Well, it was nice while it lasted.

As mind bogglingly ambitious as Richard Donner’s Superman is, it’s incredible to think that the original vision was even more epic in scope. The idea was that Superman 1 and 2 would be released in quick succession and would constitute one single, massive saga, much like what Quentin Tarantino did with Kill Bill years later. Instead, mid-way through production Donner was fired by the Salkinds and replaced by another Dick, Richard Lester, who famously declared after seeing Donner’s vision for the film that he wasn’t interested in doing that “David Lean thing” (Lean being an English director famous for big, lavish epics).

It’s easy to cast Donner as an artistic savant whose vision was crushed by soulless Hollywood suits and it’s not even like that’s an entirely invalid read. Many people have made fun of the Salkinds, including me, Unshaved Mouse, in literally my last review.

But the truth, of course, is a bit more complicated than that. Donner was a notorious, almost Kubrickian perfectionist and his shoot ran way over time and, oh yeah, was the most expensive film in history at that point. It’s very easy to say that the Salkinds should just have backed off and let Donner cook when it’s not your money he’s cooking. And, to be fair to the Salkinds, they actually had a reputation for being very director friendly as producers go. Not takings sides, probably faults all around. Anyway, the result is we have two versions of Superman 2. The first is the entirely reshot version directed by Richard Lester. The second is the Richard Donner cut, a version assembled by Donner in 2006 using a combination of his own surviving footage, out-takes, screen-tests and some footage cribbed from Lester’s version. Both versions are worth your while, neither is the equal of the first film and both are fascinatingly flawed in different ways.

The plot, at least, is the same in both, at least in the broad-strokes.

The three Phantom Zone Criminals are freed by a nuclear device launched into space by Superman and begin to make their way to Earth. Lex Luthor escapes from prison with the help of Miss Teschmacher and they schlep all the way to the North Pole where they discover the Fortress of Solitude and learn about Zod. Meanwhile, Lois Lane deduces or is just basically shown that Clark is Superman and confesses her love to him. He consults with a holographic version of his father or (depending on the version) his much cheaper mother and is told that he can be Superman or have fine Earthling booty but not both. He gives up his powers and returns to civilization only to learn that Zod has basically conquered the Earth and is calling him out on national TV like Ultimate Warrior calling out the Hulkster. Superman returns to the Fortress of Solitude, bullshits his way into getting his powers back, flies to Metropolis, gets his ass beat and flies away. Lex Luthor, who has basically ingratiated his way into Zod’s inner circle, tells him where the Fortress of Solitude is and they take Lois hostage and fly over there. Superman fights them and then tricks them into losing their powers like he did whereupon he and Lois either possibly kill them (Lester cut) or DEFINITELY KILL THEM (Donner cut), thus saving the Earth.

But make no mistake, they are VERY different movies.

First of all, I feel like I owe Zack Snyder a tiny apology having watched a movie where Superman doesn’t want to be Superman, battles Zod in a scene with some truly obnoxious product placement, kills him and then uses his powers to get revenge on a trucker in a diner who disrespected him.

Interestingly, almost all of the divergences between the two versions are centred on Lois and Clark and their relationship. The story of the three Kryptonians running amuck on Earth is largely unchanged so how about we start with them?

Terrence Stamp as Zod is absolutely fantastic, turning in a performance that manages to be campy, pompous and genuinely terrifying while still feeling coherent. Like so many tyrants throughout history he is in many ways a ridiculous figure, hilariously vain and thin-skinned. I also love that Stamp and Sarah Douglas basically play Zod and Ursa as the Master and the Rani with superpowers. And there is a real, apocalyptic sense of dread in many of their scenes, whether they’re casually murdering astronauts on the moon, taking over the White House or clearing the streets of Metropolis with their breath like living gods.

Donner, fittingly, as he viewed the movie as the second half of a single story, has the three being freed from the Phantom Zone by the nuclear missile that Superman launched into space at the climax of the first movie. Lester, however, opens with a Lois Lane getting involved in a nuclear terrorism crisis at the Eiffel Tower which, honestly, is a stronger opening if the movie is to be taken as its own contained story. Lester has Superman taking this bomb into space and having that be the thing that frees the three villains. That’s all well and good. Unfortunately, Lester gives us a flashback to show us who Zod, Ursa and Non are and…it is so fucking dumb.

