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Please read this before donating…

I’ve been absolutely bowled over by the level of support for Joanna. We’ve almost reached our funding target and a majority of the donors were readers of this very blog, so thank you all. But the number of requests I’ve received has sort of become its own problem and I need to address this now (I probably should have addressed it earlier). Most of you know, I post one review every two weeks. That probably doesn’t sound like a lot, but the reviews are hella long and usually take me about six hours to write. Couple this with my day job, looking after a one year old and trying to keep on top of other writing projects and you can see why I don’t post more often much as I would love to. The movies you’ve asked me to review will be full length reviews just like the Disney ones, but that means they will have to be done on the same fortnightly schedule. Turns out though there’s not that many weeks in a year and having drawn up the schedule for 2014 something has struck me: This is going to take a long ass time. Basically, if you ask me to review a movie today, you can expect to see that review sometime around March/April 2015. And that’s if I post one review every two weeks like clockwork, not even factoring in holidays, computer problems, illness, family emergencies or being banished to an alternate dimension (it happens to me more often than you’d think). The very, very last thing I would want would be for you to donate, expecting to see a review within a few weeks and then feel like I’d cheated you. Does this mean I don’t want you to donate? Oh hell no! But if you do, please be aware that you are not “buying” a review, anymore than you are buying a pink ribbon if you donate to cancer research. The review is my way of saying thank you for your generosity and it will unfortunately take me a long time to get around to it, because it turns out I have a whole load of wonderful, generous people to thank. However, if you are entitled to any of the other perks from the indiegogo page (posters, scripts and whatnot), we will try to dispatch them to you as soon as the funding period ends. Thanks guys.

 

Mouse.

AMA for my FAQ! ASAP!

So, I’m thinking of doing a FAQ page for the blog and I need suggestions. I’ve already got the obvious ones (What’s this blog about? When do you update? What’s with the wiseass map of Europe?) but if there’s any questions you’d like answered leave ’em in the comments.

Mouse out.

Happy New Year!

Hope everyone had a good one. 2013 was a pretty big year for Unshaved Mouse. I entered the final stretch of finishing my mission to review all the Disney canon classics, picked up a load of new readers and started a feud with the largest newspaper in my home country. Which I lost. But hey, I can’t say it wasn’t fun. 2014 is shaping up to be pretty fantastic though, and that is all thanks to you guys. There are now 25 days left on my Indiegogo campaign to raise funds for my play Joanna, and the response has already been phenomenal, much better than I expected. As a result, the schedule for next year is now filling up with all kinds of movies for me to review, some of them are classics, some of them are stinkers, but all of them are films that I’m really excited about getting my teeth into. So if there’s an animated movie you want me to review, click on this link, donate €1o and leave me a message here to say which movie you want me to review. Thanks guys. And now if you’ll excuse me…

"One shall stand, one shall fall..."

“One shall stand, one shall fall…”

"Why throw your life away needlessly, Prime?"

“Why throw your life away so recklessly, Prime?”

"That is a question you should ask...um, are you seeing this little mouse too?"

“That is a question you should ask…um, are you seeing this little mouse too?”

...

…

...

…

...

…

"Can we help you?"

“Can we help you?”

"Oh hi. Unshaved Mouse. I've been asked to review your movie so I'm going to need you to come with me."

“Oh hi. Unshaved Mouse. I’ve been asked to review your movie so I’m going to need you to come with me.”

"We're actually a little busy here."

“We’re actually a little busy here.”

"Sorry. Let me rephrase that."

“Sorry. Let me rephrase that.”

"AAAAARRGGH!"

“AAAAARRGGH!”

"JESUS!"

“JESUS!”

"GET IN THE FUCKIN' VAN WHITEY!"

“GET IN THE FUCKIN’ VAN WHITEY!”

"Okay! Okay man! Just be cool!"

“Okay! Okay man! Just be cool!”

"GET IN THERE WITH THE OTHERS!"

“GET IN THERE WITH THE OTHERS!”

"Others? Who...?"

“Others? Who…?”

