Uncategorized

The Hangman’s Daughter- Chapter 28

CHAPTER 28: A MEAL IN PARIS

“Ah, the great warrior rises.” said Mabus as Virgil and Jeda came downstairs.

The house which he had been brought to was a pleasant, unassuming semi-detached in a leafy Berlin suburb circa 1970. It was this innocuous dwelling that Mabus had selected as the base for a war spanning all of space and time.

“How are you feeling, my boy?” the old man asked kindly.

“Well.” said Virgil “Very well. I owe you my life.”

“I will not be slow to collect the debt, you can be sure of that.” said Mabus, and although he wore a half smile, it was clear he was quite serious.

The kitchen was bright and attractive, and around the varnished wooden table sat Aodh and a tall Ugandan who was introduced to Virgil as Baako.

(more…)

The Unshaved Mouse debates Noel Coonan, TD for Tipperary North

Today in the Dáil, a debate took place between Mr Noel Coonan, TD (Fine Gael, Tipperary North) and the Unshaved Mouse (Independent, Internet) on the subject of the recently introduced water charges and the public unrest and mass protest that have followed. Footage of the debate can be seen at the end of this article. Unfortunately, as Mr Mouse is a small rodent approximately 3 inches in length and has tiny, tiny little lungs, the Dáil’s recording apparatus were not sensitive enough to record his contributions to the debate. A transcript of the debate now follows.

“Because the people of Ireland have now seen what they are up against. Particularly the socialist led protest that was up there…”

"CRIUSH OBAMACARE! Sorry, sorry, when you use the word "socialist" it sets off my programming, I follow a lot of American politics, please continue..."

“CRUSH OBAMACARE! Sorry, sorry, when you use the word “socialist” it sets off my programming, I follow a lot of American politics, please continue…”

“The disgraceful scenes that went on, what they did to people in power…”

"Look, Im not denying that guy throwing a brick at a police car wasnt the single worst thing to every happen in the history of the Republic but that was an isolated incident..."

“Look, I’m not denying that guy throwing a brick at a police car wasn’t the single worst thing to ever happen in the history of the Republic but that was an isolated incident…”

“I come from the town of of Templemore where we train every Garda in the country.”

“You do? Awesome. Could you train them not to bang women’s heads against lamposts? And if you’re already doing that, maybe some kind of refresher course to brush up on the fundamentals…?”

“And the people round there and right across the country that I’ve met…”

"Well in fairness, you do stretch across the country.""

“Possible, you do stretch across the country.”

"And they are now concerned by what they see as elements and socialists led by the so-called wealth socialist party led by the Murph and company."

“And they are now concerned by what they see as elements and socialists led by the so-called wealthy socialist party led by the Murph and company…”

“Ah the Murph. My favourite Dr Seuss character. Oh wait, you mean Paul Murphy, the Anti-Austerity Alliance TD. Well, he does come from a wealthy background. But are you saying we shouldn’t trust him because he’s rich? ‘Cos that sounds kinda socialist. DEATH PANELS! Godammit…”

“And aided and abetted by extremists in our colleagues in Sinn Féin.”

“Political parties with their origins in violent revolutionary movements?! HOW COULD THIS COME TO PASS!? HOW, GOD?!”

“And the people have given us the signal that that needs to be nipped in the bud.”

(more…)

The Hangman’s Daughter- Chapter 27

CHAPTER 27: THE LEPERS OF ST ROCHELLE

It was in in the autumn of 1627 that Virgil, Vicomte de Aurais, arrived in La Rochelle to partake in the great siege being conducted by His Majesty, Louis XIII and his noble eminence, the Cardinal-Duc Richelieu against the Huguenot insurgency.

And he was loving it.

Finally out from under the boot of his father, Virgil proceeded to enjoy himself as much as one could enjoy themselves during a savage military campaign. Which, as it turned out, was a great deal, and when not on duty Virgil was rarely found far from the taverns or gaming houses of the garrison. Virgil would never want for friends; he had wit and courage, which endeared him to men, beauty and charm, which endeared him to women, and a great deal of money, which endeared him to both.