In front of a terrible green-screen, we see the three break into a lab on Krypton and kill a guard who looks like he’s an alien from 70s Doctor Who.

They destroy a red crystal and instantly set off an alarm and get captured by those hoola-hoop things that we saw them contained in during their trial. We then go immediately, without a transition, to their sentencing, with the clean implication being that they were captured, tried at the scene of the crime and sentenced within minutes.

It’s made doubly ridiculous because the Salkinds wouldn’t or couldn’t pay Brando to return and the whole scene has to be re-cut so Jor-El’s no longer in it.

Moving on to Lois, this is another area where I give Donner the clear win. Lester has Lois realise that Clark is Superman when she takes off his glasses to clean them, essentially having the secret handed to her on a silver platter. By contrast, Donner!Lois figures it out much earlier in the run-time and actually gets shown figuring it out on her own (and then teasing Clark about it in just the most adorable way). Both movies then include a scene where Lois risks her life to try and prove Clark is really Superman. Donner has her leap out of the Daily Planet whereas Lester has her jump into Niagra falls. They’re both good sequences but I prefer Donner’s as it showcases just how amazingly fast Clark is by running down before she hits the ground, using super breath and heat vision to break her fall and then rushing back up to the top floor so he can berate her from the window for being so reckless.

After Clark manages to save her without outing himself, Lester has them go back to their hotel room and has Clark trip, fall in a fire and then have Lois realise that he’s Superman when he’s not burned. Which is lame for two reasons. One, Clark’s clumsiness is a total act so he would only have fallen in the fire if he meant to and two, this once again has Lois handed the secret rather than figuring out on her own.

Donner, by contrast, has her figure it out in what is one of my favourite scenes in either this movie or its prequel, all the more amazing when you consider that this was just a screen test.

Goddamn they were both perfect.

There’s still plenty of good stuff in the Lester cut though. I do love this exchange.

“We’d better talk.”

“I’m in love with you.”

“…well then we’d really better talk.”

That’s lovely.

Okay, something that I do prefer in the Lester cut: Clark sleeping with Lois after he loses his powers.

In both versions, Clark asks AI versions of one of his parents (Jor-El in Donner, Lara in Lester) and they tell him that he has to give up his powers if he wants to be with her. But they never say why. And that’s kind of a big deal. When you have a character forced to make a choice with such dramatic consequences for both himself and the world, you can’t really have the audience scratching their heads and saying “why though? Why can’t Superman have a girlfriend? He’s a superhero, not a priest.” The Lester cut at least suggests an answer; the ol’ Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex problem. If Clark and Lois are to be together and actually share their love physically, it’s simply too dangerous for him to keep his powers. But in Donner, that’s clearly not an issue so the choice can’t help but feel contrived. Regardless, Clark chooses to step into a de-powering chamber and strip himself of his powers.

Anyway, with Clark now de-powered they drive back. From the North Pole. Somehow. And they stop at a diner and Clark gets hassled by a local trucker and ends up getting the super-shit kicked out of him.

To calm everyone down, the diner owner puts on the TV just in time to watch the President of the US surrender the Earth to Zod. Clark is all “what the fuck is THIS bullshit?” and the diner patrons are all “where the hell have you been, pal?” and he’s all “wait, wait, wait so a mad alien tyrant has literally just conquered the Earth and you were all just sitting here in this diner chatting and eating as if nothing out of the ordinary has happened” and they’re all “look, we have a rule about discussing politics in the diner”.

So Clark then has to WALK BACK TO THE FUCKING NORTH POLE. HE’S BEEN BEATEN WITHIN AN INCH OF HIS LIFE. AND NOW HE HAS TO WALK BACK TO THE NORTH POLE.

LOIS. OFFER MY MAN A LIFT MAYBE? JESUS CHRIST.

Anyway, Clark, injured, unpowered and with no winter gear or supplies manages to survive a trek that claimed the lives of over a thousand men during the 19th century and returns to the Fortress of Solitude. He stands in the smouldering ruins and does his best Douglas Reynholm impression.

Thankfully, Clark discovers that losing your power is a bit like a vasectomy. They’ll tell you it’s permanent but nudge nudge, wink wink, tap nose.

He flies back to Metropolis where Zod, Ursa and Non are terrorising the Daily Planet to draw Superman out. Now one major criticism that Lester gets over Donner is that he made Superman 2 too jokey. And for the most part, I don’t think that’s fair. Donner and Lester both have quite a light, funny tone and I wouldn’t say there’s any comic business in Lester’s cut that would seem out of place in Donner’s. With one MAJOR exception.