"Help me..."

“Help me…”

Disney Reviews with the Unshaved Mouse #43: Treasure Planet

(DISCLAIMER: This blog is not for profit. All images and footage used below are property of their respective companies unless stated otherwise. I do not claim ownership of this material. New to the blog? Start at the start with Snow White.)

***

Occasionally, before beginning a review, I will don a simple disguise and mingle with the common folk of the Disney fandom. “Tell me good sirrah,” I might enquire of some good-hearted peasant in a small, provincial internet forum “What do the people think of Lilo and Stitch?”.
“Why sir, it is rightly lauded as a most wondrous film and much beloved.”
“And the Unshaved Mouse? I have heard that he is a reviewer of passable skill?”
“Passable skill? By thunder sir, he is a very God amongst the reviewing class, and most sorely do I wish he were here, that I might shake his hand.”
“Mayhap he is closer than you think, good pleb” I would say with a benevolent smile. I would then toss him a Bitcoin to see the light of thanks in his eyes, and be on my way.
My point is, I try to take the pulse of where we as a fandom are on a particular film and what I found with Treasure Planet made me a little worried. A cursory glance at the internet shows that this thing has a healthier fanbase than many other movies in the canon. Lots of fanart and fanfiction, plenty of people willing to fly the “Lost Classic” banner, some of the most soul scarring motherfucking Jim/Silver porn you have ever seen in your life that I can now never unsee for as long as I live…
But on the flip side…
Facebook
Yeah, so there is a lot of hate for this thing out there. Robert Louis Stevenson purists, animation nerds who blame it for the death of traditional Disney animation, people who just flat out hate it as a movie, Somalis who were suckered into a life of piracy by the unrealistic portrayal in the movie…
These men were promised robots.

These young men were promised robots.

This movie has made more enemies than Boba Fett. And this puts me in a tough position because when it comes to Treasure Planet I fall into the controversial camp of: ”Meh. ‘Sfine.”
Treasure Planet was actually originally pitched by Ron Clements and Jon Musker all the way back in 1985 but it was passed over in favour of Little Mermaid which…yeah, probably the right call. I was surprised to learn that this was a Clements and Musker film because it feels a lot more like something by Gary Trousdale and Kirk Wise, particularly Atlantis. Clements and Musker were actually happy for the delay because by the time they got a chance to make it the technology had caught up with their vision for the film. And I’ve got to say this up front; this film is gorgeous. In fact, almost all the Lost Era movies are. The quality of the movies may have gone down after the renaissance, sure, but if anything the animation just kept getting better and better. Let’s take a look.

MAKE THE UNSHAVED MOUSE WORK FOR YOU!

Hi guys.

So, you may remember last summer I posted about my play, Joanna, which went up as part of the 10 Days in Dublin theatre festival. Now, something rather awesome has happened and we’ve been asked back by the New Theatre for a full week’s run in February. This is a huge deal, not just for me but for my wife Aoife (who directed the play) and our wonderful cast.

Joanna is the story of an urban vigilante who abducts, tortures and murders rapists because she has come to the conclusion that the protection and justice offered to victims of rape is so pathetically lacking that it represents a breaking of the social contract. It’s a bleak, brutal play that’s good for a chuckle.

Seriously, it’s actually quite funny he said humbly.

Now, having been offered this huge opportunity, we really want to do this production right and that means fundraising.

begging-pr-agency

Oh what, like you have any big expenses in December?

Yes, this is where I’m going with this but please hear me out. Now, we’ve already set up an Indiegogo page where people can pledge contributions to the production. And if you go there you’ll see that we’re offering various rewards as a thank you for supporting the show. Now as well as the rewards already mentioned on the page, if you donate  €10* or more I will gladly review for you any animated movie you like. Seriously. Anything.

What about the rules, I hear you cry? Screw the rules. Everything’s on the table. I’ll review Pixar movies, straight to video sequels, non-canon Disney films…

Yeah...e-even this one.

Yeah…e-even this one.