(more…)

Video Reviews Shall Return!

So after a long, long wait the search is finally over and we have someone to do video reviews.

And that person was right here the whole time (and when he took off his glasses…I realised he was beautiful.)

Erik Copper is now going to be doing the audio and the visual for the videos as he slowly and inexorably replaces me as the one true Mouse.

I’ve already seen the early version of the Make Mine Music review and they are gonna be goooooood, people.

Speaking of reviews, the audio for Alice in Wonderland is now up so get listenin’ and, oh yeah, Mouse finally got off his tail and posted the latest chapter of the Hangman’s Daughter. (Sorry guys, week has been kinda crazy.)

Be good, I watch you always.

Mouse.

The Hangman’s Daughter Chapter 26

CHAPTER 26: THE COUNCIL OF THE TEMPORAL ADEPTS

Every muscle in Mariana’s body had turned to iron wire. The voice carried on regardless.

“You will bring her to the place where this message was left for you, exactly one year later. Do this, and I will take your actions as a gesture of loyalty and capitulation, and you will live. Do not, and I will take her. And Nine shall become None. I await your answer. My blessing on you all. Ave Mabus.”

The needle was plucked from the record with a squeal. There was silence.

Marie thought she could hear herself sweating.

(more…)

Let’s all take a look at the Avengers 2 trailer now that everyone else has done that.

Howdy peeps,

So while I’m still technically on break a couple of things have arisen that need to be (belatedly) made mention of. Firstly, it appears that the following conversation occurred in the offices of Marvel studios.

“Hey Stan, you hear the Unshaved Mouse is going to start reviewing our movies?”

“What? Isn’t he that guy who reviewed all 53 canon Disney movies in only two years?

“That’s him.”

“Well damn, we’d better crank out some more movies before he burns right through them.”

“There, that oughta hold the bastard.” “Excelsior!”

Honestly, not really much to say at this stage, most of these movies almost certainly haven’t even got a completed script yet. I’m very interested to see that they’ll be tackling Civil War as a Captain America movie rather than an Avengers movie for a number of reasons. As I’ve mentioned before, I love Civil War, flaws and all, and I would love to see a version of it on the big screen (although, what with this coming straight after Captain America 2 it’s starting to look like Cap just fights the American government fulltime nowadays). Also happy to see a Captain Marvel movie on the slate, but the one that really has me psyched is Black Panther. Love the character, love the concept, love the costume, cannot frickin’ wait.

Soem complain that the costume is just like Batman's. And it is. With the crucial difference that it is much, much cooler.

Some complain that the costume is just like Batman’s. And it is. With the crucial difference that it is much, much cooler.

Oh, and peaking of Marvel, and my opinions on it, if you’re craving a fix of Mouse, a certain furry reviewer and his black magic using, mustachioed frenemy may have recently made a cameo appearance over on Newtcave.It’s a cool blog, as my spambots like to say, full of fascinating content that you should share.

So, as you all know I’ve been taking a break from reviews to focus on my writing. I spent the last few week writing in a cottage way out in the middle of the wilds of County Monaghan on Halloween because I’ve never read a Stephen King novel, apparently. I got some good work done, the first draft of my new play is now more or less finished, I’m pretty sure I’ve developed some killer new psychic powers and the army of killer slugs that came for me in the night now call me their Queen. Downside was that internet connection was spotty but I’ve been reading all your comments (and special thanks to the Hangman’s Daughter fans for your continued feedback. Always appreciated, thanks guys).

But of course, the real reason that I’ve had to interrupt my vacation was the fact that Disney/Marvel released the single most Disney/Marvellous thing ever. So, like the last horse asthmatically crossing the finish line of the internet long after everyone stopped caring, let’s take a look at the Avengers 2 trailer.

