Before you ask, no, this wasn’t planned. It’s just a coincidence that I’m doing this review so soon after Megamind: The Doom Syndicate defiled everyone’s childhood memories like a randy Gungan. Not my childhood memories, obviously. I was engaged when this thing came out. But apparently there are people out there who were children when the original movie released and now are, like, allowed to vote and stuff? It’s a mad world.

I haven’t seen the sequel but I did watch the trailer on YouTube. This was the most upvoted comment and the sense of historical tragedy and pathos was just too great for me not to share with you all.

I’ll be upfront, upfront. I like Megamind just fine but I don’t know how much I have to say about it. It doesn’t have a special place in my heart but neither is there a lot of stuff to make fun off. Plus it’s a comedy that is actually unironically funny on its own merits and you know how much I love writing about those!

But that doesn’t mean it’s not an interesting movie. It actually belongs in the category of film that I would argue are among the most interesting; movies that were re-appraised after their initial release. When it dropped in 2010 Megamind was mostly dismissed as an inoffensive but unremarkable bit of fluff chasing the trend started by The Incredibles and Despicable Me. Since then it’s been re-evaluated as one of the best Dreamworks movies with a devoted cult following. And that’s interesting (to me, at least) because when that happens it’s usually less to do with the movie itself and more to do with society changing and seeing the movie in a new light.

The movie opens with Megamind plummeting to his death while doing the whole “Hi this is me. I suppose you’re wondering how I got here?” schtick that I definitely haven’t gotten sick of.

We flashback to Megamind as a child and learn that he was born on a doomed alien world and was sent to Earth in a rocket ship by his parents alongside a little fish minion named “Minion”. Unfortunately a neighbouring planet was also being destroyed and they too launched a space baby, a child who would become the superhero Metro Man.

Metro Man landed in a mansion and was raised by blue-bloods, Megamind landed in a prison and was raised by the Bloods. As they grew older, the settled into a nice cosy, Superman v. Lex Luthor style relationship with many battles over the decades with Metro Man winning some and Megamind almost winning others.

So our story begins with Megamind in jail and Metro Man about to open a new Metro Man Museum. The Warden visits Megamind’s cell to deliver a present from Metro Man, a watch “to count every second of your 85 life sentences”.

Guys, do you have any idea the kind of heinous shit you have to do to get 85 life sentences?

The watch actually turns out to be a holo-guise that Megamind is able to use to escape the prison. This scene is great because it’s a good introduction to the holo-guise and also because the escape attempt is genuinely clever, unwittingly using the watch to disguise the warden as Megamind, who gets thrown in to the cell by the guards allowing the real Megamind to take it back and escape by disguising himself as the warden. The movie walks a very fine line between portraying Megamind as someone who is simultaneously a complete goober but also genuinely brilliant and this scene does that very well. Megamind is picked up from jail by Minion driving an invisible car and the pair set off to ruin Metro Man’s big day.

Now, one of the biggest liabilities of any Dreamworks movie is the fact that this studio is a bunch of star-fuckers. What I mean is, whereas a company like Disney looks at a character and says “okay, we could get Jim Cummings or Alan Tudyk for this”, Dreamworks always goes for big name A-list stars regardless of whether or not they have any experience or obvious affinity for voice-acting. Now, admittedly, sometimes this works very well. Jack Black wasn’t really known for much voicework prior to Kung Fu Panda but that casting worked like gangbusters. On the flipside:

But here, thankfully, Dreamworks’ tendency to shame-lessly fame-whore actually works out quite well. Will Ferrell is fantastic as Megamind, Tina Fey is a great Roxanne and even Brad Pitt, who’d normally be my go to example of someone hire to do voicework because of fame rather than ability, is not bad at all as Metro Man.

Roxanne Ritchie is our Lois Lane analogue and she’s covering the opening of the museum with her partner/stalker Hal Stewart.

Roxanne gets kidnapped by Megamind and is held hostage just as Metro Man is about to open the museum. These three have been doing this dance for so long that Roxy is clearly bored with Megamind’s whole schtick. However things take a shocking turn when Metro Man is trapped in a copper observatory (copper being his one weakness) and is apparently killed by Megamind’s solar powered death-ray.

So now Megamind is very much the dog who caught the car. He’s defeated his arch-enemy, conquered the city and…life is now meaningless. He quickly spirals into a depression and decides to blow up Metro Man’s museum because it reminds him of everything that he’s lost. However, Roxie is also at the museum and Megamind has to disguise himself as Bernard, a guy who works at the museum and who Megamind turns into a little cube. While Roxie reminisces to “Bernard” about how amazing Metro Man was, she says that “heroes aren’t born, they’re made” which gives Mega Mind the idea of creating his own hero.

Not a bit, by the way. That was a real conversation we had.

Anyway, Roxie calls Megamind thinking that he’s Bernard to let him know that she’s found Megamind’s secret lair. This leads to a genuinely funny scene in the warehouse with Megamind switching between his Bernard and Megamind identities. I found it very entertaining. I fucking hate recapping comedies.

