sequels. But none I watched mentioned Littlefoot’s mother as far as I can recall, or the events in the film. So I think it was pretty bold and fitting end for the series for actual dark event be referenced here.
She is referred to in 5 and 9 so 2 our of 13. 2 of them including this one reference the rock shaped like a longneck.
The first thing that comes to mind when I think these movies is that me and my brother drove our mom batty when it comes to watching them as little kids and she swore off the whole series. From what I can gather including this review, I’d argue her stance is uh, not without merit. Even just looking at the Yellowbellies I think I hate them vicariously. Also, get well soon!
You know I always defend Disney’s DTV sequels (and midquels and one prequel).
They are mostly much better than their undeservedly negative reputation.
And I really love the underrated “The Hunchback of Notre Dame II”, so there!
But I’ve got no desire at all to watch the “The Land Before Time” series…
Believe it or not, the Yellow Bellies are supposed to be based on a real kind of dinosaur. It’s called Beipiaosaurus, and it was a member of the same dinosaur group as Therizinosaurus (aka the dinosaur with the huge claws from Jurassic World Dominion).
Given that this didn’t come out until I was 11 (at which point I had decided that I was done with direct-to-DVD sequels because I was apparently the only one who hated Cinderella III), I have no thoughts on this, except to admit that I was really turned off from ever seeing it by the terrible animation.
But I will recap which of the sequels I thought come close to being good, from my somewhat hazy memories of childhood:
Journey to Big Water (Has a lot of potential and could be good if actually handled well, and made us care about the characters.)
The Great Longneck Migration (Has a lot of good moments and character work, but ruined by the fact we don’t care about the characters anymore by this point, and still rather loosely tied to boring and stupid plot.)
Journey Through the Mists (As I said before, this one comes the closest to actually being good. To be specific, it comes the closest to capturing the tone of the first film with a plot that has genuine stakes, vividly memorable scenes – I’m thinking of the fog and Littlefoot’s encounter with the old sea turtle – and some good songs, along with villains who along with posing some kind of threat, are fun comic relief, at least when you’re a kid and you like their song. But I really have a soft spot for it because it introduced me to the Deinosuchus, which genuinely confused me when I saw it as a kid with my mom.
Me: What is Dil supposed to be?
Mom: She looks like an alligator.
Me (being correct at about 8 years old): But she can’t be. They didn’t have any alligators back then.)
The rest are largely just boring chunks of nothing. I will admit to enjoying the last one I watched, Invasion of the Tinysauruses, mostly for camp value and because it finally just decided to embrace the Saturday morning cartoon plots by essentially being a Saturday morning cartoon with no pretense of the grand and epic scope. I remember my brother pointing out at the time, though, that Cera was meaner, more aggressive (all around more of an asshole) here than seemingly anywhere else in the series, pushing around Littlefoot for practically no reason. But what made up for all that was the ultra close-up on Littlefoot’s face when he says “I know how” at the climax with the perfectly bad-ass dead expression in his eyes. That was what sold me on the movie being a masterpiece. When my sisters laughed at it… well, maybe I just looked at the title again and decided to call it quits.
Though I do have a blanket confession to make: Until I watched a PBS documentary, I was under the impression that the alligator’s forerunners were called “Dino-suck-us.” Can’t be the only one, right?
“So, if nothing else, this movie at least is true to the original in that Littlefoot is a stone-cold killer.”
Ah, because he kills with stones. I see what you did there.