There’s a sequence where the people of Metropolis rise up against Zod after seeing him beating Superman and it’s awesome. Real “you mess with one of us you mess with all of us” energy. And the Kryptonians just blow them away. Literally. They just put their lips together and blow. And it really drives home how terrifyingly powerful these beings are. But Lester, for some ungodly reason, chooses to intercut this scene of terrifying alien invasion with…slapstick. People losing their wigs. Roller-skaters getting blown away. Just the most nonsensical, asinine schtick.

Okay, we’ve been putting this off long enough. Let’s talk about how Lester and Donner choose to end their respective movies. Let’s take Lester first and uh…I find myself in a really awkward position here. You probably know what I’m talking about. Yeah. The roofie kiss.

And, while I realise I’m treading on very thin ice here, I will say it’s something that seems a lot worse in conception than when you actually see it in context. If I tell you “Superman kisses Lois to erase her memory of their time together” that sounds pretty yikes. But…in the actual scene you see why he does it; by revealing his identity to her, falling in love with her and then having to end their relationship, he’s basically destroyed her life. She’s met the love of her life, she can’t be with him, and she’s emotionally devastated. His motives, at least, are pure. He genuinely just wants to spare her suffering. Obviously, in the real world, you’d want him to ask her first and make sure that’s what she wants. But this is a movie, and as drama it only works if we, the audience only realise what he’s done after the fact. And, I’ll be perfectly honest. When you realise what he’s done? That Superman now has to go back to being Clark Kent, that the woman he loves will never look at him the way she once did again, and that he gave that up just to spare her this pain?

I dunno. That hit for me.

Donner ends his movie, by contrast, by having Superman reverse time AGAIN so none of the movie actually happened. See, Superman was never originally supposed to have the time travel ending. It was supposed to be the ending of the entire two film epic but after Donner was fired it was re-worked as the climax of Superman. This is the problem with Donner trying to make a sequel to a movie that never actually existed. One time-travel Deus Ex Machina is a big ask. But two is bullshit.

This ending does at least remove the skeevy aspect of the roofie kiss. Even though, when you think about it, by changing the past and erasing everyone’s memory he’s kinda gone from roofieing one woman to roofieing the entire planet just with time travel. Still though, this at least means that all the presumably thousands of people who died during Zod’s reign are still alive so that’s nice.

***

Obviously it’s not the equal of the original but it has enough of that movie’s positive to still make it essential viewing. Both versions are, for all their flaws, good Superman movies. Savour them, they’re the last we’ll get for 45 GODDAMN YEARS.

The Man of Tomorrow

You can almost look at these two movies as examinations of the two elements of Superman’s name. First movie is all about how he’s super. How he’s all-powerful, all-loving and noble. But movie two is all about how he’s a man. How he can be flawed, selfish and even a little bit petty. Ultimately though, he’s still our Superman.

Ace Reporter of the Daily Planet

Margot Kidder gets some of her best material as Lois Lane here, whether out-witting Clark, tangling with French terrorists, falling in love or punching a fully powered Kryptonian in the face.

A Great Metropolitan Newspaper

We unfortunately get to see less of the Daily Planet in this go round but it’s all still great.

Kindly Couple

No sign of the Kents this time around.

Desperate Scientists

One positive of Brando’s feud with the Salkinds is that, in the Lester cut at least, Susannah York gets some more screentime as Superman’s mother.

Greatest Criminal Mind of the Century!

Hackman is now playing Lex in a completely comic mode as a kind of super-villain Hugh Hefner. It ain’t Lex, but it’s pretty entertaining.

“Kneel before Zod.”

Honestly, I think this movie’s reputation as being the equal of its prequel rests entirely on the shoulders of Stamp’s Zodd.

“With powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal men!”

The Donner cut gives us our first cinematic depiction of Superman using heat vision. New powers also include telekinesis, mind-wiping kisses and…whatever the fuck this is…

At this rate, how long before we see super-ventriliquism and Superman shooting tiny men out of his fingers?

FINAL SCORE OUT OF TEN (FOR BOTH VERSIONS):

NEXT UPDATE: 23 August 2026 (s

NEXT TIME: I think it only fair to give you Pryor warning…