Anyway, Megamind accidentally fires the hero creating device at Hal and decides to just roll with it. He shows up Hal’s home disguised as his “Space Dad”, pretending that Hal is actually an alien. And of course, Will Ferrell plays him with a Marlon Brandon impression.

Hal is absolutely on board with becoming a superhero because he thinks it’s a surefire way to get into Roxie’s pants. While Space Dad trains Hal to use his new powers to fight Megamind, he begins to date Roxie as “Bernard” while ostensibly helping her track down Megamind, who, I remind you, is actually him. It’s a classic pentagon where three of the sides are the same person.

Okay, so. Let’s put aside the issue that Megamind is dating a woman while lying to her about basically every facet of her existence because obviously that’s sketch as hell but is necessary for us to have drama. I think the reason why this movie’s movie’s reputation has only grown from strength to strength is just how on the money its portrayal of Hal’s entitlement is and how genuinely wholesome Megamind and Roxie’s relationship actually is. Next time you watch this movie, listen to Hal’s dialogue and you’ll see he never actually talks about Roxie in any way that doesn’t centre on her appearance. By contrast, Megamind actually becomes a better person and makes the city a better place because he truly wants to see Roxie happy. In fact, his two-shoes have become so goody that Minion tries to get Megamind to break up with her, saying that “the villain never gets the girl”. Megamind yells that he doesn’t want to be a bad guy anymore and a shocked Minion packs his fish food and leaves.

Megamind goes for his date but Roxie shows up late because Hal paid a visit to her apartment and re-enacted the “can you read my mind” scene from Superman only a thousand times more rapey.

Roxie and Megamind share their first kiss but her hand brushes the holo-guise and she finally learns the truth. Not surprisingly she tells him to hid the road so he responds by getting into a giant mech suit and going on a rampage through the city.

However, Hal refuses to show up and Megamind has to go to his apartment. To his surprise, Hal handled being rejected by Roxie by giving up on the whole idea of being a hero and turning to villainy. Megamind provokes him by revealing that he was actually Bernard the whole time and proceeds to get the EVER LIVING SHIT BEATEN OUT OF HIM. Megamind realises that Hal is actually trying to kill him and says “that’s not how the game is played!”

Megamind activates his failsafe, encasing Hal in a massive orb of copper, which should weaken him as Hal’s powers come from Metro Man’s DNA. When that doesn’t work, he’s forced to flee for his life and Hal proclaims himself ruler of Metro City.

Megamind turns to Roxie for help and asks her to take him to Metro Man’s old hideout to look for clues as to why the copper failed to stop Hal. And in the hideout they find…

So Metro Man tells them on the day of museum opening he had realised that his life was just an endless repeating series of battles with Megamind and decided to fake his own death to start a new life as Music Man (I swear to God, Eddie Murphy did the exact same thing in the eighties).

Metro Man refuses to come out of retirement to save the city so it looks like all is lost.

Megamind surrenders himself back into the Warden’s custody and Roxie tries to reason with Hal by explaining that his attraction to her is actually an unhealthy obsession caused by toxic social expectations foisted on young men that still defines sexual conquest as a yardstick of worth and masculinity but that he seems like a really nice guy and there’s definitely someone out there for him.

Hal takes her hostage and demands that Megamind come and fight him. Minion arrives in the nick of time to bust him out and we get our final showdown with Megamind arriving with all the glitz and glamour of a Las Vegas floorshow.

Megamind is able to defeat Hal, Roxie and Megamind get back together and the movie ends with Metro City opening a brand new Megamind museum, which is remarkably generous when you remember that everything bad that happened in the movie was entirely his fault. And whatever he did that earned him 85 life sentences before the movie even started which almost definitely involved weird sex stuff.

***

After the claggy manure fire that was the Wish script, it was so damn refreshing to watch a movie with such rock-solid writing. I mean it, this is a lean, mean, wonderfully structured little piece. The acting is great, the themes are relevant and the characters are at once bold and archetypal while being surprisingly deep and layered. It’s a really good movie and you should definitely check it out if you haven’t already.

Scoring

Animation: 13/20

Not bad, but a little flat.

Lead: 15/20

Great design. Great vocal performance. Great arc. Thumbs up.

Villain: 16/20

Well, this aged like a fine wine.

Supporting Characters: 15/20

It’s a small supporting cast, but a good ‘un. Oh, if any of you ever wondered why Minion’s robot suit has fur it’s a reference to this:

That’s Ro-Man from the 1953 movie Robot Monster, which had such a small budget that instead of a robot costume they had to use a gorilla suit with a diving helmet. Well, I mean, they didn’t have to. It honestly would have made more sense to just paint a human being silver and stick the helmet on him. They chose it. They chose to do this.

Music: 09/20

Holy shit did you know Hans Zimmer did this? Kinda phoning it in, to be honest. But any sound-track that includes Michael Jackson’s Bad is worth a listen.

FINAL SCORE: 68%

NEXT UPDATE: 06 June 2024

NEXT TIME: Alright, my children. I have heard you.