And not just Disney either. Why not something by the Flesicher brothers? Or Ralph Bakshi? Or maybe you’d like me to take a look at some of the works of legendary animator Don Bluth…

Ah ha ha...really funny guys.

Ah ha ha…really funny guys.

Um…

You know what? We’re getting a little bit American-centric here. Why not look further afield? In exchange for your generous donation I will review for you one of the great classics of the European animated canon; Persepolis, The Triplets of Bellville, The Secret of Kells…

Seriously, why would you joke about that?

Seriously, why would you joke about that?

FORGET EUROPE! JAPAN! THAT’S THE TICKET!

Of course! We’ve haven’t even touched on animé on this blog! Wouldn’t you like to see me review some Miyazaki? Or something by the godfather of animé himself, Osamu Tezuka? Oh, we could have such a good time DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!!

Guys! C'Mon! IT IS LITERALLY HARDCORE PORNOGRAPHY!

Guys! C’Mon! IT IS LITERALLY HARDCORE PORNOGRAPHY!

Okay, all joking aside, if you can spare something, please visit our Indiegogo page, donate, and leave a message letting me know what movie you’d like me to review for you. Once the funding period closes I’ll put up a post thanking you (unless you’d rather remain anonymous) and listing your choice of movie and the date you can expect it to go up. Now, please be aware that I intend to slot these reviews in between my usual Disney reviews so you may be waiting a few months (the reviews take around a week to write usually). I’ll email you if your choice of movie has already been picked by someone else so you have the chance to choose an alternative. And please don’t feel guilty if you can’t donate anything. I get it. Christmas. Recession. It’s absolutely fine. Plus, you can still help by spreading the word, linking and tweeting and whatnot.

So yeah. €10 or more. And I will review any cartoon. Anything at all.

You know. Within reason.

I've made a huge mistake.

I’ve made a huge mistake.

*American donors should be aware that the Euro is kinda making the Dollar its bitch right now so check the exchange rates to make sure just how much you’re actually giving.

Disney Reviews #42: Lilo and Stitch

(DISCLAIMER: This blog is not for profit. All images and footage used below are property of their respective companies unless stated otherwise. I do not claim ownership of this material. New to the blog? Start at the start with Snow White.)

Sometime before production had started on Mulan, Michael Eisner took a load of the Disney animators out to his mother’s apple orchard so that they could get inspiration from the gorgeous autumnal colours and also because there were a load of apples that needed picking , chop, chop. As the pasty, pencil armed creatures hoisted bushels and sweated against the magnificent backdrop of a September sunset, Michael Eisner’s thoughts turned to Dumbo, another endeavour that would not have been possible without cheap, non-union labour. Why was it that Disney couldn’t make movies like Dumbo anymore?, Eisner mused later that night, enjoying a frothy mug of Mama Eisner’s finest apple cider as the sweet melody of the animators singing their spirituals in the nearby camp wafted through the night air. Dumbo, you’ll recall,  was pretty much the only Disney animation of the forties to turn a profit, not because it did that much better at the box-office than the other films but because it had been so cheap to make. The next day, the surviving animators were rounded up and taken back to Burbank and the basic idea for Lilo and Stitch had been planted; to create a successful animated film that did not cost the GNP of a small European nation to make.  Lilo and Stich had a budget of $80 Million, which only sounds like a lot because we are poor and clad in filthy rags. For a feature length animated film it’s peanuts. But fortunately, some cartoons work for peanuts.
Eddie Valiant, however, does not.

Eddie Valiant, however, does not.

Actually, the relatively small budget was the gift that kept on giving for this movie. The fact that directors Chris Sanders and Dean deBlois weren’t gambling with a huge chunk of Disney’s money meant that they could work without the execs breathing down their necks like a pack of asthmatic vampire bats. In fact, management was remarkably hands off on this one, which is why it looks, sounds and feels like nothing else in the canon. This movie is shaped visually by Chris Sanders own unique artistic style, and if you came to this movie cold you probably wouldn’t even know it was a Disney movie. But is that a good thing?
Let’s take a look.

(more…)