(more…)

The Hangman’s Daughter Chapter 25

CHAPTER 25: THE NINE UNKNOWN MEN

It was, Virgil thought to himself, a thoroughly miserable room. It was small and cramped, the walls painted a shade of grey that was a close cousin to black, the thick curtains not so much screening sunlight as suffocating it in heavy dusty folds. His translucent eyes could pick out the motes of dust dancing through a single ray of sunlight and that was all. Then Mariana reached out and tugged the curtain to one side, and the room was swallowed in darkness.

Virgil, standing right beside the table, heard the gust of air and the tiny gasp that told him someone had shifted into being just under it, hidden by the green table cloth. He smiled to himself, and glanced briefly around to make sure no one else had noticed it. The senses of the people in this room were very acute to such things. That was why he had decided to stand near the table. He knew they would not want to talk with him, or even stand near him. In this way, he gave Marie the best chance she could have of not being discovered.

(more…)

The Hangman’s Daughter Chapter 24

CHAPTER 24: THE LADY IN THE LOBBY

Marie opened her eyes and took a long look at herself in the mirror.

She took her comb and slowly pulled it through her hair. Slowly, because it had become so thick and curly that one wrong move could result in a painful tangle, or even worse, the comb drowning in her hair, never to be found again.

No greys, she noted. That was good.

She checked her face for wrinkles. Under the eyes, through the forehead. Nothing

She certainly didn’t look any older. She still couldn’t believe that she was thirteen. Back in St Anne she had known thirteen year old mothers. She still felt so young.

She opened the dresser and took out a small silver pendent that Mariana had given her the night before when they had celebrated her birthday. It was beautiful, tiny and intricately engraved with the words “Be forever free.” The face had a tiny engraved picture of a tower. She held it in her hand, while in the other she held the bone comb. The comb was yellowing and crudely carved, it’s design rapidly fading. Two very different gifts, from such different worlds.

“Marie?” Mariana’s voice came from downstairs.

“Coming.” she called, putting the pendant around her neck, and the comb in the pocket of her jeans.

(more…)

The Hangman’s Daughter-Chapter 23

CHAPTER 23: THE CHAMBER

Thomas had been five years old when he had seen the blackbird. It had been summer, and the black haired child had been watching it singing on a fence. He had stood there, mesmerised, listening to it chant to itself for no other reason than that it was glad to be alive. Then he had seen, out of the corner of his eye, his father pick up a stone to kill the bird, so that they could eat it for breakfast. The child, not knowing any better, had cried out and the bird had taken to the air on shining, ebony wings.

After his father had given him a good few blows for his impudence, he had lain on the grass, nursing his swollen jaw, and dreaming about what it would be like to be able to fly, to follow the bird and never come back.

(more…)

So now what happens?

So. We’re finally here. The end of the canon Disney reviews. And a lot of people have been asking what will happen when we get here, so let me just answer the most common questions right off the bat.

Is this the end of Unshaved Mouse?

NO. I still love doing it, hopefully you still enjoy reading it so I see no reason to stop now.

Phew!

But…

“But”? “But”, what “but”?

Alright, so there’s something you all should know. Earlier this year I got pretty much the best news of my entire writing career and was commissioned by the Abbey Theatre to write a play for them.

I’ve been working on the first draft for the last few months and it’s due to be handed in early 2015. Now, ideally, I want to keep updating Unshaved Mouse as regularly as I have before but I may occasionally have to take a break here and there to keep on top of this. Sorry. It’s a choice between doing something I love and doing something I love and actually getting paid for it, so…yeah.

What happened to you Mouse? You used to be cool.

I was never cool, shut your lying mouth.

Alright, so what’s next for Unshaved Mouse?

A lot, including some stuff I’m extremely excited about so listen up.

A break. I’ve been doing the blog almost nonstop for the last two years so I think this is a natural point to take a rest. I’m taking off October and November and there should be a new review up 03 December. Depending on how the play is going and Christmas, I’ll try to get a second review in some time in December and then by the new year I hope to be back at full speed.
Finishing off the Joanna reviews. So many people donated to Joanna, that, amazingly, I still have enough reviews scheduled to last us into the middle of 2015. There’s a great mix of movies still to come, stop motion, animé, nostalgic fair and even a few episodes of cartoon shows. Once I’ve paid off all debts however, that’s when the next chapter of Unshaved Mouse really begins.

Just tell us what series of movies you’re doing next already!

Alright, here we go…

Yes, from around July 2015 onward I will be reviewing all the movies based on Marvel comics characters (hey, they’re owned by Disney, it’s a logical step). I’ll be reviewing the good, the bad, the awesome and the aborted pilots of seventies TV shows and may God have mercy on my soul. This will be the new “regular” series, like the canon Disney movies were before.

Okay, well, tootles!

What? Wait, where you going?!

I’m an animation fan Mouse, why would I stick around for a bunch of live action movies?

Well, for the quality of my writing and analysis…

Have a good life.

Stop! I will still be reviewing animated movies!

Does that mean you’re still going to be doing reader’s requests?

Glad you asked, mysterious person who only speaks in boldface. The answer to that is…kind of.

Don’t play coy with me, rodent.

Alright look, there’s no reason to drag taxonomic orders into this. The success of the funding drive for Joanna really got me thinking about how I could use that to…

Oh my God, you’re going to start making money off this, aren’t you?!

NO. I use a lot of copywritten material in this blog which is Fair Use as long as this is just a hobby I’m doing for my own entertainment and yours. Once I start using it to line my own pockets, it becomes a lot more ethically dubious. What am I’m talking about is using the blog to raise money for charity, so we can all do some good and hopefully have a lot of fun too.

Go on.

I am hereby announcing the Unshaved Mouse Charity Movie Deathmatch! I hope to raise money for a very worthwhile cause, Love Without Boundaries.

How does it work?

If there’s a movie you’ve always wanted me to review, sound off in the comments below. As many as you like. As long as it’s either animated or based on a comic book it’s a contender. I’ll also accept live action Disney movies like Maleficent or Saving Mr Banks.

I will select around twelve of those movies and over the course of a month, you the readers will vote on the movies you want me to review, with the top three getting the treatment. How do you vote?

Democracy is overrated. Plutocracy is what all the cool kids are into these days! To vote, simply make a donation to Love Without Boundaries, email the receipt to unshavedmouse@gmail.com and tell me what movie gets your vote. You can donate as many times as you like (please do), and vote as many times as you like (please do).

We sit back and watch the carnage unfold as factions are formed, blood is spilt, the tension, the drama, who’s ahead, who’s behind and best of all it’s all for a great cause.

The winners get reviewed and you all get to complain that Secret of NIMH was robbed or whatever.

So who’s getting my money?

Love without Boundaries is an organisation that works to help children in Chinese orphanages, raising money for medical procedures, providing better food and education and helping to connect children with prospective foster families. It’s strictly volunteer (none of their workers collect a salary) and is rated four out of a possible four stars by Charity Navigator.

Seems like a great cause Mouse, but I’m broke.

You can still help out. For starters, let me know what movies you want to be in contention. If a movie gets plenty of nominations then I’ll know there’s a lot of interest for it. Second, please share this on the Face Book and the Twitters.

When do we begin?

Movie Deathmatch is going to run for all of February 2015. At the end of each week the I’ll announce the state of play and eliminate the two lowest scoring movies with the three winners being announced at the end.

Screw the wait, I want to help people NOW!

Here’s the link to Love Without Boundaries and be sure to hold onto your email receipt when February rolls around. And thank you.

You gonna review Big Hero Six?

Sigh. Yes. Once it comes out on DVD.

Mouse out.

NEXT UPDATE: 03 December 2014

NEXT TIME: Hmmm…how can I be sure you’ll all come back after such a long hiatus?